A SCENE ON THE AUSTRIAN FRONTIER. PUNCH. "DEY must not pass!" was the warning cry of the Austrian sen tinel To one whose little knapsack bore the books he loved so well. "No English book can pass mit me;" the sentinel replied. tell-" "Der Teufel! Den dey most not pass !" said the startled sentinel. "This Handbook to North Germany, by worthy Mr. MURRAY, "Sturmwetter!" said the sentinel, "Come! cease dis idle babbles! tinel. "Dis PLATO, too, I ver mosh fear, he will corrupt the land, He has soch many long big words, Ich kann nicht onderstand." "My friend," the tourist said, "I fear you 're really in the way to Quite change the proverb, and be friends with neither Truth nor PLATO. My books, 'tis true, are little worth, but they have served me long, And I regard the greatness less than the nature of the wrong; So, if the books must stay behind, I stay behind as well." "Es ist mir nichts, mein lieber Freund," said the courteous sentinel. ODE TO THE GREAT SEA-SERPENT ON HIS WONDERFUL REAPPEARANCE. FROM what abysses of the unfathom'd sea Turnest thou up, Great Serpent, now and then, If we may venture to believe in thee, And affidavits of sea-faring men? What whirlpool gulf to thee affords a home! PUNCH. Amid the unknown depths where dost thou dwell? Art thou, indeed, a serpent and no sham? An entity, though modified by flam, A basking shark, or monstrous kind of seal? I'll think that thou a true Ophidian art; Thou swimmest, it appears, and dost not creep. The Captain was not WALKER but M'QUÆ, I'll trust, by whom thou some time since wast seen; And him who says he saw thee t'other day, I will not bid address the corps marine. Sea-Serpent, art thou venomous or not? What sort of snake may be thy class and style? That of Mud-Python, by APOLLO shot, And mentioned-rather often-by CARLYLE? Or, art thou but a serpent of the mind? Doubts, though subdued, will oft recur again-A serpent of the visionary kind, Proceeding from the grog-oppressed brain? Art thou a giant adder, or huge asp, And hast thou got a rattle at thy tail? How long art thou?-Some sixty feet, they say, Scales hast thou got, of course-but what's thy weight? If I could clutch thee-in a giant's grip- Hast thou a forked tongue-and dost thou hiss And is it the correct hypothesis That thou of gills or lungs dost breathe by way? What spines, or spikes, or claws, or nails, or fin, Or paddle, Ocean-Serpent, dost thou bear? What kind of teeth show'st thou when thou dost grin ?— A set that probably would make one stare. What is thy diet? Canst thou gulp a shoal To bolt fat porpoises and dolphins, whole, By dozens, e'en as oysters we consume? Art thou alone, thou serpent, on the brine, If such a calculation may be made, Thine age at what a figure may we take? What fossil Saurians in thy time have been? Long as the tail thou doubtless canst unfold? As a dead whale, but as a whale, though dead, A flock of birds a record, rather loose, Describes as hovering o'er thy lengthy hull; THE FEAST OF VEGETABLES, AND THE FLOW OF WATER. NEW YEAR Comes,-so let's be jolly; While we sit beneath the holly, How the Cauliflower is steaming, Here behold the reign of Plenty,— Well washed down with ADAM'S Ale! PUNCH. Feed your fill,-untasted only Go not nigh the mistletoe!" KINDRED QUACKS. PUNCH. I OVERHEARD two matrons grave, allied by close affinity (The name of one was PHYSIC, and the other's was DIVINITY), As they put their groans together, both so doleful and lugu brious: Says PHYSIC, "To unload the heart of grief, ma'am, is salubri ous: Here am I, at my time of life, in this year of our deliverance; My age gives me a right to look for some esteem and reverence. But, ma'am, I feel it is too true what every body says to me,Too many of my children are a shame and a disgrace to me." "Ah!" says DIVINITY, "my heart can suffer with another, ma'am ; I'm sure I can well understand your feelings as a mother, ma'am. I've some, as well,—no doubt but what you're perfectly aware on't, ma'am, Whose doings bring derision and discredit on their parent, ma'am." "There are boys of mine," says PHYSIC, "ma'am, such silly fancies nourishing, As curing gout and stomach-ache by pawing and by flourishing." "Well," says DIVINITY, "I've those that teach that Heaven's beatitudes Are to be earned by postures, genuflexions, bows, and attitudes." "My good-for-nothing sons," says PHYSIC, "some have turned hydropathists, Some taken up with mesmerism, or joined the homoeopathists." |