A LAC'D, EMBROIDER'O, POWDER D, BEGGAR-CROWD; A known if by the name of Little Frenchman, commonly it fometimes appears as a Major. Of Count, and whofe figure has been long tuck up in the windows of print-fhops, was always remarkable for the mean nefs, and at the fame time the foppery of his appearance. His foes, though perhaps capped at the toe, had red heels to them; and his ftockings, though often full of holes, were conftantly roll ed up over his knees. By good luck he was once master of half a guinea; and having a great longing for a feather to his hat, and a very preffing neceffity for a pair of breeches, he debated with himfelf about the difpofal of his money. However, his vanity got the better of his neceffity; and the next time the Count appeared in the Mall, by the ornaments of his head, you would have imagined him a Beau; and by the nether part of his dress, you would have taken him for a Heathen Philofopher. The conduct of this Frenchman, how ever ridiculous, is copied by a multitude of people in this town. To the fame little pride of defiring to appear finer than they can afford, are owing the many rusty fuits of black, the tyes that feem taken from the basket of a fhoeboy, and the fmart waistcoats edged with a narrow cord, which ferves as an apology for lace. I know a man of this caft, who has but one coat; but by now and then turning the cuffs, and changing the cape, it paffes for two. He ufes the fame artifice with his peruke, which is naturally a kind of flowing Bob; but by the occafional addition of two tails, this fort of mall are as fed the nu merous fraternity of the fhabby-genteel, who are the chief fupport of the clothters in Monmouth Street, and the barbers in Middle Row. Women are naturally fo fond of örnament, that it is no wonder we should meet with fo many fecond-hand gentry in that fex. Hence arife the red-armed Belles that appear in the Park every Sunday; hence it is, that facks and petenlairs may be feen at Moorfields and Whitechapel; and that thofe who are ambitious to fhine in diamonds, glitter in paste and Scotch pebbles. When I fee the wives and daughters of tradefmen and mechanics make fuch attempts at finery, I cannot help pitying their poor fathers and husbands; and at the fame time am apt to confider their dress as a robbery on the fhop. Thus, when I obferve the tawdry gentility of a tallow-chandler's daughter, I look upon her as hung round with long fixes, thort eights, and rush-lights; and when I contemplate the aukward pride of dress in a butcher's wife, I fuppofe her carrying about her furloine of beef, fillets of veal, and shoulders of mutton. I was vaftly diverted with a difcovery I made a few days fince. Going upon fome bufinefs to a tradefman's houfe, I furprifed in a very extraordinary difhabille two females, whom I had been frequently used to fee ftrangely dizened out in the Mall. The fine ladies, it seems, were no other than my honest friend's daughters; and one, who always dreffes the family dinner, was genteelly employed in winding up the jack, while the other was up to the elbows in foap. fuds. A defire of grandeur and magnificence is often abfurd in those who can fupport it; but when it takes hold of those who can fcarce furnish themselves with neceffaries, their poverty, instead of demanding our pity, becomes an object of ridicule. Many families among those who are called middling people, are not content without living elegantly as well as comfortably, and often involve themfelves in very comical diftreffes. When they aim at appearing grand in the eye of the world, they grow proportionably mean and fordid in private. I went the other day to dine with an old friend; and as he used to keep a remarkable good table, I was furprised that I could fcarce make a meal with him. After dinner he rung the bell, and ordered the chariot to be got ready at fix; and then turning to me with an air of fuperiority, afked if he fhould fet me down. Here the riddle was out; and I found that his equipage had eat up his table, and that he was obliged to ftarve his family to feed his horses. I am acquainted at another houfe, where the mafter keeps an account against himfelf. This account is exactly stated in a large ledger-book. What he faves from his ordinary expences he places under the title of DEBTOR, and what he runs out is ranged under CREDITOR. I had lately an opportunity of turning over this curious account, and could not help fmiling at many of the articles. Among the reft, I remember the following, with which I fhall prefent the reader. of the gallery, as ufual. Mem. To go to no more plays this year. Invited Sir Charles Courtly and Major Standard to dinner.