ple. The Churches in Roman Catholic countries have commonly a cross fixed upon them; the Chinese erect dragons and hang bells about their Pagods; and the Turkish Mofques are diftinguished by crefcents; but I could not help taking particular notice, that this Temple of Ufury had it's veftibule adorned with three wooden balls painted blue; the myftery of which, I was told, was as dark and unfathomable as the Pythagorean number, or the fecret doctrines of Trismegift.

When I had in fome measure fatisfied my curiofity, in taking a general furvey of the Temple, my inftructor led me to an interior corner of it, where the most fplendid offerings were fpread upon á large altar. This bauble,' faid he, fhewing me an elegant fprig of diamonds, is an aigret, fent in laft week by a lady of quality, who has ever fince kept home, with her head muffled up in a double clout, for a pre⚫tended fit of the tooth-ache. She has, at different times, made an offering of all her jewels: and, befides thefe, her whole wardrobe was very lately lodged here, which threw her into an hysteric fever, and confined her to her bedgown for upwards of a month. Thofe ear-rings and other jewels, are the paraphernalia of a young bride; who ' was so conttant a votary to this place, that, when nothing elfe remained for an offering, the even brought in her wedding-ring. You may be furprized, perhaps, to behold fuch a variety ' of necklaces, girdle - buckles, folitaires, and other female ornaments, as are here collected: but it is obfervable, that their devotions in the Temple of Ufury have been chiefly encouraged and kept alive by their affifting at the midnight orgies of • Avarice.

Nor are the gentlemen,' continued he, lefs encouragers of our rites. That gold watch laid fnug, for a confiderable time, in the fob of a young man of quality; but it was one night jerked out by a fingle throw of the dice at a gaming-table, and made it's way into the pocket of a stranger, who placed it here to keep company with ⚫ feveral others brought hither on a fimilar occafion. Thofe brilliant buckles once glittered on the fhoes of a very pretty fellow, who set out last winter on his travels into foreign parts, but

never got further than Boulogne: and that fword, with the rich filigree hilt and elegantly-fancied fword-knot with gold taffels, once dangled at the fide of a fpirited Buck; who left it here two years ago, when he went off in a great hurry, to take poffeffion of a large eftate in his native country, Ireland, whence he is not yet returned. You may fee many others of the e in'ftruments of death, which ruft peacefully in their fcabbards, as being of no use whatever to their owners: that which commonly hangs upon the vacant peg there, belongs, you must 'know, to a noble captain: it is called upon duty once a month, and is at this inftant mounting guard at St. 'James's.'

Not far from these rich ornaments hung feveral embroidered coats, laced waistcoats, Point d'Espagne hats, &c.

This fuit, faid my venerable inftructor, pointing to one richly embroidered, was made up for a noble lord on the laft Birth-day, and conveyed hither the very next morning after he had appeared at court. That jemmy waistcoat with the gold worked button-holes, on the next peg, was the property of a fmart Templar, who, having spent a night out of his chambers, fent his waistcoat hither in the morning, as a penitential offering, by his landlady. As to that heap of camblet gowns, checked aprons, and coloured handkerchiefs, which you 'fee strung together a little further off, they are oblations made here by a fect of maudlin votaries, who relort to this Temple to pay their devotions to a Goddess, whom they have christened Madam Gin, but whom they fometimes honour with the more proper appellation of Strip Me Naked.'

While my conductor was thus relating the hiftory of the various offerings, and the perfons who had made them, he was fuddenly called afide to a dark clofet; feveral of which were erected near the entrance, and appeared not unlike the confeffionals of the Romish priefts. Thefe little boxes, I found, were appointed to receive the votaries who came to pay their devotions, and make their offerings: but the neceffary rites and ceremonies were commonly folemnized with as much caution and privacy, as the mysteries of the Bona Dea among the Romans. At present, how

ever,

ever, there was a greater noise and hubbub than ufual. A perfon of the firft rank in the kingdom, who had made fome very confiderable oblations of gold and filver plate, was now about to ceJebrate a feaft in honour of Bacchus, in which, as thefe rich utenfils would be requifite, he prayed to have the use of them. The chief prieft, after having received the customary fee, granted a difpenfation for this purpose, and loaded the meffengers with a number of wrought ewers, vafes, and chargers; at the fame time commiffioning two or three of the inferior officials of the Temple to attend the celebration of the feaft, and to take care that the plate was duly returned, and fafely lodged again in the Temple.

