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mitive abodes: they found themselves verential grief with which all persons
settled in quiet sylvan scenes, rich in looked back upon the dread calamities
all the luxuries of life, and endowed attached to the year of the Tiger-all
with the perfect loveliness of Arcadian who had either personally shared in
beauty. But from the hills of this fa- those calamities, and had themselves
voured land, and even from the level drunk from that cup of sorrow, or who
grounds as they approached its western had effectually been made witnesses to
border, they still look out upon that their results, and associated with their
fearful wilderness which once beheld a relief ; two great monuments, we say;
nation in agony—the utter extirpa- first of all, one in the religious solemnity,
tion of nearly half a million from enjoined by the Dalai Lama, called in
amongst its numbers, and, for the the Tartar language a Romanang,
remainder, a storm of misery so fierce, that is, a national commemoration,
that in the end (as happened also with music the most rich and solemn,
at Athens during the Peloponnesian of all the souls who departed to the
Far from a different form of misery) rest of Paradise from the afflictions of
very many lost their memory; all the Desart: this took place about six
records of their past life were wiped years after the arrival in China. Se-
out as with a sponge-utterly erased condly, another more durable and more
and cancelled : and many others lost commensurate to the scale of the cala-
their reason ; some in a gentle form mity and to the grandeur of this na-
of pensive melancholy, some in a more tional Exodus, in the mighty columns
restless form of feverish delirium and of granite and brass, erected by the
nervous agitation, and others in the fixed Emperor Kien Long, near the banks of
forms of tempestuous mania, raving the lly: these columns stand upon the
frenzy, or moping idiocy. Two great very margin of the steppes ; and they
commemorative monuments arose in bear a short but emphatic inscription *
after years to mark the depth and per- to the following effect :-
manence of the awe—the sacred and re-

By the Will of God,
Here, upon the Brink of these Desarts,
Which from this Point begin and stretch away

Pathless, treeless, waterless,
For thousands of miles-and along the margins of many mighty Nations,

Rested from their labours and from great afflictions

Under the shadow of the Chinese Wall,
And by the favour of Kien Long, God's Lieutenant upon Earth,
The ancient Children of the Wildernessthe Torgote Tartars-

Flying before the wrath of the Grecian Czar,
Wandering Sheep who had strayed away from the Celestial Empire in the year 1616,

But are now mercifully gathered again, after infinite sorrow,

Into the fold of their forgiving Shepherd.
Hallowed be the spot for ever,

and
Hallowed be the day-September 8, 1771!

Amen.

1

This inscription has been slightly altered in one or two phrases, and particularly in adapting to the Christian era the Emperor's expressions for the year of the original Exodus from China and the retrogressive Exodus from Russia. With respect to the designation adopted for the Russian Emperor, either it is built upon some confusion between him and the Byzantine Cæsars, as though the former, being of the same religion with the latter (and occupying in part the same longitudes, though in different latitudes) might be considered as his modern successor ; or else it refers simply to the Greek form of Christianity professed by the Russian Emperor and Church.

THE BARBER'S SUPPER.

This is the age of speculations; but to the east of the Land's-end, and the however promising they may be (and north of the Isle of Wight, a merchant there is no lack of promises in any of of the name of Stephen Whiffle, who, their prospectuses that we have en- although he did not figure in the Red countered), there is always a certain Book, bad that very excellent and lubitter in the midst of all their sweets, crative possession-a good name. In -always a lingering fear that their those days there were none of those end may not be quite so flourishing as multitudinous branch banks which now their beginnings, and that the dropping overshadow the land, but Stephen, of the curtain may find the bubble with a desire to oblige that made him burst, and the unfortunate speculator popular in all the neighbourhood, unin jail.

