[Minister Acquiring and Losing Office.]

A man coming to the water-side, is surrounded by all the crew; every one is officious, every one making applications, every one offering his services; the whole bustle of the place seems to be only for him. The same man going from the water-side, no noise made about him, no creature takes notice of him, all let him pass with utter neglect ! The picture of a minister when he comes into power, and when he goes out.

[Receipt to make an Epic Poem.]

[From The Guardian."]

It is no small pleasure to me, who am zealous in the interests of learning, to think I may have the honour of leading the town into a very new and uncommon road of criticism. As that kind of literature is at present carried on, it consists only in a knowledge of mechanic rules, which contribute to the structure of different sorts of poetry; as the receipts of good housewives do to the making puddings of flour, oranges, plums, or any other ingredients. It would, methinks, make these my instructions more easily intelligible to ordinary readers, if I discoursed of these matters in the style in which ladies, learned in economics, dictate to their pupils for the improvement of the kitchen and larder.

I shall begin with Epic Poetry, because the critics agree it is the greatest work human nature is capable of. I know the French have already laid down many mechanical rules for compositions of this sort, but at the same time they cut off almost all undertakers from the possibility of ever performing them; for the first qualification they unanimously require in a poet is a genius. I shall here endeavour (for the benefit of my countrymen) to make it manifest that Epic Poems may be made without a genius;' nay, without learning or much reading. This must necessarily be of great use to all those poets who confess they never read, and of whom the world is convinced they never learn. What Moliere observes of making a dinner, that any man can do it with money; and, if a professed cook cannot without, he has his art for nothing: the same may be said of making a poem; it is easily brought about by him that has a genius; but the skill lies in doing it without one. In pursuance of this end, I shall present the reader with a plain and certain recipe, by which even sonneteers and ladies may be qualified for this grand performance.

I know it will be objected, that one of the chief qualifications of an Epic Poet, is to be knowing in all arts and sciences. But this ought not to discourage those that have no learning, as long as indexes and dictionaries may be had, which are the compendium of all knowledge. Besides, since it is an established rule, that none of the terms of those arts and sciences are to be made use of, one may venture to affirm, our poet cannot impertinently offend on this point. The learning which will be more particularly necessary to him, is the ancient geography of towns, mountains, and rivers. For this let him take Cluverius, value four-pence.

are familiarly acquainted with them at first sight; and as it is sufficient for a good general to have surveyed the ground he is to conquer, so it is enough for a good poet to have seen the author he is to be master of. But to proceed to the purpose of this paper.

For the Fable. Take out of any old poem, history-book, romance, or legend (for instance, Geoffrey of Monmouth, or Don Belianis of Greece), those parts of story which afford most scope for long descriptions: put these pieces together, and throw all the adventures you fancy into one tale. Then take a hero whom you may choose for the sound of his name, and put him into the midst of these adventures: there let him work for twelve hours; at the end of which, you may take him out ready prepared to conquer or to marry; it being necessary that the conclusion of an Epic Poem be fortunate.'

To make an Episode. Take any remaining adventure of our former collection, in which you could no way involve your hero; or any unfortunate accident that was too good to be thrown away; and it will be of use, applied to any other person who may be lost and evaporate in the course of the work, without the least damage to the composition.'

For the Moral and Allegory. 'These you may extract out of the Fable afterwards at your leisure. Be sure you strain them sufficiently.'

For the Manners. For those of the hero, take all the best qualities you can find in all the celebrated heroes of antiquity; if they will not be reduced to a consistency, lay them all on a heap upon him. But be sure they are qualities which your patron would be thought to have; and to prevent any mistake which the world may be subject to, select from the alphabet those capital letters that compose his name, and set them at the head of a dedication before your poem. However, do not absolutely observe the exact quantity of these virtues, it not being determined whether or no it be necessary for the hero of a poem to be an honest man.- -For the under characters, gather them from Homer and Virgil, and change the name as occasion serves.'

