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Then off he set, with nimble shanks,
Nor once turned back to give her thanks :
A hue and cry the thief pursued,
Who, to his cost, soon understood
That he was not beyond the claw
Of that same long-armed giant, christened Lw.

With horror did his judges quake

As for the tender-conscienced jury, They doomed him quickly to the stake,

Such was their devilish pious fury.

However, after calling him hard names,

They asked if aught he had in vindication, To save his wretched body from the flames,

And sinful soul from terrible damnuation.

The Soldier answered them with much sang froil, Which showed, of sin, a conscience void,

That if they meant to kill him they might kill: As for the diamond which they found about him, He hoped they would by no means doubt him,

That madam gave it him froin pure good-will.

The answer turned both judge and jury pale:

The punishment was for a time deferred, Until his Holiness should hear the tale,

And his infallibility be heard.

The Pope, to all his counselors, made known

This strange affair--to cardinals and friars, Good pious gentlemen, who ne'er were known

To act like hypocrites, and thieves, an l liars. The question now was banded to and fro,

If Mary had the power to give, or no.

That Mary could not give it, was to say

The wonder-working lady wanted powerThis was the stumbling-block that stopped the way-

This made Pope, cardinals, and friars lowe.

To save the Virgin's credit, lo!

And keep secure the diamonds that were left:
They said, she might, indeed, the gem bestow,

And consequently it might be no theft:
But then they passed immediately an act,
That every one discovered in the fact
Of taking presents from the Virgin's hand,
Or from the saints of any land,
Should know no mercy, but be led to slaughter,
Flayed here, and fried eternally hereafter.

Ladies, I deem the moral much too clear

To need poetical assistance;
Which bids you not let men approach too near,

But keep the saucy fellows at a distance;
Since men you find, so bold, are apt to seize
Jewels from ladies, even upon their knees!



A King of France upon a day,

With a fair lady of his court,
Was pleased at battledore to play-

A very fashionable sport.

Into the bosom of this fair court dame,
Whose whiteness did the snow's pure whiteness shamne,
King Louis by odd mischance did knock

The shuttlecock,
Thrice happy rogue, upon the town of doves,
To nestle with the pretty little loves !

“Now, sire, pray take it out”-quoth she,
With an arch smile.—But what did he ?

What? what to charming modesty belongs !
Obedient to her soft command,
He raised it-but not with his hand!

No, marveling reader, but the chimney tongs.


What a chaste thought in this good kin'!

How clever !
When shall we hear agen of such a thing?

Lord! never.
Now were our princes to be prayed
To such an act by some fair maid,

I'll bet my life not one would mind it:
But handy, without more a lo,
The youths would search the bosom througli,

Although it took a day to find it!




if so

Beyond the sunny Philippines
An island lies, whose name I do not know;
But that's of little consequence,
You understand that there they had no hens;
Till, by a happy chance, a traveler,
After a while, carried some poultry there.
Fast they increased as any one could wish;
Until fresh eggs became the common dish.
But all the natives ate them boiled--they .y-
Because the stranger taught no other way.
At last the experiment by one was tried-
Sagacious man !—of having his eggs fried.
And, O! what boundless honors, for his pains,
His fruitful and inventive fancy gains!
Another, now, to have them baked devised -
Most happy thought !--and still another, spiced.
Who ever thought eggs were so delicate !
Next, some one gave his friends an omelette:
“Ah !" all exclaimed, "what an ingenious feat!”
But scarce a year went by, an artiste shouts,
“I have it now-ye're all a pack of louts !--
With nice tomatoes all my eggs are stewed.”
And the whole island thought the mode so good,
That they would so have cooked them to this day,
But that a stranger, wandering out that way,

Another dish the gaping natives taught,
And showed them eggs cooked à la Huguenos.

Successive cooks thus proved their skill divers;
But how shall I be able to rehearse
All of the new, delicious condiments
That luxury, from time to time, invents ?
Soft, hard, and dropped; and now with sugar sW+€:t,
And now boiled up with milk, the eggs they eat;
In sherbet, in preserves; at last they tickle
Their palates fanciful with eggs in piekle.
All had their day-the last was still the best.
But a grave senior thus, one day, addressed
The epicures: “Boast, ninnies, if you will,
These countless prodigies of gastric skill-
But blessings on the man who brought the hens !"

Beyond the sunny Philippines
Our crowd of modern authors need not go
New-fangled modes of cooking eggs to show.




“On good and bad an equal value sets
The stupid mob. From me the worst it gets,

And never fails to praise.” With vile pretense,
The scurrilous author thus his trash excused.

A poet shrewd, hearing the lame defense, Indignant, thus exposed the argument abused.

A Donkey's master said unto his beast,

While doling out to him his lock of straw,
“Here, take it-since such diet suits your taste,

And much good may it do your vulgar maw!"
Often the slighting speech the man repeated.
The Ass—his quiet mood by insult heated-

Replies: “Just what you choose to give, I take,

Master unjust! but not because I choose it.
Think you I nothing like but straw? Then make
The experiment. Bring corn, and see if I refuse it."

caterers for the public, hence take heed
your defaults by false excuse you

upon straw-straw it may eat, indeed :
Try it with generous fare—'t will scorn the other.






Taus says the prophet of the Turk,
Good Mussulman, abstain from pork;
There is a part in every swine
No friend or follower of mine
May taste, whate'er his inclination,
On pain of excommunication.
Such Mohammed's mysterious charge,
And thus he left the point at large.
Had he the sinful part expressed,
They might with safety eat the rest ;
But for one piece they thought it hard
From the whole hog to be debarred;
And set their wit at work to find
What joint the prophet had in mind.
Much controversy straight arose,
These chose the back, the belly those;
By some 'tis confidently said
He meant not to forbid the head;
While others at that doctrine rail,
And piously prefer the tail.
Thus, conscience freed from every clog,
Mohammedans eat up the hog.

You laugh—'tis well. The tale applied
May make you laugh on t'other side.
Renounce the world—the preacher cries.
We do-a multitude replies.

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