love in a fair full-bottomed perriwig, and a plume of feathers; but with a voice so full of shakes and quavers, that I should have thought the murmurs of a country brook the much more agreeable mufic. I remember the last opera I saw in that merry nation, was the rape of Proserpine, where Pluto, to make the more tempting figure, put himself in a French equipage, and brings Ascalaphus along with himas his Valet de Chambre. This is what we call folly and impertinence; but what the French look upon as gay and polite. I shall add no more to what I have here offered than that music, architecture, and painting, as well as poetry or oratory, are to deduce their laws and rules from the general sense and taste of mankind, and not from the principles of those arts themselves; or in other words, the taste is not to conform to the art, but the art to the taste, Music is not defigned to please only chromatic ears, but all that are capable of diftinguishing harsh from difagree able notes. A man of an ordinary ear is a judge whether a passion is expressed in proper sounds, and whether the melody of those sounds be more or less pleasing. assembly for one of a fudden to rise and make a difcourse concerning his passion in general, and describe the temper of his mind in such a manner, as that the whole company shall join in the de scription, and feel the force of it. In this cafe, if any man has declared the violence of his flame in more pathetic terms, he is made president for that night, out of respect to his superior paffion. We had fomo years ago in this town a set of people who met and dressed like lovers, and were diftinguished by the name of the Fringe-Glove Club; But they were persons of fuch moderate intellects, even before they were impaired by their paffion, that their irregularities could not furnish sufficient variety of folly to afford daily new impertinences; by which means that institution dropped. These fellows could express their paffion in nothing but their dress; but the Oxonians are phantastical, now they are lovers in proportion to their learning and understanding before they became fuch. The thoughts of the ancient poets on this agreeable phrenzy, are translated in honour of fome modern beauty; and Chloris is won to-day by the fame compliment that was made to Lesbia a thoufand Cyears ago. But as far as I can learn, the patron of the club is the renowned Don Quixote, The adventures of that gentle knight are frequently mentioned in the society, under the colour of laughing at the passion and themselves; but at the fame time, though they are sensible of the extravagances of that unhappy warrior, they do not observe, HOR. Ep. I. vi. 356. that to turn all the reading of the best and wifeft N° 30. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4. If nothing, as Mimnermus strives to prove, Ο NE common calamity makes men extremely affect each other, though they differ in every other particular, The passion of love is the most general concern among men; and I am glad to hear by my lafst advices from Oxford, that there are a fet of fighers in that university, who have erected themselves into a society, in honour of that tender paffion. These gentlemen are of that fort of inamoratos, who are not so very much loft to common sense, but that they understand the folly they are guilty of; and for that reason separate themselves from all other company, because they will enjoy the pleasure of talking incoherently, without being ridiculous to any but each other. When a man comes into the club, he is not obliged to make any introduction to his difcourse, but at once, as he is seating himself in his hair, speaks in the thread of his own thoughts, "She gave me a very obliging glance, the never " looked so well in her life as this evening;" or the like reflection, without regard to any other member of the society; for in this assembly they do not meet to talk to each other, but every man claims the full liberty of talking to himself. Instead of snuff-boxes and canes, which are usual helps to discourse with other young fellows, these have each fome piece of ribbon, a broken fan, or an old girdle, which they play with while they talk of the fair person remembered by each respective token. According to the representation of the matter from my laters, the company appear like fo many players rehearsing behind the scenes; one is fighing and lamenting his destiny in beseeching terms, another declaring he will break his chain, and another in dumb-show striving to express his paffion by his gesture. It is very ordinary in the writings into rhapsodies of love, is a phrenzy no less diverting than that of the aforesaid accomplished Spaniard. A gentleman who, I hope, will continue his correfpondence, is lately admitted into the fraternity, and fent me the following letter. ، ، ' SIR. S INCE I find you take notice of clubs, I beg leave to give you an account of one in Ox 'ford, which you have no where mentioned, and perhaps never heard of. We distinguish ourselves by the title of the Amorous Club, are all vota, 'ries of Cupid, and admirers of the fair sex. The reason that we are so little known in the world, is the secrecy which we are obliged to live