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love of my country, to which I hope you will all return, oblige me to own, that black Kate at Deptford has made me very unsafe to eat; and, I speak it with shame, I am afraid, gentlemen, I should poison you.'

This speech had a good effect in the boatswain's favour; but the surgeon of the ship protested he had cured him very well, and offered to eat the first steak of him himself.

The boatswain replied, like an orator, with a true notion of the people, and in hopes to gain time, that he was heartily glad if he could be for their service;' and thanked the surgeon for his information. However,' said he, I must inform you for your own good, that I have, ever since my cure, been very thirsty and dropsical; therefore, I presume, it would be much better to tap me, and drink me off, than eat me at once, and have no man in the ship fit to be drunk. As he was going on with his harangue, a fresh gale arose, and gave the crew hopes of a better repast at the nearest shore, to which they arrived next morning.

Most of the self-denials we meet with are of this sort; therefore I think he acts fairest who owns, he hopes at least to have brother's fare, without professing that he gives himself up with pleasure to be devoured for the preservation of

his fellows.

St. James's Coffee-house, August 31.

The undertaker for either play-house may have an opera written by him; or, if it shall suit their design, a satire upon operas; both ready for next winter.

No. 63.]

Saturday, September 3, 1709.
White's Chocolate-house, September 2.

OF THE ENJOYMENT OF LIFE WITH REGARD TO
OTHERS.

I HAVE ever thought it the greatest diminution to the Roman glory imaginable, that in their institution of public triumphs, they led their enemies in chains when they were prisoners. It is to be allowed that doing all honour to the superiority of heroes above the rest of mankind, must needs conduce to the glory and advantage of a nation; but what shocks the imagination to reflect upon is, that a polite people should think it reasonable, that an unhappy man, who was no way inferior to the victor but by the chance of war, should be led like a slave at the wheels of his chariot. Indeed, these other circumstances of a triumph, that it was not allowed in a civil war, lest one part should be in tears, while the other was making accla mations; that it should not be granted, except such a number were slain in battle: that the general should be disgraced who made a false muster of his dead; these, I say, had great and politic ends in their being established, and tend

Letters from the Hague of the sixth of September, N. S. say, that the governor of the cita-ed to the apparent benefit of the commondel of Tournay having offered their highnesses wealth. But this behaviour to the conquered the duke of Marlborough and the prince of had no foundation in nature or policy, only to Savoy to surrender that place on the thirty-first gratify the insolence of a haughty people, who of the last month, on terms which were not triumphed over barbarous nations, by acting allowed them by those princes, hostilities were what was fit only for those very barbarians to thereupon renewed; but that on the third the practice. It seems wonderful, that they who place was surrendered, with a seeming con- were so refined as to take care, that to comdition granted to the besieged, above that of be-plete the honour done to the victorious officer, ing prisoners of war: for they were forthwith no power should be known above him in the em to be conducted to Conde, but were to be expire on the day of his triumph, but that the changed for prisoners of the allies, and particularly those of Warneton were mentioned in the demand. Both armies having stretched towards Mons with the utmost diligence, that of the allies, though they passed the much more difficult road, arrived first before that town, which they have now actually invested; and the quarter-master-general was, at the time of despatching these letters, marking the ground for the encampment of the covering ariny.

To the booksellers, or others whom this advertisement may concern.

Mr. Omicron,* the unborn poet, gives notice, that he writes all treatises, as well in verse as prose, being a ninth son, and translates out of all languages, without learning or study.

If any bookseller will treat for his pastoral on the siege and surrender of the citadel of Tournay, he must send in his proposals before the news of a capitulation for any other town. *Mr. Oldmix was here ridiculed under the title of

Mr. Omicron.

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consuls themselves should be but guests at his table that evening, could not take it into thought to make the man of chief note among his prisoners one of the company. This would have improved the gladness of the occasion; and the victor had made a much greater figure, in that no other man appeared unhappy on his day, than because no other man appeared great.

