I. Mafters. VI. Rules for Servants. VII. Servitude is of God's Appointment. VIII. Of the Duty of MASTERS. IX. Of Friendship. X. How to make choice of Companions. XI. How we become partakers of other Mens Sins. Ο The huf wife. UR method now leads us to recollect what that duty is which the husbands owe to their wives. For though husbands are full of do- band must minion, imperious, and fometimes cruel; remembring the duty and obedience that wives are, by reafon and God's command, to pay them; yet they feldom or flightly think of what they owe themselves to their wives by the fame reafon and God's commands. The apostle makes no difference; but having faid, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord; he adds, husbands love your wives, and be not bitter against them: leaving it as much a duty on the husbands to love their wives, as on the wives to fubmit themselves to their own hufbands. And indeed, the husband first promises to love his wife, before the promises to obey him: and confequently, as his love is the condition of her obedience, he must blame himself for her after-difobedience, if he has withdrawn his love. Now love is. Makes mar. riage hap py. Love of husbands to wives, is being kindly affectioned to their perfons. This is what is fo properly called love, that nothing befides is thought fo; and it is What that abfolutely neceffary to the making marriage eafy and happy; nothing elfe can do it. Where men marry without liking of the perfon of their wives, if they be not miferable themselves, yet they may be prefumed to intend to make their wives fo: and there are few women that would, upon such supposal marry; because they know, that though a liking of their perfon will not of itself make them happy, yet that without it nothing else can. Religion, difcretion, and good qualities, birth, education, and estate, are all to be confidered, in their feveral measures and degrees, to make a marriage life laftingly happy; yet without a love of the perfon there will be no fuch thing; all the other things will not effect this end; they may make men civil, and of good behaviour; and the wives P 3 may may not be cruelly and brutifhly ufed; they shall not be miferable to strangers and ftanders by, yet they shall not find themselves happy. Neither honour, nor refpect, nor esteem, can make wives happy; but a tenderness of affection, which they had rather have; without which, the reft are formality, and infipid courtship, a facrifice without a heart towards them. The choice is innocently governed and directed by imagination; and whatever any man thinks beautiful and comely, is fo to him, whatever it is to other people: whoever therefore marries without this affection in fome degree, can never make his partner happy; because it is that in which the chiefly places her happiness, and without which she does not find herself happy in the state of marriage. Women know that neither wealth nor grandeur can give them contented minds; and they know that religion, difcretion, and all good qualities, are of no fignification, where the affection of a perfon does not fet them off: no complacence is taken in them, where the party that exercises them is not acceptable, or finds no favour in the other's eyes: fo that it comes to pafs that many men are counted happy, and might indeed be so, in the good qualities and discretion of their partners, who yet are otherwise, for want of this hearty affection, which will supply many defects, and make amends for many failings, will cover many faults, and make family inconveniences lighter; fo that in kindness to himself, a man of wisdom and discretion will never marry, where he cannot literally love his wife, which is God's command to husbands. We ought to prefer peace of mind to all other confiderations, being the end of all the purfuits of life; every thing we endeavour or do, being in order to our contentment; which a man can never have that is not eafy at home; or lives and converses with one he hates or difregards. Therefore, confidering how much the happiness of a man depends upon his choice, he cannot anfwer it to God or man or himself, that marries where he does not, or cannot place his real affections. Confequently, as a man is commanded to love his wife, and he cannot love where, and when he pleases, he must be understood to be commanded, not to enter upon marriage, where he does not love; and when he is married, to continue his love; and take all courfes that are proper to confirm and ftrengthen that affection towards his wife. No law obliges a man to marry; but he is obliged to love the woman whom he has taken in marriage. Of marriage. Where note, that the contracting of children, young and uncapable of knowing the obligation, or giving confent, what other ends it may serve, is certainly of evil confequence, with refpect to the happiness of life; if love and mutual liking do not follow when they come together. Such a practice aims moft commonly at fecuring an eftate and fortune; but it were better let alone: because the attaining that end is not the principal defign of marriage, but fomething in order thereto. This will not give union of affection and fatisfaction of mind, which is to be the foundation of people's happiness in a marriage state. By this means many people of why many rank efpecially are made miserable, and more mi- bad marferable than their inferiors, when the parent's riages. choice happens to be imprudent: Which indeed is the more furprizing among us; because christians cannot, with a