-Treated with claret, and two courfes, in order to appear handfome. Mem. To be denied to every body before dinner-time for these next three weeks. Sunday-My wife had a rout-Lost at whift thirty guineas-Card-money received, fifty fhillings. N. B. My I wife must be ill again. Gave at church to a brief for a terrible fire, fix-pence.-Charity begins at home. I fhould be forry to have this method of balancing accounts become general. True œconomy does not merely confift in not exceeding our income, but in fuch a judicious management of it, as renders our whole appearance equal and confiftent. We fhould laugh at a nobleman, who, to fupport the expence of running horfes, thould abridge his fet to a pair; and, that his jockies might come in firft for the plate, be content to have his family dragged to his countryfeat, like fervant-maids, in the caravan. There are many well-meaning people, who have the pride of living in a polite quarter of the town, though they are diftreffed even to pay the taxes; and nothing is more common than to fee one particular room in an houfe furnished like a palace, while the rest have scarce the neceffary accommodations of an inn. Such a conduct appears to me equally ridiculous with that of the Frenchman, who, (according to the jeft) for the fake of wearing ruffles, is contented to go without a fhirt. This endeavour to appear grander than our circumftances will allow, is no where fo contemptible as among those men of pleafure about town, who have not fortunes in any proportion to their fpirit. Men of quality have wifely contrived, that their fins fhould be expenfive: for which reafon thofe, who with equal tafte have less money, are obliged to be economifts in their fins, and are put to many little fhifts to appear tolerably profligate and debauched. They get a knowledge of the names and faces of the most noted women upon town, and pretend an intimate acquaintance with them; though they know none of that order of ladies above the draggle tailed proftitutes who walk the Strand. H They They talk very familiarly of the King's Arms, and are in raptures with Mrs. Allan's claret; though they always dine fnugly at a chop.houfe, and spend their evening at an ale-house or cyder-cellar. The most ridiculous character I know of this fort, is a young fellow, the fon of a rich tobacconist in the city, who (because it is the fashion) has taken a girl into keeping. He knows the world better than to fet her up a chariot, or let her have money at her own difpofal. He A regulates her expences with the nicest ceconomy, employs every morning in fetting down what is laid out upon her, and very feriously takes an account of rolls and butter, two-pence-for ribband, one fhilling and four-pencepins, an halfpenny, &c. &c. does he reconcile his extravagance and frugality to each other; and is as penurious and exact as an ufurer, that he may be as genteel and wicked as a lord. N° XXVI. THURSDAY, JULY 25, 1754. Gentleman of my acquaintance lately laid before me an estimate of the confumption of bread and cheefe, cakes, ale, &c. in all the little towns near London every Sunday. It is incredible how many thousand buns are devoured in that one day at Chelsea and Paddington, and how much beer is fwallowed at Iflington and Mile End. Upon the whole, I was vaftly entertained with a review of this eftimate; and could not help approving the obfervation of Tom Brown, that the Sabbath is a very • fine institution, since the very breaking it is the fupport of half the villages about our metropolis." Our common people are very obfervant of that part of the commandment, which enjoins them to do no manner of work on that day; and which they alfo feem to understand as a licence to devote it to pleasure. They take this opportunity of thrutting their heads into the pillory at Georgia, being fworn at Highgate, and rolling down Flamftead Hill, in the park at Greenwich. As they all aim at going into the country, nothing can be a greater misfortune to the meaner part of the inhabitants of London and Weftininiter, than a rainy Sunday: and how many honeft people would be baulked of a ride once a week, if the legislature was to limit the hired one-horse chaifes working on that day to a certain number, as well as the hackney coaches ? OLD BALLAD. Thus The fubftantial tradesman is wheeled down to his fnug box; which has nothing rural about it except the ivy that over-runs the front, and is placed as near to the road-fide as poffible, where the pleafure of feeing carriages pafs under his window, amply