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I shall give such directions as are most and gentlemen must be careful not to suitable to the beau monde : as a speci- catch cold in crossing the water, or liv men of which, I thall beg leave to lay exposing theinfelves to the damp air in before you the following
the Dark Walk at Vauxhall.
Towards the middle of this month the OBSERVATIONS air at both plov buses will begin to be
too close and sultry for ladies that paini,
to risk the loss of their complexion in MONTH OF MAY.
About the end of this month it will If the season proves favourable, it be expedient for those ladies, who are will be proper at the beginning of this apt fó be hyiterical, when the town month to attend to the Cultivation of empties to prepare for their removal to your Public Gardens. Trim you, trees, Turnridge, Cheltenham, and Scuboput your walks in order, look to your rough, for the benefit of the waters. lamps, have ballads written, and set to I am, Sir, your humble fervant, mutic, for the ensuing lummer. Ladies W
No C. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1755
ILICET PARASITICA ARTI MAXIMAM IN MALAM CRUCEM !
LET TYBURN TAKE THE FLATTERERS AND THEIR ARTS;
TO MR. TOWN.
water-closet when he took a cathartic,
and fometimes to administer a clyster. Am one of those idle people (of If his lord hip had no company, I was,
whom you have lately given an ac- indeed, permitted to fit at table with count) who not being bred to any bu- him; but when he received any visitors finels, or able to get a livelihood by more grand than ordinary, I was equipwork, have taken up the fervile trade of ped (together with foine of the heita a Hanger on. But as vou have only just looking tenants) in a tve-wig, fuile touched on the many dangers and ditti- trimmel coat, and laced waistcoat, in culties incident to this way of life, in order to swell the rerinue of his fervants' order to illuitrate this part of the cha- out of livery: I bore my slavery with racter, give me leave to present you with the greateit degree of patience; as my a narrative of my own adventures. lord would often hint to me, that I was
I first served my time with an old provided for in his will : however, I nobleman in the country; and as I was had the mortification to find mytėlt lupa distant relation of his iordthip's, I was planted in his good graces by the Chapadmitted to the honour of attending him lain, who had always looked upon me in the doubl. capacity of valet and apo- as his rival, and contrived at length to thecary. My bufinels in a morning out-wneedle, out-fawn, and out-cringe was to wait on him at dreiling.time; to In 7 woril, my lord died and hold the baton while he washed his hands, while the Chapiaın(who conftantly praybuckle his Thoes, and tie on his neck- ed by him during his latt illneis) had cloth: belides which, his lord ship had the confolation of having a good benefice such a regard for me, that nobody but secure i to him in the will, my name was mytelf was ever truited with curing his huddied among thole of the common corns, or paring his toe nails; and servants, with no higher legacy than whenever he was sick, it was always iny twenty guineas to buy mourning. office to hold his head during the ope.
With this fmall pittance, (hefiles ration of an emecic, to attend him in the what I had male a fhift to squceze ont
of the tenants and tradesmen, as fees for makers, milliners, and servant-maids my good word when I had his lordship's in abundance; and at length grew so ear) I came up to town, and embarked great a favourite, by having prevailed all I was worth in fitting myself out as a on one of my own cousins to comply gentleinan. Soon after, as good luck with his proposals, that I verily believe would have it, the nephew and heir of he would soon have made me easy for the old lord came from abroad; when I life in an handlonie annuity, if he had contrived to get into his favour by abur- not been unfortunately run through the ing his decealed uncle, and faitened my body in a duel by one of his own coun. self upon him. It is true, he fupported trymen. me; acimitted me into an equal share of I next got in favour with an old.co. his purse; but considering the dangers lonel of the Guards, who happened to to which I was conitantly exposed on his take a fancy to me one evening at the account, I regarded his bounties as only Tilt Yarj Coffee-house, for having carplailters to my fores. My head, back, ried off a pint bumper more than a lieuand ribs, have received many a payment, tenant of a man of war that had chalwhich should have been placed to his lenged my toast. As his sole delight lordihip’s account: and I once narrowly was centered in the botile, all he reescaped being banged for murdering a quired of me was to drink glass for glass poor fellow whom my lord in a frolic with him; which I readily cimplied had run through the body. My patron, with, as he always paid my reckoning; among other marks of his taite, kept a When sober, he was the best humoured mistres; and I, as his particular crony, man in the world: but he was very apt and a man of honour, was allowed to to he quarrelsome and extremely misvilit her. It happened one evening he chievous when in liquor. He has more unluckily surprised us in some unguard. than once flung a bottle at my head, ed familiarities together : but my lord and emptied the contents of a bowi of was so far from being enraged at it, punch in my face: sometimes he has dithat he only kicked madam down stairs, verted himielf by ferring fire to iny and very coolly kicked me down after ruffies, shaking the ashes of his pipe her.
