It is related that one evening, at table, when wine and wit were flowing, Grose, delighted with some of the sallies of Burns, requested the honour of a couplet upon himself. The Poet eyed the corpulent antiquarian for a minute's space or so, and then repeated this epigram amid roars of laughter.

XXXI.

THE KIRK OF LAMINGTON.

As cauld a wind as ever blew,
A caulder kirk, and in't but few;
As cauld a minister's e'er spak,

Ye'se a' be het ere I come back.

The Poet was stopped by a storm once in Clydesdale, and on Sunday went to Lamington Kirk: the day was so rough, the kirk so cold, and the sermon so little to his liking, that he left his poetic protest on the window.

XXXII.

THE LEAGUE AND COVENANT.

The Solemn League and Covenant

Cost Scotland blood-cost Scotland tears:

But it sealed freedom's sacred cause

If thou'rt a slave, indulge thy sneers.

This was spoken in reply to a gentleman who sneered at the sufferings of Scotland for conscience sake, and called the Solemn League and Covenant of the Lords and People ridiculous and fanatical.

XXXIII.

WRITTEN ON A PANE OF GLASS,

IN THE INN AT MOFFATT.

Ask why God made the gem so small,
And why so huge the granite?

Because God meant mankind should set

The higher value on it.

One day, while Burns was at Moffat, "The charming lovely Davies" of one of his songs rode past, accompanied by a lady tall and portly: on a friend asking the Poet why God made one lady so large, and Miss Davies so little, he replied in the words of the epigram. No one has apologized so handsomely for “scrimpit stature."

XXXIV.

SPOKEN,

ON BEING APPOINTED TO THE EXCISE.

SEARCHING auld wives barrels,

Och-hon! the day!

That clarty barm should stain my laurels ;

But-what'll ye say!

These movin' things ca'd wives and weans
Wad move the very hearts o' stanes!

That the Poet delighted not in the name of gauger is well known yet he would allow no one to speak ill of the Excise but himself. He was strict, but merciful: the smuggler had no chance of escape from him, while to the country purchaser he was very indulgent.

XXXV.

LINES ON MRS. KEMBLE.

KEMBLE, thou cur'st my unbelief
Of Moses and his rod;

At Yarico's sweet notes of grief

The rock with tears had flow'd.

When Mrs. Kemble performed, in 1794, the part of Yarico at the Dumfries theatre, Burns was in Mrs. Riddel's box, and was deeply moved by her natural and pathetic acting. He took out a bit of paper, wrote these lines with a pencil, and had them handed to her at the conclusion of the piece.

XXXVI.

TO MR. SYME.

No more of your guests, be they titled or not,
And cook'ry the first in the nation;

Who is proof to thy personal converse and wit,
Is proof to all other temptation.

John Syme, of Ryedale, was the constant companion of Burns, and these lines were spoken to him in answer to an invitation to dine, in which he promised the "first of company, and the first of cookery." He was a gentleman of education and talent, difficult to please in the pleasures of the table; a wit in his way, an epigrammatist and rhymer, an admirable teller of a story, and altogether a convivial and well-informed man.

XXXVII.

TO MR. SYME.

WITH A PRESENT OF A DOZEN OF PORTER.

O, HAD the malt thy strength of mind,
Or hops the flavour of thy wit,
'Twere drink for first of humankind,
A gift that e'en for Syme were fit.
Jerusalem Tavern, Dumfries.

It cannot be denied that Burns had a happy knack at paying compliments; nor can it soon be forgotten that Syme abounded in humour, and in dry sarcastic sallies such as the Poet loved. In the deeper sensibilities of heart he was more deficient. It is to him that Ramsay of Ochtertyre alludes, when he says the pathos of Burns' conversation brought tears even to the cheeks of Mr. S., "albeit unused to the melting mood."

XXXVIII.

INSCRIPTION ON A GOBLET.

THERE's death in the

cup-sae beware!

Nay, more--there is danger in touching;

But wha can avoid the fell snare?

The man and his wine's sae bewitching!

One day after dinner, at Ryedale, Burns wrote these lines on a goblet with his diamond. Syme would seem to have been less affected with the compliment than with defacing his crystal service, for he threw the goblet behind the fire. We are not told what the Poet thought; but it is said that Brown, the clerk of Stamp-office Johnny," snatched the goblet out of the fire uninjured and kept it as a relique till his death.

XXXIX.

THE INVITATION.

THE King's most humble servant I,

Can scarcely spare a minute;
But I'll be wi' you by and bye,

Or else the devil's in it.

It was in verses such as these that the Poet answered invitations and replied to civilities: he was rarely at a loss, and had a happy knack in escaping from difficulties whenever he attempted to escape in rhyme.

XL.

THE CREED OF POVERTY.

IN politics if thou would'st mix,

And mean thy fortunes be;

Bear this in mind-be deaf and blind;
Let great folks hear and see.