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Befides thefe, and fifty other mortifisations, I could fcarce get any rett during the whole time I remained there: every other morning I was conftantly waked by the hungry knight, just re turned from the chace, and bawling for dinner. My breakfast was what they called their afternoon tea, at which I always affitted the ladies; for I fhould infallibly have perished had I ftaid in the hall, amidit the jargon of toasts and the fumes of tobacco. I thought, indeed, my time might be much more agreeably employed in the parlour; bot even here my difappointment was grievous past expreffion. Thefe fair ones, for fuch they were, were hale indeed and ruddy; and having been always cooped up, like turkeys in a pen, were really no better than belles fauvages, being totally ignorant of the genteel airs and languishing delicateffe of women of fafhion. Their cloaths were huddled on merely with a view to cover their nakedness; and they had no notion that their eyes were given them for any other purpofe than to fee, and (what is more trange) to read, forfooth! For my part, Mr. Town, unless a woman can ufe her eyes to more advantage, I should as foon fall in love with my lap-dog or my monkey; and what conftitutes the difference between a lady and her cookmaid, but her tafte in dress? Mobs and handkerchiefs anfwer the end of covering, but the main purpose of dress is to reveal. I really almost begin to think that thefe aukward creatures were fo fupid and unaccountable as to have no defign upon me. To compleat the oddity of their characters, thefe girls are conftant at church, but never dreamed of promoting an intrigue there; employ their whole time there in praying, never heard of fuch things as cut fans; and are fo attentive to the queer old put of a preacher, that they scarce look or liften to any one elfe. After service too the doctor is always taken home to dinner, and is as conftant at table on Sunday, as a roast furloin and a plumbpudding.

But even with thefe unaccountable females, I thought I could have paffed my evenings tolerably, if I could have got them to cards, which have the charming faculty of rendering all women equally agreeable. But thefe I found they were almoft wholly unac

tomed to. I once, indeed, heard the

dear cards mentioned, and was in hopes of fomething like an affembly. Bus what was my mortification! when, inftead of feeing half a dozen card-tables, &c. fet out, and whift, brag, or lanfquenet going forward, I faw these strange women place themselves at an huge round table, with country girls and cherry cheeked bumkins, to play, according to annual Christmas cuftom, a Pope Joan and Snip-fnap-forum.

It would be endlefs to recount the miferies I fuffered in thofe three weeks. Even the neceffaries of life were denied me; and I could fcarce have been more at a lofs among the Hottentots. Would you think it, Sir? though this houfe had a family in it, and a family of females too, not a drop of Benjamin-wash, nor a duft of almond-powder, could be procured there, nor indeed in all the parish and I was forced to ferub my hands with filthy wah-ball, which fo ruined their complexion, that laying in dog-fkin gioves will not recover them this fortnight. Add to this, that I never could drefs for want of pomatum, fo that my hair was always in difbeville; and I am fure I fhould not have been known at the Dilettanti. At length, Sir, my fnuff and falts were pretty nigh exhauft ed: and to add to my diftrefs, I loft my fnuff-box. Thefe loffes were irreparable there; not all the country afforded fuch fnuff and falts as mine; I could as foon live without food as without either; and not a box could I touch but one of Deard's, and of my own chufing. So I hurried up to town; and being juft recovered from the fatigue of my journey, I fend you this, in hopes that my woeful experience will deter all my friends from following a chace as mad and hair-brained as any of Sir Sampfon's; fince it is impoffible to exift a day there with tolerable ease; and nei ther wit nor beauty are worth one pinch. unless they are improved by a town education. I am, Sir, your very humble fervant,

DILLY DIMPLE.

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world, and was born and bred in high Life.

The defign of this epiftle is to exprefs to you the uneafinels that fome of us women of spirit feel at being incumbered with petticoats; and to convince you, by our way of life, that had we been men, we fhould have been Bucks of the first head. Be affured, however, that fuch of us as are married are strict ly virtuous. We have, indeed, been accufed of copying the drefs of the nymphs of Drury. And can any thing be invented more becoming? Fanny, it must be owned, has tafte. What fo fmart as a cocked hat? And who but fees the advantages of fhort petticoats, unless it be tome fquire's aukward daughter, who never yet heard of a Paoneze, and never accidentally fhews her leg without blufhing?

It is true, this fimilitude in dress now and then occafions fome droll mistakes. In the park the joke has been sometimes carried fo far, I have been obliged to call the fentry; and how did a young Templar start and ftare, when having

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just made an appointment with him, he faw me ftep into a chair adorned with coronets!

