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Why is a man's coat larger when he pulls it out of a carpet bag ? Because he finds it in-creases.

What constellation most resembles an empty fire place ? Some one says the “ Grate Bare.”

When are people's toes like oaks ? When they bear ache-corns. What is figurative speaking ? The action of a dumb person. When is a huntsman like a bean? When he's a scarlet runner. When is a soldier like an author ? When he's in-tent.

Why are tradesmen like birds ? Because they get their living by their bills.

What number of small insects form the pride and wealth of a country gentleman ? Ten-ants.

I am you'll think a paradox or worse,
A friend, a foe, a blessing, or a curse;
I'm much admired, by housewives and by cooks,
And oft by farmers curs'd with crabbed looks;
So that my presence, and my absence too,
Are both desired, and that by not a few ;
Famine and plenty too, I cause, 'tis plain,
And an antidote as well as bane;
The nuptial noose I can dissolve with ease,
And have the heart to please and to displease ;
The fairest ladies lips (what harm in this
Since by their leave) I oft presume to kiss,
Assist in dressing them both night and morn,
And their dear persons charmingly adorn;
I'm overbearing and subservient both,
Though to submit sometimes I seem so loath;
When I'm most useful, then I'm least regarded,
And though I suit all tastes, by some discarded ;
Useful, destruction, death ; of health the fountain,
A fluid, solid, valley, and a mountain ;
Hot, cold, uneven, smooth, hard and soft,
And where in greatest plenty, wanted oft ;
In me of miracles the subject's seen,
Of armies, too, the overthrow I've been ;
I've caus'd in short, to end this tedious lecture,
In all the world the finest architecture.-WATER.



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