not help thinking, that the embraces and endearments beftowed on these rivals of the human species fhould be as private as the most fecret intrigues; and I would have lap-dogs, like fretful and fqualling children, confined to bark and growl only in the nursery. We may often fee a footman following his lady to church with a large common-prayer book under one arm, and a fnarling cur under the other. I have known a grave divine forced to ftop short in the middle of a prayer, while the whole congregation has been raised from their knees to attend to the howling of a non-conforming pug: and I once faw a tragedy monarch disturbed in his last moments, as he lay expiring on the carpet, by a difcerning critic of King Charles's black

wig, brought it off in his mouth, and lodged it in his lady's lap.

It will not appear strange, after what has been faid, that thefe ladies, or ladylike gentlemen, fhould be as folicitous to preserve the breed of their favourite animals, as a sportsman of his hounds and horfes. I have known a gentleman in St. James's Street fend his little Cupid in a sedan chair as far as Grofvenor Square, to wait upon a lady's Veny for this very purpose: and I fhall never forget a Card which was fent to another lady on a like occafion, expreffed in the following terms. • Mr. -'s comis

F we confider that part of Iquaintance, whom we remember from their infancy, we fhall find, that the expectations we once entertained of their future abilities are in many inftances difappointed. Those who were accounted heavy dull boys, have by diligence and application made their way to the first honours, and become eminent for their learning and knowledge of the world; while others, who were regarded as bright lads, and imagined to poffefs parts equal to any fcheme of life, have turned out diffolute and ignorant; and quite unworthy the title of a Genius, except in the modern acceptation of the word, by which it fignifies a very filly young fellow, who from his extravagance and debauchery has obtained the name of a Genius, like lucus a non lu zendo, because he had no Genius at all.

It is a fhocking drawback from a father's happiness, when he fees his fon bleffed with strong natural parts and quick conception, to reflect that thefe very talents may be his ruin. If vanity

HOR.

wrong turn, the young cox Soins will once gets into head, and gives it a neglect the means of improvement, trust entirely to his native abilities, and be as ridiculously proud of his parts, as the brats of quality are taught to be of their family. In the mean time thofe, whom nature threw far behind him, are by Application enabled to leave him at a diftance in their turn; and he continues boating of his Genius, till it fubfifts no longer, but dies for want of cultivation. Thus vanity and indolence prevent his improvement; and if he is to rife in the world by his merit, take away the means of fuccefs, and perhaps reduce him to very miferable diftreffes. I know one of thefe early Geniufes, who fcarce fupports himself by writing for a bookfeller; and another, who is at leifure to contemplate his extraordinary parts in the Fleet Prifon.

If we look into the world, we fall find that the mere Genius will never raife himself to any degree of eminence without a close and unwearied applica

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TO MR. TOWN.

Am married to a woman of the most notable difpofition, who values her felf upon going the nearest way to work in every thing, and laying out her money to more advantage than any body elfe. But her ceconomy is fo ftrangely expenfive, and her favings attended with fuch ridiculous extravagance, that the has almost undone me by her frugality. In the first place, my wife is particularly proud of being an excellent Market woman. She understands this bufinefs fo well, it feems, that he buys every thing better of it's fort, and at a cheaper rate, than any other perfon: for which reafon fhe always undertakes it herself, and trudges to market with all the notable airs and housewifely appearance of an old butter-woman. Here the flatters herself, that he has the art of beating down every thing fo very low, that he cannot refit the temptation of buying fuch extraordinary penny-worths; and after spending the whole morning at twenty different fhops, and four or five different markets, he comes home with provifions enough to fupport the firft duke's family in the kingdom for a week. Though the natural confequence of this housewifery is, that above half her marketings itink and grow multy before we can use them; yet he is highly delighted with her management, and entertains all the good ladies of her acquaintance with an account of her aco nomy, and the complaints of the tradefmen, that there was no dealing with her, that she is too hard for them, and that they shall be ruined by felling her fuck bargains.

