HAVING thus taken my refolutions to march on boldly in the cause of virtue and good fenfe, and to annoy their adverfaries in whatever degree or rank of men they may be found; I thall be deaf for the future to all the remonfrances that fhall be made to me on this account. If Punch grows extravagant, I fhall reprimand him very freely: if the ftage becomes a nursery of folly and impertinence, I fhall not be afraid to animadvert upon it. In fhort, if I meet with any thing in city, court, or country, that shocks modefty or good manners, I fhall use my utmost endea vours to make an example of it. I muft however entreat every particular perfon who does me the honour to be a reader of this paper, never to think himself, or any one of his friends or enemies, aimed at in what is faid: for I promife him, never to draw a faulty character which does not fit at least a thousand people; or to publifh a fingle paper, that is not written in the fpirit of benevolence, and with a love to mankind. No 35. Tuesday, April 10. Rifu inepto res ineptior nulla eft. Nothing fo foolilh as the laugh of fools. A C MART. MONG all kinds of writing there is none in which authors are more apt to miscarry than in works of humour, as there is none in which they are more ambitious to excel. It is not an imagination that teems with monsters, an head that is filled with extravagant conceptions, which is capable of furnithing the world with. diverfions of this nature; and yet if we look into the productions of feveral writers, who fet up for men of humour, what wild irregular fancies, what unnatural distortions of thought, do we meet with? If they speak nonfenfe they believe they are talking humour; and when they have drawn together a fcheme of abfurd inconfiftent ideas, they are not able to read it over to themfelves without laughing. These poor gentlemen endeavour to gain themfelves the reputation of wits and humourifts, by fuch moaftreus conceits as almoft qualify them for Bedlam; not confidering confidering that humour fhould always lie under the check of reafon, and that it requires the direction of the nicest judgment, by fo much the more as it indulges itfelf in the moft boundless freedoins. There is a kind of nature that is to be obferved in this fort of compofitions, as well as in all other; and a certain regularity of thought which inuft difco. ver the writer to be a man of fenfe, at the fame time that heappears altogether given up to caprice. For my part, when I read the delirious mirth of an unskilful author, Icannot be fo barbarous as to divert myself with it, but am rather apt to pity the man, than to laugh at any thing he writes.. THE deceafed Mr Shadwell, who had himself a great deal of the talent which I am treating of, reprefents an empty rake, in one of his plays, as very much furprifed to hear one fay that breaking of windows was not humour; and I question not but several English readers will be as much startled to hear me affirm, that many of thofe raving incoherent pieces, which are often fpread ainong us, under odd chimerical titles, are rather the offsprings of a diftempered brain, than works of humour. IT is indeed much easier to defcribe what is not humour, than what is; and very difficult to define it otherwife than as Cowley has done wit, by negatives. Were I to give my own notions of it, I would deliver them after Plato's manner, in a kind of allegory, and by fuppofing Humour to be a perfon, deduce to him all his qualifications, according the following genealogy. TRUTH was the founder of the family, and the father of GooD SENSE. GOOD SENSE was the father of WIT, who married a lady of a collateral line, called MIRTH, by whom he had iffte HUMOUR. HUMOUR therefore being the youngest of this illuftrious family, and defcended from parents of fuch different difpofitions, is very various and unequal in his temper; ́sometimes you fee him putting on grave looks and a folemn habit, fometimes airy in his behaviour, and fantastic in his drefs: infomuch that at different times he appears as ferious as a judge, and as a jocular as a Merry Andrew. But as he has a great deal of the mother in his conftitution, whatever mood he is in, he never fails to make his company laugh. BUT fince there is an impofter abroad, who takes upon him the name of this young gentleman, and would willing M 2 ly pass for him in the world; to the end that well meaning perfons may not be impofed upon by cheats, I would defire my readers, when they meet with this pretender, to look into his parentage, and to examine him strictly, whether or no he be remotely allied to TRUTH, and lineally defcended from GOOD SENSE; if not, they may conclude him a counterfeit. They may likewife diftinguifh him by a loud and exceffive laughter, in which he feldom gets his company to join with him. For as TRUE HUMOUR generally looks ferious, whilft every body laughs about him; FALSE HUMOUR is always laughing, whilft every body about him looks ferious. I fhall only add, if he has not în him a mixture of both parents, that is, if he would pass for the offspring of WIT without MIRTH, or MIRTH without Wir, you may conclude him to be altogether fpurious, and a cheat. THE impofter, of whom I am fpeaking, defcends ori. nally from FALSEHOOD, who was the mother of NonSENSE, who was brought to bed of a fon called FRENZY, who married one of the daughters of FOLLY, commonly known by the name of LAUGHTER, on whom he begot that monftrous infant of which I have been here fpeaking. I fhall fet down at length the genealogical table of FALSE HUMOUR, and, at the fame time, place under it the genealogy of TRUE HUMOUR, that the reader may at one view behold their different pedigrees and relations. FALSEHOOD. FRENZY.