If you frequent Ranelagh, you must undoubtedly have feen or heard me there. I am always turrounded with a crowd of fellows; and my veice and laugh is fure to be the loudest, especially, while Beard is finging. One is my dear lord, another my fweet colonel; and the reft I call Tom, or Dick, or Harry, as I would their footmen. At the play I always enter in the first act. All the eyes of the houfe are turned upon me. I am quite compofed. Before I am fettled, the act is over; and to fome I nod or curtly, with others It talk and laugh, till the curtain falls.

What would I give to change my fex! Entre nous, I have a strong inclination to fee the world in masquerade.. If you love me, keep it fecret; and fhould you hear of any prank more wild and buckish than usual, conclude it to be played by me in men's cloaths. Your's, as you mind me,

HARRIOT HARE-BRAIN,

N? LIII. THURSDAY, JANUARY 30, 1755.

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DRAMS ARE OUR BANE, SINCE POISONS LURK WITHIN;
AND SOME BY CORDIALS FALL, AND SOME BY GIN.

YOTHING is more natural, than for the quacks of all profeffious to recommend their wares to thofe perfons who are most likely to stand in need of them. Thus Mrs. Giles very properly acquaints the fair fex, that the fells her fire compound for taking off fuperfluous hairs, at a guinea an ounce; and ladies of quality are constantly informed where they may be furnished with the newest brocades, or the choicest variety of Chelsea China-figures for deferts. It is alfo very neceffary that the beau monde thould be acquainted, that Eau de Luce may be had here in England, the fame as at Paris: but I mult own, I was very much furprifed at feeing repeated advertisements in the papers from the Rich Cordial Wareboufe, introduced by an addreis To THE PEOPLE OF FASHION.' I cannot but look upon this as a libel on our perfons of diftinction; and I know

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not whether it may not be construed into fcandalum magnatum, as it tacitly infinuates that our Right Honourables. are no better than Dram-drinkers.

There is a well-known ftory of the famous Rabelais, that having a mind to impofe on the curiofity of his landlord, he filled feveral phials with an innocent liquor, and tied labels to them.. on which was written Poifon for the

King-Poifon for the Dauphin-Poifon for the Prime Minifter-and for all the principal courtiers. The fame might le faid of thete Rich Cordial Liquors; which, however they may recommend themfelves to the people of fashion by their foreign tities and extraction, are to be confidered as poisons in malquerade: and instead of the pom pous names of Eau d'Or, Eau Divine, and the like, I would have labels fixedon the bottles (in imitation of Rabelais) with Poifon for my Lord Duke

Poifon for the Vifcount-Poison for ⚫ the Countefs."

We live, indeed, in fo polite an age, that nothing goes down with us, but what is either imported from France and Italy, or dignified with a foreign appellation. Our drefs must be entirely à la mode de Paris; and I will venture to enfure great fuccefs to the Mon. fitar taylor, who tells us in the public papers, that he has just been to France to fee the newest fashions. A dinner is not worth eating, if not ferved up by a French cook; our wines are of the fame country; and the Dram-drinkers of fafhion are invited to comfort their spirits with Rich Cordials from Chamberry, Neuilly, and l'Ile de Rhè. A plain man muft undoubtedly fmile at the alluring names which are given to many of thefe liqueurs; nor is it poffible to guefs at their compofition from their titles. The virtues as well as the intent of Viper Water may be well known: but who would imagine that Flora Granata, or Belle de Nuit, fhould be intended only to fignify a Dram? For my own part, I fhould rather have taken Marafquino for an Italian Fidler, and have concluded that Jacomonoodi was no other than an Opera finger.

But dram-drinking, however different in the phrafe, is the fame in the practice, in every station of life; and fipping Rich Cordials is no lefs deteftable than in the vulgar idiom Bunging your eye. What fignifies it whether we muddle with Eau de Millefleurs or plain Annifeed? or whether we fetch our Drams from the Rich Cordial Warehouse, or the Blackamoor and Still? The lady of St. James's, who paints her face with frequent applications of Coffee or Chocolate Water, looks as hideous as the trollop of St. Giles's, who has laid on the fame colours by repeated half quarterns of Gin Royal. There are many customs among the great, which are alfo practifed by the lower fort of people: and if perfons of fashion wrap up their Drams in the difguife of a variety of fpecious titles, in this too they are rivalled by the vulgar. Madam Gin has been chriftened by as many names as a German princess: every petty chandler's fhop will fell you Sky-blue, and every night-cellar furnish you with Holland Tape, three yards a penny. Nor can I fee the difference between Oil of Venus, Spirit of Adonis, and Parfait Amour, for the ufe of our

quality, and what among the vulgar is called Cupid's Eye-water, Strip me naked, and Lay me down foftly.

