The Elderly Gentleman "We're all a set of stupid fools To think the skipper knows by tasting What ground he's on- -Nantucket schools Don't teach such stuff, with all their basting!" And so he took the well-greased lead And rubbed it o'er a box of earth "Where are we now, sir? Please to taste." The skipper stormed and tore his hair, 665 James Thomas Fields. THE ELDERLY GENTLEMAN By the side of a murmuring stream an elderly gentleman sat. On the top of his head was a wig, and a-top of his wig was his hat. The wind it blew high and blew strong, as the elderly gentleman sat; And bore from his head in a trice, and plunged in the river his hat. The gentleman then took his cane which lay by his side as he sat; And he dropped in the river his wig, in attempting to get out his hat. His breast it grew cold with despair, and full in his eye madness sat; So he flung in the river his cane to swim with his wig, and his hat. Cool reflection at last came across while this elderly gentle man sat; So he thought he would follow the stream and look for his cane, wig, and hat. His head being thicker than common, o'er-balanced the rest of his fat; And in plumped this son of a woman to follow his wig, cane, and hat. George Canning. SAYING NOT MEANING Two gentlemen their appetite had fed, When opening his toothpick-case, one said, "Grow!" cried the other, "yes, they grow, indeed, "Why, sir," returned the irritated other, When at Calcutta He wouldn't utter A lie for love or money, sir; so in This matter you are thoroughly mistaken." To the assertion-none e'er saw or read it; Your brother, like his evidence, should be shaken." "Be shaken, sir! let me observe, you are Perverse-in short-" Sir," said the other, sucking his cigar, And then his port "If you will say impossibles are true, You may affirm just anything you please- And elephants inhabit Stilton cheese! Saying not Meaning Only you must not force me to believe "Then you force me to say, sir, you're a fool," Return'd the bragger. Language like this no man can suffer cool: It made the listener stagger; So, thunder-stricken, he at once replied, "The traveler lied Who had the impudence to tell it you; "Zounds! then d'ye mean to swear before my face That anchovies don't grow like cloves and mace?" "I do!" Disputants often after hot debates Leave the contention as they found it-bone, Thinking by strength of artery to atone With pistols, powder, bullets, surgeons, lint, 667 Seconds, and smelling-bottles, and foreboding, And they did fight: from six full measured paces (His ire evanishing like morning vapors), William Basil Wake. HANS BREITMANN'S PARTY HANS BREITMANN gife a barty; I felled in lofe mit a Merican frau, Und ven dey looket indo mine, Hans Breitmann gife a barty: Und vent shpinnen round und round. Hans Breitmann gife a barty: Und venefer dey knocks de shpicket in I dinks dat so vine a barty Nefer coom to a het dis year. Hans Breitmann gife a barty: Und vash der Abendessen down Mit four parrels of Neckarwein. Ballad by Hans Breitmann Ilans Breitmann gife a barty. We all cot troonk ash bigs. I poot mine mout to a parrel of bier, Hans Breitmann gife a barty- Dat float on de moundain's prow? 669 Charles Godfrey Leland. BALLAD BY HANS BREITMANN DER noble Ritter Hugo Von Schwillensaufenstein Rode out mit shpeer and helmet, Und he coom to de panks of de Rhine. Und oop dere rose a meermaid, Fot hadn't got nodings on, Und she say, "Oh, Ritter Hugo, Vhere you goes mit yourself alone?" And he says, "I ride in de creenwood, Till I cooms into em Gasthaus, Und den outshpoke the maiden |