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Within his cheek, thick as his wrist,
He stows a whopper,
Just as the Miller chucks his grist
Into his hopper.
Your Ploughman takes a thundering chaw,
And tucks it in distended jaw,
Then roars he out his gee and haw,
So charm'd with you,
His very cattle seem to draw
As if they knew.
The Tars who o'er the ocean sail,
Whose hearts in danger never quail,
What nerves them so to breast the gale
And kiss the moon !
'Tis juice of thee, adored Pigtail !
Thou greatest boon!
The Doctor warns us 'gainst a quid
If from diseases we'd be freed-
Then gravely opes his box's lid,
And takes a chew,
The patient does as Doctor did,
Though death ensue.
The Merchant takes much wiser views,
And ponders deeper o’er the news,
The "cud of fancy” sweeter chews
While mumbling thee,
And better takes his mental cruise
O'er tumbling sea.
The Lawyer turning o'er thy leaf
Can better comprehend his brief,
His cause set forth in bold relief
With stronger power;
His fancy loves, 'tis my belief
Thy golden shower.
I'll risk a bet e’en Johnny Q-
Has got a “bargain” oft in you ;
And Clay, who knows a thing or two
Is "up to snuff,"
And he who all the British slew
Enjoys a puff.
Oh Burns! thou eulogist of whiskey
Which often made thee much too brisk, eh!
In drinking it, how greatly risk we;
It plays the deuce,
Not so, let's say it, Unusquisque
With this sweet juice.
Tobacco brings no man to ruin,
little serves for chewing,
And then he knows what he is doing,
But as for whiskey
Some mischief 'tis forever brewing
We feel so frisky.
Tobacco never plays us pranks
Nor throws poor bodies off their shanks,
Just reeling round as they were hanks
In swift rotations,
While whiskey will upset all ranks,
Through deep potations.
Then let Tobacco's fame be sung,
Oh may it roll o'er many a tongue
With it let every nose be wrung,
Save women's noses;
For should they use it-old or young
Love straightway dozes.
(For the Richmond Whig.) MEETING OF THE LADIES AT THE CAPITOL. “Aristocracy, alone could ever have imagined it (community) to mean a privileged class, and sophistry only would pretend to include in it the women.”
Were I a Man
I would remove these tedious stumbling blocks,
And smooth my way upon their headless necks,
And being a woman, I will not be slack
To play my part in fortune's pageant.-Hen. VI. Most lovely, accomplish'd, and ill treated Ladies ! Best part of creation !-attend to what said isFour Spinsters have met and determined together, To call on the women, that is, if the weather
Be not too inclement to meet in the houses,
Where lately our Fathers, and Brothers, and Spouses
Have dared to proclaim to a thunder-struck nation,
That Ladies have nothing to do in creation.
'Tis known to mankind how we hate all contention,
But garters! and stars! we must go to Convention :
We call on the married-maids-widows and all,
From the Miss in her teens to the Miss with her doll,
To come in a body, and dress'd in their finest,
And try in their beauty, who'll look the divinest;
You may be assured that a thousand beholders
Will be there, of the men, both the non and freeholders
To gaze on the charms which may thus be collected,
To ask at their hands, that our rights be protected.
Girls ! put on your bonnets, the biggest you wear,
Oh lud! we shall cover the Capitol Square ;
There'll hardly be room for such monstrous umbrellas,
But gracious! these bonnets so please the young fellows;
The matrons can wrap themselves up in pelisses,
The blood must be warm’d as it gradually freezes.
Let every dear tabby, inclining to pur,
Put on her angolas and muffle in fur;
But we that are young must be splendid and flashing ;
Our shawls must be worn in a manner quite dashing,
Half off the shoulder and carelessly winding,
As if they were trifles not worth our minding;
Ev'ry curl must be held in complete requisition,
Our object you see is to improve our condition ;
Ev'ry lip that is red-ev'ry cheek that is rosy-
From the brightest of eyes to the eye that is dozy,
Must be sure to be ready to work on the souls
Who wish to exclude our sex from their polls ;
Bring together in short ev'ry species of beauty,
“Virginia expects you will All do your duty."
