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furnish a dish of Carp's Palates and ten butler out of livery, and his two undero legs of mutton mangled raw, to make butlers, are Frenchinen: the clerk of out a dish of Pope's Eyes.

the kitchen is a Frenchman: and MonThe concomitant charges of the cel. fieur Fricando, the head.cook, to be lar, you will imagine, are no less extra- sure is a Frenchman. This gentleman vagant; and, indeed, it is not enough, never foils his fingers in touching the that we abound in the best French and least bit of any thing; but gives his orItalian wines, (which, by the bye, are ders (like a general) to four subalterus, purchased on the spot at an extraordi- who are likewise Frenchmen. The nary price) but we must have several baker, the confectioner, the very scul. other kinds of the highest value, and lions, and even the fellow that looks consequently of the most delicious fla- after the poultry, are, all of them, Frenchvour; and though but a taste of each men. These, you may be sure, are mainhas been sipped round by the comp. .y, tained at very high salaries : and though the same bottles must never be brought Monsieur Fricando had the pay of a a fecond time upon the table, but are captain in a marching regiment, my secured as perquisites by the butler, who lord was forced to double his wages at fells them to the merchant, who sells the beginning of the war, and allow them back again to my lord. Besides him the free exercise of his religion, to these, his lordship has lately been at an prevent his leaving the kingdom. immense charge in raising a Pinery, in I am sorry to that this pride of order to try the experiment of making keeping a table has visibly impaired my Cyder of Pine-apples; which he hopes to lord's fortunes; and this very summer do at little more than treble the expence he has been obliged to fell all the timber of Champagne. To this article I might on his eltate, as I may fay, to keep up also add the charge of his Ice-houses: for his kitchen fire. The only satisfaction, although these are stored with an home- which he can possibly reap from all this commodity, originally of no value; yet expence, is the vanity of having it said, I may venture to say, that every drop of that nobody treats to elegantly as his water comes as dear to us, as the most lordship; and now and then perhaps costly of our wines.

reading in the news papers, that such As all our liquors, I have told you, a day the right honourable

gave a are of foreign growth, and all our dimes grand entertainment at his house in distinguished by foreign titles, you will at which were present the princireadily conceive, that our houshold is pal officers of state and foreign minichiefly composed of foreigners. The iters. I am, Sir, your humble servant, Maitre d bótel is a Frenchman: the &c.

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N the comedy of the Frenchman in hand, the loquacious French have been at Paris with universal applause for seve. beyond all other people. The Engral nights together, there is a character, lillman requires to be wound up freof a rough Englishman, who is repre- quently, and ftops very soon; but the Jented as quite unskilled in the graces Frenchman runs on in a continual alaof convexation; and his dialogie con- Yet it rutt be ack nowledged, fifts almost entirely of a repetition of that, as the Englith confitt of very difthe common saluration of How do ferent huinours, their manner of dir.

you do? How do you do?' Our na- course admits of great variety: but the tion has, indeed, bten gererally iuppof whole French nation converse alike; ed to be of a lullen and uncommunica- and there is no differerce in their adtive disposition; while, on the other dress between a marquis and a valet


de chambre. We may frequently fee a minuet step. They may be considera couple of French barbers accoiting ed as speaking Harlequins; and their each other in the street, and paying their rules of eloquence are taken from the compliments with the same volubility of posture-marter. These should be con(peech, the same grimace and action, as demned to converte only in dumb few two courtiers on the Thuilleries. with their own person in the looking

I Mall not attempt to lay down any glass; as well as the Smirkers and Smil. particular rules for conversation, but ers, who so prettily set off their faces, rather point out such faults in discourse together with their words, by a je-neand behaviour, as render the company sçai quoi between a grin and a dimple. of half mankind rather tedious than With these we may likewise rank the amusing. It is in vain, indeed, to look atceted tribe of Mimics, who are confor conversation, where we might ex- tantly taking off the peculiar tone of pect to find it in the greatest perfection, voice or gesture of their acquaintance : among persons of fashion: there it is though they are such wretched imitators, almolt annihilated by universal card- that (like bad painters) they are freplaying; infomuch that I have heard quently forced to write the naine under it given as a reason, why it is impolli- the picture, before we can discover any ble for our present writers to succeed in likeness. the dialogue of genteel comedy, that Next to these, whose elocution is ab. our people of quality Icarce ever meet sorbed in action, and who converse but to game.

