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1805.

above mentioned MR. ADDISON's Cato, the Whigs applauded every bit in favour of liberty, and the Tories echoed the plaudit to show that the satire was unfelt. But 27 for the Budget of a Ministry that revels in "overwhelming majorities," meant that the situation must be re-considered.

Tuesday. MR. LOWE had re-considered it to the extent of perceiving that, at all events, the Match-tax must go. So he surrendered it, and promised to let us know on Thursday what substitute he could find. That night there was as much rejoicing among the poor hearts in the East as they are capable of manifesting. There may not have been so much in the gilded saloons of Downing Street, if they are so adorned-Punch never goes there; but are not all priests bloated, all aristocrats haughty, and all saloons gilded? If not, the inferior press must be sadly misinformed.

MR. DISRAELI, desirous to chain Victory to his broughamwheels, gave a hostile notice for Thursday, and the Whip sent circulars calling on the Liberals to be in their places.

Wednesday there was a lull. MR. THOMAS HUGHES'S Sunday Trading Bill was discussed, and described as calenlated to press harshly upon a large class who are compelled to buy and sell on the Sunday. Had it been a Bill with better chances, the events of the week would have materially damaged them. As it was, the Bill was thrown out by 80 to 47.

A Bill for creating Public Prosecutors was at last read a Second Time. Certain lawyers stood up and opposed it, but the feeling of the heads of their profession is strongly in its favour. The majority was 129 to 89. MR. BRUCE wants to look after the measure, but he has at least enough to do, and MR. RUSSELL GURNEY will do well to mind his own business, which nobody can mind more wisely. But

Thursday was the night of the Great Event. The House was crammed. After some questions, and a declaration by MR. BRUCE that the Police had acted with much forbearance on Monday,

Budget. This it had been necessary to re-consider as a
MR. GLADSTONE delivered a somewhat long speech on the
whole. The Government stood by their Estimates, would
not tax articles of great consumption, would not borrow
money. But the proposals as to the Succession Duties would
be abandoned, and so would the proposal to change the
mode of levying the Income-tax from poundage to per-
centage.
But how is the money to be obtained?
Need you ask?

The kettle began it" not-but the things that set the kettle boiling began it. On this Monday a large army, composed of the persons who are unfortunate enough to be engaged in the poorly paid match-making trade, and who apprehended being made yet more unfortunate by MR. LOWE'S taxation, set forth from the East-end of London, and proceeded towards Westminster to present their petition against the new imposition. The The debate was very amusing. MR. DISRAELI, of course, Latin motto on the stamp, though neat, had not charm enough to induce had no need to make his hostile motion, but he remarked them to smile at the thought of probable starvation. The HOME SECRETARY that this year direct taxation had been increased by Three sent them word that they really must not come to the House of Commons, Millions. The Budget he described as now one of Sweet but they persevered. They were valorously resisted by the Police. Why Simplicity. MR. LOWE (it was rumoured that he had added should they not be resisted? They were only men, women, and children his own resignation to the other resignations, but he can't coming to ask that they might not be hindered from earning a miserable he spared) spoke smartly. LORD GEORGE CAVENDISH recalled livelihood. Had they been Roughs going to break Park Railings, or Repub- SHAFTESBURY's adage that in every man there was a wise licans crawling to infest SIR E. LANDSEER'S Lions, applaud the French Com- and a foolish person, and now that MR. Lowe's fool had mune, and insult the QUEEN, of course it would have been tyrannical to had his fling, it was to be hoped the sage would get his ininterfere with them, but, being what they were, it was fit that they should nings. MR. FAWCETT made a very sensible speech against be taught not to disturb the peace of the streets. The Police did their best, the paying everything by the Income-tax, to which the lower but hunger would have its way, and in the end a large number of women class was not liable, and therefore that class was encouraged and girls actually penetrated into Westminster Hall, and set up "a shrill in its extravagant ideas: a bold and honest word from a shout" when they found that their petition was safe, and had not been Democrat. MR. OSBORNE was witty, and was answered by destroyed. Finally, they were turned out of the Hall of the Red King. MR. AUBERON HERBERT with much less good manners than But their demonstration had been made. might have been expected in an Aristocrat. MR. BROOKS made outspoken and honourable protest against perpetual recurrence to the Income-tax, and also against its cruelty to Professional Men. MR. BROOKS spoke excellently, and from knowledge of what he was talking about, he having been an Income-tax Commissioner. We take off our hat to MR. BROOKS. Further discussion was postponed until the following Monday.