We call on you, Daughters of old mother Eve!
To rise in your charms, and your rights to retrieve-
Nature never on earth, could have made such a blunder
As this, that the women be always kept under;
When ev'ry thing else in the world that is light
Gets up to the top, will you tell us 'tis right
That we tamely submit, in despite of her rules,
To be number'd with idiots, and class'd with the fools?
Shall you who have dandled the brats on your knees,
And in Primers have taught 'em their A B and C's;
Who, Philosophers hold, have an infinite weight
In moulding their minds, be excluded from State?
Forbid it kind heaven !--these impudent frights
Have diddled themselves, by their own Bill of Rights.
“By nature all men are born equally free,”
But men are not women !-oh fiddle de dee!
We say, and we deem it a great condescension,
We say, we will certainly go to Convention;
We'll send ninety-six of our prettiest girls,
noddles at once into whirls;
Your grave looking bodies—your Patriæpaters
With ogles and sighs we could make 'em all traitors;
We wonder what monster would dare be so rude,
Such a bevy of beauty, from it to exclude ?
We fear not the issue, we'll enter, and vote,
The Government change-Hurra! Petticoat!
Yes, that be the name! and in future all Writs
Shall run “In the name of the Petticoat,” chits !
We'll punish you well for your want of respect,
How funny you'll look when your heads are all peck’d!
Why should not the women be suffered to vote?
Is there any good reason, we beg you to show't-
Do you urge they are volatile, fickle, and frisky ?
Not half so much so as the swillers of whiskey;
Are they ruled by their Fathers and Husbands with
switches ? Nine-tenths we can tell you have put on the breeches ; Don't many pay taxes, and some of them fight? A’nt you willing to do all that men do, Miss Wright? They have governed as well as the men have, we guess, What Monarch was wiser than English Queen Bess ? Go read of their chivalrous actions,
and mark What Hero did better than Joan of Arc ? Look at Cath'rine the great, and forbear, sirs, to scoffPoh! hush about Orloff--Potemkin-ZuboffWe all have our follies, and none had 'em more Than Henry the Fourth, whom you almost adore,
Cleopatra-Zenobia-Semiramis Great !
E'en Pericles' mistress once govern'd the State :-
Examine, we pray, the Republic of letters,
if you can that the men are our betters;
What think you, ye poor and contemptible ninnies,
Of charming epistles like Madame Sevigne ?
Of Genlis-of Dacier-of Madame de Stael ?
They rush on the mind just as fast as the hail ;
What think you of Hamilton, Edgeworth, and Moore,
Of Opie and Hemans ?-I'd count up a score-
Is it fit?-is it right that such exquisite tongues
Should be mute, while your boobies are splitting their
lungs. We've thrown out a few of these hasty remarks, Just to call your attention to some of our sparksShould they obstinate prove, should they turn us all out, We are likely to have a most thundering rout; We don't care a pin—we are used to a squeeze, Let's have an Assembly and issue decrees; Let us only be firm, and we venture our lives They'll soon come among us to look for some wives; Yes—now is our time-we may do what we please, We'll soon have the rebels all down on their knees, And then !-oh the thought is too vast for the brainsWe'll make on the Treas’ry such terrible drainsWe'll sparkle in jewels—we'll have such a ball!!And-what shall we have ?-come, come to the Hall.
[For the Richmond Whig.]
FOR MAKING A LONG SPEECH UPON ANY GIVEN SUBJECT.
Promising is the very air o’the time: it opens the eyes of expectation: Performance is ever the duller for his act; and but in The plainer and simpler kind of people, the deed of saying is quite out of use.-Timon of Athens, Act V. You must gracefully rise, with a bow, from your chair, And begin–Mister Speaker!--with dignified air,