But we will wave at present such important incidents, and turn our thoughts rather to the familiar part of human life, and we shall find, that the great business we contend for is in a less degree what those Romans did on more creatures; and there is hardly a man to be solemn occasions, to triumph over our fellow. found, who would not rather be in pain to appear happy, than be really happy and thought miserable. This men attempt by sumptuous equipages, splendid houses, numerous servants, and all the cares and pursuits of an ambitious

or fashionable life.

Bromeo and Tabio are particularly ill-wishers to each other, and rivals in happiness. There is no way in nature so good to procure the

esteem of the one, as to give him little notices of certain secret points, wherein the other is uneasy. Gnatho has the skill of doing this, and never applauds the improvements Bromeo has been many years making, and ever will be making; but he adds, 'Now this very thing was my thought when Tabio was pulling up his underwood, yet he never would hear of it; but now your gardens are in this posture, he is ready to hang himself. Well, to be sincere, that situation of his can never make an agreeable seat; he may make his house and appurtenances what he pleases, but he cannot remove them to the same ground where Bromeo's stands; and of all things under the sun, a man that is happy at second-hand is the most monstrous.' It is a very strange madness,' answers Bromeo, if a man on these occasions can think of any end but pleasing himself. As for my part, if things are convenient, I hate all ostentation. There is no end of the folly of adapting our affairs to the imagination of others. Upon which, the next thing he does is to enlarge whatever he hears his rival has attempted to imitate him in; but their misfortune is, that they are in their time of life, in their estates, and in their understandings, equal; so that the emulation may continue to the last day of their lives. As it stands now, Tabio has heard, that Bromeo has lately purchased two hundred a year in the annuities since he last settled the account of their happiness, in which he thought himself to have the balance. This may seem a very fantastical way of thinking in these men; but there is nothing so common, as a man's endeavouring rather to go farther than some other person towards an easy fortune, than to form any certain standard that would make himself happy.

Will's Coffee-house, September 2.

Mr. Dactyle has been this evening very profuse of his eloquence upon the talent of turning things into ridicule; and seemed to say very justly, that there was generally in it something too disingenuous for the society of liberal men, except it were governed by the circumstances of persons, time, and place. This talent,' continued he, is to be used as a man does his sword, not to be drawn but in his own defence, or to bring pretenders and impostors in society to a true light. But we have seen this faculty so mistaken, that the burlesque of Virgil himself has passed, among men of little taste, for wit; and the noblest thoughts that can enter into the heart of man levelled with ribaldry and baseness: though by the rules of justice, no man ought to be ridiculed for any imperfection, who does not set up for eminent sufficiency in that way wherein he is defective. Thus cowards, who would hide themselves by an af. fected terror in their mien and dress; and pe. dants, who would show the depth of their knowledge by a supercilious gravity, are equally the objects of laughter. Not that they are in themselves ridiculous, for their want of courage, or weakness of understanding; but that they seem insensible of their own place in life, and unhappily rank themselves with those whose abilities,

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compared to their defects, make them contemptible. At the same time, it must be remarked, that, risibility being the effect of reason, a man ought to be expelled from sober company who laughs without it.' 'Ha! ha!' says Will Truby, who sat by, will any man pretend to give me laws when I should laugh, or tell me what I should laugh at?' 'Look ye,' answered Humphry Slyboots, you are mightily mistaken; you may, if you please, make what noise you will, and nobody can hinder an English gentleman from putting his face into what posture he thinks fit; but take my word for it, that motion which you now make with your mouth open, and the agitation of your stomach, which you relieve by holding your sides, is not laughter: laughter is a more weighty thing than you imagine; and I will tell you a secret-you never did laugh in your life and truly I am afraid you never will, except you take great care to be cured of those convulsive fits.' Truby left us, and when he had got two yards from us, 'Well,' said he,' you are strange fellows!' and was immediately taken with another fit.

