ACT II. SCENE I.

Enter WINCOT and his WIFE.

Winc. And what's this Dalavel?
Wife. My apprehension

Can give him no more true expression,
Than that he first appears a gentleman,
And well conditioned.

Winc. That for outward show:

But what in him have you observed else,
To make him better known?

Wife. I have not eyes

To search into the inward thoughts of men,
Nor ever was [I] studied in that art,

To judge of mens' affection by the face;

But that which makes me best opinion'd of him
Is, that he is companion, and the friend
Beloved of him whom you so much commend,
The noble Master Geraldine.

Winc. Thou hast spoke

That which not only crowns his true desert,
But now instates him in my better thoughts,
Making his worth unquestioned.

Wife. He pretends

Love to my sister Pru. I have observ'd him
Single her out to private conference.

Winc. But I could rather, for her own sake, wish Young Geraldine would fix his thoughts that way,

And she towards him; in such affinity,
Trust me, I would not use a sparing hand.
Wife. But love in these kinds, should not be

compell❜d,

Forc'd, nor persuaded; when it freely springs,
And of itself takes voluntary root,

It grows, it spreads, it ripens, and brings forth
Such an usurious crop of timely fruit,
As crowns a plenteous autumn.

Enter CLOWN.

Winc. Such a harvest

I should not be th' ungladdest man to see Of all thy sister's friends. Now, whence come you? Clown. Who, I, sir? from a lodging of largess, a house of hospitality, and a palace of plenty; where there's feeding like horses, and drinking like fishes; where for pints, we're served in pottles; and instead of pottle pots, in pails; instead of silver tankards, we drink of water tankards . claret runs as freely as the cocks; and canary, like the conduits of a coronation day; where there's nothing but feeding and frolicking, carving and kissing, drinking and dancing, music and madding, fiddling and feasting.

*

Winc. And where, I pray thee, are all these revels kept?

Clown. They may be rather called wreaks than revels: as I came along by the door, I was call'd up amongst them, he-gallants, and she

*"Water tankards" were the vessels which those water carriers made use of who carried water from the conduits, &c. for the supply of private families.

gallants; 1 no sooner look'd out, but saw them out with their knives, slashing of shoulders, mangling of legs, and lancing of loins, till there was scarce a whole limb left amongst them.

Winc. A fearful massacre!

Clown. One was hacking to cut off a neck, this was mangling a breast, his knife slipped from the shoulder, and only cut off a wing; one was picking the brains out of a head, another was knuckle deep in a belly, one was groping for a liver, another searching for the kidnies; I saw one pluck the sole from the body (goose that she was to suffer't), another prick'd into the breast with his own bill, (woodcock to indure it.) Wife. How fell they out at first?

Clown. I know not that; but it seems one had a stomach, and another had a stomach; but there was such biting and tearing with their teeth, that I am sure I saw some of their poor carcasses pay for't.

Winc. Did they not send for surgeons?

Clown. Alas, no; surgeon's help was too late: there was no stitching up those wounds, where limb was pluck'd from limb; nor any salve for those scars, which all the plaster of Paris can

not cure.

Wine. Where grew the quarrel first?

Clown. It seems it was first broach'd in the kitchen; certain creatures being brought in thither by some of the house; the cook, being a choleric fellow, did so touse them and toss them, so pluck them and pull them, till he left them as naked as my nail; pinioned some of them like felons; cut the spurs from others off their heels,

then down went the spits, some of them he ran in at the throat, and out at the backside; about went his basting-ladle, where he did so besauce them, that many a shrewd turn they had amongst them.

Wife. But in all this, how did the women 'scape?

Clown. They fared best, and did the least hurt that I saw; but for quietness sake, were fore'd to swallow what is not yet digested; yet every one had their share; and she that had the least, I am sure by this time hath her belly full.

Winc. And where was all this havoc kept?

Clown. Marry, sir, at your next neighbour's, young Master Lionel; where there is nothing but drinking out of dry vats, and healthing in half tubs; his guests are fed by the belly, and beggars served at his gate in baskets; he's the adamant of this age, the daffodil of these days, the prince of prodigality, and the very Cæsar of all young citizens.

Winc. Belike then 'twas a massacre of meat, not as I apprehended?

Clown. Your gravity hath guessed aright; the chiefest that fell in this battle, were wild fowl and tame fowl; pheasants were wounded instead of alfares*, and capons for captains; anchovies stood for ancients, and caviare for corporals; dishes were assaulted instead of ditches, and rabbits were cut to pieces upon the rebelling t;

* Alfarez, or alfares, seems to have been a subordinate officer, (an ensign, says Reed.) Don Juan, in "Rule a Wife and have a Wife," says, Leon had been recommended to him as his " Alferez." + Ravelines, I presume.

some lost their legs, whilst other of their wings were forc'd to fly; the pioneer undermined nothing but pye-crust; and

Winc. Enough, enough! your wit hath play'd too long

Upon our patience: Wife, it grieves me much,
Both for the young and old man; the one graces
His head with care, endures the parching heat
And biting cold, the terrors of the lands,
And fears at sea in travel, only to gain
Some competent estate to leave his son;
Whiles all that merchandise, through gulfs, cross-
tides,

Pirates and storms, he brings so far, th' other
Here shipwrecks in the harbour,

Wife. 'Tis the care of fathers, and the weakness Incident to youth, that wants experience.

Enter YOUNG GERALDINE, DALAVEL, and PRUDENTILLA, laughing.

Clown. I was at the beginning of the battle: but here comes some, that it seems were at the rifling of the dead carcasses; for by their mirth, they have had part of the spoil.

Winc. You are pleasant, gentlemen: what, I

entreat,

Might be the subject of your pleasant sport?
It promiseth some pleasure.

Prud. If their recreation

Be, as I make no question, on truth grounded, "Twill beget sudden laughter.

Wife. What's the project?
Dal. Who shall relate it?