446 Footman fills him a bumper. Ld. Sparkish. Why do you fill so much? Lady Smart. Mr Neverout, do you love pudding? Neverout. Madam, I'm like all fools, I love every thing that is good; but the proof of the pudding is in the eating. Col. Sir John, I hear you are a great walker when you are at home. Sir John. No, faith, colonel; I always love to walk with a horse in my hand: but I have had devilish bad luck in horse flesh of late. Ld. Smart. Why, then, Sir John, you must kiss a parson's wife. Lady Smart. They say, Sir John, that your lady has a great deal of wit. Sir John. Madam, she can make a pudding, and has just wit enough to know her husband's breeches from another man's. Ld. Smart. My Lord Sparkish, I have some excellent cider; will you please to taste it? Ld. Sparkish. My lord, I should like it well enough, if it were not treacherous. Ld. Smart. Pray, my lord, how is it treacherous? Ld. Sparkish. Because it smiles in my face, and cuts my throat. Miss. Odd so! madam; your knives are very sharp, [Here a loud laugh. for I have cut my finger. Lady Smart. I am sorry for it: pray which finger? (God bless the mark!) Ld. Sparkish. Tom, I shan't take your word for it ; help me to a wing. NEVEROUT tries to cut off a wing. Neverout. Egad, I can't hit the joint. Ld. Sparkish. Why then, think of a cuckold. [Gives it to Ld. Sparkish. Ld. Sparkish. Why, a man may eat this, though his wife lay a-dying. Col. Pray, friend, give me a glass of small beer, if it be good. Ld. Smart. Why, colonel, they say, there is no such thing as good small beer, good brown bread, or a good old woman. Lady Smart. [To Lady Answ.] Madam, I beg your ladyship's pardon; I did not see you when I was cutting that bit. Lady Answ. O! madam; after you is good manners. Lady Smart. Lord! here's a hair in the sauce. Ld. Sparkish. Then, madam, set the hounds after it. Neverout. Pray, colonel, help me, however, to some of that same sauce. Col. Come, I think you are more sauce than pig. Ld. Smart. Sir John, cheer up my service to you: well, what do you think of the world to come? Sir John. Truly, my lord, I think of it as little as I can. Lady Smart. [Putting a skewer on a plate.] Here, take this skewer, and carry it down to the cook, to dress it for her own dinner. Neverout. I beg your ladyship's pardon; but this small beer is dead. Lady Smart. Why, then, let it be buried. Col. This is admirable black-pudding: miss, shall I carve you some? I can just carve pudding, and that's all; I am the worst carver in the world; I should never make a good chaplain. Miss. No, thank ye, colonel; for they say those that eat black-pudding will dream of the devil. Ld. Smart. O, here comes the venison pasty: here, take the soup away. Ld. Smart. [He cuts it up, and tastes the venison.] 'Sbuds! this venison is musty.. NEVEROUT eats a piece, and it burns his mouth. Ld. Smart. What's the matter, Tom? you have tears in your eyes, I think: what dost I think what dost cry for man? Neverout. My lord, I was just thinking of my poor grandmother! she died just this very day seven years. Miss takes a bit and burns her mouth. Neverout. And pray, miss, why do you cry too? Miss. Because you were not hang'd the day your grandmother died. Ld. Smart. I'd have given forty pounds, miss, to have said that. am. Col. Egad, I think the more I eat the hungrier I Ld. Sparkish. Why, colonel, they say, one shoulder of mutton drives down another. Neverout. Egad, if I were to fast for my life, I would take a good breakfast in the morning, a good dinner at noon, and a good supper at night. Ld. Sparkish. My lord, this venison is plaguily pepper'd; your cook has a heavy hand. Ld. Smart. My lord, I hope you are pepper-proof: come, here's a health to the founders. Lady Smart. Ay; and to the confounders too. Ld. Smart. Lady Answerall, does your ladyship love venison ? Lady Answ. No, my lord, I can't endure it in my sight therefore please to send me a good piece of meat and crust. Ld. Sparkish. [Drinks to Neverout.] Come, Tom; not always to my friends, but once to you. Neverout. [Drinks to Lady Smart.] Come, madam; here's a health to our friends, and hang the rest of our kin. Lady Smart. [To Lady Answ.] Madam, will your ladyship have any of this hare? Lady Answ. No, madam, they say 'tis melancholy meat. Lady Smart. Then, madam, shall I send you the brains? I beg your ladyship's pardon; for they say, 'tis not good manners to offer brains. Lady Answ. No, madam; for perhaps it will make me harebrain'd. Neverout. Miss, I must tell you one thing. Miss. [With a glass in her hand.] Hold your tongue, Mr Neverout; don't speak in my tip. Col. Well, he was an ingenious man that first found out eating and drinking. Ld. Sparkish. Of all vittles drink digests the quickest give me a glass of wine. Neverout. My lord, your wine is too strong. Ld. Smart. Ay, Tom, as much as you're too good. Miss. This almond-pudding was pure good; but it is grown quite cold. Neverout. So much the better, miss, cold pudding will settle your love. Miss. Pray, Mr Neverout, are you going to take a voyage? Neverout. Why do you ask, miss ? Miss. Because you have laid in so much beef. Sir John. You two have eat up the whole pudding between you. Miss. Sir John, here's a little bit left; will you please to have it? Sir John. No, thankee; I don't love to make a fool of my mouth. Col. [Calling to the butler.] John, is your small beer good? Butler. An please your honour, my lord and lady like it; I think it is good. Col. Why then, John,.d'ye see, if you are sure your small beer is good, d'ye mark? then, give me a glass of wine. [All laugh. Colonel tasting the wine. Ld. Smart. Sir John, how does your neighbour Gatherall of the Peak? I hear he has lately made a purchase. Sir John. O! Dick Gatherall knows how to butter his bread as well as any man in Derbyshire. Ld. Smart. Why he used to go very fine, when he was here in town. Sir John. Ay; and it became him, as a saddle be comes a sow. Col. I know his lady, and I think she is a very good woman. |