Obrázky na stránke
PDF
ePub
[merged small][ocr errors]

not the advantage to be brought up a

like manner you

will conclude, that the scholar, I have been obliged, like the knowledge which I have thus picked Lacædemonian children, to the public out of the streets has been very extenfor my education. My first relish for five: I have gone through a compleat letters I got by conning over those ele- course of physic by peruling the learned gant monosyllables, which are chalked treatise of Di. Rock and other eminent out upon walls and gates, and which practitioners, pafted up at the entrance (as pretty books for children are adorn- of allies and bye places: I have learned ed with cuts) are generally enforced and at every corner, that the scurvy is a poexplained by curious hieroglyphics in Ca- pular diseale-that the bloody Aux canricatura. I soon made a further progress not be cured by any of the faculty, exin the alphabet by staring up at the large - cept the gentlewoman at the blue posts letters upon play-bills, and advertile- in Haydon Yard—that nervous diseases ments for ftage-coaches and waggons; were never so frequentand that the till at length I was enabled to make out royal family and most of our nobility the inscriptions upon signs, bills on are troubled with corns. I was comempty houses, and the titles on rubric- pleatly grounded in politics by Popping posts. From these I proceeded gradual. at Temple Bar every morning to read Iy to higher branches of literature; and the Gazetteer, which used to be stuck my method has since been to visit the up there to the great emolument of the Philobiblian libraries, and other learned hackney-coachmen upon their stands. stalls, and the noble collections at Moor- But above all, I have acquired the most fields; in which choice repositories I sublime notions of religion, by listening have with infinite pleasure and advan. attentively to the fpirited harangues of tage run over the elaborate systems of our molt eminent field-preachers: and I ancient divines, politicians, and philo- confess myself highly obliged to the itisophers, which have escaped the fury of nerant missionaries of Whitefield, Wespaltry-cooks and trunk-makers. “As ley, and Zinzendorf, who have instructed

for the modern writings of pamphleteers us in the New Light from empty barrels and magazine-compilers, I make it-my and joint stools. Next to thelé, I have business to take my rounds every morn- received great improvements from the ing at the open shops about the Royal vociferous retailers of poetry; as I conExchange; where I never fail to run ftantly used to thruit myself into the through every thing, fresh as it comes circle gathered round them, and listen out. Thus, for example, I make a to their ditties, till I could carry away Thift to squint over the first page of the both the words and the tune. I have Connoisseur, as it lies before me, at likewise got some notion of the draina Mrs. Cooke's; at the next thop I ftual hy attending the theatres; though my a peep at the middle pages; at another finances were too scanty for me ever to proceed on to the fourth or fiíth; and get admittance even among the Gods perhaps return again to conclude it at in the upper regions of the twelve penny Mis, Cooke's. By the same means I gallery. I therefore had recourse to the am myself become a Connoisseur like- following practice: I would contrive to wise; and you will be surprised when I hear one act at the outside of one of the assure you, that I have a great variety of pit doors: the next act I took my stand the finest prints and paintings, and am at the other: and as the author generalmaster of a more curious lot of nick, ly rises in the middle, I could catch the nacks than are to be found in Sir Hans molt tearing parts during the third act Sloane's Collection. For as I con- in the pafrage to the two-thilling gallery: ftantly survey the windows of every in the fourth a&t the rants came toleraprintshop, and attend every auction, I bly loud to my ear at the entrance of look upon every curiosity as actually in the upper gallery; and I very attentively my possellion; and you will agree with listened to the pathetic, at the conclusion me, that while I have the opportunity of of the play, with the footmen in the seeing them, the real owners cannot have lobby. more fatisfaction in locking them up in Endowed with so much learning, you Cabinets and Mulæums.

will doubtless be curious to know to It is recorded of Democritus, that he what purposes I have turned it. Alinost transcribed a syiłem of ethics from the before I could read at all, I got into the yolumns of Acicarus in Babylonia. In service of a very eminent doctor of phy

