maining proofs of those beauties, which are now withered like the fhort-lived rofe, and have only left the virgin thorn remaining. Believe me, Mr. Town, I am almoft afraid to trust you with the publication of this epiftle: the ladies, whom I laft mentioned, will be so exasperated on reading it, that I muft expect no quarter at their hands for the future; fince they are generally as little inclined to forgiveness in their old age, as they were to pity and compaffion in their youth. One expedient, however, is left me, which, if put in execution, will effectually fcreen me from their refentment. I fhall be happy, therefore, if by your means I may be permitted to inform the ladies, that as fufty an animal as they think me, it is not impoffible but by a little gentler treatment than I have hitherto met with, I may be humanized into an husband. As an inducement to them to relieve me from my prefent uneafy circumstances, you may affure them, that I am rendered fo exceeding tractable by the very fevere discipline I have undergone, that they may mould and fashion me to their minds with ease; and confequently, that by marrying me, a woman will fave herself all that trouble, which a wife of any spirit is obliged to take with an unruly husband, who is abfurd enough to expect from her a strict performance of the marriage vow, even in the very minute article of obedience: that, so far from contradicting a lady, I fhall be mighty well fatisfied if the contents herfelf with contradicting me: that, if I happen at any time inadvertently to thwart her inclinations, I shall think myself rightly served, if the boxes my ears, fpits in my face, or treads upon my corns: that if I approach her lips, when the is not in a kiffing humour, I fhall expect the will bite me by the nofe; or, if I take her by the hand in an improper season, that fhe will inftantly begin to pinch, scratch, and claw, and apply her fingers to thofe purpofes which they were certainly intended by nature to fulfil. Add to thefe accomplishments, fo requifite to make the married ftate happy, that I am not much turned of fifty, can tie on my cravat, faften a button, or mend an hole in my stocking without any affiftance. I am, Sir, Your humble fervant, CHRISTOPHER IRONSIDE. N° CXVI. THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 1756. ́DESPICERE UNDE QUEAS ALIOS, PASSIMQUE VIDERE LUCRET. HERE EACH PROFESSION, AND IT'S TRIBE WE VIEW, HOSE parents who are unable the educating them to one of the three great profeffions of Law, Phyfic, and Divinity, as putting them in the high road to acquire one. Hence it happens, that nineteen parts out of twenty of our young men are brought up with a view to Lambeth, the Seals, or Warwick Lane. But, alas! their hopes and expectations of rifing by their profeffions are often fruftrated; and the furprifing numbers engaged in running the fame race, neceffarily joftle one another. For though the courts of justice are tolerably fupplied with matters of litigation; though there are many invalids and valetudinarians; and though great part of England is laid out in church prefer tion, to employ a tenth part of those who have been trained to engross deeds in their chambers, or to harangue at the bar: the number of patients bears no proportion to the fwarms of the Faculty; nor would it, though a confultation were to fit on every fick man, like carrion-flies upon a carcafe: and the prodigious number of Reverend Divines infinitely exceeds that of those bishopricks, deaneries, prebends, rectories, vicarages, &c. which, when they are ordained, they conceive it to be part of their holy office to fill. From thefe frequent failures in each of the profeffions, the younger fons of great men often wish that they had been permitted to difgrace 2 K 2 the the family by fome mercantile or more plebeian occupation; while the fon of the mechanic curfes the pride of his father, who, instead of fecuring him a livelihood in his own bufinefs, has condemned him to starve in pudding-fleeves, that he may do honour to his relations by being a gentleman. The Three Profeffions being thus crouded with more candidates for bufinefs and preferment than can poffibly be employed or promoted, has occafioned feveral irregularities in the conduct of the followers of each of them. The utter impoffibility of fupporting them felves in the ufual method of practifing Law, Phyfic, or Divinity, without clients, patients, or parishioners, has induced the labourers in each of thofe vocations to feek out new veins and branches. The young Solicitor, who finds he has nothing to do, now he is eut of his clerk fhip, offers his afliftance, in the tranfaction of all law affairs, by the public papers; and, like the advertifing tailors, promifes to work cheaper than any of his brethren; while the young Barrifter, after having exhibited his tye-wig in Westminster Hall, during feveral terms, to no purpose, is obliged to forego the hope of rivalling Murray and Coke, and content himfelf with being the oracle of the courts of Carolina or Jamaica. The Graduate in Medicine, finding himself unfolicited for prefcription or advice, and likely to ftarve hy practising phyfic fecundùm artem, lies in the face of the College, and profeffes to cure all difcafes by nof trums unmentioned in the difpenfatory. He commences a thriving quack, and foon makes his way through the important medical degrees of walking on foot, riding on horfeback, difpenfing his drugs from an one-horfe chaife, and lattly