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Neverout. Why, what ! you can have no more of a cat than her skin ; you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Ld. Sparkish. Well, since he's gone, the devil go with him and sixpence; and there's money and com

pany too.

Neverout. Faith, he's a country put. Pray, miss, let me ask you a question.

Miss. Well; but don't ask questions with a dirty face: I warrant, what you have to say will keep cold.

Col. Come, my lord, against you are disposed : here's to all that love and honour you.

Ld. Sparkish. Ay, that was always Dick Nimble's health. I'm sure you know he's dead.

Col. Dead! well, my lord, you love to be a messenger of ill news : I'm heartily sorry; but, my lord, we must all die.

Neverout. I knew him very well: but, pray, how came he to die?

Miss. There's a question ! you talk like a poticary: why, because he could live no longer.

Neverout. Well; rest his soul : we must live by the living, and not by the dead.

Ld. Sparkish. You know, his house was burnt down to the ground.

Col. Yes; it was in the news. Why, fire and water are good servants, but they are very bad masters.

Ld. Smart. Here, take away, and set down a bottle of Burgundy Ladies, you'll stay and drink a glass of wine before you go to your tea.

All taken away, and the wine set down, &c.

Miss gives NEVEROUT a smart pinch. Neverout. Lord, miss, what d'ye mean? d'ye think I have no feeling ?

Miss. I'm forced to pinch, for the times are hard.

Neverout. [Giving Miss a pinch.] Take that, miss; what's sauce for a goose, is sauce for a gander.

Miss. [Screaming:] Well, Mr Neverout, that shall neither go to heaven nor hell with you.

Neverout. [Takes Miss by the hand.] Come, miss, let us lay all quarrels aside, and be friends.

Miss. Don't be so teazing; you plague a body so ! can't you keep your filthy hands to yourself?

Neverout. Pray, miss, where did you get that picktooth case ?

Miss. I came honestly by it.

Neverout. I'm sure it was mine, for I lost just such a one; nay, I don't tell you a lie. . Miss. No;

if you lie, it is much. Neverout. Well ; I'm sure 'tis mine.

Miss. What! you think everything is yours, but a little the king has.

Neverout. Colonel, you have seen my fine pick-tooth case; don't you think this is the very same ?

Col. Indeed, miss, it is very like it.
Miss. Ay; what he says, you'll swear.
Neverout. Well ; but I'll prove it to be mine.
Miss. Ay; do, if you can.

Neverout. Why, what's yours is mine, and what's mine is my own.

Miss. Well, run on till you're weary; nobody holds you.


Col. What! Mr Neverout, do you gape for preferment? Neverout. Faith, I may gape long enough, before it falls into my mouth. .

Lady Smart. Mr Neverout, my lord and I intend to beat up your quarters one of these days: I hear

you live high.

Neverout. Yes, faith, madam ; I live high, and lodge in a garret.

Col. But, miss, I forgot to tell you, that Mr Neverout got the devilishest fall in the Park to-day.

Miss. I hope he did not hurt the ground : but how was it, Mr Neverout? I wish I had been there to laugh.

Neverout. Why, madam, it was a place where a cuckold had been buried, and one of his horns sticking out, I happened to stumble against it ; that was all.

Lady Smart. Ladies, let us leave the gentlemen to themselves; I think it is time to go to our tea.

Lady Answ. and Miss. My lords and gentlemen, your most humble servant.

Ld. Smart. Well, ladies, we'll wait on you an hour hence.

The Gentlemen alone.

Col. Ay, my

Ld. Smart. Come, John, bring us a fresh bottle.

lord ; and

let him


off the dead men, as we say in the army.

[Meaning the empty bottles. Ld. Sparkish. Mr Neverout, pray, is not that bottle full ?

Neverout. Yes, my lord, full of emptiness.
Ld. Smart. And, d'ye hear, John, bring clean glasses.

Col. I'll keep mine ; for I think wine is the best liquor to wash glasses in.


The Ladies at their tea.

Lady Smart. WELL, ladies ; now let us have a cup of discourse to ourselves.

Lady Answ. What do you think of your friend Sir John Spendall ?

Lady Smart. Why, madam, 'tis happy for him that his father was born before him.

Miss. They say he makes a very ill husband to my lady.

Lady Answ. But he must be allowed to be the fondest father in the world.

Lady Smart. Ay, madam, that's true; for they say, the devil is kind to his own.

Miss. I am told my lady manages him to admiration.

Lady Smart. That I believe; for she's as cunning as a dead pig, but not half so honest.

Lady Answ. They say she's quite a stranger to all his gallantries.

Lady Smart. Not at all; but, you know, there's none so blind as they that won't see.

Miss. O, madam, I am told she watches him as a cat would watch a mouse.

Lady Answ. Well, if she ben't foully belied, she pays him in his own coin.

Lady Smart. Madam, I fancy I know your thoughts, as well as if I were within you.

Lady Answ. Madam, I was t'other day in company with Mrs Clatter ; I find she gives herself airs of being acquainted with your ladyship.

Miss. O the hideous creature ! did you observe her nails ? they were long enough to scratch her grannum out of her grave.

Lady Smart. Well, she and Tom Gosling were banging compliments backward and forward : it looked like two asses scrubbing one another,

Miss, Ay, claw me, and I'll claw you ; but, pray, madam, who were the company?

Lady Smart. Why, there was all the world and his wife; there was Mrs Clatter, Lady Singular, the Countess of Talkham, (I should have named her first,) Tom Gosling, and some others, whom I have forgot.

Lady Answ, I think the countess is very sickly.

Lady Smart. Yes, madam; she'll never scratch a gray head, I promise her,

Miss. And pray, what was your conversation ?

Lady Smart. Why, Mrs Clatter had all the talk to herself, and was perpetually complaining of her misfortunes.

Lady Answ. She brought her husband ten thousand pounds ; she has a town-house and country-house : would the woman have her a hung with points ?

Lady Smart, She would fain be at the top of the house before the stairs are built,

Miss. Well, comparisons are odious; but she's as like her husband as if she were spit out of his mouth; as like as one egg is to another ; pray how was she drest?

Lady Smart. Why, she was as fine as fi'pence; but, truly, I thought there was more cost than worship,

Lady Answ. I don't know her husband : pray what is he?

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