For the Machines.-'Take of deities, male and female, as many as you can use; separate them into two equal parts, and keep Jupiter in the middle. Let Juno put him in a ferment, and Venus mollify him. Remember on all occasions to make use of volatile Mercury. If you have need of devils, draw them out of Milton's Paradise, and extract your spirits from Tasso. The use of these machines is evident; for since no Epic Poem can possibly subsist without them, the wisest way is to reserve them for your greatest necessities. When you cannot extricate your hero by any human means, or yourself by your own wits, seek relief from Heaven, and the gods will do your business very readily. This is according to the direct prescription of Horace in his Art of Poetry.

Nec deus intersit, nisi dignus vindice nodus
Inciderit-

Never presume to make a god appear,

But for a business worthy of a god.-ROSCOMMON. That is to say, a poet should never call upon the gods for their assistance, but when he is in great perplexity.'

For the Descriptions.-For a Tempest. Take Eurus, Zephyr, Auster, and Boreas, and cast them together into one verse: add to these, of rain, lightning, and of thunder (the loudest you can), quantum sufficit. Mix your clouds and billows well together until they foam, and thicken your description here and there with a quicksand. Brew your tempest well in your head before you set it a-blowing.'

41

two of Virgil ; and if there remain any overplus, you may lay them by for a skirmish. Season it well with similes, and it will make an excellent battle.'

For Burning a Town. If such a description be necessary, because it is certain there is one in Virgil, Old Troy is ready burnt to your hands. But if you fear that would be thought borrowed, a chapter or two of the Theory of the Conflagration, well circumstanced, and done into verse, will be a good succedaneum.'

As for Similes and Metaphors, they may be found all over the creation; the most ignorant may gather them; but the danger is in applying them. For this advise with your bookseller.

For the Language.-(I mean the diction.) Here it will do well to be an imitator of Milton, for you will find it easier to imitate him in this than anything else. Hebraisms and Grecisms are to be found in him, without the trouble of learning the languages. I knew a painter, who (like our poet) had no genius, make his daubings to be thought originals by setting them in the smoke. You may, in the same manner, give the venerable air of antiquity to your piece, by darkening it up and down with Old English. With this you may be easily furnished upon any occasion by the dictionary commonly printed at the end of

Chaucer.

I must not conclude without cautioning all writers without genius in one material point; which is, never to be afraid of having too much fire in their works. I should advise rather to take their warmest thoughts, and spread them abroad upon paper, for they are observed to cool before they are read.

DR JOHN ARBUTHNOT.

DR JOHN ARBUTHNOT, the friend of Pope, Swift, Gay, and Prior, was associated with his brother wits in some of the humorous productions of the day, called forth chiefly by political events. They were all Jacobites, and keenly interested in the success of their party. Arbuthnot was born at a place of the same name in Kincardineshire, and having studied medicine, repaired to London, where he became known as an author and a wit. He wrote an Examination of Dr Woodward's Account of the Deluge, and an Essay on the Usefulness of Mathematical Learning. In 1709 Arbuthnot was appointed physician in ordinary to the queen. The satirical Memoirs of the Extraordinary Life, Works, and Discoveries of Martinus Scriblerus, published in Pope's works, was chiefly, if not wholly, written by Arbuthnot. The design of this work, as stated by Pope, is to ridicule all the false tastes in learning, under the character of a man of capacity, that had dipped into every art and science, but injudiciously in each. Cervantes was the model of the witty authors; but though they may have copied his grave irony with success, the fine humanity and imagination of the Spanish novelist are wholly wanting in Scriblerus. It is highly probable, however, that the character of Cornelius Scriblerus suggested to Sterne the idea of Walter Shandy. His oddities and absurdities about the education of his son (in describing which Arbuthnot evinces his extensive and curious learn ing), are fully equal to Sterne. Useful hints are thrown out amidst the ridicule and pedantry of Scriblerus; and what are now termed object lessons in some schools, may have been derived from such ludicrous passages as the following:- The old gentleman so contrived it, to make everything contribute to the improvement of his knowledge, even to his very dress. He invented for him a geographical suit of clothes, which might give him some hints of that science, and likewise some knowledge of the commerce of different nations. He had a French hat

with an African feather, Holland shirts and Flanders lace, English cloth lined with Indian silk; his gloves were Italian, and his shoes were Spanish. He was made to observe this, and daily catechised thereupon, which his father was wont to call "travelling at home." He never gave him a fig or an orange, but he obliged him to give an account from what country it came.'