All their discourse turus chiefly with their arms and legs, we may upon the odd trick and the four lionours: consider the profefied speakers. And and it is no less a maxim with the first, the Emphatical; who lque :ze, and votaries of Whilt than with those of Bac- preis, and ram down every syllable with chus, that talking spoils company. excesiive vehemence and energy. These

Every one endeavours to make him- orators are remarkable for their distinct self as agreeable to fociety as he can ; elocution and force of expresion : they but it often happens, that those, who dwell on the important particies of and mottain at thining in conversation, over- the, and the lignificant conjunctive and; thoot the mark. Though a man fuc. which they seem to hawk up, with much ceeds, he mould not (as is frequently difficulty, out of iheir own throats, and the cale) engross the whole talk to him. to cram them, with no less pain, into kelf; for that destroys the very esence the ears of their auditors. These thould of conversation, which is talking toge. be Tuffered only to lyrin je (as it were) ther. We should try to keep upcon. the ears of a deaf man, through an heasa vertation like a ball banilie: to and fis ing trumper: though I must confess, from one to the other, later than leize tiat I ain equally offended with the itali to ourselves, and drive it before Whisperers or Low Speakers, who seem us like a foot-ball. We thould like- to fancy all their acquaintance diaf, and wise be cautious to adapt the matter of come up to close to you, that they may our discourse to our company; and not be laid to measure noses with you, and taik Greek before ladies, or of the lait frequently overcome you with the exnew furbelow to a meeting of country halations of a powerful breath. I would juitices.

have these oracular gentry obliged to But nothing throws a more ridicu- talk at a dittance through a speakinglous air over our whole conversation, trumpet, or apply their lips to ihe walls than certain peculiarities easily acquired, of a whispering gallery. The Wits, but very difficulty conquered and dif- who will not condeicend to utter any cariled. In order to display these ab- thing but a bon mot, and the Whistlers or furdities in a truer light, it is my pre- Tune-lummers, who never articulate fent purpose to enumerate such of thein at al, may be joined very agreeably toas are most commonly to be met with; gether in concert : and to thele tirkling and firit to take notice of those buffoons cymbals I would also add the foundingin fociety, the Attitudinarians and Face- braís; the Bawler who inquires after makers. These accompany every word your health with the bellowing of a with a peculiar grimace or gesture: they town.crier. assent with a shrug, and contrad &t with The Tatlers, whose pliable pipes are a twisting of the neck; are angry with admirably adapted to the soft parts

of a wry mouth, and pleased in 2 c.per or • covertarion,' and sweetly ' prattling

2 Q

CUC an

out of falion, make very pretty mu

without the power of articulation) pero' fic from a beautiful face and a female fectly underltand one another by the tongue: but from a rough manly voice founds they utter; and thai dogs, cats, and coarte feature, mere nonsense'is as &c. have each a particular languave to harih-and diffonant as a jig from an themselves, like different nations. Thus Hurdy.Gurdy. The Swearers I have it may be supposed, that the nightinSpoken of in a former paper; but the galis of italy have as fine an eai for Half-Sw arers, who split, anii mince their own native wood.notes, as any and friier their oaths into gad's bud, Signor or Signora for an Italian Air; that ad's

's fish and demmee; the Gothic Hum- the bars of Westphalia gruntie as exbuggers, and those who nick.name pressively through the nose, as the inha• God's creatures,' and call a man a bitants in High German; and that the cabbage, a crab, a queer cub, an odd frogs in the dykes of Holiand cioak as fish, and unaccountable muskin, intelligibiy, as the natives jabber their hould never come into company wiin. Low Dutch. However this may, be, we out an interpreter. But I will not tire may conlider thofe, whose tongues hard. my reader's patience by pointing out all ly seem to be under the influence of reathe pefts of conversation; nor dwell pare son, and do not keep up the proper conticularly on the Sensibles, who pro- veriation of human creatures, as imitat, nounce doglnatically on the most trivial ing the language of different animals. points, and speak in sentences; the Thus, for initance, the affinity between Wonderers, who are always wondering Chatterers and Monkeys, and Praters what o'clock it is, or wondering whe- and Parrots, is too obvious not to oc. ther it will rain or no, or wondering cur at once: Grunters and Growlers when the moon changes; the Phareo. may be juftly compared to Hogs: logists, who explain a thing by all that, Snarlers are Curs; and the Spitfire Paror enter into particulars with this and fionare are a sort of wild Cats, that will that and 1 other; and lastly, the Silent not bear stroaking, but will purr when Men, who seem afı aid of opening their they are pleated. Complainers are mouths, left they lould catch cold; and Screech-owls; and Story-tellers, always literally observe the precept of the Gospel, repeating the same dull note, are Cucby letting their conversation be only kows. Poets, that priek up their ears yea yea, and nay nay.

