AN ADVENTURE.

-Gaudent prænomine molles

Auriculæ

Tis a very convenient piece of knowledge for a person upon a journey, to know the compellations with which it is proper to address

those he happens to meet by his way. Some accuracy may here be of use to him who would be well directed either in the length or the tendency of his road; or be freed from any itinerary difficulties incident to those who do not know the country. It may not be indeed imprudent to accost a passenger with a title superior to what he may appear to claim. This will seldom fail to diffuse a wonderful alacrity in his countenance; and be, perhaps, a method of securing you from any mistake of greater importance.

I WAS led into these observations by some solicitudes I lately underwent, on account of my ignorance in these peculiarities. Being somewhat more versed

in books than I can pretend to be in the orders of men, it was my fortune to undertake a journey, which I was to perform by means of inquiries. I had passed a number of miles without any sort of difficulty, by help of the manifold instructions that had been given me on my setting out. At length, being something dubious concerning my way, I met a person, whom, from his night-cap and several domestic parts of dress, I deemed to be of the neighbourhood. His station of life appeared to me, to be what we call a gentlemanfarmer; a sort of subaltern character, in respect of which the world seems not invariably determined. It is in short what King Charles the Second esteemed the happiest of all stations; superior to the toilsome task and ridiculous dignity of constable; and as much inferior to the intricate practice and invidious decisions of a justice of peace. Honest man, says I, be so good as to inform me whether I am in the way to Mirlington? He replied, with a sort of surliness, that he knew nothing of the matter; and turned away with as much disgust, as though I had called him rogue or rascal.

I DID not readily penetrate the cause of his dis

plea

pleasure, but proceeded on my way, with hopes to find other means of information. The next I met was a young fellow, dressed in all the pride of rural spruceness; and beside him, walked a girl in a dress agreeable to that of her companion. As I presumed him by no means averse to appear considerable in the eyes of his mistress, I supposed a compliment might not be disagreeable; and inquiring the road to Mirlington, addressed him by the name of Honesty. The fellow, whether to show his wit before his mistress, or whether he was displeased with my familiarity, I cannot tell, directed me to follow a part of my face (which I was well assured could be no guide to me), and that other parts would follow of consequence.

THE next I met, appeared, by his look and gait, to stand high in his own opinion. I therefore judged the best way of proceeding was to adapt my phrase to his own ideas, and saluting him by the name of Sir, desired to obtain some insight into my road. My gentleman, without hesitation, gave me ample instructions for the rest of my journey.

I PASSED on, musing with myself, why an appel

lation relative to fortune should be preferred to one founded on merit; when I happened to behold a gentleman examining a sun-dial in his garden. Friend, says I, will you tell me what o'clock it is? He made me no sort of answer, and seemed as much dissatisfied with my openness of temper, as with the confidence I placed in his-The refusal of an answer in this case was not of much importance. I proceeded on my way, and happened to meet a very old woman, whom I determined to accost by the appellation of Dame; and withal wished her a good night.

BUT, alas! she seemed so little pleased with the manner of my address, that she returned me no manner of thanks for my kind wishes as to her repose. It is not clear whether my phrase was faulty, in regard to her dignity, or in respect of her age. But it is very probable she might conclude it an impropriety in respect of both.

I HAD by this time found the inconvenience of an utter ignorance in rural distinctions. The future part of my journey afforded me yet further means of

con

conviction. I was exposed to the danger of three quicksands, by calling a girl, sweetheart, instead of madam; and was within a foot of rushing down a precipice, by calling another, Forsooth, who might easily have told me how to avoid it.

IN short, I found myself well or ill used, as I happened, or not, to suit my salutations to people's ideas of their own rank. Towards the last part of my stage, I was to pass a brook, so much swelled by land-floods, that the proper way through it was undistinguishable. A well dressed gentleman was passing a bridge on my left-hand. It was here of much importance for me to succeed in my inquiry. I was, therefore, meditating within myself which might be the most endearing of all appellations; and at last besought him to give me some instructions, under the name of Honest Friend. He was not seemingly so much pleased as I assured myself he would be, and trudged onward without reply. After this, I had not gone many steps (out of the path, for so it proved) before I found myself and horse plunged headlong in the brook; and my late honest friend in a laughter at our downfall.