good confcience or common honesty, of chriftian make such a promise of affection, as the form of marriage requires, when confcious, that they have nothing of it at heart; but find, it may be, an averfion and dislike; yet go on for other views. We cannot answer it to God; for we then are deceiving, or ruining one, whom we seriously profefs, before God, that we will love, and make as happy as we are able. It is granted, parents* have a great authority in these affairs, but no one has authority to make an innocent party miferable; and therefore, it is not good to be over rigorous, where it may reasonably be thought, the children's refufal proceeds from difguft, or incurable averfion; in such a cafe, the compliance of a child may make her much more miferable, than a refufal would make her undutiful: but when a man under no constraint marries without love, that man is unpardonable. Again, they who Who ought cannot bear with failings and defects, and make not to marallowances, are not fitted for fociety and friend P 4 See the duty of children above, at pagę 186, &c. ry, fhip, fhip, much less for society fo conftant and continued, as is required in a married state. Who cannot make allow In fine, if men will not confider the imperfections of human nature; nor remember their own ances for o- mistakes; if they will take advantages, and make thers imper- ill-natured reflections on the weakneffes of their fections. partners, and make them topicks of upbraidings and revilings, they will quickly find their affection to droop. Nay, this perverfenefs is laying the foundation of future difcontent, and fhews they are difpofed for hatred and aversion; and then care and circumfpection, the most discreet behaviour of the women, is not able to regain their esteem and good opinion. Where this confideration is wanting, there will be no love and mutual kindnefs; for, all creatures are imperfect, and stand in need of patience and forgiveness; more especially in a conftant converfation. And in the management of family-affairs, there will arife occafions of difagreeHow to pro- ment; and if there be not a readiness, to make the mote conju- kindeft conftruction of each others actions, the conjugal affection will vanish away. But, gal love. Which is the man's intereft. When a man confiders as he ought to do, that it is his intereft as well as duty, to love his partner, it is worthy his choice to be a good husband; for, it is the wifeft thing he can do for his prefent good. God hath instituted marriage, thereby to continue the world, till he fees fit to put an end thereto; and though he hath implanted in men defires conducive to the end he hath defigned; yet he hath given them reafon, judgment, and understanding, to guide them in their choice, and to give the check to imagination or mere fancy: matters in difpute, concerning fuperiority, are decided by God; as well by natural tokens, as by pofitive commands; as that men fhall govern, and women be obedient: but, in return for this fubmiffion and obedience, man is to love his wife above all other woAnd therefore, men. Mutual fidelity. II. A chriftian marriage requires mutual fidelity, and the performance of promise made to forfake all other perfons, and to adhere closely to each other, dultery. other, fo long as they both fhall live *: this is fuppofed in all contracts; and verbally expreffed, and actually engaged for in all regular marriages; and to this fidelity the men are equally obliged with the women, and in the violation of it, there is both falfehood and injustice; because they break a folemn promife, and do a great injury. A man, perchance, may be fo far gone in favour to himself, as to think flightly of his own offences; in this cafe, let him Prevents aconfider whether he would not think his mother or daughter, &c. injured, if their husbands fhould wander from their beds in pursuit of unhallowed pleasures: and as he judges they would resent the injustice of their husbands, let him imagine that his own wife refents his, and bears it with the fame discontent; which resentment of this injury by the wives, is a farther aggravation of the heinousness of the crime: because those husbands fhew a contempt of decency and good fame thereby, and openly afflict their partners by their unlawful practices. Nor would I be thought to confine these reflections to the open and notorious; for the most concealed and fecret frequenting of the company of lewd women, will corrupt the hearts, even of thofe that intend And it's to be good husbands; for, the virtuous declines as faft as the disorderly affection gains ground: it ends at best, in formal cold civilities, more commonly in hatred and averfion, in quarel and conteft, churlish or brutal ufage; nay, and fometimes in tragical events: for, it is a vain mistake for any husband to think he fhall live easily with his partner, be her affection ever so strong to him, whilft he is cold to her, in this particular. fo bad effects. Which is a intereft. gainst his Besides, it is a man's intereft to be faithful to his vows and promises, and not enough barely to vow: it is also his duty. It's importance is argued from the commandment: and therefore, as precept is before example, the examples of fome men in fcripture, who had more wives than one, or many concubines, are not to be imitated, because they cannot make the command of none effect. Very ill things have been done by a great many good men; and when the fcriptures recount their evil actions with * See the duty of wives, page 202, &c. out |