feafon. I have ten new title-pages now about me, which only want books to be added to make them the finett

things in nature. Others may pre• tend to direct the vulgar; but that is not my way; I always let the vulgar direct me; wherever popular clamour arifes, I always echo the million. For inftance, fhould the people in general fay that fuch a man is a rogue, I intantly give orders to let him down in print a villain: thu every man buys the book, not to learn new fentiments, but to have the pleafare of feeing his own reflected. But, Sir,' interrupted I, you speak as if you yourself

wrote the books you publish; may I be lo bold as to afk a fight of fome of ⚫ thofe intended publications which are thortly to furprize the world?

As

to that, Sir,' replied the talkative bookfeller, I only draw out the plans myfelf; and though I am very cau tious of communicating them to any, yet, as in the end I have a favour to afk, you fhall fee a few of them. Here, Sir, here they are; diamonds of the first water, I affure you. Imprimis, a Tranflation of feveral Medical Precepts for the Ufe of fuch Phyficians as do not understand Latin. • Item, the Young Clergyman`s Art of placing Patches regularly, with a Dif⚫fertation on the different Manner of Smiling without distorting the Face. • Item, the Whole Art of Love made perfectly Eaty, by a Broker of 'Change Alley. Item, the Proper Manner of cutting Black Lead Pencils, and making Crayons, by the Right Hon. the • Earl of ****. Item, the Mufter Mafter General, or the Review of Re✦ views➡ Sir, cried I, interrupting him, my curiofity with regard to title pages is fatisfied; I fhould be glad to fee fome longer manufcript; an hiftory, or an epic poem. Blefs me,' cries the man of industry, 'now you fpeak of an epic poem, you fhall fee an excellent farce. Here it is; dip into it where you will, it will be found replete with true modern humour. Strokes, Sir; it is filled with ⚫ftrokes of wit and fatire in every line.' Do you call thefe dashes of the pen • ftrokes,' replied I, for I must confefs I can fee no other?' And pray, Sir,' returned he, what do call them? Do you fee any thing good now-a-days that is not filled with

you

ftrokes-and dafhes?Sir, a well placed dash makes half the wit of our writers of modern humour. I bought lalt feafon a piece that had no other merit upon earth than nine hundred and ninety five breaks, feventy-two ha ha's, three good things, and a garter. And yet it played off, and bounced, and cracked, and made more sport than a fire-work.'-' I fancy then, Sir, you were a confider⚫able gainer?'-It must be owned the piece did pay; but upon the whole I cannot much boaft of last winter's fuccefs; I gained by two murders; but then I loft by an ill-timed charity fermon. I was a confiderable fufferer by my Dire & Road to an Estate; but the Infernal Guide brought me up again. Ah, Sir, that was a piece touched off by the hand of a master, filled with good things from one end to the other. The author had nothing but the jeft in view; no dull moral lurking beneath, nor ill-natured fatire to four the reader's good humour; he wifely confidered that moral and humour, at the fame time, were quite over-doing the bufinefs. To what purpose was the book then published?' cried 1. Sir, the book was published in order to be fold; and no book fold better, except the criticisms upon it, which came out foon after. Of all kinds of writings, that goes off belt at prefent; and I generally falten a criticifin upon every felling book that is publifhed.

I once had an author who never left the leatt opening for the critics; clofe was the word; always very right, and very dull; ever on the fafe fide of an argumcnt; yet, with all his qualifications, in ipable of coming into favour. I foon perceived that his bent was for criticifm; and as he was good for nothing else, fupplied him with pens and paper, and planted him at the beginning of every month as a confor on the works of others. In fhort, I found him a treasure; no merit could efcape him: but what is mot remarkable of all, he ever wrote belt and bitterett when drunk.'-' But are

there not fome works,' interrupted I, that, from the very manner of their compofition, must be exempted from criticifm; particularly fuch as profefs to, difregard it's laws? There is no work whatsoever but he can criti'cife."

cife, replied the book feller; even though you wrote in Chinese he would have a pluck at you. Suppofe you fhould take it into your head to publish abook, let it be a volume of Chinese let⚫ters, for inftance; write how you will, he he fhall fhew the world you could have ⚫ written better. Should you, with the • most local exactness, tick to the man

ners and cuftoms of the country from ⚫ whence you come; fhould you confine yourself to the narrow limits of Eastern knowledge, and be perfectly fimple, and perfectly natural, he has then the ftrongest reafon to exclaim. He may with a fneer fend you back to China for readers. He may obferve, that after the firft or fecond letter the iteration of the fame fimplicity is infupportably tedious; but the worst of all is, the public in fuch a cafe will anticipate his cenfures, and leave you, • with all your uninftructive fimplicity, to be mauled at difcretion.'