A more complete and durable monument of the wit and humour of Arbuthnot is his History of John Bull, published in 1712, and designed to ridicule the Duke of Marlborough, and render the nation discontented with the war. The allegory in this piece is well sustained, and the satirical allusions poignant and happy. Of the same description is Arbuthnot's Treatise concerning the Altercation or Scolding of the Ancients, and his Art of Political Lying. His wit is always pointed, and rich in classical allusion, without being acrimonious or personally offensive. Of the serious performances of Arbuthnot, the most valuable is a series of dissertations on ancient coins, weights, and measures. He published also some medical works. After the death of Queen Anne, when, both as a physician and a politician, Arbuthnot suffered a heavy loss, he applied himself closely to his profesgood nature. In his latter years he suffered much from ill health: he died in 1735. The most severe and dignified of the occasional productions of Dr Arbuthnot is his epitaph on Colonel Chartres, a notorious gambler and money-lender of the day, tried and condemned for attempting to commit a rape:

sion, and continued his unaffected cheerfulness and

Here continueth to rot the body of Francis Chartres, who, with an inflexible constancy, and inimitable uniformity of life, persisted, in spite of age and infirmities, in the practice of every human vice, excepting prodigality and hypocrisy; his insatiable avarice exempted him from the first, his matchless impudence from the second. Nor was he more singular in the undeviating pravity of his manners than successful in accumulating wealth; for, without trade or profession, without trust of public money, and without bribe-worthy service, he acquired, or more properly created, a ministerial estate. He was the only person of his time who could cheat with the mask of honesty, retain his primeval meanness when possessed of ten thousand a-year, and having daily deserved the gibbet for what he did, was at last con demned to it for what he could not do. Oh, indignant reader! think not his life useless to mankind. Providence connived at his execrable designs, to give to after ages a conspicuous proof and example of how small estimation is exorbitant wealth in the sight of God, by his bestowing it on the most unworthy of all mortals.'

The History of John Bull.

CHAP. I.-The Occasion of the Law-Suit.-I need not tell you of the great quarrels that happened in our neighbourhood since the death of the late Lord Strutt; how the parson? and a cunning attorney3 got him to settle his estate upon his cousin Philip Baboon, to the great disappointment of his cousin Esquire South.5 Some stick not to say, that the parson and the attorney forged a will, for which they were well paid by the family of the Baboons. Let that be as 1 Charles II. of Spain died without issue, and Portocarero, and the

2 Cardinal

3 Marshal of Harcourt, employed, as is supposed, by the house of Bourbon, prevailed upon him to make a will, by which he settled the succession of the

Spanish monarchy upon 4 Philip Bourbon, Duke of Anjou,

though his right had by the most solemn renunciations been barred in favour of 5 the Archduke, Charles of Austria.

and Frog had undoubted right by prescription to be drapers to the Lord Strutts; that there were several old contracts to that purpose; that Lewis Baboon had taken up the trade of clothier and draper, without serving his time or purchasing his freedom; that he sold goods that were not marketable without the stamp; that he himself was more fit for a bully than a tradesman, and went about through all the country fairs challenging people to fight prizes, wrestling and cudgel-play;' and abundance more to this purpose.

CHAP. V.―The true characters of John Bull, Nic. Frog, and Hocus.-For the better understanding the following history, the reader ought to know, that Bull, in the main, was an honest plain-dealing fellow, choleric, bold, and of a very unconstant temper; he dreaded not old Lewis either at back-sword, single falchion, or cudgel-play; but then he was very apt to quarrel with his best friends, especially if they pretended to govern him: if you flattered him, you might lead him like a child. John's temper depended very much upon the air; his spirits rose and fell with the weather-glass. John was quick, and understood his business very well; but no man alive was more careless in looking into his accompts, or more cheated by partners, apprentices, and servants. This was occasioned by his being a boon companion, loving his bottle and his diversion; for, to say truth, no man kept a better house than John, nor spent his money more generously. By plain and fair dealing, John had acquired some plums, and might have kept them, had it not been for his unhappy lawsuit.