The Trubies are a well-natured family, whose particular make is such, that they have the same pleasure out of good-will, which other people have in that scorn which is the cause of laughter: therefore their bursting into the figures of men, when laughing, proceeds only from a general benevolence they are born with; as the Slyboots smile only on the greatest oc casion of mirth; which difference is caused rather from a different structure of their organs, than that one is less moved than the other. I know Sourly frets inwardly, when Will Truby laughs at him; but when I meet him, and he bursts out, I know it is out of his abundant joy to see me, which he expresses by that vociferation which is in others laughter. But I shall defer considering this subject at large, until I come to my treatise of oscitation, laughter, and ridicule.

From my own Apartment, September 2.

The following letter being a panegyric upon me for a quality which every man may attain, an acknowledgment of his faults; I thought it for the good of my fellow-writers to publish it.

'SIR,-It must be allowed, that esquire Bickerstaff is of all authors the most ingenuous. There are few, very few, that will own themselves in a mistake, though all the world see them to be in downright nonsense. You will be pleased, sir, to pardon this expression, for the same reason for which you once desired us to excuse you, when you seemed any thing dull. Most writers, like the generality of Paul Lorraine's saints, seem to place a peculiar vanity in dying hard. But you, sir, to show a good example to your brethren, have not only con fessed, but of your own accord mended the indictment. Nay, you have been so good-natured as to discover beauties in it, which, I will assure you, he that drew it never dreamed of.

Mr. Paul Lorraine was at this time the ordinary of Newgate.

And, to make your civility the more accomplished, you have honoured him with the title of your kinsman, which, though derived by the left-hand, he is not a little proud of. My brother, for such Obadiah is, being at present very busy about nothing, has ordered me to return you his sincere thanks for all these favours; and, as a small token of his gratitude, to communicate to you the following piece of intelligence, which he thinks, belongs more properly to you than to any others of our modern historians.

Madonella, who, as it was thought, had long since taken her flight towards the ethereal mansions, still walks, it seems, in the regions of mortality, where she has found, by deep reflections on the revolution mentioned in yours of June the twenty-third, that where carly instructions have been wanting to imprint true ideas of things on the tender souls of those of her sex, they are never after able to arrive at such a pitch of perfection, as to be above the laws of matter and motion; laws which are considerably enforced by the principles usually imbibed in nurseries and boarding schools. To remedy this evil, she has laid the scheme of a college for young damsels; where (instead of scissars, needles, and samplers) pens, compasses, quadrants, books, manuscripts, Greek, Latin, and Hebrew, are to take up their whole time. Only on holidays the students will, for moderate exercise, be allowed to divert themselves with the use of some of the lightest and most valuble weapons; and proper care will be taken to give them at least a superficial tincture of the ancient and modern Amazonian tactics. Of these military performances, the direction is undertaken by Epicene, the writer of Memoirs from the Mediterranean,' who, by the help of some artificial poison conveyed by smells, has within these few weeks brought many persons of both sexes to an untimely fate; and, what is more surprising, has, contrary to her profession, with the same odours, revived others who had long since been drowned in the whirlpools of Lethe. Another of the professors is to be a certain lady, who is now publishing two of the choicest Saxon novels,† which are said to have been in as great repate with the ladies of queen Emma's court,

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as the Memoirs from the New Atalantis' are with those of ours. I shall make it my business to inquire into the progress of this learned institution, and give you the first notice of their Philosophical Transactions, and Searches after Nature.' Yours, &c.

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TOBIAH GREENHAT.

St. James's Coffee-house, September 2.

This day we have received advices by the way of Ostend, which give an account of an engagement between the French and the allies, on the eleventh instant, N. S. Marshal Boufflers arrived in the enemy's camp on the fifth, and acquainted marshal Villars, that he did not come in any character, but to receive his commands

Epicene means Mrs. D. Mauley.

