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THE HISTORY OF JOANNA'S LIFE.

June the 17th, 1804.

Page 5 N°25 My Father married his first Wife out of pity, be

cause he saw her upon a sick bed, and he was told she could not live without him. He then went and told her to arise, for he would have her; as he thought to himself he would break the hearts of no more but that woman died in child-bed; and while she was dying, my Mother was in the room; and he thought to himself, if she died, as soon as decency would allow, he would make his addresses to my Mother, whom he felt in his heart to admire. But my Mother had thought in her heart, of all the men upon earth he was the last she would have; for she was provoked with words she had heard before, as one of my grandfather's servant men had been in company with my Father and many others, who was talking about the women whom they should like for wives; and one said, my Mother he should like for a wife. Another made answer, "I would never go a courting there; for men enough have tried there, and she hath refused them all: she looks with scorn on every man." My Father answered, "you know not how to go a courting to a religious woman: I'll be bound for it, if I was a widower I would gain her." The man came home and told my Mother of it; which she said raised her indignation, and she thought to herself, if he was a widower, and offered to come to her, he should find she was not so easily gained. But, being very intimate with his Wife, she was desired to be with her when in child-bed; which she was; and then my Father fixed his mind to come to my Mother as soon as decency would allow; but the agonies he saw his Wife die in, made him like a distracted man. So my Mother judged him a man of tender feelings, which with all his passion

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he really was; for though he was a man of strong.. passions, yet after his passion was over, his heart was torn with self-reflections, and he would do any thing to make amends: for he was a man of tender feelings, and strong passions; and my Mother has often reproved us children when we have been provoked with our Father's passions. She would often say, "Children, why do you blame your Father? if he is passionate he is compassionate, and he doth not do like many men, spend his time and his money in public houses, to bring you children to the parish; but he has been a hard working, careful, industrious man, to keep you from the parish, that you might not suffer, as other poor apprentices do." And now I must speak of my Father's tender feelings; for he was as compassionate as he was passionate; for I remember our apprentice maid, when my Brother had fallen out with her, my Father would not permit him to come in his presence to supper, but said it was as good to be a toad under a pair of harrows as to be an apprentice under so many masters and mistresses; one master and mistress were enough for any apprentice; and no apprentice in his house should have any more. You may marvel I am writing these particular things; but it is the sixth day, and here I shall rest from my labour: one Master and Mistress shall be enough for ail; one Gop and one Lawgiver. And now I shall come to another thing of my Father: He said my temper was such, and my care and industry so great, that no man but a devil could ever fall out with me; and yet he himself, when provoked to passions, without a cause, would fall out: and James Speerway, who worked at his house, working of flax, and slept in the house, had been witness to my Father's falling out with me, and repeated his words to me-Your Father says, none but a devil can fall out with you; - and now he hath made himself a devil by falling out with you. But I never saw a man in such agonies in

my life as he was, after he had done it. He raved like a madman in the night, and said-" Oh! my dear child, have I grieved her heart, that makes herself such a slave to keep me from a prison ! Why shall I grieve her heart? What devil is in me? Oh, that dear creature, how does she strive to please me! how does she strive to keep me from ruin! I must see her!" This was his waking in the night after he had fallen out with me. James Speerway made him this answer-" How can you wish to disturb her? She has staid up to work till twelve o'clock, and is but just gone to bed." But my Father answered, "I cannot live unless I see her." So they were forced to knock at my door and call to me; when I arose and went to my Father, who took me by the hand, and said-" My dear child, dost thou forgive me? Why did I fall out with thee, that is the comfort of my life, and venturest thy life to save me from ruin? Oh my dear child! Oh my dear child! my heart is wounded to see thy love for me!" At the same time my Father's face was like a Love my pot when you take off a cover covered with drops, in N25 ha great sweat, which I took and wiped off, and sat hours and continued by his bed-side to comfort him, and to compose 26 page 19 him to sleep. But the next day he told James Speerway, how his heart was wounded to think he had grieved me. One more instance of my Father I must mention. We had been making of cyder in the day; and at twelve at night he waked, and finding I was up at work, he called down and desired me to go down to the lower orchard to the pound house, and see if the cyder was not running over the tub, for he was afraid it was. The pound house was more than two fields from the house we lived in, or a long lane the other way. I took the candle and Janthorn and went down as my Father desired me. I did not perceive there was any moon, for it shined in a cloud; but when I came to open the pound house door, the light of the moon shone out through

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the cloud against the jambs, which made them ap pear to me like a man, and the summer upon the top like the head of a man; at the same time the owls that were up in the pound chamber were frighted at my opening the door, and they flew out and let the apples fall, which made a great noise. At this I was frightened, and thought it was the spirit of the man that had been drowned in the well before; as there was a well by the pound house, which was a dwelling house when my Father took the farm; but people said it was always troublesome, and no man would live there; so he made no use of the house, only for my Brother to keep rabbits, which used to make a great noise in the night; and Squire Putt one Sunday called iny Father into the School-house, and said he had an information against him, that he had smugglers in his lower house, and people did hear them every night as they rode by: so that he made that house a smuggling house, and they did hear the people jumping about. My Father answered, your honour is wrongly informed; it is nothing but rabbits my Son keeps there; and if your honour will not believe me, I must beg your honour will send one of your servants, and then you will see how the rabbits get up upon the benches of the window and jump off to make that noise. Mr. Putt took my Father's word; for he had said before, if there was an honest man in the parish it was my Father; and told my Father, when he was poorwarden and brought in his book of accounts at Easter, that he was peevishly honest, and therefore he must stand poor-warden another year.-But now I shall return to my fright. Judging I had seen a spirit, when I opened the door and heard the owls, and saw the light of the moon shining against the jambs, I let my lanthorn fall and put out my candle; I then ran home as fast as I could run, without bolting the door, or locking the garden gate, but ran home through the lane, and thought I heard the

footsteps of the spirit after me; for more than twenty yards I ran through a river, as the waters were then high. When I came home my Father called out to know if the cyder was run over? but finding my voice so trembling that I could scarce answer him, he called out--"My dear love, what is the matter?" I thought to myself he might well say my dear love; for he had frightened me out of my senses, by sending me down in the pound house at that time of the night. So I told him how I was frightened; and that I had neither seen the tubs nor the cyder, for my candle was gone out; and I had neither bolted the door nor locked the gate. My Father pitied my weakness, and did not blame me, but assured me I had seen no spirit, and it was nothing but the moon, that was hid in a cloud, that shined against the jambs; and it was the owls flying out, that he supposed had apples in their mouths and let them fall, which made the noise. I looked at the window and saw the moon was burst from the clouds, but I had perceived no moon before. I then went to bed, reflecting with myself what a weak fool I had been, to be frightened with nothing but shadows; for I was truly convinced of the truth of my Father's words, and called to my remembrance, that I had seen nothing but a glimmering light shining against the jambs, and that I heard the owls fly over my head, that in my confusion I did not think of.-Now I have ended the story about my Father and my fright, I shall return back to my old Lover. I staid at Sidmouth some months, in hopes he would return again; but finding he would not, I left the place, and determined to give my heart and soul to God. I told my Sister I should rather die than ever marry any man but him. My Mother and Sisters often reasoned with me, the madness of my passions. I told my Mother, it was for my good to wean my heart from this world and bring it to the Lord. She answered, it was for my good if I made that use of it. After that I went to service and musing to myself repeatedly the hymns