at their own hideous braying, are no she rational intercourse kept up hy better than Alles : Critics in general are conversation, is one of our principal venomous Serpents, that delight in hifdiftin&tions from brutes. We should fing; and fonie of them, who have got therefore endeavour to turn this peculiar hy heart a few technical terms without talent to our advantage, and contider the knowing their meaning, are no other organs of speech as the instruments of than Magpies. I myself, who have understanding: we should be very care- crowed to the whole town for near three ful not to ule them as the weapons of years pait, may perhaps put my readers in vice, of tools of folly, and do our ut. mind ot a Dunghill Cock: but as I must molt to unlearn any trivial or ridiculous acquaint them, that they will hear the habits, which tend to leken the value laft of me on this day fortnight, I hope of such an ineitiin.ble prerogative. It they will then consider me as a Swan, is, indeed, imagined by fome philofo- who is supposed to sing sweetly at his phers, that even birds and beasts (though dying moments.







I to

ing him of my design to finish with permit me to assure your readers, that the next number; and have received the I am alive and merry; and this is to let following answer from him, which I them know that I am in good health at Thall lay before my readers.

this present writing

Your papers, I assure you, have made DEAR COUSIN,

a great noise in the country, and the It was not without some regret, that I molt intelligent among us read you with

your to as , bid adieu to the public : for, as you had or the Weekly Journals. I know more been so kind as to introduce me to their than one squire, who takes them in connotice, I began to indulge all the weak. ftantly with the Magazines; and I was ness and vanity of a young author; and told by the poft master of a certain town, had almost persuaded myself, that I was that they came down every week, under the principal support of your papers. cover, to the hurler of a member of parConscious of my own importance, lex. liament. There is a club of country peet that you will do me the justice to parsons, who meet every Saturday at a acknowledge, how much you are in- neighbouring market-town, to be shaved debted to the allistance of your very and exchange fermons: they have a subingenious Cousin; and I care not how scription for books and pamphlets; and many compliments you pay me on my the only periodical works ordered in by wit and learning; but at the same time Í them are the Connoiffur, and the Cria mult beg leave to put in a caveat against tical and Monthly Reviews. I was lateyour disposing of me in what manner ly introduced to this society, when the you yourself please. Writers of essays conversation happened to turn upon Mr. think themselves at liberty to do what they Town. A young curate, juit come will with the characters they have in- from Oxford, said he knew you very troduced into their works; as writers of well at Christ Church, and that you was tragedy, in order to heighten the plot, a comical dog: but a Cantab. declared, have often brought their heroes to an no less positively, that you was either a untimely end, when they have died pensioner of Trinity, or a fellow of quietly many years before in their beds; Bennet College. People, indeed, arei or as our chronicles of daily occurrences very much perplexed about the real aus put a duke to death, give away an heiress thor : fome affirm, that you are a noin marriage, or shoot off an admiral's bleman; and others will have it, that leg, whenever they please.. Mr. Al. you are an actor: fome sav. you are a dison, while he was carrying on the young lawyer; some a physician, fome Spectator, said, ' he would kill Sir Ro- a parson, and some an old woman. ger de Coverley, that nobody else The subjects of your papers have of a

might murder him.' In like manner, ten been wrested to various interpretaany dear Cousin, you may perhaps take tions by our penetrating geniuses; and it into your head to cut me off: you may you have hardly drawn a character, that make an end of me by a cold caught in has not been fixed on one or other of the partridge frooting, or break my neck greatett personages in the nation. I in a stag-hunt. Or you may rather once heard a country justice express his chufe to settle me perhaps with a rich old wonder, that you was not taken up, and country dowager, or press me into the set on the pillory; and I myself, by army, or clap nie on board of a man of some of my rural intelligence, hare war." But I desire that you will not get brought upon you the resentment of le





