was elbowed by the thief-taker; quacks, pimps, and buffoons, encreafed the groupe, and noted ftallions only, made room for more noted whores. I had read the works of fome of the moderns, previous to my coming to England, with delight and approbation; but I found their faces had no place here: the walls were covered with the names of authors I had never known, or had en deavoured to forget; with the little felfadvertising things of a day, who had forced themfeives into fashion, but not into fame; I could read at the bottom of some pictures, the names of **, and ***, and ****, all equally candidates for the vulgar fhout, and foremost, to propagate their unblushing faces upon hrafs. My uneasiness, therefore, at not finding my few favourite names among the number, was now changed into congratulation; I could not avoid reflect ing on the fine obfervation of Tacitus on a fimilar occafion. In this caval ⚫cade of flattery,' cries the hiftorian, neither the pictures of Brutus, Caffius, nor Cato, were to be feen, eo clarifores quia imagines eorum non deferebantur, their abfence being the strong 'eft proof of their merit.? that he had propped up an old house that was falling. Alas, alas! cried I, fuch monuments as these confer honour, not upon the great men, but upon little Roubillae! Hitherto difappointed in my enquiry after the great of the prefent age, I was refolved to mix in company, and try what I could learn among critics in coffee-houses; and here it was that I heard my favourite names talked of even with inverted fame. A gentleman of exalted merit, as a writer, was branded in general terms as a bad man ; another ́ ́ of exquifite delicacy as a poet, was reproached for wanting good-nature; a third was accused of free-thinking; and a fourth of having once been a player. Strange!' cried I, how unjust are mankind in the distribution of fame! The ignorant, among whom I fought at first, were willing to grant, but incapable of diftinguishing, the virtues of thofe which deferved it; among those I now converfe with, they know the proper objects of admiration, but mix envy with applause."albuma Difappointed fo often, I was now refolved to examine thofe characters in Superfon of whom the world talked fox freely by converfing with men of real merit, I began to find out those charac ters which really deferved, though they " trove to avoid, applaufe. I found the vulgar admiration entirely misplaced, and malevolence without it's fting. The truly great, poffeffed of numerous small faults, and fhining virtues, preserve a fublime in morals as in writing. They who have attained an excellence in eit ther, commit numberless tranfgreffions," obfervable to the meaneft understanding." The ignorant critic, and dull remarker, can readily fpy blemishes in eloquencer or morals, whofe fentiments are not fufficiently elevated to obferve a beauty; but fuch are judges neither of books nor of life; they can diminish no folid reputation by their cenfure, nor bestow a latting character by their applaufe: in fhort, I found by my fearch, that fuch only can confer real fame upon others, who have merit themselves to deserve it. ⚫ It is in vain, cried I, to feek for true greatness among these monuments of the unburied dead; let me go among the tombs of those who are ? confeffedly famous, and fee if any have been lately depofited there who deferve the attention of pofterity, and whofe names may be tranfmitted to ⚫ my diftant-friend, as an honour to the prefent age. Determined in my purfuit, I paid a fecond vifit to Westminster Abbey, There I found several new monuments erected to the memory of feveral great men; the names of the great men I abfolutely forget, but I remember that Roubillac was the fta tuary who carved them. I could not help fmiling at two modern epitaphs in particular, one of which praifed the decealed for being ortus ex antiqua ftirpe; the other commended the dead, because bane ædem fuis fumptibus reædificavit: the greatest merit of one confifted in his being defcended from an illuftrious house; the chief distinction of the other, Adicu. LETTER LETTER CX. TO THE SAME. THERE are courts of the Eatern, if, as I am told, the palace be oldy HERE are numberless employ- nion be ferviceable at this junctures for monarchs utterly unpractifed and unknown in Europe, They have no fuch offices, for instance, as the emperor's ear-tickler, or tooth-picker; they have never introduced at the courts the mandarine appointed to bear the royal tobacco box, or the grave director of the imperial exercitations in the feraglio. Yet, I am furprised that the English have imitated as in none of these particulars, as they are generally pleafed with every thing that comes from China, and exceffively fond of creating new and ufeleis employments. They have filled their houses with our furniture, their public gardens with our fire-works, and their very ponds with our fifh our courtiers, my friend, are the