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lay within about one hundred yards the ewe towards the brook; seeing of a small brook. Many ewes and me advance, she ran as fast as she lambs were in the meadow. We were was able, looking behind her several about half way over it when a ewe times; when we came to the brook ; came up to us and bleated very she peeped over the edge of a hillock, loudly, looking up in my face; and into the water, looked up in my face, then ran off towards the brook. I and bleated with the most significant could not help remarking this ex- voice I ever heard from a quadruped. traordinary behaviour; but my atten- Judge of my surprise, when, on looktion was particularly roused when ing into the stream, I saw her lamb she repeated it; and, bleating louder, standing close under the hillock, with seemed to wish to signify something the water nearly over its back. I inin particular. She then ran off as be- stantly drew it out, when the fond fore in the same direction, repeatedly mother began to lick, and give it looking behind her till she reached suck, and, looking up to me, uttered the brook, where she stood still. several sounds very different from After standing to look at her some those she had uttered before ; and time, we continued our walk, and evidently expressing satisfaction and had nearly reached the gate that led pleasure. I needed not those thanks; into the next meadow, when she came for I never performed one action in running after us the third time, and my life that gave me more unmixed seemed yet more earnest, if possible, pleasure; nor did ever brute appear than before. I then determined to more grateful.
Your's &c. endeavour to discover the motive for
J. COLLET. such singular behaviour. I followed
The following digest of the necessary rules for making bon mots, satirical attacks,
and sarcastick retorts, are extracted from Bannantine’s New Joe Miller.
FEEL your ground before you thing. Your enemy you have a right take a single step, and adapt yourself to wound; and with whom can you to your company. You may find your take a liberty, if not with a friend? self among a set of wretches who A pretty thing, truly, if a jest were never read Joe Miller, and yet have to be stilled because it inight give comprehension enough to understand pain! It would give much more lo him. This is fine! Make the most suppress it : and if others do not like of such a situation; for it is a happi. the taste, how can they expect you ness not often to recur. If any as- to swallow it? piring member venture to oppose
Latin bon mots are safe, if you are you, crush him without mercy. If sure of the pronunciation ; for they you do not know what he is going to who understand them will laugh nasay, tell him you can help him out in turally, and they who do not, for fear that story, should he be at a loss; if of being thought ignorant. With woyou do, cut him short, by snatching men this rule will not apply ; do not, the sting of the tale from him, and therefore, in their society, quote Hoturn it against himself. You will get race, or confess yourself a freemason; the laugh, and the audience will be for they naturally hate and suspect happy to reduce him to their own whatever they are excluded from. level, by measuring him with you. It is a very successful and laudable
Never mind what smart you oc- practice to poach upon Joe's premises casion, provided you can say a smart with some poor dog who is fain at
Dight to start the game, which you talent for extempore repartee, laugh have marked down in the morning. loud at your own sayings, and preAt the given signal, let fly, and you tend not to hear theirs. Laughter is are sure to kill the prey, and perhaps catching, though wit is not. some of the company with laughter. If they be decidedly superiour in Be sure that your pointer is stanch. both these requisites, have a bad
When you launch a good thing, headach and be silent. You could which is only heard by the person not speak to advantage, and it's better next you, wait patiently for a pause, to be pitied for having a pain in the and throw in again. Your neighbour, head, than for having nothing in it. possibly, will not renew his laugh, Mimickry and buffoonery are good but will excuse you, well knowing substitutes for wit. Thus you may that you cannot afford to throw away make some use of a prosing old poet, a good thing.
by listening to him with feigned atIf your party be stupid, and you tention, and at the same time thrustwant an excuse for getting away, ing your tongue in the opposite give vent to some double entendres cheek. This will amuse the comto distress the women. This will pany, and cannot offend the old genanswer your purpose ; for the men tleman, for he will be wise enough to must be fools, indeed, if they do not wish your tongue kept where it is. kick you down stairs.
Beware of quizzing your host too In the want of other subjects for severely, or he will not ask you again. your raillery and sneers, personal Be merry and wise. A laugh is a defects form a tempting source of tempting thing, I own; so is turtle pleasantry. When your
wit has not soup. Always remember that a good a leg of its own to stand on, it may dinner is in itself a good thing, and
some time upon your neigh- the only one that will bear frequent bour's wooden one. At least a dozen repetition. jokes may be endorsed upon a hump If you have once got a man down, back ; and you may make a famous belabour him without mercy. Rehandle of a long nose, by inquiring member the saying of the Welch of its proprie or whether he can
boxer: “ Ah, sir, if you knew the reach to blow it; whether he can trouble I have had in getting him hear himself sneeze, &c. &c. Take down, you would not ask me to let care, however, while making fun with him get up again.” his nose, that he does not make free Invariably preserve your best joke
for the last ; and when you have utIf your party be equal to yourself, tered it, follow the example now set in their knowledge of the books, or you, by taking your leave.