veral honest squires, who long to horse- After this account, which my cousin whip the scoundrel for putting them in has sent me, of the reception I have met print. Others again are quite at a loss with in the country, it will be proper to how to pick out your meaning, and in say something of my reception here in vain tuin over their Bailey's dictionary I shall therefore consider mvfclf for an explanation of several fashionable in the threefold capacity of Connoilleur, phrases; which, though they have en- Critic, and Cenfor General. As a riched the town language, have not yet Connoisseur, in the confined sense of the made their way into the dialect of the word, I must own I have met with fevecountry. Many exquisite ilrokes of hu- ral mortifications. I have neither been mour are also lost upon us, on account made F.R.S. nor even a member of the of our distance froin the scene of action; Acadeiny of Bourdeaux or Pe:erfirgh. and that wit, which is very brisk and They have left me out of the list of lively

y upon the spot, often lofts much Trustees to the British Musæum; and of it's fpirit in the carriage, and some- his Majeity of Naples, though he pretimes wholly evaporates in the post-bag. sented an Account of the Curiofities

You moralists are very apt io farter found in Herculaneum' to each of the yourselves, that you are doing a vast universities, never sent one to me. I deal of good by your labours: but what- have not been celebrated in the Philofoever reformation you may have worked phical Transactions, or in any of our in town, give me leave to tell you, that Magazines of Arts and Sciences; nor you have fometimes done us harm in the have I been stile très-illufire or très country, by the bare mention of the scavant in any of the foreign Mercuries vice and follies now in vogue. From or Journals Literaires. Once, indeed, your intelligence, some of our most po- I foothed myself in the vain thoughts lite ladies have learned, that it is high- of having been distinguished by the great ly genteel to have a rou:e; and some Swelith Botaniit, Linneus, under the have copied the fashion so exactly, as title of Eruditiffimus Urbanus, which I to play at cards on Sundays. Your conceived to be the name of Town la. pers upon dress fet all our belles to work tinized; but, to my great disappointin following the mole: you no sooner ment, I afterwards discovered, that this took notice of the cccked hats, but every was no other than the learned naturalist, hat in the parish was turned up behind Mr. Sylvanus Urban, author of the and before; and when you told us, that Gentlenian's Magazine. This neglect the town beauties went naked, our rural of me, as a Connoilleur, I can attribute dam!els immediately began to throw off to no other cause, than to my not havtheir cloaths. Our gentlemen have been ing made myself known by my Mualso taught by you all the new arts of fx, or Cabinet of Curiosities: and, berting and gaming: and the only cof- to lay the truth, I am not worth a far. fee. Soule in one little town, where the thing in antique coins; nor have I fo mot topping inhabitants are used to mud as one lingle shell or butterfly. meer to p'ay at draughes and back- All my complaints againit the modern gaminor, has, from the great increate innovations of Tatte have been thereof gametlers who refuit to it, been cle- fore difegarded: and with concern I gantly cirillened by the name of fiil ice the Villas of our citizens fan. White's.

taftically adorned with Chinese palings, As to the small share which I myself and our streets incumbered with superb have bad in your work, you may be sure colonades, porticos, Gornic arches, and every body here is hugely delighted with Venetian windows, the ordinary decoit; at least you may be sure, that I will rations of the Thops of our tradesmen. say nothing to the contrary. I have Nor have I, as a Critic, met with done my best to contribute to the entri- greater fuccess or encouragement, in my tainment of your readers: and, as the endeavours to reform the pretent Tatte name of Steele is not forgotten in the in literature. I expected to have the Spcmatcr, though Anton has run privilege of paring beef gratis every away with almolt all the lionor, I am in night at Vauxhall, for advising the garhopes, that whenrver the great Mr. de poes to put a little meaning into Town is mentioned, they may possibly their forgs: but, though I was there think at the same time on your affic. fverall nights this timmer, I could not sionate Cousin and Coadjutor,

fron (with Caffio) of any of their pro. VIILACE, doctions, this is a more exquisite fong

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