fish, and the furniture they should have imported; our courtiers would fill up the neceffary: ceremonies of a court better than those of Europes would be contented with receiving large falaries for doing little; whereas fome of this country are at prefent difcontented, though they receive large falaries for doing nothing. I lately, therefore, had thoughts of publishing a propofal here for the ad mithion or fome new Eakern offices and titles into their Court Regifter. As I confider myself in the light of a Gulinopolite, I find as much fatisfaction in fcheming for the countries in which I happen to refide, as for that in which I was born. The finest apartments in the palace of Pegu are frequently infefted with rats. Thefe the religion of the country strictly forbids the people to kill. In fuch circumftances, therefore, they are obliged to have recourfe to fome great man of the court, swho is willing to free the royal apartments even at the hazard of his falvation. After a weak monarch's, reign, the quantity of court vermin in every corner of the palace is furpring;, but a prudent king, and a vigilant of ficer, foon drives them from their fance tuaries behind the mats and the tapestry, and effectually frees, the court. Such an officer in England would in my opi much vermin must undoubtedly have taken refuge behind the wainscot and hangings. A minifter should therefore be invested with the title and dignities of Court Vermin Killer; he should have full power either to banish, take, poifun, or destroy them, with enchantments, traps, ferrets, or ratfbane. He might be permitted to brandish his be→ fom without remorse, and brush down every part of the furniture, without fparing a fingle cobweb, however sacred by long prefeription. I communicated this propofal fome days ago in a company of the firft diftinction, and enjoying the most honourable offices of the ftate. Among the number were the Infpector of Great Britain, Mr. Hen.riques the Director of the Ministry, Ben. Victor the Treasurer, John Lockman the Secretary, and the Conductor of the Imperial Magazine. They all acquiefced in the utility of my proposal; but were apprehenfive it might meet with fome obstructions from court upholsterers and chamber-maids, who would object to it from the demolitions of the furniture, and the dangerous use of fer rets and ratsbane. My next propofal is rather more general than the former, and might probably meet with lefs oppofition. Though no people in the world flatter each other more than the English, I know none who understand the art lefs, and flatter with fuch little refinement. Their panegyric, like a Tartar feaft, is indeed ferved up with profufion, but their cookery is infupportable. A cijent here fhall dress up a fricaffee for his patror that shall offend an ordinary nofe before it enters the room. A town fhali-fend, up their address to a great minifter, which shall prove at once a satire on the minifter and themselves. If the favou rite of the day hits, or lands, or fleeps, there are poets to put it into verle, and priests to preach it in the pulpit. In order, therefore, to free both those who praife, and those who are prailed, froux a duty probably disagreeable to both, I would Germany has also instituted another; the Chinese have had fuch an order time immemorial. I am amazed the English have never come into fuch an inftitution. When I confider what kind of men are made knights here, it appears ftrange that they have never conferred this honour upon women. They make cheesemongers and pastry-cooks knights; then, why not their wives? They have called up tallow-chandlers to maintain the hardy profeflion of chivalry and arms; then, why not their wives? Ha berdafhers are fworn, as I fuppofe all knights must be fworn, never to fly in time of mellay or battle, to maintain and uphold the noble estate of chivalry, with horse harnithe and would conftitute profeffed flatterers here as in feveral courts of India. Thefe are appointed in the courts of their princes, to inftru&t the people where to exclaim with admiration, and where to lay an emphasis of praife. But an officer of this kind is always in waiting when the emperor converfes in a familiar manner among his Rajas and other no bility. At every fentence, when the monarch pauses, and fmiles at what he has been laying, the Karamatman, as this officer is called, is to take it for granted, that his majefty has faid a good thing. Upon which he cries out • Karamat! Karamat!