FEAR IN THE HOME AND THE

HOUSEHOLD

Is fear a necessary element in the home, for the up-bringing of children and the training of the young?

This is the question I propose to answer. It is advisable first to realise clearly the various and entirely opposing motives which give cause for fear. There is the fear of catching cold; if my child's boots are wet I fear she may take cold, and therefore change them; this fear is founded on forethought and experience. There is the fear of blame and, in children, the fear of punishment; both of these spring from the natural dislike of being found fault with, added to which, in the second case, is the dislike of physical pain or of having one's freedom curtailed, or whatever the case may be. Then there is the fear of offending others, and of hurting their feelings; this is founded on love of our neighbour; and the fear of influencing others to act against their conscience; this fear is the noblest that mankind is heir to and takes its root in the love of God; it is the only one of my groupings which is above and beyond discussion. The other three are all open to consideration, for fear in itself is a demoralising influence: Take your courage with both your hands,' and you are already half, if not the whole, way to victory. Though forethought and experience point to the necessity of changing one's wet boots, still one goes halfway to catch a cold if one fears one may catch it. You will never learn to play diabolo if you are pursued by the fear that the devil will fall upon your head.

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I will leave the second group for the moment, and go to the third one, the fear of offending a person, which being founded on the love of our neighbour seems at first sight to be an entirely legitimate fear, and, as a general rule, it most certainly is so. If children know no other fear than that of displeasing their mother, the first step on the ladder of life is already taken; the important factor in the lives of children is that they should grow up in an atmosphere of freedom-freedom from reproach and disapproval, which tend to warp a child's nature and destroy its inborn power of initiative-and I would advocate freedom, when possible, from the constant presence of nurses and

governesses, upper and under, who continually dodge the steps of our young children in these days. It is quite marvellous to see the sense of responsibility children develop where freedom reigns, and not only a sense of responsibility, but fearlessness too, by which I do not mean in any sense foolhardiness, but fearlessness, hand in hand with cautiousness, reasonableness, forethoughtfulness, with all the qualities, in fact, that may be called the grown-up virtues.

There is another educative side to this atmosphere of freedom, which is that it makes for a thought being at once put into action; thus is a further thought reached. Life is made up of a series of developments, of steps; it follows that until a thought is carried into effect you will not reach to the further thought, which in its turn must be carried into action, and so on up the ladder of life.

This is a lengthy digression in favour of freedom; but, to return to the fear of offending a person and hurting their feelings, it is not always a legitimate fear. Above all, in one's dealings with others one must have courage, and this brings me back to my second grouping, the fear of blame and of punishment. I should say on the face of it that reproach and blame are always a mistake, an error of judgment, faulty tactics; it is as if you carefully, and at the cost of much labour, built a high wall before the gate of the citadel you wished to enter, and then were surprised that you could not effect an entry. No! If your aim is to get at the heart of the citadel, lay down your arms, and present yourself, in the company of three gracious ladies, Faith, Hope, and Charity; and if we hold to them firmly, we shall not go far wrong in the many and various relations, be they intimate or distant, with those among whom our lines are cast. Faith and Hope lead the way, and that is as it should be, for it may happen that Charity, in many cases-in fact in most cases, except in a wide sense-is not in our power to give; but Faith in human nature, and in the high destiny of each one of us, that we surely have; and if we have it, we will give it, even to the most wayward, undisciplined child, to the ineffectual housemaid, to the unpunctual cook, and thereby we give Hope. Make each one realise that it does not follow that because yesterday obedience was slow, dusty corners were overlooked, and the soup cold, to-morrow will tell the same tale of failure; let them realise que tous chemins mènent à Rome; the steps are many and often faulty for each one of us, but with Hope by our side we can turn even the faulty step into a forward one, and so 'lose not yesterday yet win to-morrow.' Thus will the act of neglect or of discourtesy become, under the warm glow of encouragement, not an occasion for resentment and bitterness, but rather for more close and affectionate sympathy between parent and child, for more cordial and friendly relations between mistress and maid. Not that I mean to imply that parents and mistresses are actuated by motives other than those of Charity; but a cold, severe manner is more suggestive of reproof than of encouragement, and is

therefore resented; in fact, a quick, sharp word is much more easily forgiven and is not to be too much deplored except in the case of small children. They are not yet sufficiently cognisant of their own nature to sympathise with a failing in others which, later, they will recognise as common to us all, when on occasions circumstances are too much for us and we lose our self-control.

Of course there are occasions when the quick, sharp word is most necessary and effective, and the only possible way of dealing with a situation. So also are punitive measures to be regarded as necessary, and especially are they helpful in the cases of small acts of insubordination, of acts of discourtesy, of quarrelling with each other; it is sometimes the only way of arresting the attention on the matter and assisting the memory with a view to the future. Half an hour's quiet meditation on a solitary chair is most beneficial to the limbs and calming to the nerves, and will be found of great use in jogging the memory of the small child who, let us say, is forgetful of her 'bob' or her thank you's.'