The absence of absolute dertook to supply the place of one. downright certainty in any undertak- He received all the savings of his ing is a great drawback on its desi- friends and neighbours, and some were rableness. How gladly would we pawn so delighted with this mode of investour last shred of property, yea, the ment, that they converted all their very greatcoat we have borrowed of property into money, and gladly plaour landlord, to realize money enough ced it in his hands. In fact, it was to become a shareholder in the joint- thought a great favour on the part of stock company for the working of the Stephen when he accepted the sums gold mines lately discovered in the offered to him, and, of course, the famountains of the moon; or for the vour was the greater the larger the creation of antediluvian elephants by amount. At last there was not a means of muriatic acid as discovered shilling in the town but what was in by Mr Crosse; if we could only be the custody of Stephen ; the people certain that the gold would be plenti- returned almost to a state of pristine ful and the elephants fit for work. security ; no door was bolted at night, Yet amidst all this uncertainty, it is there was nothing left to tempt the very satisfactory to know that there is cupidity of thieves. The golden age one speculation in which it is impos- revisited the borough town of Hecksible to go wrong,—and which it re- ingham, and hogsheads of beer were quires nothing but a little observation quaffed every night by the happy inand the use of one's own judgment to habitants of the modern Arcadia to render quite as money-making a con- the health and happiness of Stephen cern as a general balloon navigation Whiffle. But while all went gaily as company to all-except the original a marriage-bell, and when the felicity proposers. This speculation is—to of the population had reached to such fail; and there is but one art and my- a height that the tap-room of the Golstery in it—to fail at the right time; den Lion could scarcely accommodate not for a few paltry pounds, which are the ale-imbibing worshippers of thie rigorously taken from you, but for a bestower of all this joy, and the pump good slapping sum at once, enough to in the market was forsaken as a usestrike your creditors with reverence less implement, there came what is for your greatness, and respect for now called a crisis in the money mar. your misfortunes. At the very worst ket, but which we shall continue to they will allow you a comfortable call by its old name—a crash. Good maintenance out of their own money, gracious! can it be possible! The and perhaps present you with a silver house of Osbaldiston and Tresham was dinner set in token of their gratitude a joke to this! Stephen Whiffle was for your allowing them to recover a a bankrupt; his property was found shilling in the pound. And in cir- to be scarcely worth the dividing ; lis cumstances like these there is always strong-box empty, his creditors brokenthis comfort, that the remaining nine- hearted, and the pewter mace, which teen shillings enable you to fill the sil- on high days and holidays was carried ver dishes with turtle and venison, and before the mayor, was ordered by that all things else in a concatenation ac- official to be enveloped in crape in cordingly.

sign of the general lamentation, SteThere was once in a country town phen, however, continued to live in

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his old house; and the only change is mine ; that chin is the produce of visible was an increased devotion and my money ; ergo, that chin is mine. a marvellous tendency to grow fat. In the mean-time Mr Stephen had a His attendance at chapel was regu- life-interest in it as well as in all the lar as clock-work; his groans were other goods, chattels, and hereditaheart-rending in the extreme, and no ments of which he had so sagaciously one could possibly help feeling compas- possessed himself. But Stephen, sion for his misfortunes when he began though very devout, was not a little himself to adorn the pulpit, and preach ostentatious ; a combination you may on the perishableness of all earthly perhaps have remarked on similar octreasures. One consolation, however, casions if you are a person of obserremained to him, he used often to say vation ; if not, take our advice, and in his discourses, and that was, that watch, and you will see that the carthrough the agency of his failure the riages of pious people who have abLord had turned the hearts of many jured the world are always as gaudy from the Golden Lion, and opened as a lord mayor's coach. This rule is their eyes to the superiority of the without exception. Stephen, we say,