fic,

2 B

fic, who employed me in sticking up his audience, I became Setter to a Fleet hills, and flipping them fily into the Parfon. hands of spindle-Thanked young fellows, My employme::! now was to take my as they palied by. After this, by closely stand at the end of Fleet Market, atid itudying there elegant compofitions, I whenever I faw any gaping young cougot together a fufficient set of medical ple staring about them, to whisper them phrases, which (by the help of Bayley's loftly in the ear, and ask them whether Dictionary) enabled me to draw up bills they wanted to be married. Whenever and affilavits for those doctors who the ceremony was performed, I officiated were not so happy as to be able to write as clerk and father to give away the or read. I was next promoted to the bride: and when my matter the doctor gairet of a printer of bloody murders, died, I made a shift to purchase his enwhere iny bulinels was to invent terrible tire stock in trade, (consisting of a rutty stories, write Yorkshire tragedies, and carlock, an old grizzle wig, and one occasionally to put the ordinary of New- Jappet of a band) and succeeded him in gate's Account of Dying Speeches into his benefice of the Hand-and-Pen Chalamentable rhyine. I was afterwards pel. I now got a more comfortable concerned in works that required a subsistence than many regularly ordained greater fund of erudition, such as bog. curates in the counuy: but the Marhouse miscellanies, and little books for riage-act foon after taking place, I was chuidren: and I was once engaged as flung out of employ; and as the primate the principal compiler of a three-half. of May Fair, the reverend Dr. Keith, penny magazine. Since that I followed is forced to fell fnuff in the Fleet Prison, the occupation of an Eves-dropper, or I have been obliged to retail gin in a collector of news for the daily papers; night-cellar. in which I turned a good penny by Thus, Mr. Town, have I set before hunting after marriages and deaths, and you the progress I have made in literainventing lyes for tlie day. Once, in- ture, as well as the particular circumdeed, being out of other husness, I de- stances of my life, in hopes they will scended to the mean office of : ballad- induce you to recommend me to the finger, and hawked my own verses; but notice of the public. As the parliament not having a good ear for music, and has not thought fit to make any provi. the tone of my voice being rather in- fion for the poor distressed Clergy of the clined to whining, I converted my ha!. Fleet, I intend to open a New Oratorylads into penitential hymns, and took Chapel in Fleet Market, to be conductup the vocation of Methodist Preacher. ed on the same principles with that eftaIn this station I made new converts blished in Clare Market; and for which every day among the old women hy my I Hatter myself I fall appear no less fighs and groans, wlio in return contri- qualified by my education than the rebited their haitpence, which I disposed nowned Henley, or any of his butchers. of in charity to mirteif: but I was at I Mall, therefore, beg leave to subscribe last beat off the field by a journeyman myself, hoping for your countenance and Thoe-maker, who fairly out whind me; protection, your very humble fervant, and finding mytelf deferted by my usual T

ORATOR HIGGINS,

N° LXXXVII. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1755.

[merged small][ocr errors]

SO WIDE A SWALLOW, AND SO VAST A PAUNCH,
SAY WHAT SHALL CRAM? A TURBOT OR AN HAUNCH?

VATING and drinking being ah. gry, or drink because they are dry. The

folutely requifite to keep our crazy common day-labourer may, indeed, be frames together, we are obliged to at: glad to snatch an hasty meal with his tend to the calls of nature, and satisfy the wife and children, that he may have regulat cravings of the appetite: though strength to return to his work; and the it is, in truth, but a very fmall part of porter finds it necesary to refresh him. the world that eat because they are hun. Pelf with a full pot of enure butt, while

he

o look green.

ke rets his load upon the bulk at the serving up for the entertainment of the ale- house door. But those who have company. As it was said of Longinus, more leisure to study what they shall eat that he was a Walking Library, in the and drink, require something more in fame manner I consider this gentleman their food than what is barely whole- as a Walking Larder : and as the orasome or necessary; their palates must be tions of Demofthenes were said to imell gratified with rich fauces and high- of the lamp, so my friend's whole conseasoned delicacies; and they frequently versation favours of the kitchen. He have recourse to whetters and provo, even makes use of his stomach as an arGatives, to anticipate the call of hunger, tificial memory; and recollects every and to enable their stomachs to bear the place he has been at, and every person load they lay on it. There are a sort of he has seen, by some circumftances remen whose chief pride is a good taste lating to the entertainment he met with. (as they call it) and a great stomach: If he calls to mind a particular inn, he and the whole business of their lives is adds, ' for there the cook tpoiled a fine included in their breakfast, dinner, and "turbot.' Another house is recollected, supper. These people, of whatever rank • because the parlon took all the fat of and denomination, whether they regale " the haunch of venifon :' he remembers on turtle, or devour shoulders of mut- a gentleman you mention, “because he ton and peck-loaves for wagers, whe- ' had the smallett ftomach be ever knew;' ther a duke at White's, or a chairman or one lady, ' because the drank a at the Blue Posts, are certainly of the great deal of wine at supper;' and annumber of those whom nature,' as oiher,' because Me had the best receipt Sallust tells us, ' has made like the ' for making her pickled cucumber's • brutes, obedient to their bellies;' and, indeed, partake in some measure of the His pallion for eating also influences sentence paffed on the Serpent, to be all his actions, diversions, and studies. ' curled a hove all cattle, and to go for He is fond of hare-hunting, as he says ever on their bellies.'

