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But then no farm I occupy,

With sheep to rot, and cows to die:
Nor rage I much or much despair,
Tho' in my hedge I find a fnare;
Nor view I, with due admiration,
All the high honours here in fashion;
The commiffions of the quorum,

Terrors to all who come before 'em ;
Militia fcarlet edg'd with gold,

Or the white staff high sheriffs hold;
The reprefentative's careffing,

The judge's bow, the bishop's bleffing;
Nor can I for my foul delight

In the dull feast of neighb'ring knight,
Who, if you fend three days before,
In white gloves meets you at the door,
With fuperfluity of breeding

First makes you fick, and then with feeding:
Or if with ceremony cloy'd,

You wou'd next time fuch plagues avoid,

And vifit without previous notice,

JOHN, JOHN, a coach!-I can't think who 'tis,

My lady cries, who fpies your coach,

Ere you the avenue approach;
Lord, how unlucky!-wafhing day!
And all the men are in the hay!
Entrance to gain is fomething hard,
The dogs all bark, the gates are barr'd;
The yard's with lines of linen crofs'd,
The hall door's lock'd, the key is loft;


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Thefe difficulties all o'ercome,

We reach at length the drawing room;
Then there's fuch trampling over-head,
Madam you'd fwear was brought to beds
Mifs in a hurry burfts her lock,

To get clean fleeves to hide her smock;
The fervants run, the pewter clatters,
My lady dreffes, calls and chatters;
The cook-maid raves for want of butter,
Pigs fqueak, fowls fcream, and green geese flutter.
Now after three hours tedious waiting,
On all our neighbours faults debating,
And having nine times view'd the garden,
In which there's nothing worth a farthing,
In comes my lady, and the pudden :
You will excufe, fir,- -on a fudden-
Then, that we may have four and four,
The bacon, fowls, and collyflow'r
Their ancient unity divide,

The top one graces, one each fide,
And by and by, the fecond course
Comes lagging like a distanc'd horse,
A falver then to church and king,
The butler fweats, the glaffes ring;
The cloth remov'd, the toafts go round,
Bawdy and politics abound;

And as the knight more tipfy waxes,
We damn all minifters and taxes.
At laft the ruddy fun quite funk,
The coachman tolerably drunk,




Whirling o'er hillocks, ruts, and stones,
Enough to dislocate one's bones,

We home return, a wond'rous token

Of Heaven's kind care, with limbs unbroken.
Afflict us not, ye Gods, tho' finners,
With many days like this, or dinners!

But if civilities thus teaze me,

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Nor business, nor diversions please me:
You'll afk, my Lord, how time I spend?
I answer, with a book or friend :
The circulating hours dividing,

'Twixt reading, walking, eating, riding:
But books are still my highest joy,
These earliest please, and latest cloy.
Sometimes o'er diftant climes I ftray,
By guides experienc'd taught the way;
The wonders of each region view,
From frozen LAPLAND to PERU;
Bound o'er rough feas, and mountains bare,
Yet ne'er forfake my elbow chair.
Sometimes fome fam'd hiftorian's pen

Recalls paft ages back agen,

Where all I fee, thro' ev'ry page,
Is but how men, with fenfelefs rage,
Each other rob, deftroy, and burn,
To serve a prieft's, or statesman's turn;
Tho' loaded with a diff'rent aim,

Yet always affes much the fame.

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Sometimes I view with much delight,
Divines their holy game-cocks fight;
Here faith and works at variance fet,
Strive hard who fhall the vict'ry get;
Prefbytery and epifcopacy

They fight fo long, it would amaze ye:
Here free-will holds a fierce difpute
With reprobation absolute;

There sense kicks transubstantiation,
And reafon pecks at revelation.
With learned NEWTON now I fly
O'er all the rolling orbs on high,
Vifit new worlds, and for a minute
This old one fcorn, and all that's in it:
And now with lab'ring BOYLE I trace
Nature through ev'ry winding maze,
The latent qualities admire

Of vapours, water, air, and fire:
With pleasing admiration fee
Matter's furprising subtilty;

As how the smallest lamp difplays,
For miles around, it's fcatter'd rays;
Or how (the cafe ftill more t' explain)
A fart, that weighs not half a grain,
The atmosphere will oft perfume
Of a whole spacious drawing room.

Sometimes I pass a whole long day In happy indolence away,

See Boyle's Experiments.


In fondly meditating o'er

Past pleasures, and in hoping more:
Or wander thro' the fields and woods,
And gardens bath'd in circling floods,
There blooming flowers with rapture view,
And fparkling gems of morning dew,
Whence in my mind ideas rife

Of CALIA's cheeks, and CHLOE's eyes.

'Tis thus, my Lord, I free from ftrife
Spend an inglorious country life;
These are the joys I ftill purfue,
When abfent from the town and you;
Thus pafs long fummer funs away,
Bufily idle, calmly gay:

Nor great, nor mean, nor rich, nor poor,
Not having much, nor wifhing more;
Except that you, when weary grown
Of all the follies of the town,
And feeing, in all public places,
The fame vain fops and painted faces,
Wou'd fometimes kindly condescend
To vifit a dull country friend:
Here you'll be ever fure to meet
A hearty welcome tho' no treat,
One who has nothing elfe to do,
But to divert himself and you :
A house, where quiet guards the door,
No rural wits fmoak, drink, and roar,

Choice books, fafe horses, whole fome liquor,
Clean girls, backgammon, and the vicar.



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