, , pump. The increase of sobriety was was ostentatious; but this vain-gloindeed remarkable, and the landlords rious spirit did not display itself in the of the different inns were untiring in trappings of his carriage, seeing that their efforts to obtain a diminution of he contented himself with an occathe duties on beer ; the malt they sional hire of a gig, but in the equally did not care about, as having little tangible form of a larder stuffed to connexion with it in the way of their the very roof; parcels of fish arriving business ; but if the Bonifaces were every week from London, and the untiring, the Chancellor of the Ex- evolutions of a jack before the kitchen chequer was unremitting, and so there fire, which one might almost bave was a Temperance Society established fancied a specimen of the perpetual in the borough, on the most strictly motion. One morning a sound as of involuntary principles. Among all the battle of Waterloo had alarmed those who owed the blessing of so- half the town; deep groans and then briety to the philanthropic and re- high shrieks had filled the atmosphere forming proceedings of the devout for many yards around; there was Whiffle, the person who seemed least neither earthquake nor eclipse ; but grateful to his benefactor was when at last the horrific sounds had John Piper, the corporation barber. ceased, and “a solemn silence held This ingratitude in John was extreme- the listening air," men looked at each ly sinful, as he had not only to thank other with faces that showed they Mr Stephen for having weaned him knew the cause of the hurly-burly, from strong ale, but also for the ines- and that Stephen had killed his pig ! timable blessing of an appetite which Such an enormous pig had never been might safely be called never-failing, fattened in Heckingham before by the seeing that he never had now the ingenuity or the meal of man. Its means of satisfying its demands. This sides swelled out like the mainsails of unerring sign of health also was ex- a three-decker in a stiffish breeze; tended to his wife and six or seven its throat was imperceptible quasi children, so that John's obligations throat, being rather a continuation of were certainly of the most powerful the prodigious body, and instead of kind. But instead of looking with an being a narrow isthmus connecting eye of favour on Mr Whillle, he ac- two continents, it might have passed tually grudged that respectable gen- very well for a continent itself. "Vanitleman every pound of flesh that adorn- ty indeed in such a possession was exed his ribs ; his enormous breadth of cusable in any one, and in Stephen back he considered a fresh theft of his the desire to show the lovely monster property, and when a third chin began to his townsfolk was altogether irreto develope itself, the indignation of sistible. He therefore had it placed the barber could no longer be restrain- on the floor of his kitchen, which was ed-his rage found vent in words, and visible to all the passengers, while he he claimed the additional protuberance himself sat at the top of the stair as his own. His claim was logically which led down to it, to enjoy the enounced—the produce of my money wonder and admiration of the behold

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Oh, it was a sight worth seeing, his helpmate, who was the most obe. the worthy Stephen Whiffle and his dient wife that ever fell to the lot of a pig. At the first glance they might barber. have passed for brothers; but a closer “ What is it?-ugh-it chokes me. inspection, though it did not destroy Why that infernal villain—that rasthe family resemblance, enabled one cal, Whiffle, has killed the most beau. to perceive the different styles of beau- tiful pig I ever saw. The greedy, ty by which each was distinguished. fat, dishonest, d-d intolerable beast Stephen had the ruddy glow of satis- twenty score if he's an ounce- - the faction diffusing its purple light over cursed red-faced, pot-bellied, doublethe vast expanse of his chops_face chinned impostor — besides liver and we mean ; whereas the other had that lights !" mild expression peculiar to the defunct " What is all this about ?" enquired of that species, which Lord Byron has Mrs Piper, who, in the strange jumble called “the rapture of repose.”

Be- of her husband's ideas, could not exsides, what's the use of any more de- actly make out whether his descrip. scriptions of the points wherein they tions were intended for Whiffle or the differed ? Stephen sat full-dressed pig. like a worthy gentleman in his chair, so I tell you ’tis mine! No power whereas the other lay full length with on earth shall persuade me that every his bristly coat around him on the inch of fat on both their carcasses is kitchen-floor. Wherever a sight was not my just and lawful property; and to be seen, of course all the barbers I'll have that pig this night as sure as of a town must be there to see it, and as our friend John Piper was the prin- " Steal it?" cipal professor of the shaving art in “ What do you mean, woman, by the town of Heckingham, he came, talking such nonsense ? Steal! Isn't saw, and cursed the proprietor with it my own? Haven't I paid a hunall his soul and with all his strength. dred and three pounds seventeen and On returning home, and reflecting on twopence for it?-a good price—and all the distress he owed to Mr Whiffle haven't I a right to bring it home ?"

“ how it was all along of he," as The good woman shook her head he expressed it, “ that very few peo- and sighed. John paused in mid caple could now afford the luxury of a reer, and casting his eye mournfully barber ; that one of his best customers round the room on the beds where all had put down his wig and his one- his children were sleepinghorse-chay the week after the failure; They will ask us for something in that baldness had become fashionable the morning, Letty, and we have noamong the old ; and long beards and thing to give them :—no more credit moustaches among the young, ever any where! The little ravens are fed since that eventful incident, when in the fields, but we have nothing to Piper, we say, reflected on all these put in the mouths of these little ones things, he broke a good many of the when they open them for food. Oh, commandments, among which we will cursed be he that cheateth his neighonly particularize the third and the bours, and fattens his pig at other tenth. What a wonderful thing hun- people's expense !"

