35

ON TRUE COMPUNCTION OF HEART.

1. WEEP with me, all ye my friends, and behold my grief, for it is very great. Observe my wound, for it is exceeding deep!

Wherefore do I weep ?—and I answer that it is for this: That I am cast out from the face of the GOD of Heaven, and from the light of His countenance. I sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and I look not upon the light of Heaven.

What joy can there then be for me,—for me, the wretched one who went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell amongst most relentless robbers, who stripped me of the robe of immortality, and having wounded me went away, leaving me half dead. (St. Luke x. 30.)

"The keepers that go about the city found me. They struck me, and wounded me; the keepers of the walls took away my veil from me." (Cant. v. 7.)

"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I languish" (Id. ii. 8) with sorrow.

Send unto him, saying, "Lord, behold Lazarus, whom thou lovest, is sick." (John xi. 3.) "Lord, my servant lieth at home sick of the palsy, and is grievously tormeuted." (St. Matt. viii. 6.) I have laboured under mine infirmity now these many years, “I have been lame from my mother's womb" (Acts iii. 2.); for I have been bowed down under the guilt and heavy chain of original sin.

2. I am the son of Adam, the prevaricator, and the child of death," wholly born in sins." (St. John xi. 34.) My entrance into life was wretched, as my departure shall be full of terror; and whither to fly I know not.

"If I ascend into Heaven, Thou art there" (Psalm cxxxvii. 8), who sparest not sinners. "And if I descend into hell, there also art Thou present" (Psalm ibid.), to punish the prevaricators.

Where shall I hide me from the face of Thy wrath, for in my life I have sinned against Thee exceedingly.

I looked up unto Heaven, and God said, “Cast away the wicked, that they may not look upon the glory of GOD."

And I looked back again into the abyss, and a fearful voice

sounded in mine ears: "Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the exterior darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth" (St. Matt. xxii. 13); thence I became troubled the more, and I began to fear, and to be exceeding sorrowful; and all my bones were changed within me, by reason of the wrath of the indignation of the Lord. "Fear and trembling came upon me, and darkness covered me;" and I said, "Who then can be saved ?" (St. Matt. xix. 25) for "If Thou wilt mark iniquities, O Lord; Lord, who shall stand it." (Psalm cxxix. 3.) "Holy and terrible is Thy name." (Ps. cx. 9.)

3. But now keep thou silence, O my soul, for I have heard a voice of comfort speaking unto those that are in sadness and mourning; saying, Write "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted" (St. Matt. v. 5); and again, 'Do penance, for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand." (St. Matt. iii. 2.)

It is the voice of the Lord, comforting his servants; it is the voice of the Lord, saying, "Be converted, ye children of men, and live."

"Be converted unto me, and I will be converted unto you. Come to me, all you that labour or are burdened, and I will refresh you." (St. Matt. xi. 28.)

And the prophet, coming to meet those that mourn, saith, "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a contrite heart" (Psalm xxxiii. 19); and of himself he speaks in the plenitude of consolation: "The Lord hath heard, and hath had mercy upon me: the Lord became my helper" (Psalm xxix. 11), because He will not despise the prayer of the poor.

See how there is yet room for mercy; the gate is not yet shut. Therefore by penance all may be yet restored; both the evil that thou hast done, and the good thou hast omitted to do. Wherefore be not now overfearful, "For the Son of Man is come to seek, and to save that which was lost (St. Luke xix. 10); and again, “I am not come to call the just, but sinners." (St. Matt. ix. 13.) 4. Arise then, O my soul, into a good hope, for the Lord hath spoken it. Thy life drew near unto hell, and thou wast delivered over unto death, but the Lord hath had compassion upon thee, and His thought towards thee is turned unto mercy.

Thou hast feared exceedingly, and hast thought that thou couldst

hide thyself from the face of the wrath of GOD, like father Adam, when he sinned (Gen. iii,); but this is a vain thought. Thou hast meditated flight into another land; as Jonas did, when he fled from the face of the Lord into a ship (Jonas ii.): but here also thou hast laboured in vain; for neither by hiding nor by flight shalt thou escape from the hand of GOD.

Return then to the heavenly region by another way, which GOD makes known unto thee, that thou mayst walk therein. Do PENANCE! this is the way. The best counsel, and the most powerful help, are given to thee from Heaven. The counsel is this: That thou shouldst worthily repent, and wash thy sins in tears, and be reconciled unto GOD; that so thou mayst have peace with GOD.

Thy help is in the name of the Lord, who made Heaven and earth." (Psalm cxxiii. 8.) Who, when He was so great, vouchsafed to pay every debt for thee: "For He hath delivered His soul unto death, and was reputed with the wicked; and He hath borne the sins of many, and hath prayed for the transgressors (Isai. liii. 12); and so by His death hath snatched thee from eternal death, and brought thee help by His CROSS,

5. This also St. Paul hath delivered unto the faithful, when he said: "He hath blotted out the hand-writing of the decree that was against us: And he hath taken the same out of the way, fastening it to the CROSS; forgiving you all your offences, that you may be quickened together with Him." (Col. ii. 14.)-Hence also, in another place, the same apostle saith: "A faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ JESUS came into this world to save sinners." (1 Tim. i. 15.)

