THE QUEST OF THE PURPLE COW

HE girded on his shining sword,
He clad him in his suit of mail,
He gave his friends the parting word,
With high resolve his face was pale.
They said, "You've kissed the Papal Toe,
To great Moguls you've made your bow,
Why will you thus world-wandering go?"
"I never saw a purple cow!"

"I never saw a purple cow!

Oh, hinder not my wild emprise-
Let me depart! For even now
Perhaps, before some yokel's eyes
The purpling creature dashes by,
Bending its noble, hornèd brow.
They see its glowing charms, but I—
I never saw a purple cow!"

"But other cows there be," they said,
"Both cows of high and low degree,
Suffolk and Devon, brown, black, red,
The Ayrshire and the Alderney.

66

Content yourself with these." No, no,"

He cried, "Not these! Not these! For how Can common kine bring comfort? Oh!

I never saw a purple cow!"

He flung him to his charger's back,
He left his kindred limp and weak,

They cried: "He goes, alack! alack!
The unattainable to seek."

But westward still he rode-pardee!

The West! Where such freaks be; I vow, I'd not be much surprised if he

Should some day see

A

Purple

Cow!

Hilda Johnson.

St. Patrick of Ireland, My Dear!

101

ST. PATRICK OF IRELAND, MY DEAR!

A FIG for St. Denis of France

He's a trumpery fellow to brag on;
A fig for St. George and his lance,
Which spitted a heathenish dragon;
And the saints of the Welshman or Scot
Are a couple of pitiful pipers,
Both of whom may just travel to pot,
Compared with that patron of swipers-
St. Patrick of Ireland, my dear!

He came to the Emerald Isle

On a lump of a paving-stone mounted; The steamboat he beat by a mile,

Which mighty good sailing was counted. Says he, "The salt water, I think,

Has made me most bloodily thirsty;
So bring me a flagon of drink

To keep down the mulligrubs, burst ye!
Of drink that is fit for a saint!"

He preached, then, with wonderful force,
The ignorant natives a-teaching;

With a pint he washed down his discourse,
"For," says he, "I detest your dry preaching."
The people, with wonderment struck

At a pastor so pious and civil,

Exclaimed "We're for you, my old buck!
And we pitch our blind gods to the devil,
Who dwells in hot water below!"

This ended, our worshipful spoon.
Went to visit an elegant fellow,
Whose practice, each cool afternoon,
Was to get most delightfully mellow.
That day with a black-jack of beer,

It chanced he was treating a party;
Says the saint-"This good day, do you hear,
I drank nothing to speak of, my hearty!
So give me a pull at the pot!"

The pewter he lifted in sport

(Believe me, I tell you no fable); A gallon he drank from the quart, And then placed it full on the table. "A miracle!" every one said

And they all took a haul at the stingo; They were capital hands at the trade, And drank till they fell; yet, by jingo,

The pot still frothed over the brim.

Next day, quoth his host, ""Tis a fast,
And I've nought in my larder but mutton;
And on Fridays who'd made such repast,
Except an unchristian-like glutton?"
Says Pat, "Cease your nonsense, I beg―
What you tell me is nothing but gammon;
Take my compliments down to the leg,
And bid it come hither a salmon!"

And the leg most politely complied.

You've heard, I suppose, long ago,

How the snakes, in a manner most antic,

He marched to the county Mayo,

And trundled them into th' Atlantic. Hence, not to use water for drink,

The people of Ireland determine

With mighty good reason, I think,

Since St. Patrick has filled it with vermin

And vipers, and other such stuff!

Oh, he was an elegant blade

As you'd meet from Fairhead to Kilcrumper;

And though under the sod he is laid,

Yet here goes his health in a bumper!

I wish he was here, that my glass

He might by art magic replenish;

But since he is not-why, alas!

My ditty must come to a finish,—
Because all the liquor is out!

William Maginn.

The Irish Schoolmaster

103

THE IRISH SCHOOLMASTER

"Come here, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Jist tell me who King David was-
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"King David was a mighty man,
And he was King of Spain, Sir;
His eldest daughter 'Jessie' was
The Flower of Dunblane,' Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Sir Isaac Newton-who was he?
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Sir Isaac Newton was the boy
That climbed the apple-tree, Sir;
He then fell down and broke his crown,
And lost his gravity, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Jist tell me who ould Marmion was-
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Ould Marmion was a soldier bold,
But he went all to pot, Sir;

He was hanged upon the gallows tree,
For killing Sir Walter Scott, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Jist tell me who Sir Rob Roy was;
Now tell me if you can, Sir."

"Sir Rob Roy was a tailor to

The King of the Cannibal Islands; He spoiled a pair of breeches, and Was banished to the Highlands."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintlemàn, Sir;
Then, Bonaparte-say, who was he?
Now tell me if you can, Sir."

"Ould Bonaparte was King of France

Before the Revolution;

But he was kilt at Waterloo,

Which ruined his constitution."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head,
And look like a jintleman, Sir;
Jist tell me who King Jonah was;
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"King Jonah was the strangest man
That ever wore a crown, Sir;
For though the whale did swallow him,
It couldn't keep him down, Sir."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head.

And look like a jintlemàn, Sir;

Jist tell me who that Moses was;
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
"Shure Moses was the Christian name

Of good King Pharaoh's daughter;

She was a milkmaid, and she took

A profit from the water."

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head, And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Jist tell me now where Dublin is;
Now tell me if you can, Sir."
66 Och, Dublin is a town in Cork,
And built on the equator;

It's close to Mount Vesuvius,

And watered by the 'craythur.""

"You're right, my boy; hould up your head, And look like a jintleman, Sir;

Jist tell me now where London is;

Now tell me if you can, Sir."