over my periwig, or making a thruit at I was thrown now upon the wille me with the red-hot poker : and I reworld again : but as I never wanted af.. member he once fouled me all over, with surance, I foon made myself very fami. the urine of the whole company, by liarly acquainted with a young genule. clapping a large pewter Jordan topsy. inan from Ireland, who was juit come turvy upon my head. All thele indig. over to England to spend his etate here. nities I very patien:ly put up with, as I must own, I had fome difficulty in he was sure to make më double amends keeping on good terms with this new for them the next morning: and I was friend; as I had so many of his own very near procuring a commission in the countrymen to contend with, who all
army through his interest, when to any clained a right of acquaintance with great disapointment he was luddenly him, and some of them even pretendal carried off by an apoplexy. to be related to him. Belille they all
You will be surprised when I tell you, persuaded the young squire, that they that I next contrived to squeeze myself had fortunes in different parts of Ire- into the good opinion of a rich old curland; though not ole of them had any mud seon, a city-merchant, and one of real estate more than myself: and, in. th- Circumcised. He could have no oh. deed, I also had a nominal 1500l. per jection to my religion, as I used to spend ann, in the West Indies. These furi.
every Sunday with him at his country. ous fellows (for, Sir, they would all house, where I preferred playing at cards fight) gave me much ucuble: however,
to going to church. Noi could I, inI found out my young friend's foible, deed, get any thing out of him beyond and in spite of his countrymen became a dinner: but I had higher points in his inseparable companion. He was not view. As he had nobody to inherit his only very fond of women, but had a fortune but an only daughter, (who was particular passion for new faces: and to kept always in the country) I became humour this inclination, I was perpe- so deperately in love with her, that I tually on the look-out to discover fresh would even have turned Jew to obtain pieces for him. I brought him mantua. her : but instead of that, I very foolish
ly made a Christian of her; and we were out of the country: but the husly was privately married at the Fleet. When so ungrateful, as to be stow on both of I came to break the matter to the father, us convincing marks of her thorough and to make an apology for having con- knowledge of the town. I am, Sir, verted her, he received me with a loud
humble fervant, Jaugh--' Sir,' says he, . if my child
PETER SUPPLE. • had married the Devil, he should have had every penny that was her due :
TO MR. TOWN. but, as she is only my Bastard, the ' law cannot oblige me to give her a I
Have a little God-daughter in the farthing.'
country, to whom every vear I lend This i found to be too true: and very fome diverting and instructive hook for happily for me my Christian wife had so a New Year's-Gift: I would therefore little regard for her new religion, that leg you to recormer.d to me one fit for the again became an apoftate, and was the purpose; which will oblige your taken into keeping (to which I readily humble servant, give my confent) by one of her own
TW-. tibe and complexion. I mall not tire you with a particular detail of what has happened to me fince: I Mall only ac
SIR, quaint you, that I have exactly followed the precept of becoming all things to I Know no book so fit for your pur
all men.' I was once supported very pose as the Cornoif'eur; lately pub(plendidly by a young rake of quality lished in Two Pocket Volumes; which I for my wit in talking blasphemy, and would further recommend to all Fathers ridiculing the Bible, till my patron shot and Mothers, Grand-fathers and Grandhimself through the head, and I lived mothers, Uncles and Aunts, God-faat bed and board with an old Methodist thers and God-mothers, to give to their lady for near a twelvemonili, on account Sons and Daughters, Grand-sons and of my zeal for the New Doctrine, till Grand daughters, Nephews and Nieces, one of the maid-servants wickedly laid God-sons and God-daughters as bea child to me. At present, Mr. Town, ing undoubtedly the best present at this I am quite out of employ; having just feason of the year, that can possibly be lost a very profitable place which I held thought of. under a great man, in quality of his
TOWN, CONNOISSEUR. pimp. My disgrace was owing to the bareness of an old Covent Garden ac- N. B. Large allowance to those who quaintance, whom I paimed upon his buy quantities to give away. honour for an innocent creature just come
N° CI. THURSDAY, JANUARY 1, 1756.