Thefe matters were fcarce adjusted, before an unexpected incident filled the whole Temple with confufion and difturbance. A rude tribe of officers broke in upon us, put a stop to the rites, and feized the chief prieft himfelf, charging him with having profaned the place by a crime almost as infamous as facrilege. He was accused of having encouraged robbers to strip the citizens of their most valuable effects, and for a small reward to depofit them as offerings. The clamour on this occafion was very great; and at laft one of the officers, methought, feized me, as a party concerned; when endeavouring to clear myself, and ftruggling to get out of his clutches, I awoke.

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The more confpicuous, in alHERE is no race of people that molt every relation of life, than the ilJuftrious family of Nonfenfe. In every age of the world they have fhone forth with uncommon luttre, and have made a wonderful progrefs in all the Arts and Sciences. They have at different Lafons delivered fpeeches from the throne, harangued at the bar, debated in parliament, and gone amazing lengths in philofophical enquiries and metaphyfical difquifitions. In a word, the whole hiftory of the world, moral and political, is but a Cyclopædia of Nonfenfe. For which reafon, confidering the dig nity and importance of the family, and

the infinite fervice it has been of to me and many of my cotemporaries, I have refolved is oblige the public with a kind of abftra&t of the hiftory of Nonfenfe.

Nonfenfe was the daughter of Ignorance, begot on Falsehood, many ages ago, in a dark cavern in Boetia. As fhe grew up, the inherited all the qualities of her parents: the difcovered too warm a genius to require being fent to fchool; but while other dull brats were

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poring over an horn-book, the amused herfelf with fpreading fantastical lyes, taught her by her mamma, and which have in later ages been familiarly known to us under the names of Sham, Banter, and Humbug. When he grew up, he received the addreffes, and foon became the wife, of Impudence. Who he was, or of what profellion, is uncertain: fome fay he was the fon of Ignorance by another venter, and was fuffered to become the hufband of Nonfenfe in thofe dark ages of the world, as the Ptolemies of Egypt married their own fitters. Some record, that he was in the army; others, that he was an interpreter of the laws; and others, a divine. However this was, Nonfenfe and Impudence were foon infeparably united to each other, and became the founders of a more numerous family than any yet preferved on any tree of defcent whatfoever; of which ingenious device they were faid to have been the first inventors.

It is my chief intent at prefent to record the great exploits of that branch of the family, who have made themselves remarkable

remarkable in England; though they began to fignalize themfelves very early, and are ftill very flourishing in moft parts of the world. Many of them were Egyptian Priefts four thousand years ago, and told the people that it was religion to worship dogs, monkeys, and green leeks and their defcendants prevailed on the Grecks and Romans to build temples in honour of fuppofed deities, who were, in their own eltimation of them, whores and whore-mongers, pick-pockets and drunkards. Others rofe up fome ages after in Turkey, and perfuaded the people to embrace the doctrine of bloodthed and of the fword, in the name of the most merciful God: and others have manifefted their lineal defcent from Nonfenfe and Impudence, by affirming that there is no God at all. There were alfo among them many fhrewd philofophers; fome of whom, though they were racked with a fit of the tone, or laid up with a gouty toe, declared that they felt not the leaft degree of pain; and others would not truft their own eyes, but when they saw an horfe or a dog, could not tell whether it was not a chair or a table, and even made a doubt of their own exiftence.

We have no certain account of the progrefs of Nonfenfe here in England, till after the Reformation. All we hear of her and her progeny before that period of time is, that they led a lazy life among the monks in cloysters and convents, dreaming over old legends of faints, drawing up breviaries and mafsbooks, and tringing together fome barbarous Latin verfes in rhyine. In the days of Queen Elizabeth, fo little encouragement was given to her family, that it feemed to have been almott extinct but in the fucceeding reign it flourished again, and filled the molt confiderable offices in the nation. Nonfente became a great favourite at court, where the was highly carefied on account of her wit, which confifted in puns and quibbles; and the bonny monarch himfelf was thought to take a more than ordinary delight in her converfation. At this time many of her progeny took orders, and got themselves preferred to the best livings, by turning the Evangelifts into punters, and making St. Paul quibble from the pulpit. Among the reft, there was a bishop, a favourite fon of Nonfenfe, of whom it is particularly recorded, that he used to tickle his

courtly audience, by telling them that matrimony was become a matter of money, with many other right reverend jelts recorded in Joe Miller. Several brothers of this family were likewife bred to the bar, and very gravely harangued again't old women fucked by devils in the fhape of ram cats, &c. As an inftance of the profound wisdom and fagacity of the leg tharure in those days, I need only mention that just and truly pious act of parliament made againit the crying fin of witchcraft. 1 Jac. I. chap. 12. Such as fhall ufe invoca

tion or conjuration of any evil spirit,' · or fhall confult, covenant with, enter tain, employ, fee or reward any evil . fpirit to any intent, or take up any dead perfon or part thereof, to be used in witchcraft, or have ufed any of the faid arts, whereby any perfon fhall be killed, confumed, or lamed in his or her body, they, together with their acceffories before the fact, fhall fuffer as felons, without benefit of clergy.'

