A PRUDENT CHOICE.

When Loveless married Lady Jenny,
Whose beauty was the ready-penny,
"I chose her," says he, "like old plate,
Not for the fashion, but the weight."

AN EMPTY HEAD.

You beat your pate, and fancy wit will comeKnock as you please, there's nobody at home.

Pope.

WHY ASSES HAVE EARS. John Trott was desired by two witty peers To tell them the reason why asses had ears. "An't please you," quoth John, "I'm not given to letters,

Nor dare I presume to know more than my betters;

Howe'er from this time I shall ne'er see your

graces,

As I hope to be saved, without thinking on Goldsmith.

asses.'

MAKING A SHIFT.

Nell, tried for stealing linen, answer'd swift, Compell'd through want, she did it—for a shift.

A FAST MAN.

Jack ran so long, and ran so fast,
No wonder he ran out at last;
He ran in debt,-and then, to pay,
He distanced all, and ran away.

ON A BAD SINGER.

Swans sing before they die: 'twere no bad thing Should certain persons die before they sing.

A SERIOUS Loss.

Coleridge.

Clergyman-I've lost my portmanteau.

Traveller-I pity your grief.

Clergyman-All my sermons are in it.

Traveller-I pity the thief.

A PHILOSOPHICAL EPIGRAM.

I wouldn't live for ever,

I wouldn't if I could:

But I needn't fret about it,

For I couldn't if I would.

ON THE MARRIAGE OF MR HUSBAND.

This case is the strangest we've known in our life, The husband's a Husband, and so is the wife.

A MATRIMONIAL THOUGHT.
"In the blithe days of honeymoon,

With Kate's allurements smitten,
I loved her late, I loved her soon,
And call'd her dearest kitten.

"But now my kitten's grown a cat,
And cross like other wives;
Oh, by my soul my honest Mat,
I fear she has nine lives."

THE BEST FEES.

Fee-simple and the simple fee,

And all the fees in tail,

Boswell.

Are nothing when compared with thee,
Thou best of fees—fe-male.

MR GOULD ON HIS OWN MARRIAGE.

So you see, my dear sir, though I'm eighty years old,

A girl of eighteen is in love with old Gould.

REPLY TO THE ABOVE.

A girl of eighteen may love Gold, it is true, But believe me, dear sir, it is Gold without u..

CHARLES DICKENS.

Who the dickens "Boz" could be

Puzzled many a learned elf:
Till time unveil'd the mystery,

And "Boz" appear'd as Dickens' self.

THE PLENITUDE OF FOOLS.

The world of fools has such a store,
That he who would not see an ass,
Must bide at home, and bolt his door,
And break his looking-glass.

THE INDISPUTABLE ARGUMENT.

I do not love thee, Doctor Fell;
The reason why I cannot tell :

But this, I'm sure, I know full well,

I do not love thee, Doctor Fell.

ANOTHER CORONER'S INQUEST.

Poor Peter Pike is drown'd, and, neighbours

say,

The jury mean to sit on him to-day.

"Know'st thou what for?" said Tom. Quoth Ned, "No doubt,

'Tis merely done to squeeze the water out."

A DILEMMA.

I lost the comfort of my life,

Death came and took away my wife;
And now I don't know what to do,
Lest death should come, and take me too.

ON LORD DUNDONALD.

You fight so well, and speak so ill,

Your case is somewhat odd,
Fighting abroad you're quite at home,
Speaking at home-abroad.

Therefore your friends, than hear yourself,

Would rather of you hear:

And that your name in the Gazette,
Than Journals, should appear.

ON TWO BUTCHERS-MESSRS BONE & SKIN-~ WHO ATTEMPTED TO RAISE THE MARKETS.

Two butchers thin,

Call'd Bone and Skin,

Would starve the town, or near it ;

But be it known

To Skin and Bone

That flesh and blood won't bear it.