- JANIQUE BIFRONTIS IMAGO.
IN TWO-FAC'D JANUS WE THIS MORAL FIND;
Ascite appointed time of our public But, in order to make these civilities of New-year's-day, I cannot open the bu- ment, I will also endeavour to give them finess of the year with a better grace,
a little wholesome advice; by which they than by taking the prefert hour for the may be most likely to ensure to themsubject of this paper: a subject which felves that happiness, and to go through pleases me the more, as it also gives me the enfuirs year with ease and tran. an opportunity of paying my readers quillity, the compliments of the leason, and most No god in the heathen Pantheon was sincerely willing then all é a happy expreflad by more proper emblems, or new year, and a great many of them,' miore fignificantly represented, than Ja
nus; whom we may fairly stile in our men of any the above characters are language, the God of the New Year. involved, from a total neglect or parThe inedals, on which the image of this iial furvey of matters that thould inflera Deity was engraved, bore two faces, ence their conduct. The first fort of not ogling each other, like those on the men, who nourish great expectations Hillings of Philip and Mary, nor cheek from the future, and fuffer hope to by jowl like the double visage on the lay their prudence to fleep, are very coin of William and Mary, but turned common: indeed, almost every man, from each other; one looking forwards, like the dairy.maid with her pail of as it were, into futurity, and the other milk, pleases himself with calculating tiking a retrospective view of what was the advantages he mall reap from his pait. There cannot be devised a stronger, undertakings. There is scarce a fervi. or more senfible lesson of moral intruco. tor at either university, who, when he tion, than this figure teaches ns. This takes orders, does not think it more than double view comprehends in itself the posible he may one day be a bishop, or tim of human prudence; for the most at least head of a college, though perperfect reason can go no higherthan wife- haps at firtt he is glad to snap at a culy to guess at the future, by reflecting on racy: Every walking attendant on our the past; and morality is never so likely hospitals flatters himself that a few years 10 perfevere in a fteady and uniform will settle him in high practice and a, courte, as when it fets out with a fixed chariot: and among those few gentledetermination of 'mutually regulating men of the inns of court, who really de. The New Year by a recolle&tion of che ferve the name of students, there is Old, and at the lame time making the hardly one who lits down to Lord Coke 1ucceeding a cominent on the latt. without imagining that he may himself,
Most of the faults in the general con some time or other, be Lord Chancellor. Juct of mankind, and their frequent Ar this early period of life thefe vain miscarriages in their most favourite en hopes may perhaps terve as fpurs to diteiprizes, will be founit,' upon exami- ligence and virtue; but what shall we mation, to result froni an imperfect and lay to thore people, who, in spite of ex. partial view of what relates to their tety perience and repeated disappointments, or undertakings. Some regiriate their itilf place their chief dependance on actions by blind guets, an raihly pre- groundiefs expectations from their fu. coming on the future, without the least one fortune! This town (warms with attention to the part: With there the people whoʻrely almost folely on conimpetuofity of the paflions gives their tingencies: and our gaols are often filled seafon no icope to exert ittelf, bur; neg" with wretches who brought on their feéting the premises, they jump to a own poverty and misfortuincs by proconclusion. Olliers; who are often raken mising themselves great profit from loine för men of deep reflection and marvel.“ darling scheme, which has at last been lotts' understanding, meditate fo pro. attended with bankruptcy. The prefoundly on the pati, that they scarce' fent extravagance of many of our spendtake any notice eidier of the present or thrifts is built on tome ideal riches, of the futúre. To thede two characters, which they are foon to be in pofleflion; wiose misionduct arils froin two such and which they are laying out as freely contrary sources, muy indeed' be ad led as the girl in the farce squanders the ten a third, wiose wild irregular behaviour thousand pounds The was to get in the is founded on no fixt principles, but lottery. I am myself acquainted with procceds from a toalbiance of thought a young fellow, who had great expect3and reflection. These ealy creatures at tions from an old uncle. He had ten entirely at random, neither troubling thoufand pounds of his own in ready themselves with what has been, what is, money; and as the old gentleman was or what will be; and, as the image of of an infrm conftirution, and turned of Janas teenis to best two hearts, there fixty, the nephew very confiderately Foug'itles vacant aniinals may aimolt compued, that his uncié could hardly Le lio o lave nu kend at all.