That same evening MR. WHITE, of Brighton, brought on his resolution, condemning the additional taxation proposed by the Budget. Now, he would not have had much of a following but for the Conservatives. They, however, were able to vote with the Brighton Radical, because they are mostly opposed to the abolition of Army Purchase, and it is the amount wanted for "taking the Army out of Pawn" that necessitates the new taxation. There was a spirited debate, and the wrongs of the Match-people were not forgotten. MR. LOWE, MR. DISRAELI, MR. GLADSTONE, all mingled in the fray, and the leader of Opposition, seeing his way to something like victory, made things very sweet, by suggesting that no Minister would be so silly as to propose a sham resignation merely because the House differed with him on a finance question. MR. GLADSTONE, that night, did not see things in the same light, and stood up, strongly, for most of the Budget, but mildly for the Match-tax. On division the Tories and the Radicals coalesced, and in a House of 487, Government got 257, which gave them a majority of 27 only. Loud and long was the cheering on both sides, as when during the

A Pensive Public now understands the great situation of the week, and is at liberty to regard it in any light that may please His Pensiveness. Mr. Punch will merely assist meditation by observing that it is a very good thing that the tax is not to be laid on the poor Match-makers, and also that it is a very good thing that the Succession Duties are not to be increased, which would have tended further to cripple those who, by the death of the head of the family are deprived of a great part of their income. It would have

been bad indeed that the Life Assurance money, perhaps their only provision, should have been pillaged. But it is not a good thing that the Income-tax should be raised to Sixpence; and if we look at this course merely from an aesthetic point of view, we are struck with the utter absence of inventive genius in the Cabinet. Mr. Punch could have shown MR. LOWE a dozen better ways of raising the money.

Friday. Disorganisation went on with its work. LORD PALMERSTON's step-son, MR. COWPER TEMPLE, gave the Ministers a most tremendous beating. And, moreover, he was in the right, and they were in the wrong. He demanded the preservation of Epping Forest, which is in a fair, or rather a foul way to ruin. Both MR. LOWE and the PREMIER put forth their strength against him, but the House backed him up, and Government were beaten by the huge majority of 197 to 96-a salute of 101 guns in honour of the Forest. If Members would only go and look at it (as Mr. Punch did the other day), they would be ashamed to reflect that they had left it in danger so long. Censure of the Martini-Henry rifle was attempted, but it was stamped out by common-sense, evidence, and a majority of 137 to 72.

The Lords' Week has not been interesting, but a good Bill has been brought in for getting rid of the scandal of Bankrupt Peers. An Anti-Westmeath Outrage Bill has also been brought in, but it has not been expounded. Everything Irish must be done in some inverted fashion-we wonder that the Minister did not begin by getting the Royal Assent, and then hark back.

THE OFFICIAL CUT-ME-DOWNS.

"If the public only knew the miserable salaries paid to the rural postmasters and mistresses in Ireland, they would have far less confidence in the Post Office than they have at present and be more chary of entrusting valuables or money orders to its custody."

People, even the scrupulous Irish, are apt, no less than cats and dogs, to steal rather than starve. Accordingly:

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to a fine of twenty shillings, as soon as his "tongue begins to double ?" What would you say to a clause in MR. BRUCE'S Bill to this effect ?-"Be it enacted, and it is hereby enacted, that any person whosoever shall be held and considered to be Drunk, who, not labouring under any natural impediment of Speech, or ARE there not certain fox-hunting districts called, among the men temporary loss, or impairof Nimrod, "eut-me-down ?" At all events that epithet is appliment thereof otherwise cable to some departments of the Public Service which the Govern- than from drinking wine, beer, or spirituous liquors, shall be unable, ment has subjected to a very close-shaving economy. One of these when summoned by lawful Authority, distinctly to say British is the Post Office, about which the Standard's very able Dublin Constitution'." It would be hard to be pronounced drunk for decorrespondent thus writes:fective pronunciation very possibly owing only to muscular and nervous disturbance caused by a small quantity of bad liquor. The same remark is applicable to inability to walk straight. In some rural districts a clown is often met going home zigzag, in consequence of having swallowed a pint only of beershop beer. suggested as a test of intoxication or sobriety. As such you can How many fingers do I hold up ?" is a question which might be only judge of it subjectively. Personal, reminiscence enables me to "At Galway, yesterday, a woman named KING, late post-mistress at Round-assure you that a man may see double, because he has dined, and stone, was convicted on her own confession of having opened a letter contain-yet be in a state of complete mental sobriety. I had, myself, some ing a post-bill for £44, forged the name of the person in whose favour it was years ago, dined, and after dinner found myself in a theatre. Each drawn, and obtained the money, of which when detected she returned £32. She was sentenced to twelve months' imprisonment, which of course she one of the performers I saw as two. Thereupon I began to think deserved; but as it was proved on the trial that her salary for the discharge why this was; why, observe, not whence, for I knew that well of arduous and responsible duties was only £7 per annum, out of which she had enough, knowing that I had dined. To examine that question by to pay £1 10s. to a guarantee society, it may be fairly questioned whether the experiment I shut first one eye then the other, and found that, greater share of culpability does not rest with the heads of the postal adminis- looking at an object with one eye at a time, I saw it single, saw it tration who expose ill-paid officials to such great temptations." double only with both eyes open. Hence I'inferred that the cause which occasions objects to be seen double after dining (as I had dined) probably was simply a derangement of the nerves and muscles of the eye-balls; the muscles of either eye-ball contracting not in conjunction but unequally, so as to pull the eyes out of concert, and make a person look at things, and see them, with each eye by itself instead of with both eyes at once. Push one eye out of relation to the other with your finger, and you will immediately see double without having dined. Duplicity of vision would, surely, be no criterion of criminal drunkenness, even if it could be detected by a detective, still less in case, merely, that a common policeman swore to it. Did it not in my own person coexist with a philosophy worthy of the table? However, I do not mean to compare myself with SOCRATES, SOCRATES at a Symposium, when he had seen all his disciples under except as to features perhaps, and figure, in which particulars I have the honour to resemble that Sage, and am also qualified to say that I am yours truly,

Now, the Government naturally cut down all the salaries of their subordinates they can without any worse result than that of beggaring or of starving those subordinates. Of course, because economy wins popularity, and popularity insures office.

Dockyard labourers may say they must live. Ministers do not see the necessity of that, unless the men are to remain dockyard labourers. But if so, then the necessity must be evident, even to Ministers; and so in the case of post-masters, post-mistresses, and letter-carriers. For dead men and women sort no letters, neither do they deliver any.

The halfpenny postage of cards and newspapers is a great boon to the British Public, and also the Irish. All the postal reductions are great boons. Whilst it makes a vast difference to everybody in easy circumstances whether he pays a halfpenny or a penny postage, it would, we all feel, signify nothing to him if he knew the saving had been effected, through cutting down the wages of inferior Post-office people to any degree above starving-point, so long as famine did not drive those people to break open letters, and steal. But then, unfortunately, it does. We, the Public, therefore, have to consider whether or no we had rather continue to insist on the cheapest possible postage at the risk of occasioning an individual now and then to be plundered for the advantage of the community, or consent to let the Government pay the underpaid of the Post Office sufficient wages to place them above the temptation to steal. Of course, the cheapest possible postage must be the sole object with all of us who need not fear being robbed of Post Office orders; but the rest, who do, should unite in assuring the Government that its members will really not endanger their own places and pay by raising the estimates to an amount sufficient for such payment of Post officials at least, as shall enable them to subsist without theft.

Besides, there is this to be considered, that not even a letter-carrier can now be hanged for letter-breaking, and that he must, if condemned to penal servitude, be kept in prison; which costs money.

SILENUS.

P.S. When, late of an evening after dinner, men begin to talk theology, is that evidence of the state whose prevention is intended by the Licensing Bill? I fear you will say, yes.