See what consolation, and how great a hope, has GOD left for sinners; but it is for those that do penance,—it is for those that are converted.

Remember then, O my soul, the words of this his saint, in which he hath given unto thee so good a hope. And now, O Lord, prostrate before Thee in prayer, I cry out unto Thee with all my heart, saying:

Prayer 6. Oh! Lord GOD, holy FATHER! "I have sinned against Heaven, and before Thee; I am not worthy to be called Thy son : make me as one of Thy hired servants." (St. Luke xv. 18.)

If Thou cast me forth from Thy presence, Thou wouldst do so justly: yet Thou wilt rather have mercy, and receive me, who am not worthy of the least of Thy blessings.

Wherefore, trusting in this Thy mercy, I fall down at Thy feet, and, bathed in tears, I adore and devoutly kiss Thy footsteps, entreating Thee with a humble and contrite heart.

Look upon me, O merciful God, upon me who am as a fly, and a dead dog; and be propitious unto me, as Thou wert once unto the most blessed Mary Magdalene, who, though once a sinner, speedily obtained pardon, when she cast herself at Thy feet.

“Extend Thy mercy unto them that know Thee.” (Psalm xxxv. 11.) Stretch forth Thy right hand unto Thy wandering servant; and let Thy most merciful eyes look upon the contrition of my heart. And be not angry, O Lord, for ever against the malignity of Thy servant, but remember the multitude of Thy tender mercies from the beginning; and be Thou reconciled this day unto Thy servant.

Hear, O Lord, this the only prayer which Thy servant can pour forth, on bended knees, before Thine omnipotence, adoring upon earth the countenance of Thy glory: for I have done unwisely, and foolish exceedingly; so oftentimes offending against Thy clemency, so seldom fearing the throne of Thy kingdom.

Take away, I beseech Thee, from Thy servant every sin, and blot not my name out of the book of life; but vouchsafe to enrol me among the number of Thine elect, that I may be found to the praise and glory of Thy holy name.—Amen!

7. Oh! how great is Thy mercy and goodness, O Lord; which, that Thou mightest the more abundantly shew forth, hast been pleased to free from death, man who was worthy of death! Moreover, Thou hast watchfully taken care to recall Thy wandering and flying servants, by Thy most loving voice; and hast sent Thy faithful servants and friends, at the hour of supper, to "tell them that were invited that all things are ready; Come ye to the marriage.” (St. Matt. xxii. 4.) Thou mightest, in the order of Thy justice, have sent Thy messengers of vengeance after those enemies, who would not have Thee to rule over them, and to put those murderers to death; for they deserved either to be cast into prison, until they

should hell.

pay the last farthing, or to be cut off with those who are in

But yet Thou hast not exercised Thy powers, but hast shewn forth all Thy mercy and meek forbearance; patiently enduring all for a time, that so Thy beloved might be set free, and "flee from before the bow" (Ps. lix. 6); that is, that they might prevent the dreadful judgment, by a worthy conversion.

For if Thou hadst not been pleased to stretch forth Thy hand unto the wicked, and to all who have sinned against Thee, many had been lost, who are now Thy friends, and are in the greatest favour before Thee!

Thou wouldst not now have Peter, who sinned by denying Thee thrice; nor Paul, who blasphemed thee by his persecutions; nor Matthew, the publican, who thirsted after worldly gain; yea, not even one of Thy great Apostles, whom Thou hast appointed judges over all the earth.

But now they are become most dear unto Thee, and Thou hast made known all things unto them, which Thou hast heard from Thy Father; and Thou art glorified in them; and they have glorified Thy name upon earth.

These things hath Thine Almighty hand performed, yea, Thy mercy, and Thy right hand, that is filled with all sweetness. For Thou hast hidden Thine indignation from us, and Thou hast been pleased to make us sons of grace, partakers of Thy divine nature, and co-heirs of Thy kingdom!

8. O, Fountain of infinite goodness and mercy, that never ceasest to overflow, but art ever ready to pour forth Thy streams upon those that draw near unto thee! Oh, would that all might draw near unto Thee, and taste of the food of Thy table how sweet it is, and because death is not therein, nor any bitterness.

But, ah! many turn back from Thee, and love this world more than the society of Thy heavenly children; many cast hope aside, and give themselves up to the service of all uncleanness and iniquity, on whom a certain judgment awaits; and they have gone far away from Thee; and "they pleased themselves among these kind of things, and counted it delightful to be under the briers." (Job xxx. 7.)

But Thy beloved children, and Thy faithful servants, flying from