'Yes,' cried I; but, in order to avoid his indignation, and what I fhould fear more, that of the public, I would, in fuch a cafe, write with all the knowledge I was mafter of. As I am not poffeffed of much learning,

at least I would not fupprefs what little I had; nor would I appear more tupid then Nature made me. Here then,' cries the bookfeller, we should have you entirely in our power: "Un"natural, uneaftern; quite out of cha"racter; erroneously fenfible;" would be the whole cry. Sir, we fhould then hunt you down like a rat.'' Head of my father!' faid I, fure there are but the two ways; the door muit either be shut, or it must be open. I must either be natural or unnatural.'-' Be what you will, we fhall criticile you,' returned the bookfeller, and prove you a dunce in fpite of your teeth. But, Sir, it is time that I fhould come to bufinefs. I have just now in the prefs an history of China; and, if you will but put your name to it as the author, I fhall repay the obligation with gratitude. What, Sir,' replied I, 'put my name to a work which I have not written! Never while I retain a proper refpect for the public and myfelf.' The bluntnefs of my reply quite abated the ardour of the book feller's converfation; and, after about half an hour's disagreeable referve, he, with fome ceremony, took his leave and withdrew. Adieu.

Ν

IN all other countries, my dear Fun

Hoam, the rich are diftinguifhed by their drefs. In Perfia, China, and moit parts of Europe, thole who are poffeffed of much gold or filver, put fome of it upon their cloaths; but in England, thofe who carry much upon their cloaths, are remarked for having but little in their pockets. A tawdry outfide is regarded as a badge of poverty; and those who can fit at home; and glote over their thousands in filent fatisfaction, are generally found to do it in plain cloaths.

This diverfity of thinking from the reft of the world which prevails here, I was first at a lofs to account for; but am fince informed that it was introduced by an intercourfe between them and their neighbours the French; who, whenever they came in order to pay thofe iflanders a vifit, were generally very well dreffed, and very poor, daubed with lace, but all the gilding on the outfide. By this means

laced cloaths have been brought fo much into contempt, that at prefent even their mandarines are afhamed of finery.

I must own myfelf a convert to Englifh fimplicity; I am no more for ottentation of wealth than of learning; the perlon who in company fhould pretend to be wifer than others, I am apt to regard as illiterate and ill-bred; the perfon whofe cloaths are extremely fine, I am too apt to confider as not being poffeffed of any fuperiority of fortune, but reiem bling thofe Indians who are found to wear all the gold they have in the world in a bob at the nose.

I was lately introduced into a company of the best dreffed men I have feen fince my arrival. Upon entering the room, I was ftruck with awe at the grandeur of the different dreifis. That perfonage,' thought I, in blue and gold, must be fore emperor's ion; that, in green and filver, a prince of M

the

the blood; he, in embroidered scarlet, ⚫ a prime minifter; all first rate noble• men, I suppose, and well looking noblemen too.' I fate for fome time with that uneafinefs which conícious inferiority produces in the ingenuous mind, all attention to their difcourfe. However, I found their converfation more vulgar than I could have expected from perfonages of fuch diftinction. • If

thefe, thought I to myself, be princes, they are the most stupid princes I have ever converted with. Yet still I continued to venerate their drefs; for drefs has a kind of mechanical influence on the mind.

My friend in black indeed did not behave with the fame deference, but contradicted the finest of them all in the molt peremptory tones of contempt. But I had fcarce time to wonder at the imprudence of his conduct, when I found occafion to be equally furprized at the abfurdity of theirs; for, upon the entry of a middle-aged man, dreffed in a cap, dirty fhirt, and boots, the whole circle feemed diminished of their former importance, and contended who fhould be firft to pay their obeifance to the ftranger. They fomewhat refembled a circle of Kalmucs offering incense to a bear.

Eager to know the caufe of fo much feeming contradiction, I whispered my friend out of the room, and found that the auguft company confiited of no other than a dancing-matter, two fiddlers, and a third-rate actor, all affembled in order to make a fet at country-dances; as the middle-aged gentleman whom I faw enter was a quite from the country, and defirous of learning the new manner of footing, and imoothing up the rudiments of his rural minuet.

