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The Footman goes out again, and

falls down stairs. Lady Answ. Neck or nothing ; come down, or I'll fetch you

down: well, but I hope the poor fellow has not saved the hangman a labour.

Neverout. Pray, madam, smoke miss yonder, biting her lips, and playing with her fan.

Miss. Who's that takes my name in vain ?

She runs up to them, and

falls down. Lady Smart. What, more falling! do you

intend the frolic should

go

round? Lady Answ. Why, miss, I wish you may not have broke her ladyship’s floor.

Neverout. Miss, come to me, and I'll take you up.

Lady Sparkish. Well, but, without a jest, I hope, miss, you are not hurt.

Col. Nay, she must be hurt for certain ; for you see her head is all of a lump.

Miss. Well, remember this, colonel, when I have money, and you have none.

Lady Smart. But, colonel, when do you design to get a house, and a wife, and a fire to put her in ?

Miss. Lord! who would be married to a soldier, and carry his knapsack ?

Neverout. O, madam : Mars and Venus, you know.

Col. Egad, madam, I'd marry to-morrow, if I thought I could bury my wife just when the honeymoon is over ; but, they say, a woman has as many lives as a cat.

Lady Answ. I find, the colonel thinks a dead wife under the table is the best goods in a man's house.

2 E

.

VOL. IX.

Lady Smart. O but, colonel, if you had a good wife, it would break your heart to part with her.

Col. Yes, madam ; for, they say, he that has lost his wife and sixpence, has lost a tester.

Lady Smart. But, colonel, they say, that every married man should believe there's but one good wife in the world, and that's his own.

Col. For all that, I doubt, a good wife must be bespoke ; for there's none ready made.

Miss. I suppose the gentleman's a woman-hater; but, sir, I think you ought to remember, that you

had a mother : and, pray, if it had not been for a woman, where would you have been, colonel ? Col. Nay, miss, you cried whore first, when

you

talked of the knapsack.

Lady Answ. But I hope you won't blame the whole sex, because some are bad.

Neverout. And they say, he that hates woman, sucked a sow.

Col. O, madam ; there's no general rule without an exception.

Lady Smart. Then, why don't you marry, and settle ?

Col. Egad, madam, there's nothing will settle me but a bullet.

Ld. Sparkish. Well, colonel, there's one comfort, that you need not fear a cannon-bullet.

Col. Why so, my lord ?

Ld. Sparkish. Because they say, he was cursed in his mother's belly that was kill'd by a cannon-bullet.

Miss. I suppose, the colonel was crossed in his first love, which makes him so severe on all the sex.

Lady Answ. Yes; and I'll hold a hundred to one, that the colonel has been over head and ears in love with some lady that has made his heart ache.

Col. O, madam, we soldiers are admirers of all the

fair sex.

Miss. I wish I could see the colonel in love till he was ready to die.

Lady Smart. Ay, but, I doubt, few people die for love in these days.

Neverout. Well, I confess, I differ from the colonel ; for I hope to have a rich and a handsome wife yet before I die. Col. Ay, Tom; live, horse, and thou shalt have

grass. Miss. Well, colonel; but, whatever you say against women, they are better creatures than men ; for men were made of clay, but woman was made of man.

Col. Miss, you may say what you please ; but faith you'll never lead

apes

in hell. Neverout. No, no, I'll be sworn miss has not an inch of nun's flesh about her.

Miss. I understumble you, gentlemen.
Neverout. Madam, your humblecumdumble.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, miss, when did you see your old acquaintance, Mrs Cloudy ? you and she are two, I hear. Miss. See her!

marry,

I don't care whether I ever see her again ! God bless my eye-sight!

Lady Answ. Lord ! why she and you were as great as two inkle-weavers. I've seen her hug you as the devil hugged the witch.

Miss. That's true ; but I'm told for certain, she's no better than she should be.

Lady Smart. Well, God mend us all; but you must allow, the world is very censorious ; I never heard that she was a naughty pack.

Lady Smart. O but, colonel, if you had a good wife, it would break your heart to part with her.

Col. Yes, madam ; for, they say, he that has lost his wife and sixpence, has lost a tester.

Lady Smart. But, colonel, they say, that every married man should believe there's but one good wife in the world, and that's his own.

Col. For all that, I doubt, a good wife must be bespoke; for there's none ready made.

Miss. I suppose the gentleman's a woman-hater; but, sir, I think you ought to remember, that you

had a mother : and, pray, if it had not been for a woman, where would you have been, colonel ?

Col. Nay, miss, you cried whore first, when you talked of the knapsack.

Lady Answ. But I hope you won't blame the whole sex, because some are bad.

Neverout. And they say, he that hates woman, sucked a sow.

Col. O, madam ; there's no general rule without an exception.

Lady Smart. Then, why don't you marry, and settle?

Col. Egad, madam, there's nothing will settle me but a bullet.

Ld. Sparkish. Well, colonel, there's one comfort, that you

need not fear a cannon-bullet. Col. Why so, my lord ?

Ld. Sparkish. Because they say, he was cursed in his mother's belly that was kill'd by a cannon-bullet.

Miss. I suppose, the colonel was crossed in his first love, which makes him so severe on all the sex.

Lady Answ. Yes ; and I'll hold a hundred to one, Neverout. Choose, proud fool; I did but ask you.

Miss puts her hand upon her knee. Neverout. What, miss, are you thinking of your sweetheart ? is your garter slipping down?

Miss. Pray, Mr Neverout, keep your breath to cool your porridge ; you measure my corn by your bushel.

Neverout. Indeed, miss, you lie-
Miss. Did you ever hear anything so rude?
Neverout. I mean, you lie-under a mistake.

Miss. If a thousand lies could choke you, you would have been choked many a day ago.

Miss strives to snatch Mr Neverouts snuff-box.

Neverout. Madam, you missed that, as you missed your mother's blessing.

She tries again, and misses. Neverout. Snap short makes you look so lean, miss.

Miss. Poh! you are so robustious, you had like to put out my eye; I assure you, if you blind me, you must lead me.

Lady Smart. Dear miss, be quiet; and bring me a pin-cushion out of that closet.

Miss opens the closet-door, and squalls. Lady Smart. Lord bless the girl ! what's the matter now ?

Miss. I vow, madam, I saw something in black; I thought it was a spirit.

Col. Why, miss, did you ever see a spirit?

Miss. No, sir ; I thank God I never say anything worse than myself.

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