† Mrs. Elizabeth Elstob, the lady here mentioned, is a striking instance, that no accomplishments, natural or acquired, could protect their possessor, of whatever merit or sex, from the insults of this libertine wit.

for the king's service, and communicate to him his orders upon the present posture of affairs. On the ninth, both armies advanced towards each other, and cannonaded all the ensuing day, until the close of the evening, and stood on their arms all that night. On the day of battle the cannonading was renewed about seven the duke of Argyle had orders to attack the wood Sart on the right, which he executed so successfully, that he pierced through it, and won a considerable post. The prince of Orange had the same good fortune in a wood on the left: after which the whole body of the confederates, joined by the forces from the siege, marched up and engaged the enemy, who were drawn up at some distance from these woods. The dispute was very warm for some time; but towards noon, the French began to give ground from one wing to the other; which advantage being observed by our generals, the whole army was urged on with fresh vigour, and in a few hours the day ended with the entire defeat of the enemy.

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What coast, encircled by the briny flood,
Boasts not the glorious tribute of our blood.

From my own Apartment, September 5.

haviour of the Romans on those occasions, I WHEN I lately spoke of triumphs, and the beknew, by my skill in astrology, that there was a great event approaching to our advantage; but, not having yet taken upon me to tell fortunes, I thought fit to defer the mention of the battle near Mons until it happened; which moderation was no small pain to me; but I should wrong my art, if I concealed that some of my aerial intelligencers had signified to me the news of it even from Paris, before the arrival of lieutenant-colonel Graham in England. All nations, as well as persons, have their good and evil genius attending them; but the kingdom of for it nor against it in reality; but has for some France has three, the last of which is neither months past acted an ambiguous part, and attempted to save its ward from the incursion of its powerful enemies, by little subterfuges and tricks, which a nation is more than undone when it is reduced to practise. Thus, instead of giving exact accounts and representations of things, they tell what is indeed true, but at the same time a falsehood, when all the circumstances come to be related. Pacolet was at the court of France on Friday night last, when this geni. us of that kingdom came thither in the shape of a post-boy, and cried out, that Mons was relieved, and the duke of Marlborough marched. Pacolet was much astonished at this account, and immediately changed his form, and flew to the neighbourhood of Mons, from whence he found the allies had really marched; and began to

*Lient. Col. Graham came express with an account of the battle of Malplaquet, in a letter from the duke of Marlborough to Mr. Secretary Boyle.

inquire into the reasons of this sudden change, and half feared he had heard a truth of the posture of the French affairs, even in their own country. But, upon diligent inquiry among the aerials who attended those regions, and consultation with the neighbouring peasants, he was able to bring me the following account of the motions of the armies since they retired from about that place, and the action which followed thereupon.

On Saturday the seventh of September, N. S. the confederate army was alarmed in their camp at Havre, by intelligence, that the enemy were marching to attack the prince of Hesse. Upon this advice, the duke of Marlborough com. manded that the troops should immediately move; which was accordingly performed, and they were all joined on Saturday the eighth at noon. On that day, in the morning, it appeared that, instead of being attacked, the advanced guard of the detachment, commanded by the prince of Hesse, had dispersed and taken prisoners a party of the enemy's horse, which was sent out to observe the march of the confederates. The French moved from Quiverain on Sunday in the morning, and inclined to the right from thence all that day. The ninth, the Monday following, they continued their march, until on Tuesday, the tenth, they possessed themselves of the woods of Dour and Blaugies. As soon as they came into that ground, they threw up intrenchments with all expedition. The allies arrived within few hours after the enemy was posted; but the duke of Marlborough thought fit to wait for the arrival of the reinforcement which he expected from the siege of Tournay. Upon notice that these troops were so far advanced as to be depended on for an action the next day, it was accordingly resolved to engage the enemy.

It will be necessary for understanding the greatness of the action, and the several motions made in the time of the engagement, that you have in your mind, an idea of the place. The two armies, on the eleventh instant, were both drawn up before the woods of Dour, Blaugies, Sart, and Jansart; the army of the prince of Savoy on the right before that of Blaugies; the forces of Great Britain in the centre on his left; those of the high allies, with the wood Sart, as well as a large interval of plain ground, and Jansart on the left of the whole. The enemy were intrenched in the paths of the woods, and drawn up behind two intrenchments over-against them, opposite to the armies of the duke of Marlborough and prince Eugene. There were also two lines intrenched in the plains over-against the army of the States. This was the posture of the French and confederate forces when the signal was given, and the whole line moved on to the

charge.

