FEMALE LOQUACITY.

Two gossips prating in a church,

The devil, who stood upon the lurch,
In short-hand on a parchment roll

Wrote down their words: and when the scroll
Could hold no more, it was so full,

His devilship began to pull

And stretch it with his teeth; which, failing,

He knock'd his head against the railing.
St Martin laugh'd, though then at Mass,
To see the devil such an ass,

To think a parchment roll, or even a skin,
Could hold two women's chat when they begin.

ON HANS-SUR-LESSE, BELGIUM.

Old Euclid may go to the wall,

For we've solved what he never could guess:

How the fish in the river are small,

But the river they live in is Lesse.

AN ACTOR'S ADVERTISEMENT.

Dear public, you and I, of late,

Have dealt so much in fun,

I'll crack you now a monstrous great,
Quadruplicated pun!

Like a grate full of coals I'll glow,
A great full house to see;

And if I am not grateful, too,
A great fool I must be.

AN OLD SAW NEW SET.

"Come, wife," said Will, "I pray you devote Just half a minute to mend this coat, Which a nail has chanced to rend." "Tis ten o'clock," said his drowsy mate. "I know," said Will, "it is rather late, But it's never too late to mend!"

ON MR WINTER, A TAX Gatherer.
Here comes Mr Winter, Surveyor of Taxes,
I advise you to give him whatever he axes,
And that, too, without any nonsense or flum-
mery,

For though his name' Win ter, his actions are
Theodore Hook.

summary.

CATCHING A TARTAR.

"By my faith, but you've caught a tart manner, Kate Brady!"

Said Shaun to his bride with the air of a martyr. "And what if I have, you spalpeen?" said the lady,

"If I've caught a tart manner, you've caught a tarter."

TRIED FRIENDS.

Said a thief to a wit, "There's no knowing one's friends,

Until they've been tried and found steady." Said the wit to the thief, "All yours, I presume, Have been tried and found guilty already."

THE FAIR SEX.

When Eve brought wo to all mankind,
Old Adam called her wo-man ;
But when she woo'd with love so kind,
He then pronounced her woo-man.

But now with folly, and with pride,
Their husbands keenly trimming,
The ladies are so full of whims,

The people call them whim-men.

LANDLORDS AND TENANTS.

Says his landlord to Thomas, "Your rent I

must raise,

I'm so plaguily pinch'd for the pelf." "Raise my rent!" replies Thomas, "your honour 's main good

For I never can raise it myself!"

LOVE YOUR FOES.

A man once saw his son, quite handy,
Tip off a glass of strong French brandy-
'Neddy," quoth he, “ pray don't do so,
For liquor is your greatest foe."

66

"But we are taught to love our foes"-
Cried Ned-"So, father, here it goes!"

TEN TO ONE.

Spendthrift has fix'd upon a certain day,
'Twixt ten and one his tailor's bill to pay-
Quære the odds it never will be done?
I quote his words-exactly ten to one.

BY A PARADOXOLOGIST.

Old dog Tray's "ever faithful" they say,
But the dog that is faithful can never be Tray.

THE SERENADER.

Singing Tom fell in love with a maid;
Each night 'neath her window he stood,
And there with his soft serenade
Awaken'd the whole neighbourhood.

But vainly he tried to arouse

Her sleep with his strains so bewitching; While he play'd in the front of the house, She slept in the little back kitchen.

A PATTERN WIFE.

Show me the wife that's on the watch

For every little rent or scratch,

And cures it with a timely patch,

Before you know it;

She's a woman fit to match

A lord or poet.

TO MY MISTRESS.

O mi de armis tres,

Imi na dis tres.

Cantu disco ver

Meas alo ver?

Dean Swift.