This Catch sung, and they drink about. The
Singers are all Greybeards.

A round, a round, a round, boys, a round;
Let mirth fly aloft, and sorrow be drown'd.
Old sack, and old songs, and a merry old crew,
Can charm away care when the ground looks blue.

Old. Well said, old Hearty; and gentlemen,

welcome.

Tal. Ah

[He sighs. Old. Oh mine ears; what was that, a sigh? and in my house? look, has it not split my walls? if not, make vent for it; let it out; I shall be stifled else. [Exit Chaplain. Oliv. He hopes your pardon, sir, his cause consider'd.

Old. Cause! Can there be cause for sighing? Oliv. He has lost his mistress, sir.

Old. Ha, ha, ha, is that a cause? Do you hear me complain of the loss of my two daughters?

Oliv. They are not lost, I hope, sir,

Old. No more can be his mistress; no woman can be lost; they may be mislaid a little, but found again, I warrant you.

Tal. Ah

[Sighs. Old. Ods my life! he sighs again, and means to blow me out of my house. To horse again, here's no dwelling for me. Or stay, I'll cure him if I can; give him more sack to drown his suspirations.

[While OLDRENTS and TALBOY drink, OLIVER takes HEARTY aside. Oliv. Sir, I am chiefly to inform you of the disaster.

Hear. May it concern me?

Oliv. Your nephew Martin has stolen my father's ward, that gentleman's bride that should have been.

Hear. Indeed, sir! Oliv. 'Tis most true

[He gives HEARTY a letter. Hear. Another glass of sack; this gentleman brings good news.

Oliv. Sir, if you can prevent his danger Hear. Hang all preventions; let 'em have their destiny.

Tal. Sir, I should have had her, 'tis true.But she's gone, d'ye see, and let her go. [TO OLDRENTS.

Old. Well said, he mends now. Tal. I am glad I'm rid of her (d'ye see) before I had more to do with herHear. He mends apace.

HEARTY reads the letter. Tal. For should I have married her before she had run away, (d'ye see,) and that she had run away, (d'ye see,) after she had been married to me, (d'ye see,) then I had been a married man without a wife, (d'ye see;) where now she being run away before I am married, (d'ye see,) I am no more married to her, (d'ye see,) than she to me, (d'ye see;) and so long as I am none of

hers, (d'ye see,) nor she none of mine, (d'ye see,) I ought to care as little for her now she's run away, (d'ye see,) as if she had stay'd with me, (d'ye see.) Come hither,

Old. Why this is excellent!

Hearty.

Tal. I perceive it now, and the reason of it; and how by consequence (d'ye see) I ought not to look any further after her. Cries.

But that she should respect a poor base fellow, a clerk at the most, and a serving-man at best, before me, that am a rich man at the worst, and a gentleman at least, makes me- -I know not what to say

Old. Worse than ever 'twas! now he cries outright.

Tal. I know not what to say--what to say-oh

Hear. Then I do, sir: the poor base fellow that you speak of, is my nephew, as good a gentleman as yourself; I understand the business by your friend here.

Tal. I cry you mercy, sir.

Old. You shall cry no mercy, nor any thing else here, sir; nor for any thing here, sir; this is no place to cry in, nor for any business. You, sir, that come on business[TO OLIVER.

Oliv. It shall be none, sir.

Old. My house is for no business, but the belly business; you find me not so uncivil, sir, as to ask you from whence you came, who you are, or what's your business; I ask you no questions, and can you be so discourteous as to tell me or my friend any thing like business; if you come to be merry with me, you are welcome; if you have any business, forget it; you forget where you are else; and so to dinner.

Hear. Sir, I pray let me only prevail with you but to read this.

Old. Spoil my stomach, and I'll not eat this fortnight. [He reads aside. Hear. While he reads, let me tell you, sir, that my nephew Martin has stolen that gentleman's mistress, it seems, is true; but I protest, as I am a gentleman, I know nothing of the matter, nor where he or she is: but, as I am the aforesaid gentleman, I am glad on't with all my heart. Ha, my boy Mat. thou shalt restore our house.

