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1 Car. Like a lench? by the mass, there is ne'er a king in Christendom could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.
2 Cur. Why, they will allow us ne'er a jorden, and then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds fleas like a loach.
1 Car. What, ostler! come away, and be hanged, come away.
2 Car. Í have a gammon of bacon, and two razes of ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.
1 Car. 'Odsbody! the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved.—What, ostler!-A plague on thee ! hast thou never an eye in thy head ? canst not hear? An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to break the pate of thee, I am a very villain.—Come, and be hanged :-Hast no faith in thee?
Enter GADSHILL. Gads. Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock? 1 Car. I think it be two o'clock.
Gads. I pry'thee, lend me thy lantern, to see iny gelding in the stable.
1 Car. Nay, soft, I pray ye; I know a trick worth two of that, i'faith.
Gads. pr’ythee, lend me thine.
2 Car. Ay, when? canst tell?-Lend me thy lantern, quoth-a?-marry, I'll see thee hanged first.
Guds. Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?
2 Car. Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee.-Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the gentlemen ; they will along with company, for they have great charge.
[Exeunt Carriers. Gads. What, ho! chamberlain! Cham. [Within] At hand, quoth pick-purse.
Gads. That's even as fair as--at hand, quoth the chiamberlain : for thou variest no more from picking of purses, than giving direction doth from labouring ; thou lay'st the plot how.
Enter CHAMBERLAIN. Cham. Good morrow, master Gadshill. It holds car
rent, that I told you yesternight: There's a franklin in the wild of Kent, hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company, last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and butter: They will away presently
Gads. Sirrah, if they meet not with saint Nicholas' clerks, I'll give thee this neck.
Cham. No, I'll none of it: I pr’ythee keep that for the hangman ; for, I know, thou worship’st saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.
Gads. What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows : for, if I hang, old sir Jolin hangs with me; and, thou knowest, hie's no starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dreamest not of, the which, for sport sake, are content to do the profession some grace; that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own crediť sake, make all whole. I ain joined with no foot land-rakers, no long-staff, six-penny strikers; none of these mad, mustachio, purple-hued malt-worms: but with nobility, and tranquillity; burgomasters, and great oneyers; such as can hold in; such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: And yet I lie ; for they pray continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or, rather, not pray to her, but prey on her; for they ride up and down on her, and make her their boots.
Chum. What, the commonwealth their boots ? will she hold out water in foul way?
Gads. She will, she will ; justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Cham. Nay, by my faith ; I think you are more beholden to the night, than to fern-seed, for your walking invisible.
Gads. Give me thy hand : thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man.
Cham. Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false i'ief
Gads. Go to; Homo is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave.
go seek him.
SCENE II. The Road by GADSHILL.
Pero, at some Distance.
P. Hen. Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling dost thou keep!
Fal. Where's Poins, Hal?
[Pretends to seek Poins. Fal. I ain accursed to rob in that thief's company : the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied bim I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the 'squire further a-foot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else; I bave drunk medicines, --Poins !-Hal—a plague apon you both!- Bardolph! -Peto!-I'll starve, ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground, is threescore and ten miles a-foot with me; and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough : A plague upon't, when thieves cannot be true to one another! [They whistle] Whew !-A plague upon you all! Give ine my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be banged.
P. Hen. Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
Fal. Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far a-foot again, for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye, to colt me thus ?
*P. Hen. Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
Fal. I prythee, good prince Hal, help me to my horse; good king's son.
P. Hen. Out, you rogue ! shall I be your ostler?
Fal. Go, hang thyself in thy own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung lo filthy lunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: When a jest is so forward, and a-foot too,--I hate it.
Gads. Case ye, case ye; on with your visors; there's money of the king's coming down the hill;
'tis going to the king's exchequer.
Fal. You lie, you rogue ;'tis going to the king's tavern.
P. Hen. Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow Jane ; Ned Poins, and I, will walk lower : if they 'scape from your encounter, then they light on us.
Peto. How many be there of them?
Fal. Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal.
P. Hen. Well, we leave that to the proof.
Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
[Exeunt P. Henry and Poins. Fal. Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I; every man to his business.
Enter Travellers. 1 Trav. Come, neighbour; the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we'll walk a-foot awhile, and ease our legs.
Thieves. Stand. Trav. Jesu bless us ! Fal. Strike; down with them ;cut the villains' throats : Ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth: down with them ; fleece them.
1 Trav. O, we are undone, both we and ours, for ever. Fal. Hang ye, gorbellied knaves ; Are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs; I would, your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves ? young men must live: You are grand-jurors, are ye? We'll jure ye, i’faith.
[Exeunt Fal. dc. driving the Travellers out.
Re-enter PRINCE HENRY and Poins. P. Hen. The thieves have bound the true men : Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever. Poins. Stand close, I hear them coming.
Re-enter Thieves. Fal. Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the prince and Pions be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's no more valoar in that Poins, than in a wild duck. P. Hen. Your money.
[Rushing out upon them.