his pursuit is animated by the hopes of There are many vices and follies seeing puls smoking on the table: but which men endeavour to hide from the he wonders how any man can venture reft of the world: but this, above all his neck in a chace after a fox, which, others, they take a pride in proclaiming; when it is got, is not worth eating. He and seem to run about with the cap and has had occasion, on account of the bells, as if they were ambitious to be disorders which his ruling passion has ranked among the fons of Folly. In. brought upon him, to visit the several deed, as the politeness of the French Wells in ihe kingdom: but these he language has distinguished every glutton confiders, not as places where persons by the title of Bon Vivant, and the cour- go to drink the waters, but where they tesy of our own has honoured their go to eat; and in this light he gives a beastly gluttony by the name of Good character of them all. • Bath,'lays he, Living, the epicure thinks to eat and is one of the best markets in the world; 20 drink himself into your good opinion, Tunbridge you have fine mutton, and and recommend himself to your esteem ' moltexquisite wheat-ears: but at Chelby an exquisite bill of fare. However tenham,pox take the place, you have nothis may be, it is remarkable, that as thing but cow. beef, ied veal, and white the fox-hunter takes delight in relating

bacon.' He looks upon every part of the incidents of the chace, and kills the England in the same light; and would as fox again over a bowl of punch at night, foon go to Cheshire for butter, and Suffolk {q the Bon Vivant enjoys giving an ac- for cheese, as miss eating what each particount of a delicious dinner, and chews cular town or county is fainous for navthe cud of reflection on his exquisite ing the most excellent in it's kind. He entertainment.

does not grudge to ride twenty miles to I have been led into these thoughts dine on a favourite dish: and it was but by an acquaintance which I have lately last week that he appointed a friend in made with a person whole whole con- Buckinghunhire to meet him at Ux- , versation is, literally fpeaking, Tabie. bridge, ' which,' says he in his letter', 'is talk. His brain seems to be stuff d

the best place

we can sertle our busiwith an hodge-podge of ideas, confitting ness at, on account of thole excellent of several discs, which he is perpetual.y ! rolls we may have for breakfast, and

[ocr errors]

2 B 2

i che

the delicious trout we are sure to have well's luxury at a cheap rate; and that • at dinner.'

he may make as many good meals as Mr. Cramwell, for that is his name, poflible, he often contrives to introduce is so unfortunate as to want a purse himself to the tables of persons of quaadequate to his talle; so that he is ob- lity: This he effects by sending my liged to have recourse to several artifices lord or her ladyship a present of a Bath to gratify his appetite. For this pur- Cheese, or a Ruff or Land-rail from his pose he has with great pains constituted friends in Lincolnshire or Somersetshire ; a Club, consisting of perfons most like- which seldom fails to procure him an inly to promote Good Living. This fo. vitation to dinner. He then plays his ciety is composed of members who are part as luftily as if he had kept Lent, or all of some trade that can furnish it with were not to make a dinner again for a provisions, except one country squire, fortnight. He never suffers the smallett who fupplies it with game; and they are side-dish to escape him : for one is so obliged io send in the best of whatever exceeding good; another looks fo tempttheir trade deals in, at prime coft: by ing; another is fo great a rarity; and which wise management ihe Club is sup- though he declares he cannot touch plied with every delicacy the season af. bit more, he will make a shift to find fords, at the most reasonable rates. Mr. room for this or that dainty, because he Cramwell, on account of his extraor- never tasted it in his life. Wherever he dinary proficiency in the 'cience of Eat- goes, he always takes care to fecure to ing, is honoured with the office of per- himself the best share of every nicer dish, petual Caterer: and he has arrived to without the least regard to the rest of the such a pitch of accuracy in the calcula- company: he will help himself to a whole tion of what is sufficient, that he feen's bird, though there are but a brace; and to gage the stomachis of the Club, as an for fear any tid-bit Mould be snapped up exciteman does a caík; fo that, when hefore him, be snatches at it as greedily ali the members are present, they feldom as an hungry Frenchman at an ordinary. fend away three ounces of meat from it once happened, that dining with an the table. Upon any vacancy much Alderman, his appetite so far got the betcare and deliberation is used in electing ter of his good breeding, that he haved a new member. A candidate's being off all the outside of a plumb-pudding; able to devour a whole turkey with an and he has ever since been talked of in equal proportion of chine, or eat one the city by the name of Skin-pudding. haunch of venifon, with the fat of an. As all his joy and misery conttantly other as fauce to it, would be no recom. arifes from his belly, he thinks it is the unenda:ion : on the contrary, there never came with others; and I heard hiin alk was more cau!ion used at the death of a a perfect stranger to him, who complainPope, to elect a fncceffor who appearsed that he was fick, whether he had the most likely to be short-lived, than over-eat himself. It is no wonder that by this Society of Epicurean hogs, to Crainwell thould be sometimes troubled admit nobody of a stomach superior to with the gout: I called upon himn the their own.

