66 perhaps so mathematically put together as he could wish." And again, "How that for want " of a due confideration of what you first advance, viz. That our faces are not of our own chusing, people had been transported beyond all goodbreeding, and hurried themfelves into unaccount"abie and fatal extravagancies: As, how many impartial looking-glaffes had been cenfured and " and calumniated, nay, and fometimes shivered into ten thousand splinters, only for a fair representation of the truth? How many headstrings and garters had been made accessory, and actually forfeited, only because folks must needs quarrel with their own fhadows? And who (con" tinues he) but is deeply sensible, that one great "fource of the uneafiness and mifery of human "life, efpecially amongst those of distinction, arifes " from nothing in the world elfe, but too fevere a "contemplation of an indefeasible contexture of 66 66 66 our external parts, or certain natural and invin"cible difpofitions to be fat or lean? When a lit"tle more of Mr. SPECTATOR'S philosophy would "take off all this: And, in the mean time, let them obferve, that there is not one of their grievances " of this fort, but perhaps, in fome ages of the world, has been highly in vogue; and may be fo again; nay, in fome country or other, ten to one is fo at this day. My Lady Ample is the most miferable woman in the world, purely of her own making: She even grudges herself meat and drink, for fear the should thrive by them; and is conftantly crying out, In a quarter of a year more I shall be quite out of all manner of shape! "Now the Lady's misfortune feems to be only this, " that she is planted in a wrong foil; for, go but 66 66 66 to the other fide of the water, it is a jest at Har" lem to talk of a shape under eighteen stone. " These wife traders regulate their beauties as they " do their butter, by the pound; and Miss Cross, ' when " 56 when the first arrived in the Low-countries, was not computed to be fo handsome as Madam Van "Brisket by near half a tun. On the other hand, there is Squire Lath, a proper gentleman of fifteen hundred pound per annum, as well as of an " unblameable life and conversation; yet would I not be the Esquire for half his eftate; for if it was as much more he would freely part with it "all for a pair of legs to his mind: Whereas in "the reign of our first King Edward of glorious memory, nothing more modish than a brace of your fine taper supporters; and his Majesty, without an inch of calf, managed affairs in peace and war as laudably as the bravest and moft politic of his ancestors; and was as terrible to "his neighbours under the royal name of Long"Shanks, as Cœur de Lion to the Saracens before "him. If we look farther back into history, we "shall find that Alexander the Great wore his head 46 τι a little over the left shoulder; and then not a "foul stirred out until he had adjusted his neck"bone; the whole nobility addressed the prince "and each other obliquely, and all matters of importance were concerted and carried on in the Macedonian court with their polls on one fide.. "For about the first century nothing made more "noife in the world than Roman noses, and then 66 not a word of them until they revived again in "eighty-eight. Not is it so very long fince Richard "the Third fet up half the backs of the nation; " and high shoulders, as well as high noses, were "the top of the fashion. But, to come to our" felves, gentlemen, though I find by my quin quennial observations, that we shall never get " ladies enough to make a party in our own country, yet might we meet with better fuccess among " fome of our allies. And what think you if our " board fat for a Dutch piece? Truly I am of opinion, that as odd as we appear in flesh and blood, we should be no fuch strange things in Metzo"tinto. But this project may rest until our num" ber is complete; and this being our election night, give me leave to propose Mr. SPECTATOR. You " fee his inclinations, and perhaps we may not have "his fellow." • I found most of them (as is usual in all such cases) * were prepared; but one of the seniors (whom by • the bye Mr. President had taken all this pains to ' bring over) fat still, and cocking his chin, which feemed only to be levelled at his nose, very gravely declared, "That in cafe he had had fufficient " knowledge of you, no man should have been more willing to have served you; but that he, for his part, had always had regard to his own conscience, as well as other peoples merit; and he " did not know but that you might be a handfome fellow; for, as for your own certificate, it was every body's business to speak for themselves." Mr. Prefident immediately retorted, A hand fome fellow! why he is a wit (Sir) and you "know the proverb;" and to ease the old gen'tleman of his fcruples, cried, "That for matter " ، of merit it was all one, you might wear a mask." This threw him into a pause, and he looked defirous of three days to confider on it; but Mr. Prefident improved the thought, and followed him up with an old story, "That wits were privileged to wear what marks they pleased in all ages; and that a vizard had been the constant crown of their labours, which was generally presented them by the hand of fome fatyr, and fometimes of Apollo himself:" For the truth of ' which he appealed to the frontispiece of several books, and particularly to the English Juvenal, to which he referred him; and only added, That fuch authors were the Larvati, or Larvâ "donati of the ancients." This cleared up all, and in the conclufion you were chose probation 65 6 6 $ er; and Mr. President put round your health as • fuch, protesting, "That though indeed he talk"ed of a vizard, he did not believe all the while you had any more occafion for it than the cat-a" mountain;" fo that all you have now to do is to pay your fees, which here are very reasonable, if you are not impofed upon; and you may stile yourself Informis Societatis Socius: Which I am • defired to acquaint you with; and upon the fame I beg you to accept of the congratulation of, 6 Fervidus tecum puer, & folutis. Gratiæ zonis, properentque nympha, Et parùm comis fine te juventas, Mercuriufque. HOR. Od. xxx. 1. 1. ver. 5. The graces with their zones unloos'd; From every spring, and every plain; A And Mercury compose thy train. CREECH. FRIEND of mine has two daughters, whom I will call Latitia and Daphne; the former is one of the greateft beauties of the age in which the lives, the latter no way remarkable for any charms in her perfon. Upon this one circumftance of their outward form, the good and ill of their life feems to turn. Latitia has not, from her very childhood, heard any thing else but commendations of her features and complexion, by which means the she is no other than nature made her, a very beautiful outside. The consciousness of her charms has rendered her insupportably vain and infolent, towards all who have to do with her. Daphne, who was almost twenty before one civil thing had ever been faid to her, found herself obliged to acquire fome accomplishments to make up for the want of those attractions which she saw in her fifter. Poor Daphne was seldom fubmitted to in a debate wherein she was concerned; her discourse had nothing to recommend it but the good sense of it, and the was always under a neceffity to have very well confidered what the was to say before the uttered it; while Lætitia was listened to with partiality, and approbation fat in the countenances of those she conversed with, before she communicated what she had to say. These caufes have produced suitable effects, and Latitia is as infipid a companion as Daphne is an agreeable one. Lætitia, confident of favour, has studied no arts to please; Daphne, defpairing of any inclination towards her perfon, has depended only on her merit. Lætitia has always fomething in her air that is fullen, grave, and difconfolate. Daphne has a countenance that appears. cheerful, open, and unconcerned. A young gentleman saw Latitia this winter at a play, and became her captive. His fortune was fuch that he wanted very little introduction to speak his sentiments to her father. The lover was admitted with the utmost freedom into the family, where a constrained behaviour, fevere looks, and distant civilities, were the highest favours he could obtain of Latitia; while Daphne used him with the goodhumour, familiarity, and innocence of a fifter: Infomuch that he would often say to her, Dear Daphne, wert thou but as handsome as Lætitia! She received such language with that ingenious and pleasing mirth, which is natural to a woman without design. He still fighed in vain for Latitia, but. found |