—a miracle! a 'miracle!' and throws up his hands and his eyes in extafy. This is echoed by the courtiers around, while the emother knightlye habiliments.” Haber-peror fits all this time in fullen fatisfac tion, enjoying the triumph of his joke, or studying a new repartee. I would have fuch an officer placed at every great man's table in England. By frequent practice he might foon be come a perfect master of the art, and in time would turn out pleasing to his pas tron, no way troublesome to himself, and might prevent the nauseous attempts of many more ignorant pretenders. The clergy here, I am convinced, would relith this propofal. It would provide places for feveral of them. And indeed, by fome of their late productions, many appear to have qualified themfelves as candidates for this office already. But my last proposal I take to be of the utmost importance. Our neigh bour, the Empress of Ruffia, has, you may remember, inftituted an order of female knighthood. The Empress of dafhers, I lay, are fworn to all this then, why not their wives? Certain I am, their wives understand fighting and feats of mellay and battle better than they; and as for knightlye horfe and harnishe, it is probable both know nothing more than the harness of a onehorse chaife. No, no, my friend, inftead of conferring any order upon the hufbands, I would knight their wives. However, the state fhould not be troubled with a new inftitution upon this occafion. Some ancient exploded order might be revived, which would furnish both a motto and a name; the ladies might be permitted to chufe for them felves. There are, for instance, the ob fölete orders of the Dragon in Germany, of the Rue in Scotland, and the Porcupine in France; all well-founding names, and very applicable to my in tended female inftitution. Adieu. ELIGIOUS fects in England are far more numerous than in China. Every man who has interest enough to hire a conventicle here, may fet up for himself and fell off a new reJigion. The fellers of the neweft pattern at prefent give extreme good bargains; and let their difciples have a great deal of confidence for very little money. Their shops are much frequented, and sheir customers every day ́enereafing; had some reason for fighting, they knew what they fought about; but at prefent they are arrived at fuch refinement in religion-making, that they have actually formed a new feet without a new opinion; they quarrel for opinions, they both equally defend; they hate each other, and that is all the difference be'tween them. But though their principles are the fame, their practice is fomewhat dif ferent. Thofe of the eftablished religion laugh when they are pleased, and their groans are feldom extorted but by pain or danger. The new feet, on the contrary, weep for their amusement,, and ufe li tle mufic except a chorus of fighs and groans, or tunes, that are made to imitate groaning.. Laughter is their averfion; lovers court each other from the lamentations; the bridegroom approaches the nuptial couch in forrowful folemnity, and the bride looks more difmal than an undertaker's fhop. Dancing round the room is, with them, running in a direct line to the devil; and as for gaming, though but in jeft, they would fooner play with a rattle-fnake's tail than finger a dice-box. By this time, you perceive that I am defcribing a fect of enthufiafts; and you have already compared them with the Faquirs, B amins, and Talapoins, of the Ealt. Among thefe, you know, are generations that have been never known to fmile, and voluntary affliction makes up all the merit they can boast of. Enthuliams in every country produce the fame effects; ftick the Faquir with pins, or confine the Bramin to a vermin hofpital, fpread the Talapoin on the ground, or load the fetary's brow with contrition; thofe worthippers who difcard the light of reaf n are ever gloomy; their fears increate in proportion to their ignorance, as men are continually under apprehenfions who walk in darkness. Yet there is still a ftronger reafon for the enthufiaft's being an enemy to laughter; namely, his being hintelf to proper an object of ridicule. It is remark able, that the propagators of false doctrines have ever been averfe to mirth, and always begin by recommending gravity, when they intended to diffeminate in poiture. Fohi, the idol of China, is reprefented as having never laugh. ed; Zoroafter, the leader of the Bramins, is faid to have laughed but twice, upon his coming into the world, and upon his leaving it; and Mahomet himi felf, though a lover of pleafure, was a profeffed oppofer of gaiety. Upon a certain occation, telling his followers that they would all appear naked at the refurrection, his favourite wife repre. fented fuch an affembly as immodeft and unbecoming. Foolish woman,' cried the grave prophet, though the whole affembly be naked, on that day they fhall have forgotten to laugh.' Men like him oppofed ridicule, be caufe they knew it to be a moft for. midable antagonist, and preached up gravity to conceal their own want of importance. Ridicule has ever been the moft powerful enemy of enthufiafm, and properly the only antagonist that can be opposed to it with fuccefs. Perfecution only ferves to propagate new religions;, they ac quite freth vigour between the execu tioner and the ax, and, like fome vivacious infects, multiply by diffection. It is alfo impoffible to