I was no longer furprized at the authority which my friend aflumed among them; nay, was even difpleated (pardon my Eastern education) that he had not kicked every creature of then down ftairs. What,' faid 1, ' fhail a fet of fuch paltry fellows drefs themselves up like fons of kings, and claim even the tranfitory refpect of half an hour! There should be fome law to reftrain. fo manileft a breach of privilege; they fhould go from houfe to houte, as in China, with the inftruments of their profeflion trung round their necks; by this means we might be able to diftinguish, and treat them in a tile of becoming contempt.' Hold, my

⚫ friend,' replied my companion, were your reformation to take place, as dancing-mafters and fiddlers now mimic gentlemen in appearance, we 'fhould then find our fine gentlemen ⚫ conforming to theirs. A beau might 'be introduced to a lady of fashion with a fiddle-cafe hanging at his neck by a 'red ribband; and, instead of a cane, might carry a fiddle-stick. Though to be as dull as a firit-rate dancing: mafter might be used with proverbial juftice; yet, dull as he is, many a fine gentleman fets him up as the proper tandard of politeness; copies not only the pert vivacity of his air, but the • flat infipidity of his converfation. In fhort, if you make a law against dancing-matters imitating the fine gentleman, you thould with as much reafon enact, that no fine gentleman 'fhall imitate the dancing-matter.'

After I had left my friend, I made towards home, reflecting as I went upon the difficulty of diftinguishing men by their appearance. Invited, however, by the freshness of the evening, I did not return directly, but went to ruminate on what had paffed in a public garden belonging to the city. Here, as I fate upon one of the benches, and feit the pleafing fympathy which Nature in bloom infpires, a difconfolate figure, who fat on the other end of the feat, feemed no way to enjoy the ferenity of the feafon.-.

His drefs was miferable beyond defcription; a thread-bare coat of the rudel materials; a thirt, though clean, yet extremely coarfe; hair that feemed to have been long unconscious of the comb; and all the rest of his equipage imprefed with the marks of genuine poverty.

As he continued to figh, and teftify every symptom of defpair, I was naturally led, from a motive of humanity, to offer comfort and affiftance. You know my heart; and that all who are miferable may claim a place there. The penfive stranger at first declined any converfation; but at laft, perceiving a peculiarity in my accent and manner of thinking, he began to unfold himself by degrees.

I now found that he was not so very miferable as he at firft appeared, upon my offering him a small piece of money, he refufed my favour, yet without appearing difpleased at my intended gene

rofity.

rofity. It is true, he fometimes interrupted the conversation with a figh, and talked pathetically of neglected merit; ftill I could perceive a ferenity in his countenance that, upon a clofer infpection, befpoke inward content.

Upon a paufe in the converfation I was going to take my leave, when he begged I would favour him with my company home to fupper. I was furprized at such a demand from a perfon of his appearance, but willing to indulge curiofity, I accepted his invitation; and though I felt fome repugnance at being feen with one who appeared fo very wretched, went along with feeming alacrity.

Still, as he approached nearer home, his good humour proportionably feemed to encreafe. At lait he stopped, not at

the gate of an hovel, but of a magnificent palace! When I caft my eyes upon all the fumptuous elegance which every where prefented upon entering, and then when I looked at my feeming miferable conductor, I could fcarce think that all this finery belonged to him; yet in fact it did. Numerous fervants ran through the apartments with filent affiduity; feveral ladies of beauty, and magnificently dreifed, came to welcome his return; a moit elegant fupper was provided; in fhort, I found the perfon, whom a little before I had fincerely pitied, to be in reality a most refined epicure; who courted contempt abroad, in order to feel with keener guft the pleafure of pre-eminence at home.'

OW often have we admired the eloquence of Europe! That ftrength of thinking, that delicacy of imagination, even beyond the efforts of the Chinese themfelves! How were we enraptured with those bold figures which fent every fentiment with force to the heart! How have we spent whole days together in learning thofe arts by which European writers got within the paffions, and led the reader as if by enchantment!

But though we have learned most of the rhetorical figures of the last age, yet there feems to be one or two of great ufe here, which have not yet travelled to China. The figures I mean are called Bawdy and Pertness; none are more fashionable; none fo fure of admirers: they are of fuch a nature, that the mereft blockhead, by a proper ufe of them, fhall have the reputation of a wit; they lie level in the meaneft capacities, and addrefs thofe paffions which all have, or would be aflamed to difown.