lolling in a chariot. The Divine, without living, cure, or lectureship, may perhaps incur tranfportation for illegal marriages, fet up a theatrical-oratorical-Billingfgate chapel under the fhelter of the toleration-act and the butchers of Clare Market, or kindle the inward light in the bofoms of the Saints of Moorfields, and the Magdalens of Broad St. Giles's. But notwithstanding thefe fhoots, ingrafted, as it were, into the main body of the Profeffions, it is still impoffible for the val multitude of Divines, Lawyers, and Phyficians, to maintain themfelves, at any rate, within the pale of their refpective employments. They have often been compelled, at least, to call in adventitious ones, and have fometimes totally abandoned their original undertakings. They have frequently made mutual tranfitions into the occupations of each other, or have perhaps embraced other employments; which, though diftinct from all three, and not usually dignified with the title of Profeffions, may fairly be confidered in that light; fince they are the fole means of fupport to many thousands, who toiled in vain for a fubfiftence in the three Capital Ones. On thefe Profeffions, and their various followers, I fhall here make fome observations. The first of these profeffions is an author. The mart of literature is, indeed, one of the chief reforts of unbeneficed Divines, and Lawyers and Phyficians without practice. There are at prefent in the world of Authors, Doctors of Phyfic, who (to ufe the phrafe of one of them) have no great fatigue from the business of their profeffion: many Clergymen, whofe fermons are the mont inconfiderable part of their compofitions: and 'feveral Gentlemen of the Inns of Court, who, inftead of driving the quill over fkins of parchment, lead it through all the mazes of modern novels, critiques, and pamphlets. Many likewife have embraced this profeffion, who were never bred to any other: and I might alfo mention the many bankrupt tradefmen and broken artificers, who daily enter into this new way of bufinefs, if, by purfuing it in the fame mechanical manner as their former accupations, they might not rather be regarded as following a trade than a profeffion. The fecond of these profeffions is a Player. The ingenious gentlemen who aflume the perfons of the Drama, are compofed of as great a variety of characters as thofe they reprefent. The history of the ftage might afford many inftances of thofe, who in the trade of death might have flain men, have yet condefcended to deal counterfeit flaughters from their right-hands, and adminifter harmless phials and bowls of poifon. We might read alfo of perfons, whofe fifts were intended to beat the 'drum ecclefiaftic, who have, with unexpected fpirit, become theatrical voFunteers. In regard to the Law, many, who were originally defigned to manifeft their talents for elocution in Weftminfter Hall, have difplayed them in Drury Lane; and it may be added, on theatrical authority, that Not e'en Attorneys have this rage withflood, But chang'd their pens for truncheons, ink for blood, And, ftrange reverfe!-dy'd for their country's good. I will not fo far affront thofe gentlemen, who were ever engaged in the ftudy of the three honourable Profeffions of Law, Phyfic, and Divinity, as to fuppofe that any of them have ever taken up the more fashionable employment of a Pimp yet it is certain, that this is a very common and lucrative Profeffion, and that very many provide themfelves with the neceffaries of life, by adminiftering to the pleasures of others. A convenient coufin, fifter, or wife, has fometimes proved the chief means of making a fortune; and the tongue of flander has often ventured to affirm, that the price of procuration has been paid with a place or a bishoprick. The most advantageous and genteel of all Profeffions is Gaming. Whoever will make this fcience his ftudy, will find it the readieft way to riches, and most certain paffport to the best company for the polite world will always admit any one to their fociety, who will condefcend to win their money. The followers of this Profeffion are very numerous which is, indeed, no wonder, when we reflect on the numbers it fupports in eafe and afuence, at no greater pains than packing the cards or cogging the dice, and no more risk than being fometimes tweaked by the nofe, or kicked out of company: befides which, this Profeffion daily receives new luftre from the many perfons of quality that follow it, and croud into it with as much eageruefs as into the army. Among Gamefters may alfo be found Lawyers, who get more by being masters of all the Cafes in Hoyle, than by their knowledge of thofe recorded in the reportbooks; Phyficians, the chief object of whofe attention is the circulation of the E O table; and Divines, who, we may fuppofe, were hinted at by a famous wit in a certain affembly, when, among the other benefits refulting from a double tax upon dice, he thought fit to enumerate, that it might poflibly prevent the Clergy from playing at back-gam mon. But the more danger the more honour: and therefore no Profeffion is more honourable than that of an highwayman. Who the followers of this Profeffion are, and with what fuccefs they practise it, I will not pretend to relate; as the incmoirs of feveral of them have been al ready penned by the Ordinary of Newgate, and as it is to be hoped that the lives of all the prefent practitioners will be written hereafter by that faithful hiftorian. I fhall, therefore, only