How it sharpens the wits !- Letty looked mournfully round, but how it teaches us logic, rhetoric, and said nothing “ Only think, wife," philosophy !--how it makes us write continued John, “in half an hour we books, or, at all events, publish them! could have the pig hiere ;—a slice done Yes, hunger makes us do a great many on the gridiron would be delightful curious things; and if you will wait before going to bed. I would pawn for a very few minutes, you shall see some of my razors to buy some bread; what it induced the exasperated Piper we would waken the two elder ones to to perform. It was indeed irresistible. give them a taste, poor dears !--and Here was an opportunity to gratify at to-morrow I would sell some of the once his appetite and his revenge. bacon, and tell the rascal, Whiffle, I • Wife!” he said, with a voice that would give him a receipt for the value portended strange things; “ 'tis past of the animal as part payment of his bearing, and I'll bear it no longer." debt—eh! Letty ?"

• What is it, dear John ?" answered Letty could resist no longer. Her

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bonnet was on her head ; the light for the clock had struck ten, and the truck brought noiselessly from the watchmen had been asleep for an back-yard to the door, and off the two hour. set through the now deserted streets,

CHAPTER II.

The day that Stephen Whiffle pre- of ale which her master had magnansented his fat pig to the admiring eyes imously tossed over the vast abysm of of his townsmen was the happiest day his throat with redoubled relish when of his life. His heart swelled with he perceived that his happiness was pride and exultation to such a degree, witnessed by some hapless wretch to that he burst two of the buttons of whom the flavour of John Barleycorn his waistcoat. In a chair, conspicu- was one of the pleasures of memory, ously placed in the passage, in such a for Stephen was one of those Lucreway as to command a view of the ob- tian individuals to whom his own hapject of his admiration on one side, and piness was very much enhanced by a the street on the other, with a pipe comparison with the misery of others. breathing perfume, and his ears wide Supper at last was over ; the tankard open to hear the criticisms of his neigh- emptied; the gin poured into his bours, from morn till noon, from tumbler, and over the huge expanse noon till dewy eve, did Stephen la- of Whiffle's countenance, now nearly bour, as we have said, without inter- blue from the quantity he had eaten, mission in his effort to astonish the wandered an expression of self-comnatives ; aud so persevering had been placent satisfaction that only the good his labours, that his appetite on this

can feel. occasion was increased to a pitch of • What an excellent thing, Dinah, sharpness that would have made an al- is a good conscience," snorted the alligator ashamed of himself. But Di- most somnolent Stephen, “and a connah Prim, who on week days was his tented mind. Them is the only things housekeeper, and on Sundays his fel- as is worth the search. All else is low-worker in edifying the rebellious, wanity and wexation.” in so far as she invariably groaned

Truly; and if all blessings is louder in her devotions than any of used with moderation." the unconverted have a right to do, 6. What do you mean to hinsinihad prepared a more than usually vate ? — That I ain't moderate ?- Is abundant supper, as if in anticipation not all things allowed to me as has of the exciting effects of her master's repented ?- Mayn't I heat a few beefunwonted activity. An immense dish steaks ? _" of stewed beaf-steaks, accompanied

" Yes, with humility —" with hot potatoes, and garnished with “ Humble enough too for one as sundry pickles, sent up their savoury has reached such degrees as I have.steams ; a huge tankard, crowned But you are yet at the houter wall.with a diadem of foam, rested its

You don't know nothink of true precious cargo of exquisite home. 'oliness, and that ere beef-steak hadn't brewed, at Stephen's dexter hand; half enough of innions.—So hold your Dinah Prim smiled with her sweetest tongue." smiles directly opposite ; and a kettle While this and similar conversa“ weaving its song of potatory joy," tions went on, the bottle got rapidly and breathing vows of ardent devotion exhausted ;-short broken grunts wero to a pot-bellied bottle of gin which all that proceeded at last from the stood on the table, gave symptoms of meek lips of Mr Whiffle, and with an intention on the part of Mr Whiffle his head lean't back upon his chair, his to prove himself a patriotic subject by nostrils wide distended, and his legs increasing the amount of the excise. stretched out before him to the But it is not to be imagined for a eyes of one of the unconverted the moment that Stephen had sat all day immaculate Stephen might almost have exposed to the fresh air without some had the appearance of being what the refreshment. Dinah had performed

Gentiles call drunk. The unprofane various voyages to the cellar, and re. would have considered him in a trance. turned laden with profound beakers There is no saying what visions were

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