In the troublelome times of King Charles the First, Nonfenfe and her family fided with the Parliament. Thefe fet up new fects in religion: some of them cropt their hair fhort, and called themfelves the Enlightened; fome fell into trances, and pretended to see holy vifions; while others got into tubs, and held forth with many whinings, and groans, and fnuffling through the nose. In the merry days of King Charles the Second, Nonfenfe aflumed a more gay and libertine air; and her progeny, from fanatics, became downright infidels. Several courtiers of the family whote lewd plays, as well as luscious lovefongs, and other loofe verfes, which were collected together, and greedily bought up in mifcellanies. In the fucceeding reign, fome of the kindred, who had received their education at St. Omer's, thought themselves on the point of eftablishing Nonfenfe in church and state, and were preparing to make bonfires on the occafion in Smithfield, when they were obliged to leave the kingdom.

Since the Revolution, the field of Politics has afforded large fcope for Nonfente and her family to make themselves remarkable. Hence arose the various fects in party, diftinguished by the names of Whig and Fory, Minifterial and Jacobite, Sunderlandians, Oxfordians, Godolphinians, Bolingbrokians, Walpolians, Pelhamians, &c, &c. &c. names

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which

which have kindled as hot a war in pamphlets and journals, as the Guelphs and Gibilines in Italy, or the Big and little Endians in the kingdom of Lilliput,

I have here endeavoured to give a fhort abridgement of the hiftory of Nonfenfe; though a very finall part of the exploits of the family can be included info compendious a chronicle. Some of them were very deep scholars, and filled the Profeffors Chairs at the Universities. They compofed many elaborate differtations to convince the world that two and two make four; and difcovered, by dint of fyllogifm, that white is not black. Their inquiries in Natural Philofophy were no lefs extraordinary many fpent their lives and their fortunes in attempting to difcover a wonderful Stone, that should turn every bafer metal into gold; and others employed themfelves in making artificial wings, by the help of which they should fly up into the world of the moon, Another branch of the family took to the Belles Lettres, and were the original founders of the learned fociety of Grub Street.

Never was any era in the annals of Nonfenfe more illuftrious than the prefent; nor did that noble family ever more fignally diftinguith itself in every Occupation. In Oratory, who are greates proficients than the progeny of Nonfenfe! Witness many long and eloquent, fpeeches delivered in St, Stephen's Cha

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pel, in Westminster Hall, at Amizes and Quarter-Seffions, at Clare Market, and the Robin Hood. In Philofophy, what marvellous things have not been proved by Nonfenfe? The fonetime Profeffor of Alronomy at Gresham College fhewed Sir Ifaac Newton to ho a mere afs, and wire-drawed the book of Mofes into a compleat fyftem of Natural Philofophy: Life-guard-men have, with the utmost certainty of Nonfenfe, foretold Earthquakes; and others have penned curious Elays on Air-quakes, Water-quakes, and Comets. In Politics, how fuccefsfully have the fons of Nonfenfe bandied about the terms of Court and Country? How wifely have they debated upon taxes? And with what amazing penetration did they but lately forefee an Invation? In Reli gion, their domain is particularly extenfive: for, though Nonfenfe is excluded, at least from the first part of the fervice, in all regular churches, yet the often occupies the whole ceremony at the Tabernacle and Foundery in Moorfields, and the Chapel in Long Acre. But, for the credit of fo polite an age, be it known, that the children of Nonfenfe, who are many of them people of fashion, are as often feen at the Playhoufe as at Church: and it is fomething ftrange, that the family of Nonfenfe is now divided against itself, and in high contest about the management of their favourite amufement-the Opera.

