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„In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear

And your Lordship,” he said, “will undoubtedly find That the Nose has had spectacles always in wear;

Which amounts to possession time out of mind.”

Then holding the spectacles up to the court: –

“Your Lordship observes they are made with a straddle As wide as the ridge of the Nose is: in short,

Designed to sit close to it, just like a saddle.

Again would your Lordship a moment suppose

('Tis a case that has happened, and may be again)

Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then ?

“On the whole it appears, and my argument shows,

With a reasoning the court will never condemn, That the spectacles plainly were made for the Nose

And the Nose was as plainly intended for them.”

Having thus made a case on behalf of the Nose

No less valid in law than in equity strong, Tongue changed sides and with arguments weighty as blows

Showed the spectacles only to Eyes could belong:

upon his nose. In order to guard my report against all tinge of a similar predilection for the eyes (a predilection of which I acknowledge I cannot wholly divest myself, the eyes in my case having always had the use of the spectacles), I have taken the precaution not to draw my account of the arguments of Counsel on behalf of the nose from the same source from which I have drawn my account of the plea of the eyes and of the final compromise, viz. the books of the Court of Uncommon Pleas, the court in which the case was tried and in which I have been so fortunate as to find a complete record of it, but to adopt Nose's arguments verbatim and literatim from the report of Nose's best friend, Mr. Cowper himself.

“My Lord, spectacles being, as we all know, a pair,

And Eyes a pair also, while Nose is but one, That it 's Eyes and not Nose that should spectacles wear

Is as plain and as clear as at noonday the sun.

On the ground of his fitting exactly the straddle, Why, my Lord, allow that, and you can't but allow

That the horse owns by right both the rider and saddle.”

Here the court, interrupting, proposed compromise —

Between next-door neighbours such strife 's a disgrace And Nose waived his claim, on condition that Eyes

Should from thenceforth let spectacles lie in their case.


“Epicuri de grege porcum."

Ás a full glass and roaring fire,
Unless it be cow-heel or tripe,
Or well replenished meerschaum pipe –
Stáy, darling Meg, I did but jest;
Of áll God's gifts thou art the best.

DALKEY LODGE, DALKEY; Jan. 25, 1855.

FROM his shroúd the dead man peéping
Sáw the moúrners round him weéping,
Heárd such sóbs and sighs and groáns
Might have mélted hearts of stones.

Nót a word the dead man said,
Bút the thought came into his head:
Tó that whining blúbbering pack

Gód keep me from going back.
DALKEY LODGE, DALKEY; April 3, 1855.

WHAT benéficent Jóve was ’t, or Búddh or Osiris
Or Saturn or Sátan, who, not for their own good
But mán's use, creáted poor birds, beasts and fishes;
And his protégé, móre to enrich and exált him,
Into two halves divided and to the one half
Gave the other for sérvant and bóndslave for éver ?



From my bédroom, in my gówn,
Every mórn when Í come down,
Tráy says tó me with his tail: -
“Hópe I see you fresh and hále.”

Át my breakfast when I sít
Munching slowly bít by bít,
Tráy reminds me with his páw
Hé too has a tooth and jáw.

When I táke my hát and stick,
Tráy perceives the motion quick
Ánd across the párlour floor
Scampers joyful to the door.

When I walk along the street

With: – “Good morning! hów do you do ?” Tráy's nose ásks each: - “Who are you ?”

Tó Belinda's when I come,
Tráy snuffs round and round the room,
Thén lies dówn beside my chair,
Knows I 'll stáy a long while thére.

When I rise to go away
Fróm Belinda's, and call Tráy,
Tráy comes slowly, knowing well
Í 've to say a lóng farewell.

Dówn the street toward my hall - doór
When I túrn my fáce once more,
Whó so joyful thén as Tráy?
Trý if you can máke him stáy.

Tó my doór got, if bell-ring
Doés not quickly some one bring,
You would píty Tráy's hard case,
Drooping tail and ruéful fáce.

Ópened when the door at lást,
Tráy bolts maid and master pást,
Ảnd, ere well hung úp my hát,
Ón the hearthrug outstretched fát

Liés with múzzle on the ground,
Ảnd half clósed eye, watching roúnd,
While prepáratives dúly máde -
Crúmbcloth spread and táble laid –

Hérald neár approaching Threé,
Hoúr of weight to Tráy and mé;
Weighty hoúr to mé and Tráy,
Túrning-point of the whole dáy.

Súch our fórenoons; would you know
ff our áfternoons pass só,
Wórse or better; I can't sáy


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