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Re-enter Sheriff, with Robert FaulCONBRIDGE,
and Philip, his Bastard Brother. This expedition's charge. What men are you?
Bast. Your faithful subject I, a gentleman,
K. John. What art thou?
K. John. Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
Bast. Most certain of one mother, mighty king, That is well known; and, as I think, one father: But, for the certain knowledge of that truth, I put you o'er to heaven, and to my mother; of that I doubt, as all men's children may. Eli. Out on thee, rude man! thou dost shame thy
mother, And wound her honour with this diffidence.
Bast. I, madam? no, I have no reason for it; That is my brother's plea, and none of mine; The which if he can prove, 'a pops me out At least from fair five hundred pound a year: Heaven guard my mother's honour, and my land! K. John. A good blunt fellow :—Why, being younger
born, Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?.
Bust. I know not why, except to get the land. But once he slander'd me with bastardy: But whe'r I be as true-begot, or no, That still I lay upon my mother's head; But, that I am as well begot, my liege, (Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!) Compare our faces, and be judge yourself. If old sir Robert did beget us both, And were our father, and this son like him; 0, old sir Robert, father, on my knee I give heaven thanks, I was not like to thee. [here! K. John. Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us
Eli. He hath a trick of Coeur-de-lion's face,
K. John. Mine eye hath well examined his parts, And finds them perfect Richard. -Sirrah, speak, What doth move you to claim your brother's land?
Bast. Because he hath a half-face, like my father; With that half-face would he have all my land : A half-faced groat five hundred pound a year!
Rob. My gracious liege, when that my father liv'd, Your brother did employ my father much;
Bast. Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land; Your tale must be, how he employ'd my mother.
Rob. And once despatch'd him in an embassy
K. John. Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
your father claim'd this son for his? In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept This calf, bred from his cow, from all the world;
In sooth, he might: then, if he were my brother's,
Rob. Shall then my father's will be of no force,
Bast. Of no more force to dispossess me, sir, Than was his will to get me, as I think.
Eli. Whether hadst thou rather,--be a Faulconbridge, And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land; Or the reputed son of Coeur-de-lion, Lord of thy presence, and no land beside?
Bast. Madam, an if my brother had my shape, And I had his, sir Robert his, like him; And if my legs were two such riding-rods, My arms such eel-skins stuff’’d; my face so thin, That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose, Lest men should say, Look, where three-farthings goes! And, to his shape, were heir to all this land, 'Would I might never stir from off this place, I'd give it every foot to have this face; I would not be sir Nob in any case.
Eli. I like thee well; Wilt thou forsake thy fortune, Bequeath thy land to him, and follow me? I am a soldier, and now bound to France.
Bust. Brother, take you my land, I'll take my chance: Your face hath got five hundred pounds a-year; Yet sell your face for fivepence, and 'tis dear. Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.
Eli. Nay, I would have you go before me thither. Bast. Our country manners give our betters way. K. John. What is thy name? Bast. Philip, my liege; so is my name begun; Philip, good old sir Robert's wife's eldest son. K. John. From henceforth bear his name whose form
thou bear'st: Kneel thou down Philip, but arise more great; Arise, sir Richard, and Plantagenet.
Bast. Brother, by the mother's side, give me your My father gave me honour, yours gave land:- [hand;
Now blessed be the hour, by night or day,
Eli. The very spirit of Plantagenet!
In at the window, or else o'er the hatch :
And have is have, however men do catch:
Bast. Brother, adieu; Good fortune come to thee!
(Exeunt all but the Bastard.
-My dear sir
The Pyrenean, and the river Po),
Bast. My brother Robert? old sir Robert's son?
Lady F. Sir Robert's son! Ay, thou unreverend boy, Sir Robert's son: Why scorn'st thou at sir Robert? He is sir Robert's son; and so art thou.
Bast. James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?
Philipsparrow!-James, There's toys abroad; anon I'll tell thee more.
[Exit Gurney. Madam, I was not old sir Robert's son; Sir Robert might have eat his part in me Upon Good-Friday, and ne'er broke his fast: Sir Robert could do well; Marry (to confess!), Could he get.me? Sir Robert could not do it;