HERE is no mark of our conf. dence taken more kindly by a friend, than the entrusting him with a Secret; nor any which he is to likely to abuse. Confidants in geseral are like crazy firelocks, which are no fooner charged and cocked, than the fpring gives way, and the report inmediately follows Happy to have been thought worthy the confidence of one friend, they are impatient to manifeft their importance to another; till between them and their friend, and their friend's friend, the

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whole matter is presently known to “ail

our friends round the Wrekin.' The secret catches, as it were, by contact,” and like electrical matter breaks forth from every link in the chain, almost as the fame inftant. Thus the whole Exchange may be thrown into a buz to morrow, by what was whispered in the middle of Marlborough Downs this morning; and in a week's time the ftreets may ring with the intrigue of a woman of fashion, bellowed out from the foul mouths of the hawkers, though

at prefent it is known to no creature living but her gallant and her waitingmaid.

As the talent of Secrefy is of fo great importance to fociety, and the neceffary commerce between individuals cannot be fecurely carried on without it, that this deplorable weakness fhould be fo general is much to be lamented. You may as well pour water into a funnel or a fieve, and expect it to be retained there, as commit any of your concerns to fo flippery a companion. It is remarkable, that in thofe men who have thus loft the faculty of retention, the defire of being communicative is always most prevalent where it is leaft to be juftified. If they are entrusted with a matter of no great moment, affairs of more confequence will perhaps in a few hours fhuffle it intirely out of their thoughts: but if any thing be delivered to them with an air of earnestnefs, a low voice, and the gefture of a man in terror for the confequence of it's being known; if the door is bolted, and every precaution taken to prevent a forprise; however they may promife fecrecy, and however they may intend it, the weight upon their minds will be fo extremely oppreffive, that it will certainly put their tongues in mo

tion.

This breach of traft, fo univerfal amongst us, is perhaps in a great meafure owing to our education. The firft lefon our little mafters and miffes are taught, is to become blabs and tell-tales: they are bribed to divulge the petty in trigues of the family below ftairs to papa and mamma in the parlour, and a doll or an hobby-horfe is generally the encouragement of a propensity which could fcarcely be atoned for by a whip ping. As foon as children can lifp out the little intelligence they have picked up in the hall or the kitchen, they are admired for their wit: if the butler has been caught kiffing the housekeeper in his pantry, or the footman detected in romping with the chambermaid, away fres little Tommy or Betfy with the news; the parents are loft in admiration of the pretty rogue's understanding, and reward fuch uncommon ingenuity with a kifs or a lugar plumb.

Nor does an inclination to Secrecy meet with lefs encouragement at fem of The governantes at the boarding. fchool reach mifs, to be a good girl, and tell then every thing the knows: thus, if

any young lady is unfortunately difcovered eating a green apple in a corner, if he is heard to pronounce a naughty. word, or is caught picking the letters out of another mifs's fampler, away runs the chit, who is fo happy as to get the start of the reft, fereams out her informa tion as the goes; and the prudent ma tron chucks her under the chin, and tells her that he is a good girl, and every body will love her.

The management of our young gen. tlemen is equally abfurd: in molt of our fchools, if a lad is discovered in a fcrape, the impeachment of an accomplice, as at the Old Bailey, is made the condition of a pardon. I remember 1 boy, engaged in robbing an orchard, who was unfortunately taken prifoner in an apple-tree, and conducted, under the ftrong guard of the farmer and his dairy-mid, to the mafter's houfe. Upon his abfolute refufal to difcover h his affo clates, the pedagogue undertook to lafh him out of his fidelity; but finding it impoffible to fcourge the fecret out of him, he at laft gave him up for an ob ftinate villain, and fent him to his father, who told him he was ruined, and was going to difinherit him for not be. traying his fchool fellows. Imutt own, I am not fond of thus drubbing our youth into treachery; and am much) more pleafed with the request of Ulyffes, when he went to Troy, who begged of thofe who were to have the charge of Telemachus, that they would above all things teach him to be juft, fincere, faithful, and to keep a Secret.

Every man's experience must have furnished him with inftances of confidants who are not to be relied on, and friends who are not to be trufted; but few perhaps have thought it a character fo well worth their attention, as to have marked out the different degrees into which it may be divided, and the different methods by which Secrets are communicated.

Ned Trufty is a tell-tale of a very fingular kind. Having fome fenfe of his duty, he hesitates a little at the breach of it. If he engages never to utter a fyllable, he molt punctually performs his promise; but then he has the knack of infinuating by a not and a threg well-time, or a feasonable leer, as itch as others can convey in exprefs terms It is difficult, in short, to determine whether he is more to be admired for 2 L 2

his