under in the university. Our conftitution runs counter ' to that of the place wherein we live; for in love * there are no doctors, and we all profess so high ، a paffion, that we admit of no graduates in it. • Our prefidentship is bestowed according to our * dignity of paffion; our number is unlimited; and our ftatutes are like those of the Druids, ' recorded in our own breasts only, and explained by ths majority of the company. A mistress, ' and a poem in her praife, will introduce any 'candidate; without the latter no one can be admitted; for he that is not in love enough to rhyme, is unqualified for our fociety. To fpeak disrespectfully of any woman is expulfion from ' our gentle society. As we are at present all of ' us gown-men, instead of duelling when we are rivals, we drink together the heaith of our miftresses. The manner of doing this fometimes indeed creates debates; on fuch occafions we have recourse to the rules of love among the an < cients, Nach Naevia fez cyathis, feptem Justina bibatur. This Expedition of Alexander opens with his confulting the Oracle at Delphos, in which the dumb conjurer, who has been visited by fo many This method of a glass to every letter of her persons of quality of late years, is to be introduced name, occafioned the other night a difpute of 'fome warmth. A young student, who is in love • with Mrs. Elizabeth Dimple, was so unreafon⚫able as to begin her health under the name of Elizabetha; which fo exafperated the club, that by common consent we retrenched it to Betty. We look upon a man as no company, that does 'not figh times in a quarter an hour; and look upon a member as very absurd, that is 1o much himself as to make a direct answer to a question. In fine, the whole assembly is made up of abfent men, that is, of such persons as have loft their locality, and whose minds and bodies never keep company with one another. • As I am an unfortunatemember of this distracted society, you cannot expect a very regular account of it; for which reason, I hope you will pardon me that I so abrubtly subscribe my < felf, Sir, 'Your most obedient humble servant. ' I forgot to tell you, that Albina, who has fix • votaries in this club, is one of your readers." No3t. THURSDAY, APRIL 5. Sit miki fas audita loqui---- VIRG. Æn. vi. 266. What I have heard, permit me to relate. L AST night, upon my going into a coffee-house not far from the Hay-Market theatre, I diverted myself for about half an hour with over hearing the discourse of one, who, by the shabbiness of his drefs, the extravagance of his conceptions, and the hurry of his speech, I discovered to be of that species who are generally diftinguished by the title of projectors. This gentleman, for I found he was treated as fuch by his audience, was entertaining a whole table of lifteners with the project of an opera, which he told us had not cost him above two or three mornings in the contrivance, and which he was ready to put in execution, provided he might find his account in it. He faid, that he had observed the great trouble and inconvenience which ladies were at, in travelling up and down to the several shows that are exhibited in different quarters of the town. The dancing monkies are in one place; the puppet show in another; the opera in a third; not to mention the lions, that are almost a whole day's journey from the politer part of the town. By this means people of figure are forced to lose half the winter after their coming to town, before they have seen all the strange fights about it. In order to remedy this great inconvenience, our projector drew out of his pocket the scheme of an opera, entitled, "The Expedition of Alexander the Great;" in which he had difpofed all the remarkable shows about town among the scenes and decorations of his piece. The thought, he confeffed, was not origirally his own, but that he had taken the hint of it from several performances which he had feen upen our stage; in one of which there was a rareshow; in another, a ladder-dance; and in others posture-man, a moving picture, with many cufities of the like nature. as telling him his fortune: at the fame time Clinch of Barnet is represented in another corner of the temple, as ringing the bells of Delphos, for joy of his arrival. The tent of Darius is to be peopled by the ingenious Mrs. Salmon, where Alexander is to fall in love with a piece of wax-work, that represents the beautiful Statira. When Alexander comes into that country in which Quintus Curtius tells us the dogs were so exceeding fierce that they would not lofe their hold, though they were cut to pieces limb by limb, and that they would hang upon their prey by their teeth when they had nothing but a mouth lest; there is to be a scene of Hockley in the Hole, in which is to be represented all the diverfions of that place, the Bull-baiting only excepted, which cannot possibly be exhibited in the theatre, by reason c' the lownefs of the roof. The several woods in Afia, which Alexander must be supposed to pass through, will give the audience a fight of monkies dancing upon ropes, with many other pleasantries of that ludicrous species. At the same time, if there chance to be any ftrange animals in town, whether