secret prayer, and reading the Scriptures; studying the promises, and praying over them ; looking and longing for their accomplishment; pained with my distance from God, and yet unable to get nearer. Yet I endeavoured to stir up others to trust in him, and could reason well upon the immutability of his promises; but feltlittle benefit from it myself. I feel, more than ever, called to trust in the promises, but am uncommonly tempted with unbelief. O what an hydra is this foe! Lord, subdue it. I begin to think one fruitful source of distress to me, is, a spirit too anxious, too vehement, and too restless. I fear, I attach an improper importance to my efforts in attempting to go on in the good way; at least, I am beginning to suspect there is something of this in the case. I restlessly use duty, and mean after mean, as if the Lord could or would do nothing without me. In one sense this is true; but I fear I trust too much to the use of means, to my own feeble efforts, and do not simply use them, and yet look above them, to their great Author. One reason for my thinking thus is, I am perfectly uneasy if kept from any; and if at any time laid aside through affliction, and especially if confined to bed, I am ready to conclude all that time is lost; as if I was not as safe when suffering the will of God, as when doing it: or as if the Lord cannot operate on my soul unless I am found in some active duty. Lord, if this is really my

folly, convince me clearly of it, and cure me thoroughly. O may I ever remember that the greatest work of all is to believe.

-31. Found myself profited to-day by taking up my cross. Was also benefited by social prayer, and Christian converse upon the deep things of God; and by endeavouring to help a Christian friend out of the mire of temptation, otherwise stronger in the faith than myself. O the fascinating power of temptation! Lord, what are the strongest Christians, without thy continual aid! Perhaps, I stood more in need of the exhortation than my friend; but I find it is much more profitable, when I meet with Christians who have many complaints, to encourage them to trust in God, to exercise faith and love, than to join in complaining, by telling them all my particular grievances. I may have much to bewail, as well as them; but I have often found in encouraging others my own soul blessed, my faith strengthened, and love increased. My soul has been restlessly pursuing after God; I have felt more power to abide in prayer; to trust that the Lord will finish hist work in my soul, and accomplish all the good pleasure of his will in me, and the work of faith with power, even though I should, in the course of Providence, be deprived of those helps which I have found peculiarly useful. In the view of this to-day, I found I could repose my soul on God. Surely no creature, or thing, can be of any use to me, but what he makes 3.

them; of consequence, if he remove one, he can raise up another. Lord, increase my trust in thee.

Nov. 12. Since my last date, I have been sorely afflicted in body. O that it may bring forth the peaceable fruits of righteousness. During the first day or two of my illness, my mind was very languid; so that I could hardly put up one petition. The Lord in mercy kept off the enemy; I was more free than usual from inward conflicts; but I felt much cónfusion of thought, owing in part, no doubt, to the violence of the disorder. I felt much, but feared more; and in the event of death, almost dreaded appearing before the tribunal of God, while so stupid and confused. I forgot, that his mighty power could in a moment make me fit for it, if it had then been his will to have called me home. What a multitude of thoughts, unreasonable and false ones, does unbelief produce. How amazingly, also, is the whole frame unhinged, when the nerves and spirits are affected! Were it the will of my God, how desirable would be an exemption from these afflictions, which deeply affect either. "A man may sustain his infirmities, but a wounded spirit who can bear." This completely unmans one; all our natural fortitude is lost; we then fear where no fear is, and dread a thousand evils that never befall us. In short, we turn adepts in self-tormenting: with the poet, I would say,

"All deaths, all tortures, in one pang combin'd, Are gentle, to the torments of the mind."

When raised from a bed of sickness, I felt piercing convictions of unfaithfulness, unfruitfulness, unworthiness; and was ashamed to look up to God: I had made so little progress in his ways, and yet for years had been surrounded with every spiritual advantage; I felt so little of the mind of Christ. At the same time, my views of Jesus, as my God and Saviour, were clear; and I was so encompassed about with precious promises, that I was kept from sinking.

22. I felt once or twice this morning, strongly tempted to anger and pride. The Lord quickly shewed the danger, and I think gave me victory. Yet satan nearly disturbed my comfort just after, by suggesting that I had given way in some degree; and, therefore, "I had better give up, at least, part of the happiness I enjoyed, for I had no title to it." I saw the cloven foot-was aware of his intention, and cried to the Lord to rebuke him. I fled also afresh to the blood of Jesus, lest I might have contracted any guilt; and, immediately after, my God was indeed gracious -increased my faith and love; and wonderfully opened my mouth, to declare his goodness to my soul, before those who feared and loved him. He also enabled me to keep up the spirit of religious conversation before others: and encouraged me by some persons declaring, that they had received benefit from my former conversation, and attempts to help them. How VOL. I. K

condescending was this to my weakness, but I fear I felt too much complacency in it; for though I went with enlarged expectations in the evening to his house of prayer, all was unprofitable, and I was much disappointed. Lord, make me dead to all approbation but thine, and surely that will not make me high-minded.

December 31. The last day of this year. 0 that I were able to look back with satisfaction, on a year spent wholly for, and to God. I can, I think, truly say, this has been my constant aim through the whole of it; but, alas, I have come far short, and have reason to say, "It is of the Lord's mercies that I am not consumed." O my God, as thou hast brought me to the end of another year, accept of my grateful thanks for all the goodness thou hast made to pass before me in the course of it. O sanctify all the dispensations of thy providence towards mé: forgive all my sins in heart or life, known or unknown. O permit, and enable me, in thy strength, to devote myself afresh unto thee, with all I have and am, or ever shall have.

Through thy grace, may I, while I live, only live to thee; and when I die, may I die to thee.