In really serious cases, which of course are of rare occurrence, punishment is seldom necessary; a child's own conscience will speak clearly enough, and the consequent sense of shame is all that is needed; but whatever shape the punishment takes, or for whatever crime it is inflicted, I would make it clear to a child from its tenderest years that no hint at retribution is intended, and that there is no shade of anger in your heart against him. The idea of 'retribution' has become so ingrained in human nature that it is often considered instinctive; but I believe it is now an accepted fact, and indeed, if one thinks it out, an obvious one, that it is merely the result of the ages of legalism under which the race has developed. Law is only such by the fact that it is enforced-to enforce a law it is necessary to have recourse, to punishment. As the long-ago judge said to the stealer of horses: 'I condemn you, not because you have stolen a horse, but in order that horses may not be stolen.' The extremely logical mind of a child will easily seize the point that my rules must be obeyed, and that, if I punish him when he fails to do so, it is not from anger, but merely to assist his memory for the future. Right thinking on this subject is most important, and its results are far-reaching-even unto eternity. Let the child realise in his daily development from childhood to manhood that these methods of enforcing the law are the only means in the hands of mankind, and consequently are rough-and-ready methods, and often have the appearance of vengeance and retribution, but that these are the ways of man and not the ways of God. God knows neither anger nor vengeance, nor the semblance of them. If you disregard the laws of God, the laws that govern our threefold nature of body, soul, and mind, the consequences of that breaking must inevitably and automatically ensue; thus do we each build up for ourselves a heaven' or a 'hell.'

The belief in an avenging God, evolved by mankind through the long ages of legalism, is a very prevalent and persistent one, and in so much as it strikes at the root of all spiritual union between man and his Creator it becomes a sacred duty to do all in our power to eradicate it in the young, for how can love and trust and confidence co-exist with the fear of an avenging God, with the fear of a God who punishes because His laws are broken, or even in order to prevent them from being broken? This obviously is a human necessity and not a Divine attribute. Guard your child from the blank depression engendered by the demoralising fear of a God of Vengeance; make him realise that he is overshadowed by a God who is Love, by a God who dwells in each one of us, and who will lead us up to the fulfilment of our destiny. Let Faith, Hope, and Charity be your child's daily com panions in his climb up the Ladder of Life-Faith in himself, in the value of life, in his own high destiny; Hope, a vivid belief that he can and will attain to it, that difficulties, temptations, sorrow, joy, failure, success, are all steps on the ladder; Charity, which will fill his heart with love for every living creature and uplift his soul in praise and worship to the Fountain of Love, to the Giver of Life.

Before leaving the subject of fear as an element in the training of the young, I wish to draw attention to an instinct in human nature which has its highest expression in children, and which, if rightly understood, will easily and joyfully take over, as it were, the duties of fear, or, in any case, very much lighten the burden. I refer to the dramatic instinct; children are what you make them-they invariably rise to the occasion. If you expect truthfulness, expect obedience, expect thought for others, expect order, you will get them; but you must never cease to expect, and never lower your standard of expecta tion, whether as parent or as mistress. I should like to make a new beatitude: Blessed is he that expects much, for much shall be given him.

And here let me say a word to young housekeepers. For Heaven's sake, do be mistresses in your own home! In these days the position of servants and masters is almost reversed; the servants have made such a rigid code, to which they exact adherence, that one can hardly call one's soul or one's house one's own. I have come to the conclusion that the cause of the trouble lies in the devolution system, which obtains in our households, and which, though we hope it may prove successful in Egypt, following, as it has done, on long years of dictatorship, has been discarded for Ireland, which is not sufficiently organised for that method of government. I am inclined to think the same reason for discarding it exists in most of our households, the reason being that those on whom we devolve our authority, and in whose hands we place the training of the younger servants, are not fit for authority, or competent for the work of training; the authority is abused and it necessarily follows that the training is non-existent, and then

we wonder why there are no 'good' servants nowadays! No, be a dictator in your own house; let every member of your household be your servant, and not the servants of your servants; let each one feel that you are his or her mistress, that you know and understand what are his or her duties, that you realise the difficulties and rubs likely to arise in the discharge of such duties, that you are there to give a word of encouragement when these arise; and, above all, keep the training of the younger servants in your own hands. Do not be put off by a sense of your own ignorance and incompetence in the matter, let us say, of making bright the brass taps, or rapid and effectual sweeping of carpets! These things, if you have the wish and the will, you will soon learn, and, through the learning, impart much else: the fact that you will have your taps gold-bright and your carpets dustless, that you expect much. So you will teach that for such results you are willing, when necessary, to put your own hand to the work, and that it is a pleasure and an enjoyment to you to do so. That teaches; that is training. Again, the fact of there being two workers, working together as learners one from the other, places you on a different footing, on the more natural footing of common human sympathy one with the other. You are no longer a mere criticising onlooker; that in itself is a great encouragement to the young learner. The upper housemaid may, by her practical experience, teach the under the art of making brass to vie with gold, but along with her lesson she will implant unconsciously, if not consciously, a sense of rebellion against authority-of resentment against circumstances; she will make her feel her inferior position, that she is the under-housemaid, there to do her bidding, and the dream of the 'under' will be looking forward to the glorious day when she in her turn will have 'a girl under her.'

One hears a great deal of the laziness of English servants and of their unwillingness to do one iota more than they are obliged to, but I do not believe they mind work more than their French or German sisters, but what they do resent is the atmosphere of subjection created by one of themselves being placed over them; it makes for a constant fighting for their own hand, for the uppers are naturally inclined to take every advantage of their position, in fact the desire to rise in the social scale de se donner du ton, to use an apt French expression -is the be-all and end-all of their existence. And, after all, this is perfectly natural; we all of us have our 'dreams,' and the mere fact that the 'unders' do all the rough hard work, and that the ladies do none, is to an uneducated mind an hourly object lesson, that if you wish to rise in the social scale your aim should be to put as much hard work as is possible on the shoulders of the 'under' maid, keeping for yourself the lighter, more 'ladylike' duties. I do not mean to imply that this is invariably the case; there are, of course, numbers of exceptions; but I think the system tends to this point of view, and that households