combat enthus fiafiu with reason; for though it makes a fhew of refiftance, it foon eludes the preffure, refers you to diftinctions not to be underfood, and feelings which it cannot explain. A man who would endeavour to fix an enthufiaft by argument, might as well attempt to spread quickfilver with his fingers. The only way to conquer a vifionary is to defpife him; the flake, the faggot, and the difputing doctor, in fome measure ennoble the opinions they are brought to oppofe; they are harmless against innovating pride; contempt alone is truly dreadful. Hunters generally know the most vulnerable part of the beats they purfue, by the care which every animal takes to defend the fide which is weakeft; on what fide the enthufiaft is mot vulnerable, may be known by the care which he takes in the beginning to work his difciples into gravity, and guard them against the power of ridicule. When Philip the Second was King of Spain, there was a conteft in Sala manca between two orders of friars for fuperiority. The legend of one fide contained more extraordinary miracles, but the legend of the other was reckon ed moft authentic. They reviled each other, as is ufual in difputes of divinity, the people were divided into factions, and a civil war appeared unavoidable. In order to prevent fuch an imminete. calamit ! calamity, the combatants were prevailed upon to fubmit their legions to the fiery trial, and that which came forth untouched by the fire was to have the victory, and to be honoured with a double thare of reverence. Whenever the people flock to fee a miracle, it is an hundred to one but that they fee a miracle; incredible, therefore, were the numbers that were gathered round upon this occafion; the friars on each fide ΤΗ LETTER CXII. TO THE SAME. HE English are at prefent employed in celebrating feaft, which becomes general every feventh year; the parliament of the nation being then diffolved, and another appointed to be chofen. This folemnity falls infinitely fhort of our feaft of the lanthorns in magnificence and fplendour; it is alfo furpaffed by others of the Eaft in unanimity and pure devotion; but no feftival in the world can compare with it for eating. Their eating, indeed, amazes me. Had I five hundred heads, and were each head furnished with brains, yet would they all be infufficient to compute the number of cows, pigs, geefe, and turkies, which, upon this occafion, die for the good of their country! To fay the truth, eating feems to make a grand ingredient in all English parties of zeal, bufinefs, or amufement. When a church is to be built, or an hofpital endowed, the directors affemble, and instead of confulting upon it, they eat upon it; by which means the bufinefs goes forward with fuccefs. When the poor are to be relieved, the officers appointed to dole out public charity, affemble and eat upon it. Nor has it ever been known that they filled the bellies of the poor till they had previously fatisfied their own. But in the election of magiftrates, the people feem to exceed all hounds; the merits of a candidate are often meatured by the number of his treats; his conftituents affemble, eat upon him, and lend their applaufe, not to his integrity or fenfe, but the quantities of his beef and brandy. And yet I could forgive this people their plentiful meals on this occafion, as it is extremely natural for every man On to eat a great deal when he gets it for nothing; but what amazes me is, that all this good living no way contributes to improve their good-humour. the contrary, they feem to lose their temper as they lofe their appetites; every morfel they fwallow, and every glais they pour down, ferves to encrease their animofity. Many an honest man, before as harmless as a tame rabbit, when loaded with a fingle election dinner, has become more dangerous than a charged culverin. Upon one of thefe occafions, I have actually feen a bloody-minded man-milliner fally forth at the head of a mob, determined to face a defperate paftry cook, who was general of the oppofite party. But you must not fuppofe they are without a pretext for thus beating each other. On the contrary, no man here is fo uncivilized as to beat his neighbour without producing very fufficient reafons. One candidate, for inftance, treats with gin, a fpirit of their own ma nufacture; another, always drinks brandy imported from abroad. Brandy is a wholefome liquor; gin a liquor wholly their own. This then furnishes an obvious cause of quarrel; whether it be most reafonable to get drunk with gin, or get drunk with brandy? The mob meet upon the debate; fight themfelves fober; and then draw off to get drunk again, and charge for another encounter. So that the English may now properly be faid to be engaged in war; fince, while they are fubdping their enemics abroad, they are breaking each other's heads at home. I lately made an excursion to a neighbouing village, in order to be a specta2 A tor |