A Capiin of a ship tral. other morning, and found hun with his ing to the West Indies has been admit. legs wrapped up in flannel, and a book ted an honorary member, having con- lying open before him upon the table, tra ied to bring over, as a pretent to On asking him what he was reading, he them, a cargo of turtle every voyage; told me he was taking plivíc; and on and a few days ago I met Crain will in enquiring whose advice he had Oh,' prodigious high Ipirits, when he told says he, nobody can do me so much me, that he was the happiett man in the good as Mrs. Hannah Glafie. I am world. • Now,' says he,

we shall

''bere going through a course of her Art • have Ortolaos as plenty as pigeons; of Cookery, in hopes to get a ftomach; ' for it was hutyilterday that we bal. ' for indeed, my dear friend,' added • loited into our focie'yone of the Flan- lie, with tears in his eyes, ' my appe. • derkin Bird merchants,

'tite is quite gone; and I am sure I This affociation for the preservation fhall die if I do not find something in of elegant fare gratifies my friend Crain, this book which I think I can eat."

o

[ocr errors]

N° LXXXVIII. THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 1755.

FUIT HAUD IGNOBILIS ARGIS,
QUISE CREDEBAT MIROS AUDIRE TRAGOEDOS,
IN VACUO LÆTUS SESSOR PLAUSORQUE THEATRO.
HIC UBI COGNATORUM OPIEUS CURIS QUE REFECTUS
EXPULIT HELLEBORO MORBUM BIL EMQUE MERACO,
ET REDIT AD SESE ;-POL ME OCCIDIST16, AMICI,
NON SERVASTIS, AIT; CUISIC EXTORTA VOLUPTAS,
ET DEMPTUS PER VIM MENTIS GRATISSIMUS ERROR.

HoR.

A WIGHT THERE WAS, WHOSE MAD DISTEMPER'D BRAIN
CONVEY'D HIM EV'RY NIGHT TO DRURY LANE:
POL E A S’D AND TRANSPORTED IN TH' IDEAL PIT
AT TANCIED TRAGEDIES HE SEEM'D TO SIT.
NOW TO HIS WITS BY SAGE MONRO RISTOR'D,
NO THANXS, BU'T CURSES ON HIS FRIENDS HE POUR'D.
YE FOOLS! HE CRY’D, ' THE DEAR DELUSION LOST,
MY PLEASURE FLED, YOU'VE CUR'D ME TO MY CUST:

&EIZ'D WITH SUCH WHIMS, WITH PHRENZY SO DIVERTING,
O CRUEL! TO CLOSE THE SCENE, AND DROP THE CURTAIN."

He head of the paper ten er
TORACE, in the passage quoted wigs: with every bag he would conceive

himself going to court or an asembly; (after Aristotle) of a man who used to and once, when he was fick, he got tofit in the empty theatre, and fancy that gether three or four of the largeit tyes, he saw real' exhibitions on the Itage. placed them upon blocks round his bedWe have the like account, in another an. fide, and called them a consultation of cient author, of a person that used to physicians. wait with great solicitude the coming of But of all others, there are none, perfhips into the harbour, believing them haps, who are more obliged to the ima. to be his own property. The end of gination for their ideal happiness, than these madmen was allo fimilar: they the fraternity of which I am an unworthy were both cured; and both complained, member. There is no fer of people who that they were deprived of the satisfac- are more ambitious to appear grand in tion which they before enjoyed from a the world, and yet have leis means, ihan pleasing error of their minds.

those gentleinen whom the world has That the happiness and milery of the stiled Authors. Wit and pride as of en far greater part of mankind depends go hand in hand together, as wit and upon the fancy, need not be insisted on : poverty: but though the generality of 'Crede quod babes, et habes-Think writers are by the frowns of fortune de'that you have, and you have,' is a barred from poffeffing a profuse share of maxim not confined to those only within the good things of this world, they are the walls of Bedlam. I remember an abundantly recompensed by enjoying humourist, who would frequently divert them in speculation. They indulge in himself in the same manner with the golden dreams, at the time that they madmen above-mentioned, and supply have not fixpence in their pockets ; and his real wants by the force of his ima- conjure up all the luxuries of Pontac's gination. He would go round the mar- before them, though they are at a loss kets, and suppose hiinielf to be cheap- perhaps where to get a dinner. Thus a eping the moit dainty provisions; and critic, bv a kind of magic, will tranfwhen he came home to his scanty meal, port himself to the theatres in an imaby the same ideal contrivance he would ginary chariot, and be feated at once in convert his trotters into turboi, and his the front-boxes; when in reality he has small beer into the most delicious Burs waited for two hours in Vinegér Yard gundy. As he was a barber by trade, before the opening of the doors, to fehe would put on the air and manners of cure to himielf a corner in the twelvehis custoiners while he combed out their penny gailery, Hence it also happens

to

« PredošláPokračovať »