on Mr. Punch (who DE CRECY, Humphrey Bolingbroke Bohun, Esq., of Mandeville Mr. De Crecy is a lineal descendant of Waters De Cressy who commanded the artillery at the Battle of Poictiers, and whose walkingstick is still preserved at Mandeville. He is an obstinate magistrate for Carthusalemshire, and during the last five years ninety-two persons have been convicted for offences committed against the Game Laws on his estate, and sentenced to various terms of imprisonment and penal servitude. He is patron of three livings. Mandeville Manor, Falmington, and Wiseacres Club, London, S. W. Mr. Punch said he could assure them that the Ministry of which he was the Monitor had done everything in their power to prevent dogs from following their quarrelsome inclinations. They had called to them in the most persuasive tones to lie down and be quiet; but the animals would fly at each other's throats, and they could not prevent them. Afterwards they had endeavoured to part them by holloaing with all their might, but to no purpose. The attempt to separate them by main force would be attended with more than danger to which no humane Government would subject people. Those employed in making it would certainly get their hands severely bitten, the consequence of which might be hydrophobia, and, ulti-love, after a spirited competition for his hand and fortune by the mately, a great pecuniary loss to the nation. Nobody could be more distressed than he (Mr. Punch) was at the spectacle presented by the canine combatants. They tore one another's ears in a way fearful to contemplate, and inflicted the most horrible lacerations on each other. His heart bled to behold such sights. But the atrocities which they mutually perpetrated probably hurt those who reciprocated them less than the lookers-on. A thoughtful poet had finely said: THE motto of the HOHENZOLLERNS is Suum Cuique. It befits their history, and would be as suitable to their hatchments as Resurgam. No less appropriate would it be as an epitaph on a headstone over Rob Roy's grave. How much less becoming a scrupulous Royal Family would be Alienum Nobis! DASHWOOD-PARDEROY, Francis Dowdeswell, Esq., of Tantillion Born 1828; educated at Eton and Oxford, where he studied athletic amusements, and contracted expensive habits; married, for leading unmarried ladies in Corkshire, Esther Ellen, tenth child and fourth daughter of the Rev. John Goodman, Vicar of Little Gainsford, and has, with numerous other surviving issue, Cyril Charles Hubert Alexander Goodman, now at Oxford, doing much the same as his father did. Mr. Dashwood-Parderoy is a Magistrate and Deputy-Lieutenant for Corkshire and Cornshire, and a Captain in the Corkshire Yeomanry; Lord of the Manor of Reynardsworth; Master of the Mabstock Hounds; handsome, generous, and popular, and a determined opponent of humbug, cant, and indifferent claret. Tantillion Park, Dryborough, and 77, Vivian Terrace, London, ARTIMORE, Daniel Gillson, Esq., of Splenderby Castle, Humberland. Fourth son of Mr. Robert Drogsworth (familiarly called "Old Bob Drogsworth "), of Tipwhistle, grazier, by Sarah Jane, third daughter of Mr. Thomas Pumpkiss, of the same place, cowkeeper. Born 1810; educated anyhow; apprenticed to a general shopkeeper at Tipwhistle; succeeded in life; head of the great firm of Drogsworth, Wagthorn, Gripmore, and Flaxondale, Shipowners, Ironmasters, Contractors, and General Carriers; married, first, in Gumsworth, 1831, Miss Mary Ann Gumsworth, daughter of and by her, fortunately, had no issue; secondly, in 1854, the Honourable Idoliza Caroline Artimore, eldest daughter of Hugh, 12th Lord Launceston, by whom he has one son, Hugh Bellenden Fitzherbert, b. in 1856, now at Harrow, and four daughtersBlanche Eleanor, Victoria Idoliza, Edith Lilian, and an infant, Lorna. In 1855, after his second marriage, Mr. Drogsworth, persuaded by his wife, assumed by Royal licence the name and arms of Artimore, in lieu of his own patronymic. He was M.P. for Bullionby, but unseated on petition, and has been High Sheriff of Humberland; Chairman of the Crowside, Fallowfield, and Windymoss Railway; a Director of the Interoceanic Bank; D.C.L.; Fellow of the Royal Heraldic Society; and Honorary Colonel of the Humberland Rifle Rangers, to which corps he gives surpassing luncheons. Splenderby Castle, Teviotsmouth; St. Ronald's Lodge, Gilgillan, N.B.; Villa Maritima, Waterspread; and 121, Ambassador Square, London, W. BARMYAN, Dorothea Frances Jaquetta, of Ladyswell, Honeymoonshire. Only child and heiress of Montague John Barmyan, Esq.; succeeded to her father's vast estates and choice cellar of wines in 1832; unmarried, and means to remain so; a vegetarian; wears her own hair; fond of dogs and distributing tracts, and extremely charitable. Heir presumptive, The Society for the Relief of the Indigent Evangelical clergy. Ladyswell, Bridleforth, and Parfleet's Private Hotel, Stopford Street, London, S.W. First Whist-Player. "WHY, FUSBY, THERE'S YOUR WIFE DANCING! WHO'S HER PARTNER?" [She was a lovely girl twenty years ago-the good-for-nothing old wretch !