fay, that the prefent fpirit of diffoluteness and free-thinking muft unavoidably bring this honourable Profeffion, more and more into vogue, and that every Seffions may foon be expected to afford an inftance of a Gentleman Highwayman. N° CXVII. THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 1756. ERGO HAUD DIFFICILE EST PERITURAM ARCESSERE SUMMAM Juv HERE TO THE SPENDTHRIFT READY CASH IS LENT, I Have often amufed myself with cons fidering the mean and ridiculous hifts to which the extravagant are fometimes reduced. When the certain fupplies of a regular income are exhaufted, they are obliged to caft about for ready safh, and fet the invention to work, in W order to devife means of repairing their finances. Such attempts to enlarge their revenue have frequently driven thofe, whofe great fouls would not be curbed by the ftraitnefs of their circumstances, into very uncommon undertakings: they have fent lords to Arthur's, and ladies to affemblies, or fometimes worfe places. We may fafely conclude, that whoever breaks through all œconomy, will foon difcard honefty: though perhaps it might be deemed Scandalum Magnatúm to aver, that prodigal men of quality have often fold their country to redeem their eftates, and that extravagant ladies have been known to make up the deficiencies of their pin-money by pilfering and lar ceny. One of the first and chief refources of extravagance, both in high and low life, is the Pawnbroker's. I never pafs by one of these shops, without confidering them as the repofitories of half the jewels, plate, &c. in town. It is true, indeed, that the honeft and induftrious are fometimes forced to fupply their neceffities by this method but if we were to inquire, to whom the feveral articles in thefe mifcellaneous warehoufes belong, we should find the greatest part of them to be the property of the idle and infamous among the vulgar, or the prodigal and luxurious among the great: and if, in imitation of the ancients, who placed the Temple of Honour behind the Temple of Virtue, propriety fhould be attempted in the fituation of Pawnbrokers fhops, they would be placed contiguous to a gin-fhop, as in the ingenious print of Hogarth; or behind a tavern, gaming-houfe, or bagnio. Going home late laft Saturday night, I was witness to a curious dialogue at the door of one of thefe houfes. An honeft journeyman carpenter, whofe wife, it feems, had pawned his best cloaths, having juit received his week's pay, was come to redeem them; but, it being past twelve o'clock, the man of the house, who kept up the converfation by means of a little grate in the door, refufed to deliver them; though the poor carpenter begged hard for his holiday cloaths, as the morrow was Eafter Sunday. This accident led me to reflect on the various perfons in town who carry on this kind of commerce with the Pawnbrokers, and gave occafion to the following Dream. I was fcarce afleep, before I found myself at the entrance of a blind alley, terminated by a little hatch; where I faw a vast concourfe of people, of different ages, fex, and condition, going in and coming out. Some of thefe I obferved, as they went up, very richly dreffed; and others were adorned with jewels and coftly trinkets: but I could not help remarking, that at their return they were all divefted of their finery; and feveral had even their gowns and coats ftript off their backs. A lady, who ftrutted up in a rich brocaded fuit, fneaked back again in an ordinary stuff night-gown: a fecond retreated with the lofs of a diamond folitaire and pearl necklace; and a third, who had bundled up her whole stock of linen, scarce escaped with what she had upon her back. I obferved feveral gentlemen, who brought their fideboards of plate, to be melted down, as it were, into current specie: many had their pockets difburthened of their watches; and fome, even among the military gentlemen, were obliged to deliver up their fwords. Others of the company marched up, heavy laden with pictures, houfhold goods, and domeftic utenfils: one carried a fpit; another brandifhed a gridiron; a third flourished a frying-pan; while a fourth brought to my remembrance the old fign of the Dog's Head in the Porridge-pot. I faw feveral trot up merrily with their chairs, tables, and other furniture: but I could not help pitying one poor creature among the reft, who after having tript his whole houfe, even to his fea ther-bed, talked along like a Lockpatient, wrapped up in the blankets, while his wife accompanied him doing penance in the fheets. As I was naturally curious to fee the infide of the receptacle where all these various fpoils were depofited, I stepped up to the hatch; and meeting a grave old gentleman at the threshold, I defired him to inform me what place it was, and what buliness was tranfacted there. He very courteoufly took me by the hand, and leading me through a dark paffage, brought me into a spacious hall, which he told me was the Temple of Ufury, and that he himself was the chief priest of it. One part of this building was hung round with all kinds of apparel, like the fale-fhops in Monmouth Street; another was strewed with a variety of goods, and refembled the brokers hops in Harp Alley; and another part was furnished with such an immenfe quantity of jewels and rich plate, that I fhould rather have fancied myfelf in the Church of the Lady of Loretto. All thefe, my guide informed me, were the offerings of that crowd, which I had feen reforting to this Tem ple. |