Oliv. Let him not hear, to grieve him, sir. Hear. Grieve him? What should he do with her? teach their children to cry?

Tal. But I do hear you though; and I scorn to cry as much as you, (d'ye see,) or your nephew either, (d'ye see.)

Hear. Now thou art a brave fellow. So, so, hold up thy head, and thou shalt have a wife, and a fine thing.

Tal. Hang a wife, and a pax o' your fine thing, (d'ye see,) I scorn your fopperies, (d'ye see.)

Old. And I do hear thee, my boy, and rejoice in thy conversion, if thou canst but hold now.

Tul. Yes, I can hold, sir; and I hold well with your sack; I could live and die with it, as I am true Talboy.

Old. Now thou art a 29 tall fellow, and shalt want no sack.

Tal. And, sir, I do honour you, (d'ye see,) and should wish myself one of your houshold servants, (d'ye see,) if I had but a grey beard, (d'ye see:) hay, as old master Clack says.

Old. Well, I have read the business here. Oliv. Call it not business, I beseech you, sir; We defy all business.

Tal. Ay marry do we, sir: d'ye see, sir? and a hay, as old master Clack says.

Old. Grammercy sack. Well, I have read the matter here written by master Clack; and do but bear up thy humour, I will wait upon thee home. [Knock within. 30 Hark! they knock to the dresser. I have heard much of this old conceited justice Clack, and now I long to see him; 'tis but crossing the country two days and a night's journey: we'll but dine, and away presently. Bear up I say, master Talboy.

Tal. I will bear up, I warrant you, d'ye see, sir-but here's a grudging still- [Exeunt.

SCENE II.

A great Noise within of rude Musick, Laughing, Singing, &c.

Enter AMIE, RACHEL, MERIEL.

Amie. Here's a wedding with a witness, and a holiday with a hoigh: Let us out of the noise, as we love our ears.

Rach. Yes; and here we may pursue our discourse, and hear one another.

Mer. Concerning Springlove and yourself, mistress Amie.

Amie. Well, ladies; my confidence in you, that you are the same that you have protested yourselves to be, hath so far won upon me, that I confess myself well affected both to the mind and person of that Springlove; and if he be (as

29

Mer. From poor us.

Amie. And then to offer to marry me under a hedge, as the old couple were to-day, without book or ring, by the chaplain of the beggars regiment, your Patrico, only to save charges!

Rach. I have not seen the wretch these three hours; whither is he gone?

Amie. He told me, to fetch horse and fit raiment for us, and so to post me hence; but I think it was to leave me on your hands.

Mer. He has taken some great distaste, sure; for he is damnable jealous.

Rach. Ay; didst thou mark what a wild look he cast when Springlove tumbled her, and kiss'd her on the straw this morning, while the musick play'd to the old wedding-folks?

Mer. Yes; and then Springlove, to make him madder, told him that he would be his proxy, and marry her for him, and lie with her the first night, 31 with a naked cudgel betwixt them, and make him a king of beggars.

Amie. I saw how it anger'd him; and I imagin'd then, and before, that there was more in Springlove than downright beggar; but though he be never so good a gentleman, he shall observe fit time and distance till we are married.

Rach. Matrimony forbid else. (She's taken.) But while we talk of a match towards, we are miss'd within the bride-barn among the revel rout. Amie. We have had all the sport they could make us in the past passages.

Massinger's Unnatural Combat, A. 3. S. 1:

31

S.

Mer. How cautious the old contracted couple were for portion and jointure!

Rach. What feoffees, she being an heir of fourscore (and seven years stone-blind) had, in trust for her estate!

Amie. And how carefully he secur'd all to himself, in case he out-liv'd her, being but seven years older than she! and what pains the lawyer of the rout here took about it!

Rach. And then how solemnly they were join'd, and admonished by our parson Underhedge, to live together in the fear of the lash, and give good example to the younger reprobates, to beg within compass, to escape the jaws of the justice, the clutch of the constable, the books of the headborough, and the hiting blows of the beadle; and in so doing, they shall defy the devil and all his works, and after their painful pilgrimage in this life, they should die in the ditch of delight.

