POOR TOM!

As Thomas was cudgell'd one day by his wife,
He took to his heels and fled for his life:
Tom's three dearest friends came by in the
squabble,

And saved him at once from the shrew and the rabble.

Then ventured to give him some sober adviceBut Tom is a person of honour so nice,

Too wise to take counsel, too proud to take warning,

That he sent to all three a challenge next morning.

Three duels he fought, thrice ventured his life; Went home, and was cudgell'd again by his wife.

THE DOUBLE-FACED CREED.

I hold for sound faith
What Rome's faith saith,
Where the king's head
The flock's misled
Where th' altar's dress'd
The people's blessed,
He's but an ass
Who shuns the mass,

What England's church allows,
My conscience disavows,
The flock can take no shame
Who hold the Pope supreme,
The worship's scarce divine
Whose table's bread and wine,
Who their communion flies
Is catholic and wise.

WOMAN'S WILL.

Men dying make their wills-but wives
Escape a work so sad;

Why should they make what all their lives

The gentle dames have had?

POWER OF THE LAW.

Saxe.

The law can take a purse in open court,
While it condemns a less delinquent for t.

SINGLE BLESSEDNESS.

Butier.

Piqued at being single, though averse to show

it,

Cries Deborah, "I'm determined ne'er to

marry."

Now, Deb'rah, you've spoken truth, and well I know it,

For while other women live your point you'll

carry.

MISS-REPRESENTATION.

Should women sit in parliament,

A thing unprecedented,
A great part of the nation then

Would be Miss-Represented.

THE BATHOS.

66

'Since mountains sink to vales, and valleys die,

And seas and rivers mourn their sources dry; When my old cassock," said a Welsh divine, "Is out at elbows, why should I repine?"

HERVEY'S MEDITATIONS.

Two Herveys had a mutual wish,
To please in separate stations,
The one invented sauce for fish,
The other Meditations:

Each had his pungent power applied

To aid the dead and dying:

This relishes a sole when fried,

That saves a soul from frying.

Porson.

Colman.

A DIFFICULT QUESTION.

Clodpole, as sleeping in his cart he lay,
Some waggish pilferers stole his team away;
He waking cries, "Why, how now,-what!
Why, be I Clod, or be I not?

If he, I've lost six geldings, to my smart,
If not,―oddsbodikins, I've found a cart!”

A DRY DRAM.

It was a frosty morning-Sam

Met Tom, and asked him for a dram.

"I'll give you one," said Tom; “And first, Drink not but to quench your thirst;

Next, in my pocket I've no pelf;
Lastly, I want a dram myself:

So now you've had it, worthy Sam,
Three scruples make, you know, a dram."

A CAREFUL COOK.

Says my lord to his cook, "How comes it, I say, That I see you thus drunk, Dennis, every day; Physicians, they say, once a month do allow A man, for his health, to get drunk- -as a sow." "That is right," quoth the cook, “but the day they don't say,

So for fear I should miss it, I am drunk every day."

ON KEATS' DEATH.

Who killed Johnny Keats?

"I," said the Quarterly,
"So savage and tartarly,

'Twas one of my feats."

Shelley.

ADAM'S SLEEP.

He laid him down and slept—and from his side A woman in her magic beauty rose,

Dazzled and charm'd he called that woman "bride,"

And his first sleep became his last repose.

A BISHOP'S BLESSING.

With cover'd head, a country boor

Stood, while the Bishop bless'd the poor-
The mitred prelate lifted high

His voice "Take of your hat."

"Not I.

Your blessing's little worth," he said,

"If through the hat 't won't reach the head."

FANNING A FLIRT.

Amelia waved her fan with glee,

And being in a playful mood,

She gave the airy toy to me,

And bade me flirt it, if I could.

The pleasing toil I quick began,
But jealous pangs my bosom hurt,
"Madam, I cannot flirt a fan,

But with your leave I'll fan a flirt."