Colonel sits down.

Lady Smart. Lord, miss, how can you drink your tea so hot? sure your mouth's pav'd.

How do you like this tea, colonel ?

Col. Well enough, madam; but methinks it is a little more-ish.

Lady Smart. O! colonel, I understand you.Betty, bring the canister. I have but very little of this tea left; but I don't love to make two wants of one; want when I have it, and want when I have it not. He, he, he, he!

[Laughs. Lady Answ. [To the maid.] Why, sure, Betty, you are bewitched; the cream is burnt too.

Betty. Why, madam, the bishop has set his foot in it.

Lady Smart. Go, run, girl, and warm some fresh

cream.

Betty. Indeed, madam, there's none left; for the cat has eaten it all,

Lady Smart. I doubt it was a cat with two legs. Miss. Colonel, don't you love bread and butter with your tea?

Col. Yes, in a morning, miss; for they say, butter is gold in a morning, silver at noon, but it is lead at night.

Neverout. Miss, the weather is so hot, that my butter melts on my bread.

Lady Answ. Why, butter, I've heard 'em say, is mad twice a-year.

Ld. Sparkish. [To the maid.] Mrs. Betty, how does your body politic?

Col. Fie, my lord, you'll make Mrs. Betty blush. Lady Smart. Blush! ay, blush like a blue dog. Neverout. Pray, Mrs. Betty, are you not Tom Johnson's daughter?

Betty. So my mother tells me, sir.

Ld. Sparkish. But, Mrs. Betty, I hear you are

in love.

Betty. My lord, I thank God, I hate nobody; I am in charity with all the world.

Lady Smart. Why, wench, I think thy tongue runs upon wheels this morning. How came you by that scratch upon your nose; have you been fighting with the cats?

Col. [To Miss.] Miss, when will you be married? Miss. One of these odd-come-shortly's, colonel. Neverout. Yes; they say the match is half made; the spark is willing, but miss is not.

Miss. I suppose the gentleman has got his own consent for it.

Lady Answ. Pray, my lord, did you walk through the Park in the rain?

Ld. Sparkish. Yes, madam, we were neither sugar nor salt; we were not afraid the rain would melt us. He, he, he! [Laugh. Col. It rained, and the sun shone at the same time.

Neverout. Why, then the devil was beating his wife behind the door with a shoulder of mutton.

[Laugh. Col. A blind man would be glad to see that. Lady Smart. Mr. Neverout, methinks you stand in your own light.

Neverout. Ah! madam, I have done so all my

life.

Ld. Sparkish. I'm sure he sits in mine. Pr'ythee, Tom, sit a little farther; I believe your father was no glazier.

Lady Smart. Miss, dear girl, fill me out a dish of tea, for I'm very lazy.

Miss fills a dish of tea, sweetens it, and then

tastes it.

Lady Smart. What, miss, will you be my taster? Miss. No, madam; but they say 'tis an ill cook that can't lick her own fingers.

Neverout. Pray, miss, fill me another.

Miss. Will you have it now, or stay till you get it?

Lady Answ. But, colonel, they say you went to court last night very drunk; nay, I'm told for certain, you had been among the Philistines: No wonder the cat wink'd, when both her eyes were

out.

Col. Indeed, madam, that's a lie.

Lady Answ. 'Tis better I should lie than you should lose your good manners: besides, I don't lie; I sit.

Neverout. O! faith, colonel, you must own you had a drop in your eye; when I left you, you were half seas over.

Ld. Sparkish. Well, I fear Lady Answerall can't live long, she has so much wit.

Neverout. No; she can't live, that's certain; but she may linger thirty or forty years.

Miss. Live long! ay, longer than a cat or a dog, or a better thing.

Lady Answ. O! miss, you must give your vardi too!

Ld. Sparkish. Miss, shall I fill you another dish of tea?

Miss. Indeed, my lord, I have drank enough. Ld. Sparkish. Come, it will do you more good than a month's fasting; here, take it.

Miss. No, I thank your lordship;

good as a feast.

VOL. IX.

enough's as

2 B

Ld. Sparkish. Well; but if you always say no, you'll never be married..

Lady Answ. Do, my lord, give her a dish; for, they say, maids will say no, and take it.

Ld. Sparkish. Well; and I dare say miss is a maid, in thought, word, and deed.

Neverout. I would not take my oath of that.
Miss. Pray, sir, speak for yourself.

Lady Smart. Fie, miss; they say maids should be seen and not heard.

Lady Answ. Good miss, stir the fire, that the teakettle may boil.-You have done it very well now it burns purely. Well, miss, you'll have a cheerful husband.

Miss. Indeed, your ladyship could have stirred it much better.

Lady Answ. I know that very well, hussy; but I won't keep a dog and bark myself.

Neverout. What! you are stuck,* miss.

Miss. Not at all; for her ladyship meant you. Neverout. O! faith, miss, you are in Lob's pound; get out as you can.

Miss. I won't quarrel with my bread and butter for all that; I know when I'm well.

Lady Answ. Well; but, miss—

Neverout. Ah! dear madam, let the matter fall; take pity on poor miss; don't throw water on a drowned rat.

Miss. Indeed, Mr. Neverout, you should be cut for the simples this morning; say a word more and you had as good eat your nails.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, miss, will you be so good as to favour us with a song?

Miss. Indeed, my lord, I can't; for I have a great cold.

* Later editions-sick.

Col. O miss, they say all good singers have colds.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, madam, does not miss sing very well?

Lady Answ. She sings, as one may say, my

lord.

Miss. I hear Mr. Neverout has a very good voice. Col. Yes, Tom sings well, but his luck's nought. Neverout. Faith, colonel, you hit yourself a devilish box on the ear.

Col. Miss, will you take a pinch of snuff?

Miss. No, colonel, you must know that I never take snuff but when I am angry.

Lady Answ. Yes, yes, she can take snuff, but she has never a box to put it in.

Miss. Pray, colonel, let me see that box.
Col. Madam, there's never a C upon it.
Miss. Maybe there is, colonel.

Col. Ay, but May bees don't fly now, miss. Neverout. Colonel, why so hard upon poor miss? Don't set your wit against a child. Miss, give me a blow, and I'll beat him.

Miss. So she prayed me to tell you.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, my Lady Smart, what kin are you to Lord Pozz?

Lady Smart. Why, his grandmother and mine had four elbows.

Lady Answ. Well, methinks here's a silent meeting. Come, miss, hold up your head, girl; there's money bid for you. [Miss starts. Miss. Lord, madam, you frighten me out of my

seven senses!

Ld. Sparkish. Well, I must be going.

Lady Answ. I have seen hastier people than you stay all night.

Col. [To Lady Smart.] Tom Neverout and I are to leap to-morrow for a guinea.