birds or beasts, they may be either let loose among the woods, or driven across the stage by fome of the country people of Afia. In the last great battle, Pinkethman is to períonate king Porus upon an elephant, and is to be encountered by Powell, representing Alexander the great, upon a dromedary, which nevertheless Mr. Powell is defired to call by the name of Bucephalus. Upon the close of this great decisive battle, when the kings are thoroughly reconciled, to shew the mutual friendship and good correspondence that reign between them, they both of them go together to a puppet-show, in which the ingenious Mr. Powell, junior, may have an opportunity of displaying his whole art of machinery, for the diversion of the two monarchs. Some at the table urged, the puppetshow was not a fuitable entertainment for Alexander the Great; and that it might be introduced more properly, if we suppose the conquerer touched upon that part of India which is said to be inhabited by the pygmies. But this objection was looked upon as frivolous, and the proposal immediately over-ruled. Our projector further added, that after the reconciliation of these two kings, they might invite one another to dinner, and either of them entertain his guest with the German artists, Mr. Pinkethman's heathen gods, or any of the like diversions, which shall then chance to be in vogue. This project was received with very great applause by the whole table. Upon which the undertaker told us, that he had not yet communicated to us above half his design; for that Alexander, being a Greek, it was his intention that the whole opera should be acted in that language, which was a tongue he was fure would wonderfully please the ladies, especially when it was a little raised and rounded by the Ionic dialect; and could not but be acceptable to the whole audience, because there are fewer of them who understand Greek than Italian. The only difficulty that remained, was how to get performers, unless we could perfuade some gentlemen of the Univerfities to learn to fing, in order to qualify themselves for the stage; but this objection foon vanished, when the projector informed us that the Greeks were at prefont present the only muficians in the Turkish empire, and that it would be very casy for our factory at Smyrna to furnish us every year with a colony of musicians, by the opportunity of the Turkey fleet; besides, says he, if we want any fingle voice for any lower part in the opera, Lawrence can learn to speak Greek, as well as he does Italian, in a fortnight's time. The projector having thus settled matters, to the good liking of all that heard him, he left his feat at the table, and planted himself before the fire, where I had unluckily taken my stand for the convenience of over-hearing what he had faid. Whether he had observed me to be more attentive than ordinary, I cannot tell, but he had not stood by me above a quarter of a minute, but he turned short upon me on a sudden, and catching me by a button of my coat, attacked me very abruptly after the following manner, Besides, Sir, I have heard of a very extraordinary genius for music that lives in Switzerland, who has so strong a spring in his fingers, that he can make the board of an organ found like a drum, and if I could but procure a subscription of about ten thousand pound every winter, I wouid undertake to fetch him over and oblige him by articles to set every thing that should be fung upon the English stage. After this he looked full in my face, expecting I would make an anfwer; when by good luck, a gentleman that had entered the coffee-house since the projector applied himself to me, hearing him talk of his Swiss compositions, cry'd out with a kind of laugh, Is our music then to receive farther improvements from Switzerland. This alarmed the projector, who immediately let go my button, and turned about to answer him. I took the opportunity of the diversion which seemed to be made in favour of me, and laying down my penny upon the bar, retired with some precipitation, Hor. Sat. I. v. 64. He wants no tragic vizor to increase. His natural deformity of face. THE late difcourse concerning the ftatutes of at Oxford, that, contrary to the strict rules of the fociety, they have been so partial as to take my own teftimonial, and admit me into that felect body'; I could not reftrain the vanity of publishing to the world the honour which is dore me. It is 'no fmall fatisfaction, that I have given occafion for the prefident's shewing both his invention and reading to fuch advantage as my correspondent reports he did: but it is not to be doubted there were many very improper hums and pauses in his harangue, which lose their ugliness in the narrat on, and which my correspondent, begging his pardon, has no very good talent at representing. I very much approve of the contempt the society has of beauty: nothing ought to be laudable in a man, in which his will is not concerned; therefore our fociety can follow nature, and where she has thought fit, as it were, to mock herself, we can do to too, and be merry upon the occafion. the Ugly Club, having been Mr. SPECTATOR, Y ، occasion of this. Who should I meet at the cof'fee-house door t'other