To these elegant and genteel appellations it is, perhaps, chiefly owing, that Dams are not confined merely to the vulgar, but are in esteem among all ranks of people, and especially among the ladies. Many a good woman, who would start at the very mention of Strong Waters, cannot conceive there can be any harm in a Cordial. And as the fair fex are more particularly fubject to a depreffion of fpirits, it is no wonder that they fhould convert their apothe caries fhops into Rich Cordial Warehoufes, and take Drams by way of phyfic; as the common people make Gin ferve for meat, drink, and cloaths. The ladies perhaps may not be aware, that every time they have recourfe to their Hartfhorn or Lavender Drops, to drive away the vapours, they in effect take a Dram: and they may be affured, that their Cholic, Surfeit, and Plague Waters, are to be ranked among spirituous liquors, as well as the common stuff at the Gin-fhop. The College of Phyficians, in their laft review of the London Difpenfatory, for this very reason expelled the Strong Water, generally known by the foothing name of Hysteric Water; because it was a lure to the female fex to dram it by authority, and to get tipfy fecundùm artem.

If any of my fair readers have at all given into this pernicious practice of Dram-drinking, I muft intreat them to leave it off betimes, before it has taken fuch hold of them as they can never fhake off: for the defire of Drams fteals upon them, and grows to be habitual, by imperceptible degrees; as those who are accustomed to take Opiates, are obliged to increase the dofe gradually, and at laft cannot fleep without it. The following letter may ferve to convince them of the deplorable fituation of a lady who covers her drinking under the pretence of mending her conftitution.

STR,

TO MR. TOWN.

Have the misfortune to be married to a poor fickly creature, who labours under a complication of diforders, and which nothing can relieve but a continual courfe of Strong Liquors; though, poor woman! fhe would not elfe touch a dram for the world. Sometimes the

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is violently troubled with the tooth ach, and then he is obliged to hold a glass of, Rum in her mouth, to numb the pain: at other times the is feized with a racking fit of the cholic, and nothing will fo foon give her eafe as fome right Holland's Gin. She has the gout in her conftitution; and whenever the feels a twitch of it, the only thing is heer Brandy, to keep it from her head: but this is fometimes too cold for her, and fhe is forced to drive it out of her tomach with true Irish Ufquebaugh. She is never free from the vapours, notwithftanding he is continually drinking Hartshorn and Water; and ever fince fhe mifcarried, fhe is fo hysterical in the night-time, that he never lies without a Cordial. Water bottle by her bed-fide. I have paid the apothecary above fifty pounds for her in one year; and his bill is laced down with nothing but Drops, Pepper-Mint Water, and the Cordial Draught repeated.

Her very diet must always be made heartening, otherwife it will do her no good. Tea would make her low-fpirited, except the was to qualify every difh with a large fpoonful of Rum. She has a glafs of Mountain with Bitters an

hour before dinner, to get her an appetite; and her ftomach is fo poor, that when he is at table, the muft force every bit down with a glafs of Madeira. We ufually have a tiff of Punch together in the evening: but the acid would gripe her, and the water keep her awake all the night, if it was not made comfortable with more than an equal portion of Spirit.

But notwithstanding the grievous complaint the hourly labours under, she is very hale; and her complexion is, to all appearance, as healthy and florid as a milk-maid's: except, indeed, that her nofe and forehead are fubject to red pimples, blotches, and breakings out, which the apothecary tells me are owing to a kind of a phlogiftic humour in her blood. For my part, confidering the quantity of combustibles the continually pours down, I fhould imagine the fire in her ftomach would kindle a flame in her countenance; and I fhould not wonder if the looked as horrible as thofe who hang their face over a bowl of Burnt Brandy at Snap-Dragon.

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N° LIV. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1755.

LUSIT AMABILITER, DONEC JAM SEVUS APERTAM

IN RABIEM VERTI CÆPIT JOCUS..

HOR.

FROLICS FOR MEN OF SPIRIT ONLY FIT,

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WHERE RAPES ARE JESTS, AND MURDER IS SHEER WIT.

HE noblett exploit of a man of the Town, the highest proof and utmost effort of his genius and pleafantry, is the FROLIC. This piece of humour confifts in playing the moit wild and extravagant pranks that wantonnefs and debauchery can fuggeft: and is the diftinguishing characteristic of the Buck and Blood, Thefe facetious gentlemen, whenever Champagne has put them in fpirits, fally out' flown with infolence and wine,' in quest of adventures. At fuch a time, the more harm they do, the more they fhew their wit; and their Frolics, like the mirth of a monkey, are made up of mischief.