-and the wife she'd been to him! A. A Grace before dinner, a Grace after, and Grace Darling. That's three. Three Graces of Canterbury, York, and Dublin. That's six. A Grace of the Cambridge Senate, a bad Grace, and a good Grace. That's nine. Q. How did Shakspeare make use of Niobe as a simile? Q. When does a Russian Serf have a real holiday? A. When he gets a knouting. Q. Who were the Nestorians? A. They were followers of Nestor, one of the oldest and wisest Greeks of his age. Q. State what you know of the Marionettes ? A. They were heretics living in Syria. Q. Do you remember any Vegetarians in the fourth century? A. Yes, certainly. They were a party among the Arians, just as the Vegetable-Maro-nites formed a distinct sect among the Maronites. Q. Who was the founder of the last-named sect? A. P. Virgilius Maro, after whom they were called. A. A Heroine, beloved by Neander, who wrote his Church history, and was then drowned out bathing. (Prize given. Examination closed.) A MUCH-ABUSED MAN. THEIR ex-monarch and idol the French who defame, For a Man, at least, LOUIS NAPOLEON they own, By his bitterest foes he's described as a Man, As the Man of December, and Man of Sedan. When? THE resolute ladies who, sticking at nothing, desire to be allowed to study Surgery, Anatomy, &c., in our public hospitals, are talking with triumph of GIORGIONE'S picture in the Royal Academy Exhibition of the Works of the Old Masters-"A Lady Professor of Bologna" -and anticipating that glorious time when some one of the clever Scotch portrait painters will exhibit "A Lady. Professor of Edinburgh." UNION IS STRENGTH. EVERY German soldier, a Correspondent tells us, carries a hymnbook in his pocket. Very nice this: No Herr never without a hymn. "CREATURE COMFORTS."-Good Wives. PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.-JANUARY 14, 1871. AFLOAT AND ASHORE. NEPTUNE. "I'VE MADE ALL SAFE OUTSIDE, MA'AM! MARS, THERE, MUST MAKE ALL SAFE INSIDE!" EVENINGS FROM HOME. OUCHING DRURY LANE.-in Place at the head of the Not that præterea nil is Object of Affection (bending her head a little-tenderly). What? Old Time speaks, and presently says something about "Six being half-a-dozing." [Old joke, welcomed by audience. Elderly Gentleman in dress circle with his grandchildren is seen to weep. A little boy on stage speaks some lines distinctly. Niece (to Uncle, who has brought her). What a clever little boy! Uncle. Yes (referring to bill). That's Master Tinychap. Dear me! What an odd (suddenly awaking to the fact)-oh, I see (explains to his niece)-that's not his real name, that's a-a-(at a loss for a word)-a make-believe name. [Is satisfied with himself, and thinks what exquisite humour it is to call a boy Mr. Tinychap-so droll. Chilly Person (shivering). How very cold it is now the curtain's [Determines never again to leave his coat with the box-keeper in winter. Late Arrival (with umbrella and coat, as if he expected it to rain in the Stalls, enters). Beg pardon-(cheerfully)-beg pardon [Treads on toes, passes along third row to his supposed destination. Stall-keeper (calling). Here, Sir, that's not your stall Late Arrival. Hey? not? then, why the [Recollects ladies are present; retraces his steps over people's toes, bumping against their knees. Which very cleverly, Does MISTER BEVERLEY-up. but we dare say they could if they only tried. They can sing, dance, and act, and MISS VICTORIA VOKES can, we believe, play a heroine in serious drama (and Amy Robsart was a very serious drama) as well as she can a burlesque part in a pantomime opening. They are, generally speaking, invaluable to the management. Then again, the Lessee is fortunate in his Clown, MR. F. EVANS, who can do genuinely funny pantomime business, as well as tumble. First-time, eh? rate 'Mime for children to see, and having said thus much we proceed to our review in our usual form. In the Theatre. Time 7:35 or thereabouts. House nearly full; Pit and Gallery crammed. Farce just finishing. Buzz from Gallery; general humming sound about the house. Enter Acute Person (finds his Stall, and a Friend), Ah! how d'ye do? Pantomime not begun, eh? What are they playing?, His Friend, Don't know. [They try to catch anything that's being said on the stage. Comic Man (playing in the Farce, at the top of his voice). We must be cautious for [Hullabaloo-buzz-hum. Remainder of speech inaudible. Second Comic Man (evidently playing a very good