night, but my old friend 'Mr. President; I faw somewhat had pleased 'him; and as foon as he had cast his eye upon me, "Oho, Doctor, rare news from London, "says he; the SPECTATOR has made honoura" ble mention of the club (man) and published to "the world his fincere defire to be a member, "with a recommendatory description of his phiz: "and though our conftitution has made no par"ticular provision for short faces, yet, his being "an extraordinary case, I believe we shall find an "hole for him to creep in at; for I affure you he " is not against the canon; and if his fides are as "compact as his joles, he need not disguise him"self to make one of us." ' I presently called for the paper, to fee how you looked in print; and after we had regaled ourselves a while upon the pleasant image of our proselyte, Mr. Prefi'dent told me I should be his stranger at the next night's club: where we were no sooner come, ' and pipes brought, but Mr. President began an harangue upon your introduction to my epistle, setting forth with no less volubility of speech 'than strength of reason, "That a speculation of "this nature was what had been long and much "wanted; and that he doubted not but it would " be of inestimable value to the public, in recon"ciling even of bodies and fouls; in composing " and quieting the minds of men under all cor poral redundancies, deficiencies, and irregulari"ties whatsoever; and making every one fit down "content in his own carcase, though it were not "perhaps so mathematically put together as he "could wish." And again. "How that for want " of a due confideration of what you first advance, "viz, that our faces are not of our own choofing, people had been transported beyond all good" breeding, and hurried themselves into unac. "countable and fatal extravagances: as, how many impartial looking-glasses had been cen"sured and calumniated, nay, and sometimes shi"vered into ten thousand splinters, only for a "fair representation of the truth? how many "headstrings and garters had been made acceffa"ry, and actually forfeited, only because folks "must needs quarrel with their own shadows? And who, continues he, but is deeply sensible "that one great fource of the uneasiness and mi"fery of human life, especially amongst those of "distinction, arifes from nothing in the world elfe, " but too fevere a contemplation of an indefea" fible contexture of our external parts, or cer"tain natural and invincible dispositions to be "fat or lean? When a little more of Mr. SPEC"TATOR'S philosophy would take off all this; " and in the mean time let them observe, that "there's not one of their grievances of this fort, " but perhaps, in some ages of the world, has " been highly in vogue; and may be so again; "nay, in some country or other, ten to one is so "at this day. My Lady Ample is 'the most mi"ferable woman in the world, purely of her own "making; the even grudges herself meat and "drink, for fear she should thrive by them; and is constantly crying out, In a quarter of a year more I shall be quite out of all manner of shape! Now the lady's misfortune feems to be only this, that the is planted in a wrong foil; " for, go but t'other fide of the water, it's a jest " at Harlem to talk of a shape under eighteen "stone. These wise traders regulate their beau"ties as they do their butter, by the pound; and " Min "Mifs Crofs, when the first arrived in the Low"Countries, was not computed to be fo hand fome as Madam Van Brisket by near half a tun. "On the other hand, there's squire Lath, a pro per gentleman of fifteen hundred pounds per "annum, as well as of an unblameable life and "conversation; yet would not I be the esquire "for half his eftate; for if it was as much more " he'd freely part with it all for a pair of legs to "his mind: whereas in the reign of our first king Edward of glorious memory, nothing more mo• dish than a brace of your fine taper supporters; " and his majesty, without an inch of calf, ma"naged affairs in peace and war as laudably as "the bravest and most politic of his ancestors; " and was as terrible to his neighbours under the "royal name of Long-shanks, as Cour de Lion "pollo himself:" For the truth of which he ap pealed to the frontispiece of several books, and particularly to the English Juvenal, to which he referred him; and only added; "That such au"thors were the Larva, or Larva donati of the "ancients." This cleared up all, and in the • conclufion you were chose probationer: and Mr. • President put round your health as such, protest'ing, "That though indeed he talked of a vi"zard, he did not believe all the while you had "any more occafion for it than the cat-a-moun tain;" so that all you have to do now is to pay < your fees, which here are very reasonable, if you ' are not imposed upon and you may stile yourself Informis Societatis Socius; which I am defired to acquaint you with; and upon the fame • I beg you to accept of the congratulation of, Sir, to the Saracens before him. If we look farther "back into history, we shall find that Alexander "the Great wore his head a little over the left Oxford, "shouider; and then not a foul stirred out 'till March 21. he had adjusted his neckbone; the whole nobi"lity