Mer. O, but poet Scribble's Epithalamium.

Nor any grudge with us (without taxation)
To lend or give, upon command, the whole
Strength of our wealth for publick benefit;
While some that are held rich in their abund-
ance,

(Which is their misery indeed,) will see
Rather a general ruin upon all,

Than give a scruple to prevent the fall.
Vin. 'Tis only we that live.

Rach. I'm glad you are so taken with your
calling.

Mer. We are no less, I assure you: we find the sweetness of it now.

Rach. The mirth, the pleasure, the delights: no ladies live such lives.

Mer. Some few upon necessity, perhaps; but that's not worth grammercy.

Vin. They will never be weary.

Hil. Whether we seem to like or dislike, all's one to them.

Vin. We must do something to be taken by, and discovered, we shall never be ourselves, and get home again else.

[SPRINGLOVE and AMIE come to the rest. Spring. I am yours for ever. Well, ladies, you have miss'd rare sport; but now the bride has miss'd you with her half-eye; and the bridegroom, with the help of his crutches, is drawing her forth for a dance here in the opener air. The house is now too hot for 'em. O, here come the chief revellers. The soldier, the courtier, the lawyer, and the poet, who is master of their revels, before the old couple in state. Attend, and hear him speak as their inductor.

Poet.

Here on this green, like king and queen, (For a short truce) we do produce

Our old new-married pair. Of dish and wallet, and of straw pallet, With rags to shew, from top to toe, She is the ancient heir.

He is the lord of Bottle-gourd,
Of sachel great, for bread and meat,

And, for small pence, a purse.
To all that give, Long may you live,
He loudly cries: but who denies,
Is sure to have his curse.

Vin. Well said, field-poet; Phoebus, we see, inspires

As well the beggar as the poet laureat. Spring. And shines as warm under a hedgebottom, as on the tops of palaces.

Poet. I have not done yet. Now this is to incite you to dance.

Prepare yourselves, like fairy elves,

Now in a dance to shew,
That you approve, the god of love
Has many shafts to's bow.

Poet. There's as good poetry in blank verse [Musick. Spring. Come, ha! the dance, the dance. Nay, we'll ha' the old couple in, as blind and lame as they are.

[Dance.

Bride. What, will you so? Spring. Well hobbled bridegroom! Vin. Well grop'd bride! Hil. Hay, lusty. Hay, holiday. Spring. Set 'em down, set 'em down, they ha' done well.

Brideg. A ha! I am lustier than I was thirty years ago.

Bride. And I than I was threescore past. Ahem, a-hem.

Vin. What a night here's towards!

Hil. Sure they will kill one another.

Poet. Each with the fear the other will live longest.

Spring. Poet, thou hast spoken learnedly, and acted bravely.

Thou art both poet and actor.

Poet. So has been many famous men; and if here were no worse, we might have a mask or a comedy presented to-night in honour of the old couple.

Vin. Let us each man try bis ability Upon some subject now extempore.

Spring. Agreed: give us a theme, and try

our action.

Poet. I have already thought upon't, I want but actors.

Hil. What persons want you? What would you present?

Poet. I would present a commonwealth; Utopia with all her branches and consistencies. Rach. I'll be Utopia; who must be my branches?

Poet. The country, the city, the court, and the camp, epitomized and personated by a gentleman, a merchant, a courtier, and a soldier.

Sol. I'll be your soldier, am not I one? ha! Cour. And am not I a fashionable courtier ?

Poet. But who the citizen or merchant?
Spring. I.

Vin. And I your country gentleman.
Hil. Or I.

Poet. Yet to our moral I must add two persons, divinity and law.

Law. Why la you now; and am not I a lawyer?
Poet. But where's divinity?

Vin. Marry, that I know not; one of us might do that, if either knew how to handle it.

Spring. Where's the old Patrico, our priest, my ghostly father? He'll do it rarely.

1st Beg. He was telling fortunes e'en now to country wenches; I'll fetch him. [Erit. Spring. That Patrico I wonder at; he has told me strange things in clouds.