The Dutch army, commanded by the prince of Hesse, attacked with the most undaunted bravery; and, after a very obstinate resistance, forced the first intrenchment of the enemy in the plain between Sart and Jansart; but were repulsed in their attack on the second, with great slaughter on both sides. The duke of Marlborough, while this was transacting on the left, had with very much difficulty marched through Sart,

and beaten the enemy from the several intrench. ments they had thrown up in it. As soon as the duke had marched into the plain, he observed the main body of the enemy drawn up and intrenched in the front of his army. This situation of the enemy, in the ordinary course of war, is usually thought an advantage hardly to be surmounted; and might appear impracticable to any but that army which had just overcome greater difficulties. The duke commanded the troops to form, but to forbear charging until further order. In the mean time he visited the left of our line, where the troops of the States had been engaged. The slaughter on this side had been very great, and the Dutch, incapable of making further progress, except they were suddenly reinforced. The right of our line was attacked soon after their coming upon the plain; but they drove back the enemy with such bravery, that the victory began to incline to the allies by the precipitate retreat of the French to their works, from whence they were immediately beaten. The duke, upon observing this advantage on the right, commanded the earl of Orkney to march with a sufficient number of battalions, to force the enemy from their intrenchments on the plain between the woods of Sart and Jansart; which being performed, the horse of the allies marched into the plains, covered by their own foot, and forming themselves in good order; the cavalry of the enemy attempted no more but to cover the foot in their retreat. The allies made so good use of the beginning of the victory, that all their troops moved on with fresh resolution, until they saw the enemy fly before them towards Conde and Maubeuge; after whom, proper detachments were sent, who made a terrible slaughter in the pursuit.

In this action, it is said, prince Eugene was wounded, as also the duke of Aremberg, and lieutenant-general Webb. The count of Oxenstern, colonel Lalo, and sir Thomas Pendergrass were killed.

This wonderful success, obtained under all the difficulties that could be opposed in the way of an army, must be acknowledged as owing to the genius, courage, and conduct of the duke of Marlborough, a consummate hero; who has lived not only beyond the time in which Cæsar said he was arrived at a satiety of life and glory; but also been so long the subject of panegyric, that it is as hard to say any thing new in his praise, as to add to the merit which requires such eulogiums.

Will's Coffee-house, September 5.

of the true design of our lucubrations, and at the The following letter being very explanatory it is absolutely necessary, for the better undersame time an excellent model for performing it, standing our works, to publish it.

To Isaac Bickerstaff, Esquire. 'SIR,-Though I have not the honour to be of the family of the Staffs, nor related to any branch of it, yet I applaud your wholesome pro ject of making wit useful.

This is what has been, or should have been, intended by the best comedies. But nobody, I

think, before you, thought of a way to bring the stage, as it were, into the coffee-house, and there attack those gentlemen who thought themselves out of the reach of raillery, by prudently avoiding its chief walks and districts. I smile when I see a solid citizen of threescore read the article from Will's coffee-house, and seem to be just beginning to learn his alphabet of wit in spectacles; and to hear the attentive table sometimes stop him with pertinent queries, which he is puzzled to answer, and then join in commending it the sincerest way, by freely owning he does not understand it.

In pursuing this design, you will always have a large scene before you, and can never be at a loss for characters to entertain a town so plentifully stocked with them. The follies of the finest minds, which a philosophic surgeon knows how to dissect, will best employ your skill; and of this sort, I take the liberty to send you the following sketch.

