Cùm pateant altæ, caligantesque fenestræ ?
Cùm tibi vicinum se præbeat Æmilius pons ?
Aut si de multis nullus placet exitus; illud
Nonne putas melius, quòd tecum pusio dormit?
Pusio qui noctu non litigat: exigit à te
Nulla jacens illic munuscula, nec queritur quòd
Et lateri parcas, nec, quantum jussit, anheles.
Sed placet Ursidio lex Julia : * tollere dulcem
Cogitat hæredem, cariturus turture magno,
Mullorumque jubis,† et captatore macello.
Quid fieri non posse putes, si jungitur ulla
Ursidio? si mochorum notissimus
Stulta maritali jam porrigit ora capistro,
Quem toties texit periturum cista Latini ?

olim

* De adulteriis; quâ lata est pœna adulterii, ideoque ad matrimonium viri ab ea lege impelluntur.

† I.e. Mullatis jubis. Sic Phædrus: aviditas canis pro avido cane, et etiam apud Græcos Βίη Πρίαμοιο pro Βίαιος Πρίαμος:

Al. Turpissimus, perperam : nam si ita legas diminuitur hujus loci vis; quo quis enim majorem adulterarum habuit notitiam, eo magis maritali capistro porrecturus ora exemplum præbet ridiculum.

What, wilt thou wear the marriage chain,
While one whole halter doth remain ;
When open windows death present ye,
And Thames hath water in great plenty ?
But verdicts of ten thousand pound
Most sweetly to Ursidius sound.

'We'll all (he cries) be cuckolds nem. con.
'While the rich action lies of crim. con.'
And who would lose the precious joy
Of a fine thumping darling boy?

Who, while you dance him, calls you daddy
(So he's instructed by my lady).

What tho' no ven'son, fowl, or fish,
Presented, henceforth grace the dish:
Such he hath had, but dates no merit hence
He knows they came for his inheritance.*
What would you say, if this Ursidius,
A man well known among the widows,
First of all rakes, his mind should alter,

e;

And stretch his simple neck to th' halter ? †
Often within Latinus' closet,‡

(The neighbours, nay, the whole town knows it,)

* This custom of making presents to rich men who had no children, in order to become their heirs, is little known to us. Mr. Ben Johnson, indeed, hath founded a play on it, but he lays the scene in Venice:

† We have endeavoured to preserve the beauty of this line in the original: The metaphor is taken from the posture of a horse holding forth his neck to the harness.

We have here a little departed from the Latin: This Latinus was a player, and used to act the part of the gallant; in which, to avoid the discovery of the husband, he used to be hid in a chest, or clothesbasket, as Falstaff is concealed in the Merry Wives of Windsor. The poet therefore here alludes to that custom;

Quid, quòd et antiquis uxor de moribus illi
Quæritur? O medici mediam pertundite venam :
Delicias hominis!* Tarpeium limen adora
Pronus, et auratam Junoni cæde juvencam,
Si tibi contigerit capitis matrona pudici.
Pauca adeò Cereris vittas † contingere dignæ ;
Quarum non timeat pater oscula, necte coronam
Postibus, et densos per limina tende corymbos.
Unus Iberinæ vir sufficit? ocyùs illud
Extorquebis, ut hæc oculo contenta sit uno.
Magna tamen fama est cujusdam rure paterno
Viventis: vivat Gabiis, ut vixit in agro;

Vivat Fidenis, et agello cedo paterno.

Quis tamen affirmat nil actum in montibus, aut in
Speluncis? adeò senuerunt Jupiter et Mars?

* Delicatum hominem. Sic monstrum hominis, pro monstrosus homo:

† Mysteria eleusynia hic respicit. Quæ quidem a Warburtono illo doctissimo in libro suo de Mosaicâ legatione accuratissimè nunc demum explicantur.

He hath escap'd the cuckold's search;
Yet now he seeks a wife most starch;
With good old-fashion'd morals fraught.
Physicians give him a large draught,
And surgeons ope his middle vein.
O delicate taste! go, prithee strain
Thy lungs to Heav'n, in thanksgivings ;
Build churches, and endow with livings.
If a chaste wife thy lot befall,

'Tis the great prize drawn in Guildhall.

Few worthy are to touch those mysteries,*
Of which we lately know the histories,
To Ceres sacred, who requires
Strict purity from loose desires.
Whereas at no crime now they boggle,
Ev'n at their grandfathers they ogle.
But come, your equipage make ready,
And dress your house out for my lady.
Will one man Iberine supply?

Sooner content her with one eye.

But hold; there runs a common story
Of a chaste country virgin's glory.

* Which the reader may see explained in a most masterly style, and with the profoundest knowledge of antiquity, by Mr. Warburton, in the first volume of his Divine Legation of Moses vindicated.

Porticibusne tibi monstratur foemina voto

Digna tuo? cuneis an habent spectacula totis

Quod securus ames, quòdque inde excerpere possis ?
Chironomon Ledam molli saltante Bathyllo,

Tuccia vesicæ non imperat; Appula gannit

(Sicut in amplexu) subitum, et miserabile longum :
Attendit Thymele; Thymele tunc rustica discit.
Ast aliæ, quoties aulæa recondita cessant,
Et vacuo clausoque sonant fora sola theatro,
Atque à plebeiis longè Megalesia; tristes
Personam, thyrsumque tenent, et subligar Accî.

*

*Hæc et sequentia ut minus a castis intelligenda, sic ab interpretibus minime intellecta videntur. Omnes quos unquam vidi, Codd. ita se habent.

Appula gannit

Sicut in amplexu; subitum, et miserabile longum :
Attendit Thymele.

Quid sibi vult hæc lectio, me omnino latere fateor; sin vero nobiscum legas, tribus illis verbis parenthesi inclusis, invenies planam quidem (licet castiore musa indignam) sententiam: