On the uptown side of the crowded old "L," When she's on the uptown, On the uptown side of the crowded old "L." On the uptown side of a downtown street And she on the uptown, The uptown side of a downtown street. On a downtown car of the Broadway line She's on a downtown, On a downtown car of the Broadway line. Oh, to be downtown when I am uptown, She in the daytime, Never the right time for us to meet, Uptown or downtown, in "L," car or street. William Johnston. WRITTEN AFTER SWIMMING FROM SESTOS TO ABYDOS IF, in the month of dark December, (What maid will not the tale remember?) To cross thy stream broad Hellespont. If, when the wint'ry tempest roar'd, The Fisherman's Chant For me, degenerate, modern wretch, And think I've done a feat to-day. But since he crossed the rapid tide, 'T were hard to say who fared the best: For he was drowned, and I've the ague. Lord Byron. 81 THE FISHERMAN'S CHANT On, the fisherman is a happy wight! Sniggling, Eels, and higgling Over the price Of a nice Slice Of fish, twice As much as it ought to be. Oh, the fisherman is a happy man! On the river or the sea! Dibbling Chub, and quibbling Over the price Of a nice Slice Of fish, twice As much as it ought to be. F. C. Burnand. REPORT OF AN ADJUDGED CASE NOT TO BE FOUND IN ANY OF THE BOOKS BETWEEN Nose and Eyes a strange contest arose, So Tongue was the lawyer, and argued the cause So famed for his talent in nicely discerning. In behalf of the Nose it will quickly appear, And your lordship, he said, will undoubtedly find, That the Nose has had spectacles always to wear, Which amounts to possession time out of mind. Then holding the spectacles up to the court- Again, would your lordship a moment suppose ('Tis a case that has happened, and may be again) That the visage or countenance had not a nose, Pray who would, or who could, wear spectacles then! Prehistoric Smith On the whole it appears, and my argument shows Then shifting his side (as a lawyer knows how), But what were his arguments few people know, For the court did not think they were equally wise. So his lordship decreed with a grave solemn tone, William Cowper. PREHISTORIC SMITH QUATERNARY EPOCH-POST-PLIOCENE PERIOD A MAN sat on a rock and sought A dinotherium wandered by And scared him some. His name was Smith. The kind of rock He sat upon was shale. One feature quite distinguished him— The danger past, he fell into A revery austere; While with his tail he whisked a fly From off his ear. "Mankind deteriorates," he said, 83 "Nature abhors imperfect work, "But fashion's dictates rule supreme, And fashion says, to dock your tail "And children now come in the world With half a tail or less; Too stumpy to convey a thought, "It kills expression. How can one Sadly he mused upon the world, Its follies and its woes; Then wiped the moisture from his eyes, But clothed in earrings, Mrs. Smith Came wandering down the dale; And, smiling, Mr. Smith arose, And wagged his tail. David Law Proudfit. SONG OF ONE ELEVEN YEARS IN PRISON I WHENE'ER with haggard eyes I view ; |