lalt ahove fr2 years, during which time But that the necality of taking this hemshigoon very genteelly at the raie comprehensive view of cur_attairs may of 200cl. icr alhl. However, the oid, appear in the tronger light, let us con- gentleman held together above seven lider the many dificuitics, in which years, the two lan of which our young
fpark had no consolation but the daily of thought, or guided by experience ? hopes of his uncle's death. The happy These persons are, indeed, of all others, hour at length arrived; the will was the molt to be pitied. They are proditore open with rapture; when, alas! gal and abandoned in their conduct, the fond youth discovered, that he and by vicious excelles ruin their conhad never once reflected, that though ftitution, till at length poverty and death he had a ticket in the wheel, it might itare them in the face at the same time; possibly come up a blank, and had ihe or if, unfortunately, their crazy frame. mortification to find hiinself disinherited. holds together after the utter destruction
I shall not dwell so particularly on of their fortune, they finish a thoughtless the ridiculous folly of those profound life by an act of desperation, and a pistol fpeculatists, who fix their attention en- puts an end to their miseries, tirely on what is part, without making Since then good fortune cannot be their reflections of service either for the expected to fall into our laps, and it represent or the future, because it is not a quires some thought to enfure to ourvery common or tempting fpecies of ab. felves a likelihood of success in our unfurdity: but shall rather advise the reader . dertakings, let us look back with attento consider the line past as the school tion on the Old Year, and gather inof experience from which he may draw ftructions from it in what manner to the most useful lessons for his future conduct ourtelves through the New, Lec conduct. This kind of retrospect would us allo endeavour to draw from it a les teach us to provide with forelight against son of morality: and I hope it will not the calamities to which our inexperience be thought too folemn a conclusion of has hitherto expused us, though at the this paper, if I advise my readers to same time it would not throw us so far carry this reflection even into religion. back, as to keep us lagging, like the This train of thought, that teaches us Old Stile, behind the relt of the world. at once to reflect on the past, and look To fay the truth, those fage persons who forward to the future, will also naturally are given to such deep refle&tion, as to lead us to look up with awe and admiralet to-day and to-morrow pass unre- tion towards that Being who has exiftgarded by meditating on yesterday, are ed from all eternity, and shall exist world as ridiculous in their conduct as coun. without end. No consideration can give try beaux in their dress, who adopt the us a more exalted idea of the Power two modes juk after they are become who first created us, and whole provi. unfashionable in London.
dence is always over us. Let us then But there is no talk so difficult as to consider with attention this pagan image, infuse ideas into a brain hitherto entirely by which we may add force to our mounaccustomed to thinking: for how can rality, and prudence to our ordinary we warn a man to avoid ene misfortunes conduct; nor let us blush to receive a which may hereafter befal him, or to lesson from Heathens, which may ani. improve by the calamities he has already mate our zeal and reverence for the Aufuffered, whose actions are not the result thor of Christianity,
N° CII. THURSDAY, JANUARY 8, 1756.
-PATER! NEC JAM PATIR
with William the Conqueror. Upon TO MR. TOWN.
my acceffion fome years ago to my elder EIR,
brother's estate and title of a Baronet, T has been my good fortune to be I received a visit from Rouge Dragon,
born of a family that is recorded in Esquire, Pursuivant at Arms, to con the Herald's Dictionary as one of the gratulate me upon my new rank of a moft ancient in the kingdom. We are Vavajour, and to know whether I should supposed to have come inco Eryland chute to bear the Dexter Baje Points of
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