addressed the prince and each other obli"quely, and all matters of importance were con "certed and carried on in the Macedonian court "with their polls on one fide. For about the " first century nothing made more noise in the "world than Roman noses, and then not a word " of them 'till they revived again in eighty-eight. "Nor is it so very long fince Richard the third set " up half the backs of the nation; and high "shoulders, as well as high nofes, were the top of "the fashion. But to come to ourselves, gentle" men, though I find by my quinquennial obfer"vations, that we shall never get ladies enough "to make a party in our own country, yet might "we meet with bettersuccess among fome of our "allies. And what think you if our board fat for a dutch piece? Truly I am of opinion, that "as odd as we appear in flesh and blood, we "should be no such strange things in metzo-tin"to. But this project may rest 'till our number " is complete; and this being our election night, "give me leave to propose Mr. SPECTATOR, "You fee his inclinations, and perhaps we may "not have his fellow." I found most of them (as is usual in fuch cases) were prepared; but one of the seniors (whom by the by Mr. Prefident had taken all this pains to bring over) fat still, and cocking his chin, which seemed only to be levelled at his nose, very gravely declared, "That in cafe he had had "sufficientknowledge of you, no man should have been more willing to have ferved you; but that he, for his part, had always had regard to his " own confcience, as well as other people's me"rit; and he did not know but that you might " be a handsome fellow; for as for your own cer"tificate, it was every body's business to speak " for themselves." Mr. Pref dent immediately retorted. A handsome fellow! why he is a "wit, Sir, and you know the proverb:" 'and to ease the old gentleman of his fcruples, cried, That for matter of merit it was all one, you « might wear a mask." This threw him into a pause, and he looked defirous of three days to confider on it; but Mr. President improved the thought, and f llowed him up with an old sto'ry, "That wits were privileged to wear what "masks they pleased in all ages; and that a vi"zard had been the conftant crown of their la"bours, which was generally presented them by "the hand of fome fatyr, and fometimes of A Your obliged humble fervant, No 33. SATURDAY, APRIL 7. Fervidus tecum puer, & folutis Mercuriufque. A. C. HOR. Od. I. xxx. 5. The graces with their zones unloos'd, From every spring, and every plain; A CREECH. Friend of mine has two daughters, whom I will call Lætitia and Daphne; the former is one of the greatest beauties of the age in which she lives, the latter no way remarkable for any charms in her person. Upon this one circumstance of their outward form, the good and ill of their life seems to turn. Lætitia has not, from her very childhood, heard any thing else but commendations of her features and complexion, by which means the is no other than nature made her, a very beautiful out-side. The consciousness of her charms has rendered her insupportably vain and infolent towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty before one civil thing had ever been said to her, found herself obliged to acquire some accomplishments to make up for the want of those attractions which she saw in her fister. Poor Daphne was seldom fubmitted to in a debate wherein she was concerned; her discourse had nothing to recommend it but the good sense of it, and she was always under a necessity to have very well confidered what she was to say before the uttered it; while Lætitia was listened to with partiality, and approbation sat in the coun tenances of those she conversed with, before the communicated what she had to say. These causes have produced suitable effects, and Lætitia is as infipid a companion, as Daphne is an agreeable one, Lætitia, confident of favour, has studied no arts to please; Daphne, despairing of any incli. nation towards her person, has depended only on her merit. Lætitia has always fomething in her air that is fullen, grave, and difconfolate. Daphne has a countenance that appears chearful, open, and unconcerned. A young gentleman saw Latitia this winter at a play, and became her captive. His fortune was such, that he wanted very little introduction to speak his sentiments to her father. The lover was admitted with the utmost freedom into the family, where a constrained behaviour, fevere looks and distant civilities, were the highest take them out of the hands of quacks and pre' tenders, and to prevent their impofing upon ' themselves, by discovering to them the true secret and art of improving beauty. 