Lady Smart. Why, he's a counsellor of the law; you must know he came to us as drunk as David's sow, Miss. What kind of creature is he?

Lady Smart. You must know, the man and his wife are coupled like rabbits, a fat and a lean; he's as fat as a porpus, and she's one of Pharaoh's lean kine: the ladies and Tom Gosling were proposing a party at quadrille, but he refused to make one: Damn your cards, said he, they are the devil's books.

Lady Answ. A dull unmannerly brute! well, God send him more wit, and me more money,

Miss, Lord! madam, I would not keep such company for the world,

Lady Smart, O, miss, 'tis nothing when you are used to it besides, you know, for want of company, welcome trumpery,

Miss, Did your ladyship play?

Lady Smart. Yes, and won; so I came off with fiddler's fare, meat, drink, and money,

Lady Answ. Ay; what says Pluck?

Miss. Well, my elbow itches; I shall change bedfellows.

Lady Smart, And my right hand itches; I shall receive money.

Lady Answ. And my right eye itches; I shall cry, Lady Smart. Miss, I hear your friend Mistress Giddy has discarded Dick Shuttle; pray, has she got another lover?

Miss. I hear of none,

Lady Smart. Why, the fellow's rich, and I think she was a fool to throw out her dirty water before she got clean.

1

Lady Answ. Miss, that's a handsome gown of yours, and finely made; very genteel.

Miss. I am glad your ladyship likes it.

Lady Answ. Your lover will be in raptures; it becomes you admirably.

Miss. Ay; I assure you I won't take it as I have done; if this won't fetch him, the devil fetch him, say I. Lady Smart. [To Lady Answ.] Pray, madam, when did you see Sir Peter Muckworm?

Lady Answ. Not this fortnight; I hear he's laid up with the gout.

Lady Smart. What does he do for it?

Lady Answ. I hear he's weary of doctoring it, and now makes use of nothing but patience and flannel.

Miss. Pray, how does he and my lady agree? Lady Answ. You know he loves her as the devil loves holy water.

Miss. They say, she plays deep with sharpers, that cheat her of her money.

Lady Answ. Upon my word, they must rise early that would cheat her of her money; sharp's the word with her diamonds cut diamonds.

Miss. Well, but I was assured from a good hand, that she lost at one sitting to the tune of a hundred guineas; make money of that!

Lady Smart. Well, but do you hear that Mrs Plump

is brought to bed at last?

Miss. And pray, what has God sent her?

Lady Smart. Why, guess if you can.

Miss. A boy, I suppose.

Lady Smart. No, you are out; guess again.
Miss. A girl, then.

Lady Smart. You have hit it; I believe you are a witch.

Miss. O, madam, the gentlemen say, all fine ladies are witches; but I pretend to no such thing.

Lady Answ. Well, she had good luck to draw Tom Plump into wedlock; she ris'd with her a― upwards. Miss. Fie, madam; what do you mean?

Lady Smart. O, miss, 'tis nothing what we say among ourselves.

Miss. Ay, madam; but they say hedges have eyes, and walls have ears.

Lady Answ. Well, miss, I can't help it; you know, I'm old Telltruth; I love to call a spade a spade.

Lady Smart. [Mistakes the teatongs for the spoon.] What! I think my wits are a wool-gathering to-day. Miss. Why, madam, there was but a right and a

wrong.

Lady Smart. Miss, I hear that you and Lady Coupler are as great as cup and can.

Lady Answ. Ay, miss, as great as the devil and the Earl of Kent *

Lady Smart. Nay, I am told you meet together with as much love as there is between the old cow and the haystack.

Miss. I own I love her very well; but there's difference between staring and stark mad.

Lady Smart. They say, she begins to grow fat.
Miss. Fat! ay, fat as a hen in the forehead.

* The villainous character, given by history to the celebrated Goodwin Earl of Kent, in the time of Edward the Confessor, occasioned this proverb.

Lady Smart. Indeed, Lady Answerall, (pray forgive me,) I think your ladyship looks thinner than when I saw you last.

Miss. Indeed, madam, I think not; but your ladyship is one of Job's comforters.

Lady Answ. Well, no matter how I look; I am bought and sold: but really, miss, you are so very obliging, that I wish I were a handsome young lord for your sake.

Miss. O, madam, your love's a million.

Lady Smart. [To Lady Answ.] Madam, will your ladyship let me wait on you to the play to-morrow? Lady Answ. Madam, it becomes me to wait on your ladyship.

Miss. What, then, I'm turned out for a wrangler ?

The Gentlemen come in to the Ladies to drink tea.

Miss. Mr Neverout, we wanted you sadly; you are always out of the way when should be hang'd. you Neverout. You wanted me! pray, miss, how do you look when you lie?

Miss. Better than you when you cry. Manners, indeed! I find you mend like sour ale in summer.

Neverout. I beg your pardon, miss; I only meant, when you lie alone.

Miss. That's well turn'd; one turn more would have turn'd you down stairs,

Neverout. Come, miss, be kind for once, and order me a dish of coffee.

Miss. Pray, go yourself; let us wear out the oldest ; besides, I can't for I have a bone in my leg.

go,

Col. They say, a woman need but look on her apronstring to find an excuse.

Neverout. Why, miss, you are grown so peevish, a dog would not live with you.

Miss. Mr Neverout, I beg your diversion: no offence, I hope; but truly in a little time you intend to make the colonel as bad as yourself; and that's as bad as can be.

Neverout. My lord, don't you think miss improves wonderfully of late? Why, miss, if I spoil the colonel, I hope you will use him as you do me; for you know,

love me, love my dog.

Col. How's that, Tom? Say that again: why, if I am a dog, shake hands, brother.

Here a great, loud, long laugh.

Ld. Smart. But pray, gentlemen, why always so severe upon poor miss? On my conscience, colonel and Tom Neverout, one of you two are both knaves.

Col. My Lady Answerall, I intend to do myself the honour of dining with your ladyship to-morrow. Lady Answ. Ay, colonel, do if you can.

Miss. I'm sure you'll be glad to be welcome. Col. Miss, I thank you; and, to reward you, I'll come and drink tea with you in the morning.

Miss. Colonel, there's two words to that bargain. Col. [To Lady Smart.] Your ladyship has a very fine watch; well may you wear it.

Lady Smart. It is none of mine, colonel.

Col. Pray, whose is it then?

Lady Smart. Why, 'tis my lord's; for they say a married woman has nothing of her own but her weddingring and her hair-lace: but if women had been the lawmakers, it would have been better.

Col. This watch seems to be quite new.