AN ACCOUNT OF THE ENGLISH AMBASSADOUR'S AUDIENCE WITH THE SULTAN.
[From Mac Gill's Travels.] DURING
absence in Rus- lace of the Swedish envoy, where sia, his excellency Mr. Arbuthnot, his excellency our ambassadour waitour new ambassadour at the porte, ar- ed for them, to proceed to his aurived in Constantinople. Yesterday dience with the sultan. Before six · he had his audience with the sultan, the whole procession was in motion. which, as the mode of conducting it The ambassadour was carried in a was somewhat singular, I shall de- chair by six men in red robes, with scribe to you.
high hairy caps on their heads. On Yesterday morning, by five o'clock, each side of the chair walked one of the whole of the British at the time his excellency's armed attendants, in Constantinople repaired to the pa. namely, his hussar and his sports
man. The chair was followed by ano- gentlemen of the long robe sent ther, which was empty, and then by them to the sultan to know his pleathe secretaries, dragomen, and gen
The interval between this and tlemen and factors, who happened the arrival of the answer was emto be then in the country:
ployed by us in examining and adIn this manner we proceeded to the miring the magnificence of the apartwater side at Tophana, where boats ment in which we were, and which where provided for us by order of the was richly gilt and painted on the Porte, to carry us across the Golden roof and columns. The floor was of Horn, where, when we arrived, we variegated marble ; around the room found horses from the stud of the were sophas covered with costly sultan waiting to convey us to the stuff; in the middle of the side opseraglio. After some little ceremo- posite the door, upon a cushion more nies we again set forward for the elevated than the rest, sat the vizir; Sublime Porte. Before entering it, over his head we observed the little we all alighted, and proceeded on- window covered by a thick grating, ward between the gates. The outer at which it is said the sultan sits to and inner ones were then shut, and hear what passes on occasions of this information was sent to the divan, kind. It was evident to perceive that an infidel ambassadour was with- through the grating that some perout, who wished to throw himself at son sat there ; but conjecture alone the feet of the great sultan. The could lead us to conclude that it was place in which we were enclosed is Selim. that where criminals are decapitated, A gracious answer from the Sultan and where the heads of traitors are at length arrived, which was received exposed for the satisfaction of the with a shout of “ Long live the king sultan. After a short time the inner of kings, Selim the sultan of sultans." gate was thrown open, and an exhi. Here every one arose; even his highbition truly novel presented itself. A ness the vizir, slipt from his throne, great number of dishes of pillau and and met the bearer half way to the cakes of bread were strowed on the door. The order was delivered into ground at appropriate distances, his hands. He first kissed it, then which, at a signal given, a troop of placed it 10 his forehead, kissed it janizaries ran in, in the nimblest again, and then, and not till then, manner, and carried off. On inquiry, presumed to break the seals. The I found that this grotesque specta- order was to feed, wash, and clothe cle was intended to show to us the infidels, and then admit them to infidels in what manner the Turkish his presence. In a short time, some troops are fed, and also how active little stools were arranged, in different they are.
parts of the divan, on the top of which At length we were permitted to were placed large trays of gold and advance, and after crossing an exte- silver, about four feet diameter, and riour court of the seraglio, arrived of a circular form, from which we at the entrance of the divan, near the were to be fed at the expense of the door of which were exposed on the Turks. A most sumptuous enterground the presents brought by the tainment was served up; first a kind ambassadour, in order to gain or of blancmanger, next different kinds secure the friendship of the Turks. of roasted and baked meats ; sweetAmongst these were several pieces meats followed; and to conclude, a of fine cloth, some of rich silk, a delicious cooling sherbet was handed table clock, and many other articles. round in gold and silver basins.
Here his excellency presented his We experienced one grievous want credentials to the vizir, who by some at this feast, for we were not furnish
ed either with knife or fork, and were the infidels were clothed in a manner obliged to tear in pieces whatever was suitable to their making their appearset before us ; for the articles of a li. ance before the sublime sultan. This quid kind, spoons of tortoise-shell, dress consisted of pelisses; that of his studded with gold, were handed to excellency was lined with samour,
worth no small sum. Those for the The eating part of the farce being secretaries were very good. The draover, perfumed water was poured on gomen, who generally take care of the hands of his excellency, and a themselves, having in some measure napkin of rich embroidery was thrown the arrangement of this part of the to him to wipe them with. He was business, were served with a pelisse farther perfumed with aloes wood each, little inferiour to that of the and ambergris.