A Painful Thought.

Ir is said to have been expected that the Irish would have joined in the Red Republican procession to Hyde Park. There is reason to rejoice that they did no such thing. The procession was intended to demonstrate sympathy with gentlemen of the pavement who maltreat and imprison French priests, an Archbishop even, pull the Cross down, and set up the Red Flag in its place. The Irish would have mingled with it only with a view to upset it, and probably given the sympathisers with rioters whom they detest, a severe beating, which would have been painful, at least to Red Republicans, who, when next they announce a demonstration, had better, perhaps, mention that no Irish need attend.

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A CAUTION TO NURSEMAIDS.
BEWARE OF THE IMITATIVE TENDENCY OF YOUNG CHILDREN.

Acute Mother. "I HOPE, JANE, THAT YOU ARE NOT IN THE HABIT OF READING WHEN YOU WHEEL THE PERAMBULATOR?"
Jane ME, MUM LOR' MUM! I SHOULDN'T THINK OF SICH A THING, MUM!"

66

CHECK TO KING MOB.

66

THERE are to be no more seditious demonstrations in Trafalgar Square and Hyde Park. No longer will dissatisfied, still less will disaffected Leaguers and Unionists be suffered to parade London in procession. A strong Government has shaken off its lethargy at last, and is showing itself as it were a roused Lion, lashing his tail. On Monday last week, the riotous match-makers, principally," says the Times, "working girls and working boys, a year or two in their teens," marching in the Bow Road, were encountered by a line of Police, abreast. Having dodged the Police, and marched on to Westminster, these juvenile malecontents, fain to intimidate the Legislature, were swept by the Guardians of Order in that district clean out of Westminster Hall.

[Of course not.

ALL HAIL TO ASPARAGUS! ASPARAGUS, by sweet St. George, thou art a toothsome thing! Thou comest with the cuckoo and the swallow in the Spring. Thou comest into season on the going out of kailAs soon as thou art cheap enough, Asparagus, all hail! Asparagus, the sight of thee doth many a thought suggest, Lamb's savoury fore-quarter, leg, chops, shoulder, and dainty breast, And the fragrance of the mint-sauce, whose perfume we nose above Sage and onions, and the mingled steams of the various meats we love. Commend me to Asparagus, which should, aright to taste, Clean, that is, completely. According to the Post, the Police Be green well-nigh from end to end, for all the white is waste. confronted them with drawn staves; drew cordons against them More profit to the gardener than good for the guest, I ween, also across streets, and acted with a vigour amounting to "no little An the stalk be some six inches long and the tip thereof only green. brutality." When they stopped the procession in Bow Road, "they ordered the bands to cease playing, and seizing a considerable number of the flags, tore them up. They also seized the petition which was suspended from a pole, and tore it in pieces." Now, then, the Clerkenwell Roughs know what they have to expect if they come in their thousands," attempting to dictate to a powerful Government, which will no longer affect to treat their displays of physical force with contempt since it has shown itself capable of repressing the miserable match-makers' demonstration. When next ODGER lays aside the awl and the wax-end to harangue his followers, he should advise them to mind what they are about with an awakened Ministry.

66

Beauty in Years.

WHEN Face is blurred, and Figure bent,
Then Mind, dears, is most excellent.

Thereto some molten butter do take each one to what he list,
As the good man said upon a time his heifer when he kissed.
What's one man's sauce is a surplus which another's dish doth spoil-
I had liefer a dash of vinegar with a dressing of salad oil.
Asparagus, thou dost recall full many a day's delight,
When horse-chestnut trees were out in bloom, and hawthorns green

and white.

And we roamed the meads, for men walk must needs, fall to an they
Till the board was crowned when thou wentest round, as did also the
would fain,
champagne.

THE ONLY EPITHET FOR MR. LOWE.-Matchless. [We assure every one of 798 contributors that he alone sent us the above epigram. Please, no more.]

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POLICEMAN Z 1871. "WE DON'T INTERFERE WITH YOU, OF COURSE; BUT THESE DESPERATE CHARACTERS MUST BE DISPERSED."

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