Cleontes is a man of good family, good learning, entertaining conversation, and acute wit. He talks well, is master of style, and writes not contemptibly in verse. Yet all this serves but to make him politely ridiculous; and he is above the rank of common characters, only to have the privilege of being laughed at by the best. His family makes him proud and scornful; his learn. ing, assuming and absurd; and his wit, arrogant and satirical. He mixes some of the best qualities of the head with the worst of the heart. Every body is entertained by him, while nobody esteems him. I am, sir, Your most affectionate monitor,

JOSIAH COUPLET.'

Lost, from the Cocoa-tree, in Pall-Mall, two Irish dogs, belonging to the pack of London; one a tall white wolf-dog; the other a black nimble greyhound, not very sound, and supposed to be gone to the Bath, by instinct, for cure. The man of the inn from whence they ran, being now there, is desired, if he meets either of them, to tie them up. Several others are lost about Tunbridge and Epsom; which whoever will maintain may keep.

No. 65.]

Thursday, September 8, 1709.

Juv. Sat. i. 85, 86.

Quicquid agunt homines-
- nostri est farrago libelli.
Whatever good is done, whatever ill—
By human kind, shall this collection fill.

declaiming: 'If,' says he,' we have so great and complete a victory, why have we not the names of the prisoners? Why is not an exact relation of the conduct of our generals laid before the world? Why do we not know where and whom to applaud? If we are victorious, why do we not give an account of our captives and our slain? But we are to be satisfied with general notices we are conquerors, and to believe it so. Sure this is approving the despotic way of treating the world, which we pretend to fight against, if we sit down satisfied with such contradictory accounts, which have the words of triumph, but do not bear the spirit of it.' I whispered Mr. Greenhat,' Pray, what can that dissatisfied man be?' 'He is,' answered he, 'a character you have not yet perhaps observed. You have heard of battle-painters, have mentioned a battle-poet; but this is a battle-critic. He is a fellow that lives in a government so gentle, that, though it sees him an enemy, suffers his malice, because they know his impotence. He is to examine the weight of an advantage before the company will allow it.' Greenhat was going on in his explanation, when sir George England thought fit to take up the discourse in the following manner.

"Gentlemen, The action you are in so great doubt to approve of, is greater than ever has been performed in any age; and the value of it I observe from your dissatisfaction: for battle-critics are like all others; you are the more offended, the more you ought to be, and are convinced you ought to be, pleased. Had this engagement happened in the time of the old Romans, and such things been acted in their service, there would had been consecrated to some deity, or made not be a foot of the wood which was pierced but memorable by the death of him who expired in it for the sake of his country. It had been said

on some monument at the entrance: Here the Here Webb, after having an accomplished fame duke of Argyle drew his sword, and said 'March.' for gallantry, exposed himself like a common soldier. Here Rivett, who was wounded at the beginning of the day, and carried off as dead, returned to the field, and received his death. Medals had been struck for our general's behaviour when he first came into the plain. Here was the fury of the action, and here the hero stood as fearless as if invulnerable. Such certainly had been the cares of that state for their own honour, and in gratitude to their heroic subjects. But the wood intrenched, the plain made more impassable than the wood, and all the difficulties opposed to the most gallant army and the most intrepid leaders that ever the sun I CAME hither this evening, and expected no- shone upon, are treated by the talk of some in thing else but mutual congratulations in the this room as objections to the merit of our genecompany, on the late victory; but found our ral and our army: but,' continued he, 'I leave room, which one would have hoped to have seen all the examination of this matter, and a proper full of good humour and alacrity upon so glorious discourse on our sense of public actions, to my an occasion, full of sour animals, inquiring into friend Mr. Bickerstaff; who may let beaux and the action, in doubt of what had happened, and gamesters rest, until he has examined into the fearful of the success of their countrymen. It reasons of men's being malecontents, in the only is natural to believe easily what we wish hearti-nation that suffers professed enemies to breathe ly; and a certain rule, that they are not friends in to a glad occasion who speak all they can against the truth of it; who end their argument against our happiness, that they wish it otherwise. When I came into the room, a gentleman was

Will's Coffee-house, September 7.

open air.'

From my own Apartment, September 7.

The following letters are sent to me from relations; and though I do not know who and who

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