Amie. And me somewhat, that I may hereafter.

tell you

Spring. That you shall be my bride? Amie. I will not tell you now. Vin. Well: But what must our speeches tend to? What must we do one with another?

Poet. I wou'd have the country, the city, and the court, be at great variance for superiority; then wou'd I have divinity and law stretch their wide throats to appease and reconcile them; then wou'd I have the soldier cudgel them all together, and overtop them all. Stay, yet I want another person.

Hil. What must he be?
Poet. A beggar.

Vin. Here's enough of us, I think. What must the beggar do?

Poet. He must at last overcome the soldier, and bring them all to Beggar-hall: And this, well acted, will be for the honour of our calling. All. A Scribble! a Scribble!

Hil. Come, where's this Patrico, that we may begin?

32

hand.

S. P.

See Note 17 to Mayor of Quinborough, postea.

Hil. If the good hour be come, welcome by the grace of good fortune.

Enter SCENTWELL, Constable, Watch; the Crew slip away.

Scent. Beset the quarter round; be sure that

none escape.

Spring. Lord to come with you, blessed master, to a many distressed

Vin.

Rach.

Duly and truly pray for you.

Mer. Good your good worship, duly and truly, &c.

Scent. A many counterfeit rogues! So frolick and so lamentable all in a breath? You were acting a play but now; we'll act with you, incorrigible vagabonds.

Spring. Good master, 'tis a holiday with us; an heir was married here to-day.

Scent. Married! Not so, I hope; where is she? 'Tis for an heir we seek. Spring. Here she is, masterselves in the straw

into the straw

-the straw

-hide vourquickly

Scent. What tell'st thou me of this? An old blind beggarwoman; we must find a young gentlewoman-heir among you. Where's all the

rest of the crew?

Con. Slipt into the barn and the bushes by; but none can 'scape.

Scent. Look you to that and to these here. [Exit with Watch.

Spring. Into the straw, I say. Vin. No, good Springlove; the ladies and we are now agreed to draw stakes, and play this lousy game no further.

The

Hil. We will be taken, and disclose ourselves; you see we shall be forc'd to it else. cowardly clerk has don't to save himself.

Spring. Do you fear no shame, ladies ?
Rach. Dost think it a shame to leave beg-

ging?

Mer. Or that our father will turn us out to it again.

Spring. Nay, since you are so resolute, know, that I myself begin to find this is no course for gentlemen; this lady shall take me off it.

Amie. Make but your protestations good, and take me yours; and for the gentleman that surprizes us, tho' he has all my uncle's trust, he shall do any thing for me to our advantage.

Vin. If, Springlove, thou cou'dst post now to thy tyring-house, and fetch all our cloaths, we might get off most neatly.

Spring. A horse and six hours travel would do that.

Amie. You shall be furnish'd, doubt not.

Enter SCENTWELL, and Watch.

Scent. She's 'scap'd, or is invisible. You, sir, I take to be the chief rogue of this regiment; let him be whipt till he brings forth the heir. Con. That is but till he stinks, sir; come, sir, strip, strip.

Amie. Unhand him, sir. What heir do you seek, Mr Scentwell?

Scent. Precious, how did my haste oversee her? O, mistress Amie! could I, or your uncle, justice Clack, a wiser man than I, ever ha' thought to have found you in such company?

Amie. Of me, sir, and my company, I have a story to delight you, which on our march towards your house, I will relate to you.

Scent. And thither will I lead you as my

CLACK, MARTIN.

Mar. Mine intent, sir, and my only way—

Clack. Nay, if we both speak together, how shall we hear one another? as I said before. Your intent, and your only way, you should ha' said, was to run away with her, and that by her only instigation, to avoid the tie of marriage with master Talboy; that is to say, to shun the match that I had made for her; that is to say, rather to disobey me, than to displease herself. Wherein (although she did not altogether transgress the law), she did both offend and prejudice me, an instrument, nay, I may say, a pillar thereof. And you, in assisting her, furthering, and conveying her away, did not only infringe the law in an unlawful departure from your master, but in a higher point, that is to say, top and top gallows high. I would ha' found a jury should ha' found it so.

2 D