'In order to this, before I touch upon it di liminary maxims, viz. That no woman can be handfome by the force * of features alone, any more than the can be witty only by the help of speech. That pride destroys all symmetry and grace, ' and affectation is a more terrible enemy to fine faces than the small-pox. That no woman is capable of being beautiful, 'who is not incapable of being falfe. And, that what would be odious in a friend, is deformity in a mistress. • From these few principles, thus laid down, it * will be easy to prove, that the true art of affifting beauty consists in embellishing the whole ' person by the proper ornaments of virtuous and commendable qualities. By this help alone it is, that those who are the favourite work of nature, or, as Mr. Dryden expresses it, the Porcelain clay of human kind, become animated, and favours he could obtain of Lætitia; while Daph-rectly, it will be necessary to lay down a few prene used him with the good-humour, familiarity, and innocence of a fister; infomuch that he would often say to her, "Dear Daphne, wert thou but "as handfome as Lætitia"She received such language with that ingenuous and pleasing mirth, which is natural to a woman without defign. He still figh'd in vain for Lætitia, but found certain relief in the agreeable conversation of Daphne. At length, heartily tired with the haughty impertinence of Lætitia, and charmed with repeated inftances of good-humour he had observed in Daph ne, he one day told the latter, that he had fomething to say to her he hoped the would be pleased with------" Faith, Daphne, continued he, I am " in love with thee, and despise thy fister fincere"ly." The manner of his declaring himself gave his mistress occasion for a very hearty laughter. ------ Nay, fays he, I knew you would laugh at "me, but I'll ask your father." He did fo; the father received his intelligence with no less joy than surprise, and was very glad he had now no care left but for his Beauty, which he thought he could carry to market at his leifure. I do not know any thing that has pleased me so much a great while, as this conquest of my friend Daphne's. All her acquaintance congratulate her upon her chance-medley, and laugh at that premeditating murderer her fister. As it is an argument of a light mind, to think the worse of ourselves for the imperfections of our perfons, it is equally below us to value ourselves upon the advantages of them. The female world feem to be almost incorrigibly gone astray in this particular; for which reafon, I thall recommend the following extract out of a friend's letter to the profess'd beauties, who are a people almost as unfufferable as the profess'd wits. hence it is that all arts, which pretend to improve or preferve it, meet with so general a reception among the fex. To say nothing of many false helps, and contreband wares of beauty, ' which are daily vended in this great mart, there is not a maiden gentlewoman of a good family in any country of South-Britain, who has not heard of the virtues of May-dew, or is unfurnished with fome receipt or other in favour of her complexión; and I have known a physician < of learning and sense, after eight years study in ' the university, and a course of travels into most countries in Europe, owe the first raising of his fortunes to a cofmetic wath. This has given me occafion to confider how fo 'universal a dispoûtion in womankind, which springs from a laudable motive, the defire of pleasing, and proceeds upon an opinion, not altogether groundlefs, that nature may be helped by art, may be turned to their advantage. And, methinks, it would be an acceptable service to are in a capacity of exerting their charms; and ⚫ those who seem to have been neglected by her, ⚫ like models wrought in haste, are capable in a great measure of finishing what she has left im' perfect. It is, methinks, a low and degrading idea of 'that fex, which was created to refine the joys, < and soften the cares of humanity, by the most agreeable participation, to confider them merely as objects of fight. This is abridging them of their natural extent of power, to put them upon a level with their pictures at Kneller's. How ' much nobler is the contemplation of beauty heightened by virtue, and commanding our ef teem and love, while it draws our observation? How faint and spiritless are the charms of a co quette, when compar'd with the real loveliness of Sophronia's innocence, piety, good-humour and truth; virtues which add a new foftness to her sex, and even beautify her beauty! 'That agreeableness which must otherwise have ap'peared no longer in the modest virgin, is now preserved in the tender mother, the prudent 'friend, and the faithful wife. Coleurs artfully fpread upon canvas may entertain the eye, but not affect the heart; and she who takes no care to add to the natural graces of her perfon any • excellent qualities, may be allowed still to a muse, as a picture, but not to triumph as a beauty. • When Adarnm is introduced by Milton, defcribing Eve in paradise, and relating to the angel 'the impreffions he felt upoh feeing her at her first creation, he does not represent her like a Gre'cian Venus, by her shape or features, but by the luftre of her mind which shone in them, and gave * them their power of charming. "Grace was in all her steps, Heav'n in her eye, "In all her gestures dignity and love!" • Without this irradiating power the proudest fair-one ought to know, whatever her glass may tell her to the contrary, that her most perfect features are uninformed and dead. • I cannot better close this moral, than by a 'short epitaph written by Ben Jonfon, with a 'spirit which nothing could inspire but fuch an object as I have been defcribing; "Underneath |