ambassadour; the others were of tri
; The usual ceremony of paying the fing value. janizaries takes place in general after To the presence of the sultan only this part of the audience, but his ex- fourteen can be admitted, and they cellency had, I suppose, expressed must be unarmed; so here his excelhimself sufficiently satisfied of the lency, and those who wore swords, riches of the sultan, and it was dis- unbuckled. We now passed to the pensed with
gate of the second court, where we I happened to be in Constantinople encountered the first guard of euat a former period when two senators nuchs. This guard was composed of Ragusa came to pay their tribute to of the ugliest monsters that ever wore the Porte, and was present at their the human form. Their features were audience, when the usual entertain- horrible, with the flesh depending ment for the ambassadours, of paying from them. Their faces were of the the janizaries, was gone through, a most deadly hue. Each infidel was description of which may, perhaps, now adorned with two eunuchs, who amuse you. On quitting the divan, laid a paw on each shoulder, to the senators and suite were conducto signify when he was to bend before ed to a place in the court immediately the king of kings, and also to preopposite to the door of it, where seats vent outrage in his presence. In were prepared for their reception. this manner
we promenaded the The servants of the porte then brought second court, and were soon ushered out a number of leathern purses, into the august presence. which were strowed on the ground, The sultan was sitting on a bed, and supposed to contain the pay of for his throne has the appearance of one company. The colonel of the a large four-posted bed, indeed it is company then gave the word, upon exactly of that shape ; the posts were which the men came running for- inlaid with precious stones ; the ward, snatched up the purses, and
cushion on which Selim sat was comcarried them to some other quarter, posed of a massy embroidery of where they divided them. This they pearls ; before him stood his loots, repeated again and again. At the au- beside him lay his sword, and some dience of the Ragusans it lasted up- turbans of state with rich aigrettes wards of an hour and a half; at that in them. of lord Elgin, this farce continued Selim is a man of about forty-three some hours when his lordship, with years of age ; his beard is become just indignation, declared, that if it grisly ; his countenance is attractive, was not concluded immediately, he the tout ensemble of his physiognowould return home.
my benign; he never listed his eyes, We were now marched to a kind nor even gave a side glance; the of open room under the piazzas, ambassadour made a polite speech 10 where coffee was served, and where him, which the prince Marwze, firse
dragoman at the Porte, translated to delight and enthusiasm. They highthe vizir, who repeated it to the sul- ly respect the mercantile world, and tan; he made his reply in simple, say the word of an Englishman is as kind, and elegant expressions. It good as any other man's writing, who was likewise spoken to the vizir, who is not a mussulman. passed it to the prince, who then re- The dinner at Tarapea consisted peated it to the British company's of all that taste could display, or the dragoman, and he to the ambassadour. appetite desire ; the rarities of the Our audience being finished, we turn- season were washed down in libations ed to depart, still in our humiliating of the choicest wines. The party was condition, like criminals. The sultan, elegant, but not gay. We were dejust as we were leaving the room, de- prived by her indisposition of the sired the dragoman to inform his ex- presence of the amiable and beautiful cellency that he had ordered him a ambassadress; the sickness of his horse, which he hoped would turn out beloved consort threw a gloom over a good one. His excellency thanked his excellency, who, notwithstanding, him, and we departed. A strong strove to appear cheerful. In the guard of janizaries attended during evening, however, we found her athe whole of the procession.
dorning the drawing room, where Our return from the audience was were also the ambassadours of the nearly the same as our entry. We other missions and their ladies, with passed over the outward court of the most of the ladies and gentlemen at. seraglio, and without the Porte found tached to them, who had been invited our horses in waiting where we had to pay their court on this occasion. left them. As we crossed the water, According to the eastern custom, several British and Maltese vessels sa- coffee and sweetmeats were served luted us. Indeed they had done so in up, and the ball commenced by those the morning. We conducted the who chose to dance, leading their ambassadour to the Swedish palace, partners to the hall, where a band of and were refreshed with lemonade, musick was playing. Rooms were sweet cakes, &c. The party then broke prepared for those who chose to play up to meet again at Tarapea, the re- at cards. During the evening, ices sidence of Mr. Arbuthnot, where we and lemonade were handed round; were invited to dinner. In the even- the dance continued with much vivaing we had a ball.
city until some hours after midnight, The audience, upon the whole, was when the party returned to their regrand, and came up, in a great mea- spective homes. sure, to my expectations. It was hu. The moon shone bright, and shed miliating, to be sure, to be kept like a charming lustre over the mounprisoners so long in that horrible place tains, crowned with the gloomy cythe Porte, and had we understood the press ; the most death-like stillness language, the being treated with " in- reigned over the canal, interrupted fidel” at every corner would have been only by the fall of the oar, which beat insufferable. But the manners of the in agreeable cadence to the breast, Turks, in every stage of the business, which had been agitated with the was friendly and kind. They have a dance, or with some softer emotion, greater regard for the English than for the scene of the evening affordfor any other nation, both for those in ed a rich display of beauty. the distinguished employments, and The contrast was striking between for the mercantile part of them. Ever the elegant simplicity of the English since the affair of Egypt, they talk of dress, and the gaudy show of the Nelson, sir Sidney, their old acquain- Grecian. Her excellency was attance, whom they will tell you they tired in plain, but costly suit. The have seen, and general Stewart, with other ladies were decked out in rich