-LAUGHTER. FALSE HUMOUR. TRUTH. GOOD SENSE. I MIGHT extend the allegory, by mentioning feveral of the children of FALSE HUMOUR, who are more in number than the fands of the fea, and might in particular enumerate the many fons and daughters which he has begot in this ifland. But as this would be a very invidious task, I fhall only obferve in general, that FALSE HUMOUR differs from the TRUE, as a monkey does from a man. First of all, HE is exceedingly given to little apifh tricks and buffooneries. Secondly, He fo much delights in mimicry, that it is all one to him whether he expofes by it vice and folly, luxury and avarice; or on the contrary, virtue and wifdom, pain and poverty. Thirdly, He is wonderfully unlucky, infomuch that he will bite the hand that feeds him, and endeavour to ridicule both friends and foes indifferently. For having but, fmall talents, he must be merry where he can, not where he fhould. 1 Fourthly, BEING entirely void of reafon, he purfues no point either of morality or inftruction, but is ludicrous only for the fake of being fo. Fifthly, BEING incapable of having any thing but mock reprefentations, his ridicule is always perfonal, and alied at the vitious man, or the writer; not at the vice, or at he writing. I HAVE here only pointed at the whole fpecies of fale humourifts; but as one of my principal defigns in this paper is to beat down that malignant fpirit, which difcovers itself in the writings of the prefent age, I fhall not fcruple for the future, to fingle out any of the fmall wits, that infeft the world with fuch compofitions as are ill-natured, immoral, and abfurd. This is the only exception which I fhall make to the general rule I have prefcribed myfelt, of attacking multitudes: fince every honeft man ought to look upon himfelf as in a natural ftate of war with the libeller and lampooner, and to annoy them where-ever they fall in his way. This is but retaliating upon them, and treating them as they treat others.. Wednesday, April 11. No. 36. -Immania monfira Perferimus I VIRG. Æn. 3. v. 593– Things the most out of nature we endure. SHALL not put myself to any further pains for this day's entertainment, than barely to publish the letters and titles of petitions from the playhoufe, with the mi M 3 nutes nutes I have made upon the latter for my conduct in relation to them. Drury-lane, April 9. U PON reading the project which is fet forth in one of y your late papers, of making an alliance between all the bulls, bears, elephants, and lions, which are feparately expofed to public view in the cities of London and Weminfler; together with the other wonders, fhows, and monfters, whereof you made refpective mention in the faid fpeculations; we, the chief actors of this playhouse, met and fat upon the said defign. It is with great delight that we expect the execution of this work and in order to contribute to it, we have given warning < to all our ghosts to get their livelihoods where they can, and not to appear among us after day-break of the 16th inftant. We are refolved to take this opportunity to part with every thing which does not contribute to the reprefentation of human life; and fhall make a free gift of all animated utenfils to your projector. The hangings you formerly mentioned are run away; as are likewife a fet of chairs each of which was met upon two legs < going through the Rofe-tavern at two this morning. We hope, Sir, you will give proper notice to the town that we are endeavouring at these regulations; and that we intend for the future to fhew no monfters, but men who are converted into fuch by their own industry and affec tation. If you will please to be at the house to night, you will fee me do my endeavour to flew fome unnatu ral appearances which are in vogue among the polite and well-bred. I ain to reprefent, in the character of a fine lady dancing, all the diftortions which are frequently ⚫ taken for graces in mien and gefture This, Sir, is a fpecimen of the method we fhall take to expofe the monsters which come within the notice of a regular theatre; and we defire nothing more grofs may be admitted by your Spectators for the future. We have cafhiered three companies of theatrical guards, and defign our kings fhall for the future make love, and fit in council, without an army and wait only your direction, whether you will have then reinforce King Porus, or join the troops of Macedon. Mr Penkethman refolves to confult bis Pantheam of heathen gods in oppofition to & the |