It has been obferved, and I believe with fome truth, that it is very difficult for a dunce to obtain the reputation of a wit; yet, by the affiftance of the figure Bardy, this may be easily effected, and a bawdy blockhead often paffes for a fellow of fmart parts and pretenfions. Every object in nature helps the jokes

one

Adieu.

forward, without fearce any effort of the imagination. If a lady ftands, fomething very good may be faid upon that; if the happens to fall, with the help of a little fashionable Pruriency, there are forty fly things ready on the occafion. But a prurient jeft has always been found to give moft pleafure to a few old gentlemen, who, being in fome meafure dead to other fenfations, feel the force of the aliufion with double violence on the organs of rifibility.

is

An author who writes in this manner generally fure, therefore, of having the very old and the impotent among his admirers; for thefe he may properly te faid to write, and from these he ought to expect his reward, his works being often a very proper fuccedaneum to cantharides, or an affifoetida pill. His pen fhould be confidered in the fame light as the fquirt of an apothecary,. both being directed at the fame generous end.

But though this manner of writing be perfectly adapted to the taste of gentlemen and ladies of fashion' here, yet ftill it deferves greater praise in being equally fuited to the most vulgar apprehennions. The very ladies and gentlemen of Benin, or Caffiaria, are in this refpect tolerably polite, and might relish a prurient joke of this kind with critical propriety;

M 2

propriety; probably, too, with higher guft, as they wear neither breeches nor petticoats to intercept the application.

It is certain, I never could have expected the ladies here, biaffed as they are by education, capable at once of bravely throwing off their prejudices, and not only applauding books in which this figure makes the only merit, but even adopting it in their own converfation. Yet, fo it is; the pretty innocents now carry thofe books openly in their hands, which formerly were hid under the cushion; they now lifp their double meanings with fo much grace, and talk over the raptures they beftow with fuch little referve, that I am fometimes reminded of a cuítom among the entertainers in China, who think it a piece of neceffary breeding to whet the appetites of their guefts, by letting them fmell dinner in the kitchen before it is ferved up to table.

The veneration we have for many things, entirely proceeds from their being carefully concealed. Were the idolatrous Tartar permitted to lift the veil which keeps his idol from view, it might be a certain method to cure his future fuperftition with what a noble fpirit of freedom, therefore, mult that writer be poffeffed, who bravely paints things as they are, who lifts the veil of modefty, who difplays the most hidden receffes of the temple, and fhews the erring people that the object of their vows is either perhaps a moufe, or a monkey!

However, though this figure be at prefent fo much in fashion; though the profeffors of it are fo much careffed by the great, thofe perfect judges of literary excellence; yet it is confeffed to be only a revival of what was once fashionable here before. There was a time, when by this very manner of writing, the gentle Tom Durfey, as I read in Engith authors, acquired his great reputation, and became the favourite of a king.

The works of this original genius, though they never travelled abroad to China, and tearce have reached pofterity at home, were once found upon every fashionable toilet, and made the fubject of polite, I mean very polite, converfation. Has your Grace feen Mr. Durfey's lal new thing, the Oylet Hole? A most facetious piece! Sure, my Lord, all the world mult have feen it; Durfey is certainly the moft comical

creature alive. It is impoffible to read his things and live. Was there ever any thing fo natural and pretty, as when the Squire and Bridget meet in the cellar? And then the difficulties they both find in broaching the beer-barrel are fo arch and to ingenious! We have certainly nothing of this kind in the • language.'

In this manner they spoke then, and in this manner they fpeak now; for though the fucceffor of Durfey does not excel him in wit, the world muft confefs he out-does him in obfcenity.

There are feveral very dull fellows, who, by a few mechanical helps, fometimes learn to become extremely brilliant and pleating, with a little dexterity in the management of the eyebrows, fingers, and nofe. By imitating a cat, a fow and pigs; by a loud laugh, and a flap on the fhoulder, the molt ignorant are furnished out for converfation. But the writer finds it impoffible to throw his winks, his shrugs, or his attitudes, upon paper; he may borrow fome affiftance, indeed, by printing his face at the title-page; but without wit to pafs for a man of ingenuity, no other mechanical help but downright obscenity will fuffice. By, fpeaking to fome peculiar fenfations, we are always fure of exciting laughter, for the jeft does not lie in the writer, but in the fubiect.

But Bawdry is often helped on by another figure, called Pertnefs; and few, indeed, are found to excel in one, that are not poficffed of the other.

As in common converfation, the best way to make the audience laugh, is by firit laughing yourfelf; fo in writing, the propereft manner is to fhew an attempt at humour, which will pass upon mott for humour in reality. To effect this, readers must be treated with the moft perfect familiarity: in one page the author is to make them a low bow, and in the next to pull them by the note: he must talk in riddies, and then fend· them to bed in order to dream for the folution. He muft fpeak of himself and his chapters, and his manner, and what he would be at, and his own import ance, and his mother's importance, with the most unpitying prolixity: now and then telifying his contempt for all but himfeif, filing without a jeft, ard without wit poffeffing vivacity. Adieu.

LETTER