P. Hen. Speak, Sirs; how was it? Peto. No, no, they were not bound. Gads. As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us, 408 I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! if reasons were as plenty as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I. this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this P. Hen. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin: horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh;dried neat's-tongue, bull's pizzle, you stockFal. Away, you starveling, you elf-skin, you fish,-, for breath to utter what is like thee! Fal. And unbound the rest, and then come-you tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow-case, in the other. P. Hen. What, fought ye with them all? Fal. All? I know not what ye call, all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then I am no twolegged creature. Poins. Pray God, you have not murdered Some of them. Fal. Nay, that's past praying for: for I have peppered two of them: two, I am sure, I have paid; two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,-if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward;-here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me, P. Hen. What, four? thou said'st but two, even now. Fal. Four, Hal; I told thee four. Poins. Ay, ay, he said four. Fal. These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus. P. Hen. Seven? why, there were but four, even now. Fal. In buckram. Poins. Ay. four, in buckram suits. Fal. Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else. P. Hen. Pr'ythee, let him alone; we shall have more anon. Ful. Dost thou hear me, Hal? P. Hen. Ay, and mark thee too, Jack. Fal. Do so, for it is worth the listening to, These nine in buckram, that I told thee of,P. Hen. So, two more already. Fal. Their points being broken,Poins. Down fell their hose. Fal. Began to give me ground: But I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid. P. Hen. O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two! Fal. But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves, in Kendal* green, came at my back, and let drive at me ;-for it was so dark, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy hand. P. Hen. These lies are like the father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts; thou knotty-pated fool; thou whoreson, obscene, greasy fallow-keech,t Fal. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth, the truth? P. Hen. Why, how could'st thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou could'st not see thy hand? come tell us your reason; What sayest thou to this? Poins. Come, your reason, Jack, your rea son. Fal. What, upon compulsion? No; were I at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, A town in Westmoreland famous for making cloth. you vile standing tuck ; it again: and when thou hast tired thyself in P. Hen. Well, breathe awhile, and then to base comparisons, hear me speak but this. Poins. Mark, Jack. P. Hen. We two saw you four set on four; wealth.-Mark now, how plain a tale shall you bound them, and were masters of their four: and, with a word, out-faced you from put you down.-Then did we two set on you your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house:-and, Falstaff, you cardexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran ried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick and roared, as ever I heard a bull-calf. What hast done; and then say, it was in fight? What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou trick, what device, what starting-hole, cans thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? Poins. Come, let's hear, Jack; What trick hast thou now? that made ye. Why, hear ye, my masters: Fal. By the Lord, I knew ye, as well as he Was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou beware instinct; the lion will not touch the knowest, I am as valiant as Hercules: but a coward on instinct. I shall think the better true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was of myself and thee, during my life; I, for a valiant lion, and thou, for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. -Hostess, clap to the doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow.-Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, All the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore? be, thy running away. P. Hen. Content;-and the argument shall Fal. Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me. Enter HOSTESS. what say'st thou to me? Host. My lord the prince, Host. Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door, would speak with you: he says, he comes from your father. P. Hen. Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Fal. What manner of man is he? Fal. What doth gravity out of his bed at Fal. 'Faith, and I'll send him packing. [Exit. P. Hen. Now, Sirs; by'r lady, you fought fair;-so did you, Peto;-so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too, you ran away upon instinet, you will not touch the true prince; no,-fie! Bard. 'Faith, I ran when I saw others run. P. Hen. Tell me now in earnest, How came | like, we shall have good trading that way.Falstaff's sword so hacked? But, tell me, Hal, art thou not horribly afeard thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again, as that tiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? doth not thy blood thrill at it? Peto. Why, he hacked it with his dagger; and said, he would swear truth out of England, but he would make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded us to do the like. Bard. Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before, I blushed to hear his monstrous devices. P. Hen. O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the nanner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore: Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away; What instinct hadst thou for it? Bard. My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations ? P. Hen. I do. Burd. What think you they portend? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bone. P. Hen. Not a whit, i'faith; I lack some of thy instinct. Fal. Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow, when thou comest to thy father: if thou love me, practise an answer. P. Hen. Do thou stand for my father, and examine me upon the particulars of my life. Fal. Shall I? content:-This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown. P. Hen. Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown, for a pitiful bald crown! Fal. Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.-Give me a cup of sack, to make mine eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in king Cambyses't vein. P. Hen. Well, here is my leg. Fal. And here is my speech:-Stand aside, nobility. Host. This is excellent sport, i'faith. Host. O, the father, how he holds his coun tenance! Ful. For God's sake, lords, convey my tristfuls queen, Ful. My own knee? when I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle's talon in the waist; I could have crept into an alderman's thumb-ring: A plague of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder. There's villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he of Wales, that gave Amaimons the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman | tickle-brain.||-Harry, I do not only marvel upon the cross of a Welsh hook,-What, a plague, call you him?— Poins. O, Glendower. Fal. Owen, Owen; the same;-and his sonin-law, Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'horseback up a hill perpendicular. P. Hen. He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying. Fal. You have hit it. P. Hen. So did he never the sparrow. Fal. Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he will not run. P. Hen. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes. Host. O rare! he doth it as like one of these harlotry players, as I ever see. Fal. Peace, good point-pot; peace, good where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied: for though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it it wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's word, partly my own opinion; but chiefly, a villanous trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point;-Why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher,¶ and eat blackberries? a question not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take purses? a question to be asked. There is a thing, Har Fal. O'horseback, ye cuckoo! but, afoot, hery, which thou hast often heard of, and it is will not budge a foot. P. Hen. Yes, Jack, upon instinct. Fal. I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy father's beard is turned white with the news; you may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackarel. P. Hen. Why then, 'tis like, if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds. Fal. By the mass, lad, thou sayest true; it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also:-And yet there is a virtuous man, whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his some fifty, or, by'r lady, inclining to threescore; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month? P. Hen. Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I'll play my father. have much to say in the behalf of that FalFal. Out, you rogue! play out the play: I stati. Re-enter HOSTESS, hastily. Host. O Jesu, my lord, my lord!fiddlestick: What's the matter? Fal. Heigh, heigh! the devil rides upon a Host. The sheriff and all the watch are the door: they are come to search the house Shall I let them in? Fal. Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbet-tially mad, without seeming so. sucker, or a poulter's hare. Fal. Dost thou hear, Hal? never call a true piece of gold, a counterfeit: thou art essen P. Hen. Well, here I am set. Ful. And here I stand:-judge, my masters. Fal. 'Sblood, my lord, they are false:-nay, P. Hen. And thou a natural coward, without instinct. Fal. I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter: it I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope, I shall as soon be strangled with a halter, as another. the rest walk up above. Now, my masters, is out, and therefore I'll hide me. [Exeunt all but the PRINCE and POINS. P. Hen. Call in the sheriff Enter SHERIFF and CARRIER. Now, master sheriff; what's your will with me? P. Hen. Swearest thou, ungracious boy? henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness of a fat old man: a tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutcht of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard; of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtrees ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein vil-A lanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Fal. I would, your grace would take me with you; Whom means your grace? P. Hen. That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white bearded Satan. Fal. My lord, the man I know. Fal. But to say, I know more harm in him OLPH. Sher. First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry Hath follow'd certain men unto this house. P. Hen. What men? Sher. One of them is well known, my gra cious lord, gross fat man. Car. As fat as butter. P. Hen. The man, I do assure you, is no here; For I myself at this time have employ'd him. men Have in this robbery lost three hundred He shall be answerable; and so, farewell. P. Hen. I think it is good morrow; Is it not? Sher. Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock. [Exeunt SHERIFF and CARRIER. P. Hen. This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's.† Go, call him forth. Poins. Falstafi!-fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse. P. Hen. Hark, how hard he fetches breath: Search his pockets. [POINS searches.] What hast thou found? Poins. Nothing but papers, my lord. P. Hen. Let's see what they be: read them. Item, Sauce, 4d. Item, Sack, two gallons, 5s. &d. Which calls me pupil, or hath read to me? P. Hen. O monstrous! but one half penny- | Where is he living,-clipp'd in with the sea worth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! That chides the banks of England, Scotland, -What there is else, keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there let him sleep till day. Wales,I'll to the court in the morning: we must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and, I know, his death will be a march of twelvescore. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so good morrow, Poins. Poins. Good morrow, good my lord. ACT III. [Exeunt. SCENE I.-Bangor.-4 Room in the Archdeacon's House. Enter HOTSPUR, WORCESTER, MORTIMER, and GLENDOWER. Mort. These promises are fair, the parties sure, Mort. Peace, cousin Percy; you will make him mad. Glend. I can call spirits from the vasty deep. Hot. Why, so can Ï; or so can any man: But will they come, when you do call for them? Glend. Why, I can teach you, cousin, to comThe devil. [mand Hot. And I can teach thee, coz, to shame the devil, [vil. By telling truth; Tell truth, and shame the deIf thou have power to raise him, bring him hither, And I'll be sworn, I have power to shame him hence. [devil. And our induction* full of prosperous hope. [dower, And, uncle Worcester:-A plague upon it! I have forgot the map. Glend. No, here it is. Sit, cousin Percy; sit, good cousin Hotspur: Hot. And you in hell, as often as he hears Glend. I cannot blame him: at my nativity, your mother's cat had Hot. Why, so it would have done At the same season, But kitten'd, though yourself had ne'er been born. Glend. I say, the earth did shake when I was born. Hot. And I say, the earth was not of my mind, If you suppose, as fearing you it shook. Glend. The heavens were all on fire, the earth did tremble. Hot. O, then the earth shook to see the heavens on fire, And not in fear of your nativity. Diseased nature oftentimes breaks forth In strange eruptions: oft the teeming earth Is with a kind of colic pinch'd and vex'd By the imprisoning of unruly wind Within her womb; which, for enlargement striving, Shakes the old beldame earth, and topplest [down Steeples, and moss-grown towers. At your birth, Our grandam earth, having this distempera[ture, In passion shook. Glend. Cousin, of many men I do not bear these crossings. Give me leave Were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields. i am not in the roll of common men. According to our three-fold order ta'en? England, from Trent and Severn hitherto, Within that space, [To GLEND.] you may have Your tenants, friends, and neighbouring gendrawn together [tlemen. Glend. A shorter time shall send me to you, And in my conduct shall your ladies come: lords, From whom you now must steal, and take no leave; For there will be a world of water shed, Upon the parting of your wives and you. Hot. Methinks, my moiety, north from Bur it shall not wind with such a deep indent, To rob me of so rich a bottom here. Glend. Not wind? it shall, it must; you see, it doth. Mort. Yea, [me up But mark, how he bears his course, and runs With like advantage on the other side; Gelding the opposed continent as much, As on the other side it takes from you. Wor. Yea, but a little charge will trench him here, And on this north side win this cape of land; And then he runs straight and even. Hot. I'll have it so; a little charge will do it. Glend. I will not have it alter'd. Hot. Will not you? Glend. No, nor you shall not. Hot. Let me not understand it then, Glend. I can speak English, lord, as well as you; For I was train'd up in the English court: Hot. Marry, and I'm glad of it with all my I had rather be a kitten, and cry-mew, But, in the way of bargain, mark ye me, I'll haste the writer, and, withal, [hence: Hot. I cannot choose: sometimes he angers me, With telling me of the moldwarp and the ant, But mark'd him not a word. O, he's as tedious Mort. In faith, he is a worthy gentleman; Exceedingly well read, and profited As mines of India. Shall I tell you, cousin? Wor. In faith, my lord, you are too wilful- And since your coming hither have done enough (And that's the dearest grace it renders you,) Hot. Well, I am school'd; good manners be your speed! Here comes our wives, and let us take our leave. Re-enter GLENDOWER, with the LADIES. Mort. This is the deadly spite that angers me, My wife can speak no English, I no Welsh. She'll be a soldier too, she'll to the wars. Shall follow in your conduct* speedily One no persuasion can do good upon. [Lady M. speaks to MORTIMER in Welsh, Mort. I understand thy looks: that pretty Welsh Which thou pourest down from these swelling [heavens, I am too perfect in; and, but for shame,] In such a parley would I answer thee. [Lady M. speaks. [tongue I understand thy kisses, and thou mine. In strange concealments; valiant as a lion, By that time will our book, I think, be drawn. And wond'rous affable; and as bountiful Glend. Do so; And those musicians that shall play to you, |