I should tell you, Sir, that soon after we were married, my wife over-perfuad ed me to take an houfe in the country; and the affured me, that we fhould fave more than the rent of it, by the advan

MART.

tage of breeding our own poultry, and feeding our own cattle, for the fupply of our table. I accordingly hired a little box about twenty miles from town, with a piece of ground adjoining to it, and my wife took upon her the whole management of the eftate; for the ordering of which he had collected together fo many excellent rules, that the was fure to fave cent. per cent. in every article. The confequence of this was, that our chickens, being fed with rye instead of barley and wheat; died of the pip; our tarkies were crammed with bran and butter-milk, to fave the expence of corn, and were most of them carried off by a loofenefs; our geefe were fattened with acorns instead of oats, and were as poor as their plucked brethren in the fens of Lincolnfhire. Our hogs coft us nothing in a manner for their keeping, as they lived upon turnip-parings and cabbageftalks, peafe and bean-fhells, fcalded crab-apples, and bull's blood and liver; in confequence of which our bacon was rancid, and our pork meafly. We had two cows for the ufe of our dairy; but the very firft winter, being fed for cheapnefs with nothing but collart-leaves and chopt ftraw, they gave no milk for half the year, and at last died of the diftemper among the horned cattle. Even our poor mare, which used to run in the chaife, fared no better than a miller's horfe, as fhe was kept chiefly upon bran, and very feldom indulged with the luxury of oats and beans; fo that the poor creature, after a journey somewhat harder than ufual, dropt down dead between the fhafts. We had fcarce better luck in the management of our garden: for though my wife prided herself on her notable skill in these matters, our fruittrees could never be brought to bear; and when cucumbers were to be had for a penny a dozen, and peafe for a groût a peck, we had the pleasure of gather

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ing

ing them fresh from our own garden, after they had itood us in more than ten times their value in the railing.

Among her other housewifely accomplishments, my wife was poffeffed of the original receipts of her grandmother for all forts of Made Wines, which nobody could diftinguifh from thofe of a foreign growth. She therefore fet about making a large quantity of Port and Claret from elder-berries, and Mountain and Frontiniac from raifins and brown fugar: but when these had been kept to a proper age, and were fit to be drank, we had this only confolation, that they were the belt Vinegar that could be used for our pickles. Our October, which the contrived to brew with as much bran as malt, and mugwort inftead of hops, grew dead in the calks before it had fufficiently fermented; and when we had bottled it off, it burft above twenty dozen of the bottles, and the remainder as four. My wife alfo bought a Still, with it's whole apparatus, that the might make Plague and Hysteric Water for her own ufe, and give away among her poor neighbours but at one time the head of the Still flew off, and laid her under the furgeon's hands for three months; and at another, it took fire, and had like to have burnt the houfe down. To this account I fhould likewife fet down the charge of our apothecary's shop, in preparing ointments for fcalds, falves for burns, and other family medicines; in all which I know to my coft, the old Laying was inverted, and we left elevenpence out of a fhilling.

You must know, Sir, that (besides her domeftic œconomy) my provident dear is a moft paffionate admirer of a Pennyworth in any shape; and is one of thofe prudent good ladies, who will purchase any thing of which they have no need, merely because they can have it a Bargain. It would be doing much fervice to many other poor gentlemen as well as to me, if you could convince these thrifty females, that to purchase useless commodities at any price, can never be good housewifery; and that however nearly they may drive their bargains, there is just fo much money flung away. as the purchase cofts. We have as much linen by us as would fet up a piece. broker, which my wife has purchased under prime cost of the Scotch pedlars that came to our door; and I am fure we have sait-off- cloaths fufficient to

furnish a fale-shop, which she has bought of ladies maids for a mere trifle. She is a frequent customer to pretended smugglers, that flily whisper in your ear, and offer you right India handkerchiefs made at Spital Fields. But above all, the conftantly attends the feveral Auc tions of the Stock in Trade of eminent Tradefmen, that were never heard of; and the Houshold Furniture, Plate, China, &c. of Baronets and Squires, that never existed but in the brain of the Auctioneer. Here he meets with such excellent Pennyworths, that, as my pantry is ftored with more provisions than we can difpenfe with, every soom in my houfe is crammed up with useless beds, tables, cheats of drawers, curio fities, peruke pated beaux, and fine ladies, (beauties of their times) that are good for nothing but to hide the bare walls of a garret. In fhort, Sir, unless you can prevail with her to forego the wonderful advantages of making such exquifite purchases, as, the says, all the world would jump at, I fhall very foon be quite a beggar: for if the goes on at this rate buying things for nothing, as the calls it, I fhall shortly have nothing to buy withal.

As thefe valuable purchases are daily multiplying upon my hands, and as my houfe is become a repofitory for the refuse of Sales and Auctions, the only method I can think of at prefent to get rid of them, is to make an Auction my. felf. For this purpose I have drawn out a catalogue; and have sent you the following fpecimen, that by it you may judge of the rest of my curiofities.