part). I think MASTER GEORGE is [Hum, hum, hum, buzz, buzz, buzz, from all round the house. Enter people into Stalls and Private Boxes. Lady (in farce, smiling and saying something very nice to young Man). We mustn't[Noise as before. Enter more people playing in the Farce. Housemaid sweeps somebody off with a broom; great applause; shouts. Young Man (the lover in the Farce, advancing to the footlights, and bawling out the tag as loud as he can). And if our friends in front [Hum, hum, buzz, buzz, applause; shouts. They bow, and probably say to themselves, "Thank Goodness, that's over." Curtain. Indiscriminate and unbounded applause. Every one very much relieved. Chilly Gentleman (in Stalls, shivering). Dear me! Ugh! One really wants feet-warmers and rugs. Ugh! (Wishes he hadn't given his great coat to Stall-keeper. Looks towards Stall entrance vindictively) I wish they'd keep that door shut. Chilly Person. Dear me! why can't people come earlier? (Scowls at Late Arrival, and makes an obstacle of his knees.) Confound his umbrella! [It falls on his toes. Late Arrival (cheerfully). Beg pardon! (Chilly One scowls.) Cold night, isn't it? (Smiling on the Chilly One.) They've begun some Why won't they shut Chilly One (grumpily). Yes; half an hour. that door? Late Arrival (rubbing his hands cheerily). Snowing tremendously. to Materfamilias and Friends, aghast). How shall we get back? Paterfamilias (from Clapham, overhearing this intelligence, turns Materfamilias (determined to enjoy all she can for the money now she is out). O, it will be better soon; and JARVIS has sent us a good horse with the fly. [Paterfamilias is disturbed for the rest of the evening. [Wonderful Dance by the VOKESES. Overpowering encore. Beautiful Scene-Haunt of the Water Nymphs-Crowds of Nymphs. Calls for "BEVERLEY! BEVERLEY!!" Enter from Prompt side the Good Genius of the Paint Brush, looking like the Ghost of Hamlet's father, more in sorrow than in anger," at being called upon to appear. He bows mournfully, shakes his head diffidently, as much as to say, "You really mustn't, you know, no, don't-please, don't," and backs out, apparently to be carried away exhausted in MR. CHATTERTON's arms, or, which is more likely, to step suddenly on the Prompter's toes.] Niece (thinking MR. BEVERLEY a character in the Pantomime, and that perhaps his head will come off, or he'll be afterwards Clown). Who's that? Uncle (after vainly referring to his bill). Eh? that's-that'sah-I suppose that's-the-the-um-the Scene Decorator, you know. [He evidently looks upon this art as on a par with the House painter, decorator, plumber, and glazier. Critical Person. Pity the singing's not better. [In consequence of some Nymph, perhaps a Water-Nymph with a cold, attempting a song. Habitué (Charles, her Friend). Yes. One only wants to hear something lively. You don't want words in a Pantomime. It ought to be all VOKES and BEVERLEY. Critical Person. Yes; here they are again-he's marvellous. [Alludes to the VOKES who represents Moore of Moore Hall. Playgoer (in Pit, admiring MISS VICTORIA VOKES). I say, she played Hamy Robsart. [Looks upon everyone coming in as his personal enemy. Exciting moments. Orchestra tuning. Question and answer by Fiddle His Companion. O' course. She did it no end stunning, too. Like and Bassoon. Enter determined Conductor. Preliminary tap. this better nor that, eh, GEORGE? All ready? Flageolet staggering on one note. Called to order. George (with an orange, nods and winks his sentiments). Yes. Ready? Off. Start of that magnificent and tremendous compo-Stops suction.) I see t'other one do it-NEILSON. She can't dance sition, the Drury Lane Pantomime Overture. Gradual cessation like this here one. Brayvo, VOKES! of buzzing and humming. Box full of Children, awe-struck. They never take their eyes off the Curtain. Anxious Little Boy. I say, Grandma', when's the Clown coming? [Grandmamma explains, but fails to satisfy his curiosity. N.B.-Little Boy puts this question with every change of scene. Impassioned Lover (in Stalls during overture to the object of his affections). If I could only think that you [He has unfortunately been placed near the big drum and cymbals -whack-bang; impossibility of sotto-voce conversation. [Applauds with his feet and resumes orange. Then follows a scene played entirely by children. Materfamilias (to Paterfamilias). O! we must bring the children to see this. Paterfamilias (craftily seizing the opportunity). Yes, dear, certainly. You can bring them, and I'll fetch you, afterwards. [Says this in view of a bachelor dinner at his Club. Materfamilias (checkmating, with a move towards a fly for the day, and doing some shopping). O, we needn't trouble you, dear, I can take them to a Morning Performance. |