compenfates for his being almoft finothered with duft. The few fmart prentices, who are able to fit an horfe, may be seen spurring their broken-winded hacks up the hills: and the good-natured husband, together with his mate, is dragged along the road to the envy and admiration of the foot paffenger, who (to compleat the Sunday picture) trudges patiently with a child in one arm, while his beloved doxy leans on the other, and waddles at his fide fweltering beneath the unusual weight of an hoop-petticoat. It is not to be fuppofed, that the country has in itfelf any peculiar attractive charms to those who think themselves out of the world, if they are not within the found of Bow Bell. To moft of our cockneys it ferves only as an excufe for eating and drinking; and they get out of town, merely because they have nothing to do at home. A brick-kiln fmells as tweet to them as a farm-yard; they would pafs by a barn or an hay tack without notice; but they rejoice at the fight of every hedge ale-houte, that promiles good home. brewed. As the reft of a cit's life is regular regular and uniform, his Sunday diverfions have as little variety; and if he was to take a journal of them, we might fuppofe that it would run much in the following manner. SUNDAY.-Overslept myfelf-Did not rife till nine-Was a full hour in pulling on my new double-channelled pumps-Could get no breakfaft, my wife being bufy in dreffing herself for church. At ten-Family at church-Self walked to Mother Red Cap's-Smoked half a pipe, and drank a pint of the Alderman's. N. B. The beer not fo good as at the Adam and Eve at Pan cras. Dined at one-Pudding not boiled enough, fuet mufty-Wife was to drive me in an one-horfe chair to fee Mother Wells at Enfield Wash, but it looked likely to rain-Took a nap and pofted feven pages from my day-book till five. Mem. Colonel Promife has loft his election, and is turned out of his place To arreft him to-morrow. At fix-Mrs. Deputy to drink tea with my wife-I hate their flip-flops -Called on my neighbour the Common-council-man, and took a walk with him to Iflington. From feven to eight-Smoked a pipe at the Caftle, eat an heart-cake, and drank two pints of cyder. N. B. To drink cyder often, becaufe neighbour tells me it is good for the ftone and gravel. At nine-Got to town again, very much fatigued with the journey-Pulled off my claret coloured coat, and blue fattin waistcoat-Went to club, fmoked three pipes, came home at twelve, and flept very foundly, till the prentice called me to go and take out a writ against Colonel Promise. As to perfons of quality, like Lady Loverule in the farce, they cannot fee why one day fhould be more holy than another: therefore Sunday wears the fame face with them as the rest of the week. Accordingly, for fome part of this fummer, Ranelagh was opened on * Sunday evenings; and I cannot help wondering that the cuffom did not continue. It must have been very convenient to pass away the time there, till the hour of meeting at the card-table; and it was certainly more decent to fix affignations there than at church. Going to church may, indeed, be reckoned among our Sunday amufements, as it is made a mere matter of diverfion among many well-meaning people, who are induced to appear in a place of worship from the fame motives that they frequent other public places. To fome it anfwers all the purposes of a rout or affembly-to fee and be feen by their acquaintance; and from their bows, nods, curifies, and loud converfations, themselves in a drawing room. one might conclude, that they imagined others it affords the cheap opportunity of fhewing their tafte for drefs. Not a few, I believe, are drawn together in our cathedrals and larger churches by the influence of the mufic rather than the Το prayers; and are kept awake by a jig from the organ-loft, though they are lulled to fleep by the harangue from the pulpit. A well-difpofed Chriftian will go a mile from his own houfe to the Temple Church, not because a Sherlock is to preach, but to hear a Solo from Stanley, But though going to church may be deemed a kind of amufement, yet upon modern principles it appears fuch a very odd one, that I am at a loss to account for the reafons which induced our anceftors to give into that method of paffing their Sunday. At least it is fo wholly incompatible with the polite fyftem of life, that a person of fathion (as affairs are now managed) finds it abfolutely impoffible to comply with this practice. Then again, the fervice always begins at fuch unfashionable hours, that in the morning a man mutt huddle on his cloaths, like a boy to