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Neverout. Well, I did a very foolish thing yesterday, and was a great puppy for my pains.

Miss. Very likely; for they say, many a true word's spoken in jest.

Footman returns.
Lady Smart. Well, did

you
deliver

your message ? you are fit to be sent for sorrow, you stay so long by the way.

Footman. Madam, my lady was not at home, so I did not leave the message.

Lady Smart. This it is to send a fool of an errand.

Ld. Sparkish. [Looking at his watch.] 'Tis past twelve o'clock.

Lady Smart. Well, what is that among all us ?

Ld. Sparkish. Madam, I must take my leave : come, gentlemen, are you for a march ?

Lady Smart. Well, but your lordship and the colonel will dine with us to-day; and, Mr Neverout, I hope we shall have your good company; there will be no soul else, beside my own lord and these ladies ; for everybody knows I hate a crowd ; I would rather want vittles than elbow-room ; we dine punctually at three.

Ld. Sparkish. Madam, we'll be sure to attend your ladyship.

Col. Madam, my stomach serves me instead of a clock.

Another footman comes back. Lady Smart. O! you are the t'other fellow I sent ; well, have

you

been with my Lady Club ? you are good to send of a dead man's errand.

Footman. Madam, my Lady Club begs your ladyship’s pardon; but she is engaged to-night.

Miss. Well, Mr Neverout, here's the back of my

hand to you.

Neverout. Miss, I find you will have the last word. Ladies, I am more yours than my own.

DIALOGUE II.

Lord Smart and the former company at three o'clock

coming to dine

After salutations. Ld. Smart. I'm sorry I was not at home this morning, when you all did us the honour to call here ; but I went to the levee to-day.

Ld. Sparkish. O! my lord ; I'm sure the loss was

ours.

Lady Smart. Gentlemen and ladies, you are come to a sad dirty house; I am sorry for it, but we have had our hands in mortar.

Ld. Sparkish. O! madam ; your ladyship is pleased to say so; but I never saw anything so clean and so fine ; I profess it is a perfect paradise.

Lady Smart. My lord, your lordship is always very obliging

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, madam, whose picture is that? Lady Smart. Why, my lord, it was drawn for me.

Ld. Sparkish. I'll swear the painter did not flatter your ladyship.

Col. My lord, the day is finely cleared up.
Ld. Smart. Ay, colonel ; 'tis a pity that fair weather

Neverout. Well, I did a very foolish thing yesterday, and was a great puppy

for Miss. Very likely; for they say, many a true word's spoken in jest.

my pains.

Footman returns.
Lady Smart. Well, did

you
deliver

your message? you are fit to be sent for sorrow, you stay so long by the way.

Footman. Madam, my lady was not at home, so I did not leave the message.

Lady Smart. This it is to send a fool of an errand.

Ld. Sparkish. [Looking at his watch.] 'Tis past twelve o'clock.

Lady Smart. Well, what is that among all us ?

Ld. Sparkish. Madam, I must take my leave : come, gentlemen, are you for a march?

Lady Smart. Well, but your lordship and the colonel will dine with us to-day; and, Mr Neverout, I hope we shall have your good company; there will be no soul else, beside my own lord and these ladies ; for everybody knows I hate a crowd ; I would rather want vittles than elbow-room ; we dine punctually at three.

Ld. Sparkish. Madam, we'll be sure to attend your ladyship.

Col. Madam, my stomach serves me instead of a clock.

Another footman comes back. Lady Smart. O! you are the t'other fellow I sent; well, have you been with my Lady Club ? you are good to send of a dead man's errand.

Footman. Madam, my Lady Club begs your ladyship’s pardon ; but she is engaged to-night.

Miss. Well, Mr Neverout, here's the back of my

hand to you.

Neverout. Miss, I find you will have the last word. Ladies, I am more yours than my own.

DIALOGUE II.

Lord Smart and the former company at three o'clock

coming to dine.

After salutations. Ld. Smart. I'm sorry I was not at home this morning, when you all did us the honour to call here ; but I went to the levee to-day.

Ld. Sparkish. O! my lord ; I'm sure the loss was

ours.

Lady Smart. Gentlemen and ladies, you are come to a sad dirty house; I am sorry for it, but we have had our hands in mortar.

Ld. Sparkish. O! madam ; your ladyship is pleased to say so; but I never saw anything so clean and so fine ; I profess it is a perfect paradise.

Lady Smart. My lord, your lordship is always very obliging.

Ld. Sparkish. Pray, madam, whose picture is that? Lady Smart. Why, my lord, it was drawn for me.

Ld. Sparkish. I'll swear the painter did not flatter your ladyship.

Col. My lord, the day is finely cleared up.
Ld. Smart. Ay, colonel ; 'tis a pity that fair weather

of beef at his table, he drew out his sword, and in a frolic knighted it. Few people know the secret of this. Ld. Sparkish. Beef is man's meat, my lord.

. Ld. Smart. But, my lord, I say beef is the king of meat.

Miss. Pray, what have I done, that I must not have a plate ?

Lady Smart. [To Lady Answ.] What will your ladyship please to eat ?

Lady Answ. Pray, madam, help yourself.

Col. They say, eating and scratching wants but a beginning : if you'll give me leave, I'll help myself to a slice of this shoulder of veal.

Lady Smart, Colonel, you can't do a kinder thing : well, you are all heartily welcome, as I may say.

Col. They say there are thirty and two good bits in a shoulder of veal.

Lady Smart. Ay, colonel, thirty bad bits and two good ones; you see I understand you ; but I hope you have got one of the two good ones.

Neverout. Colonel, I'll be of your mess.

Col. Then pray, Tom, carve for yourself; they say, two hands in a dish, and one in a purse: Hah! said I well, Tom ?

Neverout. Colonel, you spoke like an oracle.

Miss. [To Lady Answ.] Madam, will your ladyship help me to some fish ?

Ld. Smart. [To Neverout.] Tom, they say fish should swim thrice.

Neverout. How is that, my lord ?

Ld. Smart. Why, Tom, first it should swim in the sea, (do you mind me?) then it should swim in butter;

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