Nic. Frog was a cunning sly rogue, quite the reverse of John in many particulars; covetous, frugal; minded domestic affairs; would pinch his belly to save his pocket; never lost a farthing by careless servants or bad debtors. He did not care much for any sort of diversions, except tricks of high German artists, and legerdemain; no man exceeded Nic. in these; yet, it must be owned, that Nic. was a fair dealer, and in that way acquired immense riches.

Hocus was an old cunning attorney; and though this was the first considerable suit that ever he was engaged in, he showed himself superior in address to most of his profession; he kept always good clerks; he loved money, was smooth-tongued, gave good words, and seldom lost his temper; he was not worse than an infidel, for he provided plentifully for his family; but he loved himself better than them all: the neighbours reported that he was henpecked, which was impossible by such a mild-spirited woman as his wife was.

it went from him. New trials upon new points still arose; new doubts, new matters to be cleared; in short, lawyers seldom part with so good a cause till they have got the oyster, and their clients the shell. John's ready money, book-debts, bonds, mortgages, all went into the lawyer's pockets. Then John began to borrow money upon bank-stock and East India bonds. Now and then a farm went to pot. At last! it was thought a good expedient to set up Esquire South's title to prove the will forged, and dispossess Philip Lord Strutt at once. Here again was a new field for the lawyers, and the cause grew more intricate than ever. John grew madder and madder; wherever he met any of Lord Strutt's servants, he tore off their clothes. Now and then you would see them come home naked, without shoes, stockings, and linen. As for old Lewis Baboon, he was reduced to his last shift, though he had as many as any other. His children were reduced from rich silks to Doily stuffs, his servants in rags and bare-footed; instead of good victuals, they now lived upon neck-beef and bullock's liver. In short, nobody got much by the matter but the men of law.

CHAP. VII.-How John Bull was so mightily pleased with his success, that he was going to leave off his trade and turn Lawyer.-It is wisely observed by a great philosopher, that habit is a second nature. This was verified in the case of John Bull, who, from an honest and plain tradesman, had got such a haunt about the courts of justice, and such a jargon of law words, that he concluded himself as able a lawyer as any that pleaded at the bar or sat on the bench: He was overheard one day talking to himself after this manner: How capriciously does fate or chance dispose of mankind! How seldom is that business allotted to a man for which he is fitted by nature! It is plain I was intended for a man of law: how did my guardians mistake my genius in placing me, like a mean slave, behind a counter? Bless me! what immense estates these fellows raise by the law; besides, it is the profession of a gentleman. What a pleasure is it to be victorious in a cause, to swagger at the bar. What a fool am I to drudge any more in this woollen trade: for a lawyer I was born, and a lawyer I will be: one is never too old to learn. All this while John had conned over such a catalogue of hard words, as were enough to conjure up the devil; these he used to babble indifferently in all companies, especially at coffee-houses; so that his neighbour tradesmen began to shun his company as a man that was cracked. Instead of the affairs at Blackwell-hall and price of broad cloth, wool, and baizes, he talks of

alias capias, demurrers, venire facias, replevins, supersedeas's, certioraris, writs of error, actions of trover and conversion, trespasses, precipes and dedimus. This was matter of jest to the learned in law; however, Hocus and the rest of the tribe encouraged John in his fancy, assuring him that he had a great genius for law, that they questioned not but in time he might raise money enough by it to reimburse him all his charges; that, if he studied, he would undoubtedly arrive to the dignity of a lord chief justice.3 As for the advice of honest friends and neighbours, John despised it; he looked upon them as fellows of a low genius, poor grovelling mechanics. John reckoned it more honour to have got one favourable verdict, than to have sold a bale of broad-cloth. As for Nic. Frog, to say the truth, he was more prudent; for, though 1 It was insisted that the will in favour of Philip was contrary to treaty; and there was a parliamentary declaration for continuing the war, till he should be dethroned.

2 The manners and sentiments of the nation became extravagant and chimerical.

3 Hold the balance of power.