run to fchool, and in an afternoon must inevitably go without his dinner. In order to remove all these objections, and that fome Ritual may be established in this kingdom, agreeable to our inclinations, and conScheme has been lately fent me, in orfiftent with our practice, the following der to fubmit it to the ferious confideration of the public. Imprimis, It is humbly propofed, that Christianity be entirely abolished by act of parliament, and that no other religion be imposed on us in it's stead; but as the age grows daily more and more enlightened, we may at laft be quite delivered from the influence of fuperftition and bigotry. Secondly, That in order to prevent our ever relapfing into pious errors, and H 2 that that the common people may not lofe their holiday, every Sunday be fet apart to commemorate our victory over all religion; that the Churches be turned into Free thinking Meeting-houses, and difcourfes read in them to confute the doctrine of a future ftate, the immortality of the foul, and other absurd notions, which fome people now regard as objects of belief. Thirdly, That a Ritual be compiled exactly oppofite to our prefent Liturgy; and that, instead of reading portions of Scripture, the first and fecond leffons fhall confift of a section of the Potthumous Works of Lord Bolingbroke, or of a few pages from the writings of Spinoza, Chubb, Maundeville, Hobbs, Collins, Tindal, &c. from which writers the preachers fhall alfo take their text. Fourthly, That the ufual Feafts and Faits, viz, Christmas Day, Eafter Sun day, Trinity Sunday, &c. be still preferved; but that on thofe days difcourfes be delivered fuitable to the occafion, containing a refutation of the Nativity, the Refurrection, the Trinity, &c. Fifthly, That inftead of the vile melody of a clerk bawling out two ftaves of Sternhold and Hopkins, or a cathedral choir finging anthems from the pfalter, fome of the moft fashionable cantatas, opera airs, fongs, or catches, be performed by the best voices for the entertainment of the company. Laftly, That the whole fervice be conducted with fuch tatte and elegance, as may render these Free-thinking Meeting-houfes as agreeable as the Theatres; and that they may be even more judiciously calculated for the propagation of atheifm and infidelity, than the Robin Hood Society, or the Oratory in Clare Market, N° XXVII. THURSDAY, AUGUST 1, 1754. BARBARA, CELARENT, DARII, FERIO, BARALIPTON. WORDS FULL OF SOUND, BUT QUITE DEVOID OF SENSE. Tis a heavy tax upon authors, that they fhould always be expected to write fenfe. Some few indeed, who are rich in fentiment, pay this tax very chearfully; but the generality endeavour one way or another to elude it. For this purpo e fome have moulded their pieces into the form of wings, axes, eggs, and altars; while others have laced down the fide of a copy of verfes with the letters of their mistress's name, and called it an acroftic; not to mention the curious inventions of rebuses and anagrams, For the fame reasons, the modern fongwriters for our public gardens, who are our principal love-poets at prefent, entertain us with fonnets and madrigals in Crambo. Authors, who promife wit, pay us off with puns and quibbles; and with our writers of comedy, long fwords, fhort jerkins, and tables with carpets over them, pafs for incident and hu mour. But no artifice of this fort has been fo often and fo fuccefsfully practifed, as the immoderate use of uncouth terms and expreffions. Words that mean nothing, provided they found big, and fill T the ear, are the best fuccedaneum for fenfe. Nothing fo effectually answers Mr. Bayes's endeavour to elevate and furprise; and the reader, though he fees nothing but ftraws float on the furface, candidly fuppofes, that there are pearls and diamonds at the bottom. Several dull authors, by availing themselves of this fecret, have paffed for very deep writers; and arrant nonfenfe has as cften laid fnugly beneath hard words, as a fhallow pate beneath the folemn appearance of a full-bottomed periwig. Those who are employed in what they call abftract fpeculations, moft commonly have recourfe to this method. Their differtations are naturally expected to illustrate and explain; but this is fometimes a talk above their abilities: and when they have led the reader into a maze, from which they cannot deliver him, they very wifely bewilder him the more. This is the cafe with those profound writers, who have treated concerning the effence of matter, who talk very gravely of cuppeity, tableity, tallow-candleity, and twenty other things with as much found and as little fignifi |