The Frolic formerly fignified - nothing more than a piece of innocent mirth and gaiety: but the modern fenfe of the word is much more lively and

fpirited. The Mohocks, and the members of the Hell-Fire-Club, the heroes of the laft generation, were the firft who introduced thefe elevated Frolics, and ftruck out mighty good jokes from all kinds of violence and blafphemy. The prefent race of Bucks commonly begin their Frolic in a tavern, and end it in the round-house; and during the course of it practile feveral mighty pretty pleafantries. There is a great deal of humour in what is called beating the rounds, that is in plain English, taking a tour of the principal bawdy-houfes: breaking lamps, and fkirmishes with watchmen, are very good jetts; and the infulting any dull fober fools, that are quietly trudging about their bufinels, or a rape on a mode woman, are particularly facetious. Whatever is in viola

tion of all decency and order, is an exquifite piece of wit: and in fhort, a Frolic, and playing the devil, bear the fame explanation in a modern gloffary.

It is furprising how much invention there is in these exploits, and how wine infpires these gentlemen with thoughts more extraordinary and fublime than any fober man could ever have devited. I have known a whole company ftart from their chairs, and begin tilting at each other merely for their diverfion, Another time thefe exalted geniuses have caft lots, which thould be thrown out of the window; and at another made a bonfire of their cloaths, and run naked into the streets. I remember a little gentleman not above five feet high, who was refolved, merely for the fake of the Frolic, to lie with the Tall Woman; but the joke ended in his receiving a found cudgeling from the hands of his Thaleftris. It was no longer ago than laft winter, that a party of jovial Templars fet out an hour or two after midnight on a voyage to Lisbon, in order to get good Port. They took boat at the Temple Stairs, and prudently laid in, by way of provifions, a cold venifon pafty and two bottles of rafberry brandy: but when they imagined they were just arrived at Gravefend, they found themfelves fuddenly overfet in Chelsea Reach, and very narrowly efcaped being drowned. The molt innocent Frolics of these men of humour are carried on, in a literary way, by advertisements in the news-papers, with which they often amtufe the town, and alarm us with bottle conjurors, and perfons who will jump down their own throats. Sometimes they divert themfelves by impofing on their acquaintance with fictitious intrigues, and putting modeft women to the bluth by defcribing them in the public papers. Once, I remember, it was the Frolic to call together all the wet nurses, that wanted a place; at another time, to fummon feveral old women to bring their male tabby cats, for which they were to expect a confiderable price; and not long ago, by the proffer of a curacy, they drew all the poor parfons to St. Paul's Coffee-houfe, where the Bucks themfelves fat in another box to smoke their rufty wigs and brown caflocks.

But the higheft Frolic, that can poffibly be put in execution, is a

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murder; fuch as running awaiter through the body, knocking an old feeble watchman's brains out with his own staff, or taking away the life of fome regular fcondiel, who has not spirit enough to whore and drink like a gentleman. The nobleft Frolic of this kind I ever remember, happened a few years ago at a country town. While a party of Bucks were making a riot at an inn, and toffing the chairs and tables and looking-glaffes into the street, the landlady was indifcreet enough to come up tair and interrupt their merriment with her impertinent remonftrances; upon which they immediately threw her out of the window after her own furniture. News was foon brought of the poor woman's death; and the whole company looked upon it as a very droll accident, and gave orders that she should be charged in the bill.

Thefe wild pranks are inftances of great fpirit and invention: but alas! the generality of mankind have no tafte for humour. Few people care to have a fword in their ribs for the fake of the joke, or to be beat to mummy, or fhot through the head, for the diverfion of the good company. They fometimes imagine the jeft is carried too far; and are apt to apply the words of the old fable, It may be fport to you, but it is

death to us. For these reasons, a fet of thefe merry gentlemen are as terrible to the ordinary part of the world, as a troop of banditti; and an affair, which has been thought very high fun in Pall Mall or Covent Garden, has been treated in a very serious manner at Westminster Hall or the Old Bailey. Our legislature has been abfurd enough to be very careful of the lives of the lowest among the people; and the council for an highwayman would fooner plead diftrefs as an excufe for discharging his piftol, than mere wantonnels and Frolic. Nor do the governments abroad entertain a better opinion of this fort of humour: for it is but a few years fince a gentleman on his travels, who was compleating a Town Education by the polite tour, fhot a waiter through the head; but the joke was fo ill re ceived, that the gentleman was hanged within four and twenty hours. It would be adviseable therefore for thefe gentle men, fince the taste of the age is fo in corrigible, to lay afide this high feafonQ&

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